Wrecked Book 2

by Hanna, Rachel

  His arms moved and I waited for his hands to caress my body. But they didn’t. My eyes opened to see his hands clench tightly into balls, his arms moving so that they were above his head—as far away from me as they could get.

  Though he was clearly kissing me back and I could feel how much he wanted this pressing against my thigh, he wouldn’t touch me.

  After a moment longer of kissing, I pulled back. He tried to follow me, his lips capturing mine once more. I let him and closed my eyes, enjoying the kiss once more, but I just couldn’t forget that his hands weren’t touching me.

  I broke the kiss again and this time I rolled off of him before he could kiss me again.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, standing up.

  Frowning, Logan sat up. “For what?”

  “I shouldn’t have done that.” I glanced around. The movie was still going, the candles still burning, but everything suddenly felt strange. What was I doing here? “I shouldn’t have even come here,” I murmur, heading to the door.

  When I reached it, I realized it was locked. Of course, I thought, we came through the window. I turned, preparing to head to the window and wondered just how in the hell I was going to get myself up and out of it, when Logan got up.

  “Whoa, whoa,” he said, holding up his hands to say that I should slow down and think about this. “What do you mean? We were having a good time, weren’t we?”

  I couldn’t meet his eyes. We were having a good time. A really good time. And not just the kissing, though that was good, too. I enjoyed the sneaking in and the makeshift theater with the old romantic movie and the bedding laid out on the floor…

  But that wasn’t the point—or maybe it was. I shouldn’t have been here, I shouldn’t have wanted to be here, and I shouldn’t have been having fun here. This wasn’t who I was supposed to be.

  “I’m sorry, I just need to go.”

  I looked around, thinking that I was going to have to figure out how to climb out on my own, when Logan walked over to the window. He knelt down and waited.

  Frowning, I asked, “What are you doing?”

  He didn’t look at me as he answered, “You said you wanted to go. So, let’s go. This is the only way up, unless we want to break the door or you secretly know how to pick locks.”

  His tone wasn’t happy, but he didn’t sound angry either. He just sounded disappointed, but despite his disappointment, he was ready to give me a boost up and out the window.

  Biting my lip, I nodded. I put one foot in the handle hold he created with his two hands, and braced myself with my hands, one on his shoulder and the other on the wall. He didn’t say anything as he boosted me up high enough that I could reach the window. When I’d grasped a hold of it, he pushed me up higher so that my feet were on his shoulders. With the extra height, I was able to pull myself up and out onto the lawn outside of Old Main.

  When I was fully out, I knelt down and poked my head back through the window. I looked down at Logan. “How are you going to get out?”

  He shook his head, “Don’t worry about me. I got all this stuff in here, remember? I can get myself out easy enough.”

  I frowned, not entirely convinced. “But—”

  “It’s okay, Addy,” he said, his voice soft. “Go home. I’m sorry I can’t walk you.”

  Staring down at him, my eyes trailed to his lips and I felt a moment where I wanted to crawl back into the room fall into his arms, and try it all over again. But… but he didn’t want to touch me, even if he wanted to kiss me, and this moment of rebellion had to end. I had too many promises to keep to let myself get wrapped up with him.

  I nodded. “Okay,” I said in a quiet voice. Before I got up, I called down, “Thank you. It really was a lot of fun.”

  He stared up at me and mustered up a small smile. “I wish… I wish you wouldn’t go.”

  “I know.”

  But I did have to go. I pulled away from him and walked away, heading back towards my apartment, and this time I didn’t let the view of Old Main distract me.

  Chapter 4

  I didn’t sleep well that night. My dreams were a mixture of everything that had been plaguing my mind for the last couple of weeks. Miranda and Logan and that terrible night years ago… the promises I’d made and the feeling that I’d been breaking them all week.

  When my alarm went off the following morning, it took everything I had to drag myself out of bed.

