Two Tears in a Bucket

by Traci Bee

  “That’s an excellent idea, Jordan. You come, Simone. That way we can talk in person.”

  “I gotta, umm…” Simone said, looking for a reason to cancel.

  “Stop looking for an excuse. Besides, I’m closer now, so you wouldn’t be driving two hours by yourself. It’s like what, thirty minutes maybe?”

  “Go ’head, Ma,” Jordan added on her way out the door. “Stop being scared.”

  “So what’s up, Simone? What you think? Well, actually, before you answer, I have a surprise for you.”

  “Really, what is it?”

  “Something I wrote just for you.”

  “A song?”

  “I guess it could be, but not just anybody can sing it. Maybe I’ll take lessons and sing it to you.”

  “Outside my window with a guitar?”

  “Naw, I was hoping to serenade you in person. All of these things were running through my mind. I couldn’t even sleep last night. I had to get it on paper. It’s like a letter of promise.”

  “A letter of promise to me? Wow, read it to me,” she said curiously. “I want to hear what you’re promising me.”

  “Okay.” Kevin cleared his throat as he began to recite his letter.

  “I opened my Bible and referred to the first book of Moses called Genesis, verses three and four. ‘And God said, ‘Let there be light.’ And there was light. And God saw the light, that it was good. And God divided the light from the darkness.’ You are my light, the darkness, my past. I love you. So, to you, I promise to love without limits or conditions. I promise to give you the life you so deserve; a queen would be jealous of the way I’m going to cater to your every need. I promise never to cheat on you, not even with a roaming eye. I promise never to lie to you or hide things from you. I promise to hold no secrets, for my darkest you will know. I promise to love you in sickness and in health. I promise to display my affection and love for you to the world. I promise to protect you the best I can; I promise to protect you even when you’re not around. I promise to love you more every day. I promise to help fulfill your dreams and fantasies, both the wild and mild. I promise always to say I love you. I promise you happiness if you ever grow sad, for I will move those clouds and shine for you even if you don’t want me to. If there are earthquakes of any kind, I promise to calm them. I promise to satisfy you in any way possible. I promise to lead you the days you want to follow and follow you the days you want to lead. I promise to be your strength when you’re weak,and I promise never to let you go. And if I forgot to promise anything else, I promise that, too.”

  “I love you,” he confessed.

  “Kevin.” Simone was speechless. “That was…I mean, wow. You truly have a gift and an imagination if you think you love me. We’re not in 1987 anymore. You don’t know me to love me. You think you do because you’re lonely. Once you get out, you’ll find your real love.”

  “Are you crazy?” Kevin asked. “I’m not gonna lie. I do get lonely as hell. But lonely and desperate are two different things. If I were lonely the way you’re talking, I would’ve married Yolanda, the prison guard. Simone, it’s not the walls, baby. When I came in here, I loved you. I thought it was gone. But when you walked back up in here, you stirred it back up. And underneath all your sexiness and maturity, deep down inside you’re still the same Simone.”

  “But are you the same, Kevin?”

  “Parts of me are.”

  “You’re so nasty.” Simone chuckled.

  “See, that’s you. I wasn’t being nasty,” he said. “My heart is the same, but my thinking is different. Being in here and going through what I’ve gone through made me grow up. I can’t wait to get out. You know, once my music jumps off, I want to open up some type of facility for the youth. Something to keep them off the streets. I really want to get my program started, my music jumping. And before you ask me,” he added. “Yes, I’ve written this all down in my journal. But my ultimate goal is you. I’m going to make you my wife. I wrote that in my journal, too. So, it’s not just a dream.”

  “Suppose I don’t wanna get married again? Remember, I’ve done that.”

  “Like I told you, baby, that was just an experience. No one can love you like I can.”

  “Oh, really?” she asked sarcastically.

  “Simone, will you come see me by yourself?”

  “Kevin, Kevin, Kevin,” she whispered more so to herself.

  “C’mon, baby. You don’t have any appointments, so why not?”

  “A’ight…I guess I can.” She sighed into the phone.

  “Well, I think I better apologize now.”

  “Apologize for what?”

