Kiss Me (Fool's Gold series)

by Susan Mallery

  Cookie grumbled under his breath.

  Zane turned his horse north. “I’ll leave you two to work this all out. Cookie, you know where we’re camping tonight. I’m taking the long way. You should be able to load up and still beat us there.”

  “I’ll have the campfires burning bright,” he promised.

  “Frank, I’ll see you in a couple of days. Let me know if there are any problems at the ranch.”

  “Sure thing, boss. We’ll be fine. You just keep your cowpokes riding straight.” Frank grinned as he spoke.

  Zane grunted instead of replying and urged his horse forward. If his second in command thought this was all so damn funny, maybe Zane should put Frank in charge of the cattle drive for a few days. That would worry the humor right out of him. Not that he blamed Frank. If their positions were reversed, Zane would find the situation pretty amusing. Fifty cattle and ten greenhorns. What the hell had he been thinking?

  As Frank had said, at least there hadn’t been any disasters and no real trouble. Except for Phoebe. She was a nicely curved, sweet-smelling, sexy, trouble-filled bundle of big eyes, gorgeous legs and a butt that fit his hands as if the two had been made for each other.

  He had it bad. Wanting her was one thing. But liking her was something else. She was an animal-loving ditz who would bond with a rock if given the chance. She wouldn’t know poison ivy from honeysuckle. Her idea of the great outdoors was probably spending an evening on her balcony in the middle of Los Angeles. They had nothing in common. They were barely the same species.

  But he liked her.

  Not just her body or her scent or the way her eyes widened and darkened when he kissed her. He liked that she spoke her mind, even when it was crazy. That she cared about people. She was softhearted, which should have made him think she was an idiot. But he didn’t. He thought she was sincere.

  “Sincere,” he muttered. “A patsy.”

  But he spoke without conviction. She’d nailed his problem with Chase in one try. That Zane didn’t know how to walk the line between being a father and being a brother.

  He wanted better for Chase than he’d had for himself. Wasn’t that what parents always said? Zane did want that for his brother, but he didn’t know how to make it happen. He didn’t know how to save him from regrets. Zane tried. He would have done anything to keep Chase from having the same empty feeling Zane had when he thought about his own life.

  As Chase’s surrogate father, he wanted the kid to make the right choices. As Chase’s brother, he wanted him to feel that he was good enough. That he was important. That he mattered.

  Zane shook his head. Had he succeeded on even one of those points? The tightness in his gut told him the answer was no.

  * * *

  “YOU THINK COOKIE would give me some ice to put in a bucket?” C.J. asked her husband when they’d finished rubbing down their horses. “I’d like to sit in ice water for a while.”

  Thad stretched out his arm to hug her and pull her close. “If you promised to eat meat, I think Cookie would do just about anything.”

  C.J. chuckled. “Andrea isn’t making friends with him, that’s for sure. While I appreciate her beliefs, shouldn’t she have made sure she could get vegetarian meals before she and Martin signed up? After all, the purpose of the vacation is to herd cattle. Doesn’t that imply beef to you?”

  He kissed the top of her head. “Maybe she didn’t read the fine print. Martin seems nice enough. I saw him sneaking a strip of bacon this morning when Andrea wasn’t looking.”

  “You’re kidding. Good for him.” C.J. wrinkled her nose. “Why does he let her push him around?”

  “Men have always done foolish things for the women they love.”

  “Oh, really? What foolish things have you done for me lately?”

  He raised and lowered his eyebrows. “I’d be willing to do several tonight.”

  “In a tent?” She made herself sound more shocked than she really was.

  “In a tent. Out of a tent. Your call.” He leaned close and dropped his voice to a whisper. “How about if I start by massaging your aching fanny?”

  “That works for me.”

  They made their way into the camp. Andrea’s shrill voice cut through the quiet of the afternoon. C.J. winced.

  “I wonder what she’s complaining about now. It’s not just that she’s a vegetarian, it’s that she’s so rabid about it. She told me she’d brought ‘feminine’ supplies with her so that if I got my period, I was to let her know. Apparently she has special tampons she buys that are organic or unbleached or made out of recycled paper or something.”