  Stripping out of my pajamas and grabbing a towel, I started the shower. As the water warmed up, I brushed my teeth, waiting for my body to start really waking up. Putting up my toothbrush, I stepped into the shower.

  The hot water helped wake my body. I stepped further under the stream, tilting my head back to let water pour over my face and wash away the remainder of sleep from my eyes. Too late, I realized that I shouldn’t be washing my hair. I’d have to straighten it again, and that meant I would probably be late for my first class.

  I sighed and cursed myself, but let it go. I’d just pull my hair back tight today and not worry about it, I decided, pouring a large portion of shampoo into my palm and lathering it into my hair.

  When I finished washing my hair and shaving my legs, I just stood beneath the water for several more long moments, enjoying the soothing sensation it left me with.

  After a while, I accepted that I was going to have to get out and dry off if I wanted to make myself presentable for class. I did so reluctantly, drying off and then heading to my room to search for something decent to wear.

  I needed to do laundry soon.

  I picked out a pair of navy blue slacks and a gray sweater that made me look frumpy, undesirable, and the farthest I could get from interesting. I took the time to comb out my hair, spritzing in detangler and hoping that it would keep the curls at bay, even if I didn’t have time to straighten them. My make-up was basic, dull and unimaginative and three years ago I would have given one of my friends shit for going out looking like I did.

  But that was sort of the point, so I left it.

  When I was dressed, I reached for my phone. When I looked down, I saw that I had three new text messages. I freaked out for a few seconds, before I realized that none of them were from my mother. Letting out a sigh of relief, I opened up the texts.

  Dude, the Social Sciences building is off limits! Class cancelled! Score.

  That was from David in my first class. We studied sometimes, so I had his number, but I couldn’t make myself think of him as anything other than nerdy and annoying. Still, his text was good news to me.

  The other two texts were pretty much the same. My first two classes were in the Social Sciences building instead of the Business building, so I found myself lucking out. That meant I had plenty of time to straighten my hair and work on my Ethics paper.

  When I’d gotten home last night that had been impossible to focus on, so I didn’t get more than a few notes down before giving up completely on it.

  I texted my classmates back with varying affirmations of glee, then promptly pulled my hair out from its tight bun, relieved that I wouldn’t have to wear it like that all day. I left it down to dry and then pulled my books out, setting them up on my desk so that I could work on them.

  I still had to go to my third class of the day—English Literature, which meant I was going to see Kass and we would hopefully spend the day sending notes back and forth talking about her date rather than mine—so I set an alarm to make sure I didn’t get too engrossed in my paper.

  After several hours of pounding the books, my alarm bleeped balefully at me and I slammed my book shut. Turning off my alarm, I took a moment to lean back in my chair. I hadn’t gotten the whole thing written of course, but I’d made some real progress. Most of my argument was mapped out, I had a fully functional outline, not to mention I also had some great sources and quotes put down.

  I’d have to clean it up a bit later when I had a fresh pair of eyes, but for now, it was real progress and it made me feel good about it. Getting up, I took
the time to straighten out my now completely dry mass of curls. It took a while, but I’d factored in straightening time, so I was ready to go with plenty of time to get to class on time.

  Texting Kass, I asked where she was—she said she was on campus already, but that she was definitely going to make it to class on time this time. I told her I’d save her a seat.

  I got there with almost a full twenty minutes before class started and put my backpack in the seat next to me, saving it for Kass. The other class was ending and people were leaving, though some lingered to ask the professor questions. I was really early, but I didn’t mind. It gave me some time to review some notes for a different class while I waited. I preferred having too much time to not enough. After nearly ten minutes, students began to file in and chairs began to fill up. It was only a couple minutes before class and I was beginning to think that Kass wasn’t going to make it like she had thought, but then she burst in through the door and made a beeline for me, the smile on her face so wide it looked painful.

  I rolled my eyes at her overly excited expression—it was a déjà vu moment in my opinion, and before she even sat down, I was already scribbling a note in my notebook.