  “Because I’m going to try and kiss you. So, if you don’t want me to, maybe you shouldn’t come.”

  Kevin had really surprised Simone. They shared so many things of interest, so many things in common that they’d overlooked when they were teenagers in love. He was gentle with his words, and his touches sent tingles through Simone that she tried to deny. Still, he was a convicted felon and couldn’t offer anything more than his heart. Would that be enough? Simone had had the short end of the stick for years, and she didn’t want to venture into another pitiful relationship. However, even with those thoughts, Simone couldn’t shake him. Kevin’s calls and letters were the highlights of her days. She felt his love and questioned the feelings stirring around inside her. But how could somebody so successful be in love with a reformed bad boy who’d been incarcerated most of his life?

  Lying in bed that night, Simone closed her eyes and allowed her thoughts to take her away. Away to Kevin. It had been years since they’d been together, experiencing each other’s fervor. Yet, it wasn’t the fervor to tussle in the sheets that she wanted—just simply to look into his eyes, to see his warm smile. She wanted him to take her hands in his and kiss them the way he did during their visits. If only he could be sharing the warmth of her bed. She’d rub her hands down his entire being to confirm it wasn’t a dream. Not for anything sexual, but just to feel the love that escaped his pores, helplessly jumping into her own. She welcomed his love and allowed it to fill her insides with much-desired warmth. She felt something, too, but wouldn’t dare allow the words to flee her mouth. Closing her eyes, she drifted off to a peaceful sleep and welcomed Kevin into her dreams with open arms.

  ● ● ●

  “Oh my God, Kevin!” Simone ignored Kevin’s open arms. “What the hell happened to your eye?”

  “It’s nothing,” he smiled, flattered by her concern. “Where’s my kiss at?”

  Simone turned her head, dodging his puckered lips. “It is something, Kevin. I thought your fighting days were supposedly over.”

  Kevin grabbed her by her arms, but she still refused to look his way. “Simone, if I was fighting, I’d be on lockdown.” He placed his hands on her face to keep her from turning away. “Can I have my kiss?” he whispered, allowing his lips to graze hers.

  Pecking him lightly, Simone pulled Kevin’s hands from her face and sat in one of the plastic chairs. She stole a quick glimpse and noticed the bruise was larger than the two Band-Aids he’d tried to cover it with.

  “Simone,” he said as she sat fidgeting with her visitor’s pass. “Baby, I was playing basketball. This guy ran into me with his head, and before I knew it…what?”

  Simone crossed her arms and stared off into space, impatiently swinging her crossed leg. She had no patience or tolerance for the old Kevin.

  “You don’t believe me? Simone, it’s not just a black eye. Look at my nose,” he said.

  From the corner of her eyes, Simone studied Kevin’s nose and noticed the slight slant. “It’s fractured,” he added. “It happened right after I talked to you yesterday. I couldn’t even sleep last night. That’s how bad it hurt.”

  “Did you have it checked out?”

  “Yeah, but they can’t do anything unless it’s broke.

  Matter of fact, the dude sitting down there on the end was playing, too. He saw the whole thing.” Kevin
pointed to another inmate sitting a few seats away. “And,” he said, taking Simone’s hands, “if I were fighting, I’d be on my way back to the other jail. They’d kick me out of work release.”

  “Yeah, well, you need to retire your jersey. Just imagine if Jordan was here. She’d have a fit.”

  “I’m all banged up, too. I couldn’t see out my damn eye last night and got my ‘man’ caught up in my zipper.”

  “Did the doctor look at that, too?”

  “Naw,” Kevin said, “but she ’bout to.”

  Leaning back in the plastic chair, Kevin studied the positions of the guards. As always, they were too engulfed in their own conversations to worry about the goings-on of the visiting room.

  With his chair resting back on the floor, Kevin lifted his shirt and toyed with the drawstring of his sweatpants. “I wore boxers today, too.”

  “Kevin, what are you doing?”

  “Hold up,” he said as he scanned the room again for the guards. “See, look.”

  Simone laughed and turned her head away.