  Have a good time with James?

  I plopped it on her desk as she sat down. She read it as she put down her backpack and as soon as she finished, her eyes lit up. She nodded emphatically, then searched her bag for a pen. When she couldn’t find one, she gave up and snatched mine off my desk.

  It was amazing! He’s so sweet and we made out for like half the night!

  I laughed at her.

  Making out is what makes a boy sweet these days? I wrote back cheekily.

  She waved me off, my teasing unable to deter her happiness in the slightest. Her grin persisted and she began to tell me of her night with James. Although I was a good audience, reading and responding as I should, my mind was elsewhere. She wasn’t the only one who had a date last night, but hers had evidently gone a lot better than mine.

  Mine had ended a little disastrously, and it was my fault. I sensed that something more was going on in him that I didn’t understand, and that made me nervous, but that wasn’t the real reason I pulled away, was it? It was the things that were happening within me that had me feeling guilty for going on the date in the first place.

  I just couldn’t figure out what I was doing anymore. Why did I go last night at all? Whatever the answer was, I couldn’t let it happen again. I had to let this all go.

  We spent the rest of class discussing James and her date, and I did my best to focus on anything besides Logan. It wasn’t easy, but talking to Kass helped.

  I just wished that I could talk to her about Logan, but I knew that was a bad idea. Either she would want to know exactly what it was about Logan I was so damn afraid of—and why I was drawn to him at all—or she would want to know all the details of us being together.

  Which we weren’t.

  And either of those options sounded terrible. I couldn’t tell her about that or anything else regarding Logan, because I couldn’t explain to her the things he meant to me. It would require too much explaining of my past and I wasn’t ready for that.

  I didn’t think I would ever be ready for that.

  When class was done, we gathered up our books and walked out. Kass continued to chat ecstatically about James, gushing and glowing in the honeymoon phase of her relationship. I continued to nod and comment where appropriate.

  It wasn’t until we were standing outside of the cafeteria doors that I realized we were heading to lunch and there was a good chance that I would have to face either Lexie or Mason, or both, and I didn’t want to do that.

  So I stopped before we made it to the doors. It took Kass a moment before she realized that I wasn’t moving anymore, but when she did, she turned to face me.

  “Addy?” she asked, eyebrows raised in question. “What’s wrong?”

  I had to think fast. If I told her that I didn’t want to eat lunch with everyone, she was going to ask why, and I didn’t want to deal with that question. So I said the first thing that came to my mind. “Uh, I have to meet with my professor today about an essay.”

  Her shoulders dropped and she let out an annoyed sound. “Again?” she demanded. “You just did that yesterday! Can’t you take a break from the overachiever mode and slide into totally girling out over guys mode instead?”

  I offered her an apologetic smile, shrugging my shoulders. “I’m really sorry, Kass. I just spaced on it. He told me my topic is too complicated and that I need to pick another one, but that means I have to start all over again, so I’m really behind. I’m going in to see what he thinks of the new one, so I don’t mess up or anything.”

  She huffed to show her annoyance, but she wasn’t really mad. She knew how important my grades were to me, so she wasn’t going to give me too much grief over it. “Fine. Do you think you’ll get out soon enough to catch us at the end of lunch?” she asked, clearly hopeful.

  I smiled and lied. “I’ll do my best.”

  With that she nodded, wished me luck and told me to text her as soon as I was done. I promised I would, and then promptly went in the complete opposite direction of the dining hall. I headed to the library, confident I wouldn’t run into anyone I was trying to avoid there. Most of the people I didn’t want to see right now would be gathered in the dining hall and I highly doubted that Logan would be wasting his time in a library.

  I arrived at the library and found an empty table in the back, grateful for the peace and quiet. I opened up a book and started to read. It was difficult to focus on the words on the page. There were too many things going on for me to easily focus on anything these days, but I did my best. And after rereading several sentences, I finally managed to get into the reading.