  “Simone, seriously, look,” he said, tapping her leg. “Look at the head,” he whispered.

  Realizing he wasn’t going to fix his clothes, she looked. “I don’t see no scratch,” she said, looking at the head of his penis.

  Kevin took her hand and ran her finger along the cut on the head of his penis.

  “Oh, I do see it,” she said, while rubbing her finger along his head. “It’s getting swollen, too. You want me to kiss it for you?” she asked playfully.

  “Good God, girl,” Kevin said as his excitement oozed to the surface. “I wish you could kiss it.”

  “You really wanted me to see it, huh?”

  “Yeah,” Kevin said, lowering his shirt, unable to rid his smile. “I really wanted you to see the scratch.”

  “It’s a very nice scratch. One of the nicest I’ve seen. Now fix your pants, ’cause it’s getting hot in here.” Simone fanned herself and undid the top few buttons of her suit jacket.

  “Damn,” Kevin said. The tank top she wore underneath her suit jacket advertised her cleavage. “I like that top.”

  “Kevin, fix your pants.”

  “I can’t.” He smiled. “He won’t fit back inside the opening of my boxers.”

  “Uh oh.” She giggled, nodding her head toward Kevin’s shirt. “I think you sprung a leak.” He glanced at the small stain forming on his shirt from the excitement oozing from his penis. “What would happen if the guards caught you like this?”

  “I don’t know,” Kevin said, shrugging his shoulders.

  He shifted his attention back to the guards. No one was watching. He pulled Simone forward and kissed her the way he’d wanted to when she first entered the room. Simone was hesitant at first, but she followed Kevin’s lead and allowed his tongue to part her lips.

  “Wow,” she mumbled, feeling a little awkward.

  “I love you, baby.”

  To avoid Kevin’s eyes, she glanced down at the floor.

  “Damn, look,” Kevin said, lifting his shirt. He was fully aroused.

  “Ah, shit.”

  “What?” Kevin asked as Simone’s facial expression changed.

  “One of the guards is coming,” she said, quickly glancing down at Kevin’s pants.

  The guard walked past the first row of chairs, heading straight toward Kevin and Simone. There was no time for Kevin to adjust his clothes.

  “Come with me,” the guard said, tapping Kevin on his shoulder.

  “Shit,” he grunted under his breath.

  Simone’s heart stopped, as did the chatter in the crowded visiting room. Every head fell silent, bouncing from her to Kevin.

  At the front of the room, Simone watched Kevin extend his arms out to his sides. The guard’s eyes fell to the crotch of his pants and Kevin yelled, “Man, you serious?”

  Simone’s nerves rattled out of control as Kevin was escorted out the room.

  “That’s messed up,” another inmate yelled. “Y’all weren’t even doing nothing.” His comment drew too much attention to Simone as she sat in the back of the visiting room in her professional attire under the jailhouse spotlight.

  Everything’s going to be fine, she told herself over and over again. It had to be. An ounce of trouble would kill everything and possibly add on to his time.

  A female in uniform walked into the visiting room. Simone knew from the stripes on her white shirt that she was an officer of some sort. She looked over in Simone’s direction and summoned her with a wave of her hand.

  “Come with me,” she said with all seriousness.

  Simone followed her out of the visiting center and down the hallway.

  “Listen,” she said when the coast was clear, “you don’t have to worry. I’m Lieutenant Newsome. Kevin and I go way back. He’s in trouble, but it’s nothing I can’t fix. Next time,” she smiled, “y’all better watch that kinky stuff.”

  “Oh my God,” Simone gasped, clutching her chest. “I was scared to death. Where’s Kevin?”

  “They sent him back to his cell. He’s probably thinking he’s in trouble, but he’s okay,” Lieutenant Newsome assured her, patting Simone on her shoulder. “I’m going to let him know that I saved his ass. Hell,” she whispered, “he saved mine years ago.”

  “Well, can you do me a favor since you’re going to see him?” Simone asked.

  “Sure, what’s that?”

  “Tell him I said I love him.”

  Chapter Thirty-Three

  Jordan was calm and cool the day of the Xtreme Teen audition, but Simone was a nervous wreck.