  Right about then was when my phone buzzed on the table beside me. I was in the back and it was on vibrate, so I thankfully didn’t garner any unwanted glares, but I snatched it up quickly anyway and unlocked it. I only half expected the message to be about Miranda this time—the more days that passed with no incident or further notice about her, the more confident I became that she just wasn’t going to come at all.

  It was from Kass.

  Okay, where the hell are you?! You need to ditch this essay prep and come to lunch! Logan is sitting with us! And he’s asking about you. What’s going on?

  I winced at each word, wondering what I was supposed to tell her in response—and why in the hell Logan was eating lunch with them.

  Of course, I knew the answer to that one. He was there asking about me, which meant that he wanted to talk to me. About last night. Or maybe about that chance for a second date. And I didn’t want to talk about any of those things.

  I pushed my phone aside and reminded myself that I’d claimed I was working on an essay with a professor, so the likelihood that anyone was going to come looking for me—or that they would find me in one of the three libraries on campus, tucked away in the back—was slim.

  I was safe, at least for now.

  When the lunch hour was up, I headed quickly towards my class, texting Kass as I went. I apologized that I couldn’t make it and asked what Logan was doing there, why he was asking about me. It seemed like the best way to go. If I played like I didn’t know what was going on, then maybe she wouldn’t ask too many questions or get too suspicious.

  And maybe, if I was really lucky, this whole thing would blow over by the time I left my last class.

  But as the door to my after lunch class came into view, I realized how unrealistic that was. Leaning against the wall, looking a mixture of incredibly sexy and very angry, was Logan.

  I stopped mid-step and just stared at him. What was he doing here? And how was it he seemed to know where and when all my classes were? Did he have my schedule or something?

  I didn’t know, but I debated ditching my class just so I wouldn’t have to talk to him. I knew what he was going to bring up, and I didn’t want to have to tell him that there was no ch
ance for us. My chest hurt at the thought, but I pushed the feeling away and decided that I couldn’t let him chase me away from class.

  Holding my shoulders back and my chin up, I strutted towards class as though he didn’t concern me at all. I wasn’t dumb enough to think that he would let me walk right past this time. He hadn’t done it the last time and it was pure stupidity to think that he would do it now.

  Instead of trying to push past him, I stopped right in front of him. “What are you doing here?” I asked him, trying to keep my voice calm and casual. “I’m pretty sure you’re not in this class.”

  The frown that had settled on his handsome face deepened and he shoved off the wall so that he was standing directly in front of me, only inches away.

  “Where the hell have you been?” he demanded.

  I stared at him in surprise. I’d figured he would be asking about the night before or the second date or bringing up something along those lines, but this? “What do you mean where have I been?” I asked in confusion.

  “Don’t play dumb,” he said, and I could hear the anger in his voice. “You have four classes before lunch and you didn’t go to a damn one!”

  Okay, that was weird. So he did know my schedule… But how did he know I didn’t go to any of my classes? “Um, that’s not true,” I pointed out. “I went to class today—”

  “Bullshit,” he spat loudly at me, folding his arms across his chest. His muscles were tight with tension, and I admitted only silently to myself that I thought he was incredibly attractive. “I waited for you. You never showed up.”

  That stopped me. I opened my mouth, though I didn’t know what I was going to say, and then closed it a moment later. He had been waiting for me? “What, are you stalking me now?” I demanded, feeling my own anger start to come up.

  For a moment, he looked guilty. But if it was a war between guilt and his anger, anger was going to win every time. “I just wanted to talk to you, and Mason wouldn’t give me your damn number—”

  My face paled. He had asked Mason about me? Oh god, what had he told him? Maybe not showing up for lunch had been a bad idea. What if he’d said that we went out on a date last night and that I kept initiating kisses with him? What if he said that he thought we were going to try the dating thing?