  “Your audition’s at two, right?” Simone asked as she bore off the highway.

  “Yes, Ma. It’s one-thirty, and the navigation system says we’re only ten minutes away. Calm down, ’fore you make me nervous.”

  “No, I’m cool. You’re not nervous? Not even a tiny bit?”

  “Not one little bit. I’m excited, but not nervous. Why are you? You quick to get up and sing karaoke and everything.”

  “This is different. It’s you, not me.”

  Simone and Jordan could hear another vocalist performing as they entered the theater.

  “You here for the audition?” a young lady asked, sitting behind a long folding table.

  “Yes. I have a two o’clock appointment,” Jordan said confidently.

  “Jordan Woodard?”

  “Yes.”

  “So where do we go?” Simone asked.

  “Well, it’s a closed audition. Jordan, you can go inside the auditorium. Mom, you can wait out here with us.”

  “Ah,” Simone said. “I can’t go in?”

  “No.” The young lady smiled. “You have to wait out here. Do you have your music? A lot of people have been using karaoke CDs, so if you brought one that’s fine.”

  “No, I’m singing an original song, and I have my CD.”

  “Oh, good for you.” She smiled, obviously impressed. “Just go on inside. Good luck.”

  “Good luck,” Simone said as she gave Jordan a quick hug.

  Pacing the floor, Simone heard the introduction to Kevin’s song. Within a few minutes, Jordan’s voice filled the auditorium.

  “Wow,” the lady behind the desk said. “She’s the best we’ve heard all day.”

  With a huge grin on her face, Simone listened closely. Jordan hit each note of Kevin’s upbeat song perfectly. Simone was so proud, she didn’t even realize she was crying.

  Ten minutes later, Jordan burst through the auditorium with a huge grin. A burly white guy hurried out the door behind her, wearing a smile, also.

  “Ma, I made it!” Jordan boasted as she tap-danced her excitement.

  “Yes, ma’am, your daughter was magnificent. Hi,” he said, extending his hand to Simone. “I’m David Thornagon, the person,” he said, making quotations in the air, “in charge of this event.”

  Simone shook his hand.

  “The competition’s a month away, but your daughter could eas
ily perform today. Here’s the information on the dress rehearsals, and we need a copy of her music within ten days.” He glanced down at his clipboard and asked, “Is my next audition here?”

  ● ● ●

  Kevin paced back and forth in front of the pre-release center with his first furlough pass tucked in his pocket, waiting for Simone. He tried to imagine every second of the six-hour pass, but his anxiousness couldn’t get past the initial shock. This was his first time outside of confinement without handcuffs, shackles, or supervision in years. Finally, he was get­ting a taste of the world he’d left behind.

  The glistening white Cadillac Escalade pulled into the parking lot. Kevin’s heart pounded, knowing Simone had arrived barely five minutes late. After moving back into her old house, Simone had sold her Mercedes and traded her Navigator for the Escalade. She also wanted to ensure her home had the proper balance of peace and harmony. After skimming through a feng shui article in a magazine, she’d decided that anything polluted by the union she shared with Andre had to go, starting with their old bedroom furniture, which she donated to the Salvation Army.

  “Kevin!” she beamed, jumping from the truck.

  “Good God,” Kevin mumbled as Simone rushed to him dressed like he’d never seen.

  Her sophisticated brown dress flirted with the gentle spring breeze and sat nicely on her every curve. The slight plunge in the neckline gave Kevin a glimpse of her cleavage. Click-clacking against the asphalt, her strappy high-heel sandals gave her shapely legs an extra dose of seasoning. Her hair, her makeup— everything about her was flawless.

  Mmm, mmm, Kevin thought. Her husband had been crazy to walk away from something like that. But Andre’s mistake was Kevin’s future, his key to life. The Simone he thought was breathtaking during their visits stood before him even more beautiful. The thing that attracted Kevin the most was that Simone’s inner-being matched her outer exquisiteness.

  “Hey,” she greeted, nearly knocking him down.

  He matched her excitement and welcomed her into his arms.

  “You are so damn gorgeous. I love you,” he said.