  Thad sighed. “Poor Andrea. She must be very unhappy. She could take a lesson from Eddie and Gladys. Those are two women who know how to live.”

  C.J. wasn’t thrilled about the shift in topic. While she agreed that the old ladies seemed to be extraordinarily happy, she couldn’t help thinking they had probably been blessed with trouble-free lives.

  “Hey, Thad! Look what we found.”

  C.J. stiffened as she heard Tommy’s voice. Lucy and her brother broke through the trees on the edge of the clearing. The boy held something in his hand as he raced toward them. Lucy was a few steps behind. C.J. opened her mouth to warn him to slow down or he would fall, then pressed her lips together. Every time she made a comment like that both children looked at her as if she were the biggest bitch on the planet. Worse, C.J. was pretty sure they were right.

  A small log lay between Tommy and them. The boy jumped over it easily, then came down on both feet. But something happened because, instead of staying solidly planted, his right foot slid out from under him. He threw his arms open wide to try and find his balance. Whatever he’d been holding went flying as he tumbled to his knees and skidded on the dirt.

  C.J. winced as he rolled over, and she saw the blood and dirt on his knee. She and Thad started toward him. Thad sprinted ahead and got there first. He sank next to Tommy and pulled him close.

  “That had to hurt,” he said calmly. “Let’s take a look and see what you’ve done.”

  Tommy winced as he thrust out his leg. C.J. crouched down and examined the ugly scrape.

  “We’ll need the first-aid kit,” she said. “Cookie said he has one.”

  Lucy bent over her brother’s injury. “You okay?”

  He nodded, but didn’t speak. C.J. figured he was trying not to cry. She thought about telling him it was okay to cry, that no one would think less of him, but she didn’t know how to express herself without coming off as superior. Better to do something practical.

  She rose and headed toward the cook fire. She found the old man pouring barbecue sauce over chicken breasts and quickly explained what had happened. Cookie dug out a large first-aid kit and handed it to her.

  “Tell the kid it’s gonna be okay,” the old man said. “We’re having strawberry shortcake for dessert.”

  She wasn’t sure that the promise of shortcake was enough to ease Tommy’s pain, but it was worth a try. Maybe thinking about it would distract him from the worst of it. They would have to clean the wound. Did the first-aid kit have something that wouldn’t sting? She would—

  C.J. came to a sudden stop. She and Thad had left their saddlebags in a heap when they’d gone off to take care of their horses. Now Lucy was crouched in front of them. She had the flaps open and was quickly going through the contents.

  “I knew it,” C.J. breathed. “They stole from us at the party and that girl is doing it again.”

  She marched toward Lucy. “Just what do you think you’re doing?” she demanded as anger surged through her. “Get away from our things.”

  Lucy spun around, then jumped to her feet and tucked her hands behind her back. “I wasn’t doing nothing.”

  “Sure you weren’t.”

  Lucy’s dark eyes flashed with defiance. “I was looking for bandages. For Tommy’s knee. It’s bleeding real bad.”

  “Don’t lie to me. You heard me say I was getting the first-aid kit fr
om Cookie. There would be bandages inside that.”

  Her anger grew until she was shaking. Why had she allowed Thad to convince her to come on this trip? So these ingrate children could have a vacation? They were thieves. They’d probably been born that way, and they would no doubt grow up to commit bigger and better crimes.

  Lucy’s mouth quivered. “You were gone a long time.”

  “So you decided to take matters into your own hands and go through our saddlebags. Is that it? I’m sorry to tell you, Lucy, that we didn’t bring any money with us. I had a feeling if we did, you’d just try to steal it.”

  “I would not. I—” She caught her breath. “You’re a mean, old butthead.”

  With that, Lucy turned and ran away. C.J. swore quietly. She wanted to go home right now. She wanted to have never come on this ridiculous trip. Instead she was stuck with thieving children and rabid vegetarians. And one of those children was bleeding.

  C.J. hurried to the edge of camp. Tommy was still sitting on the ground with Thad’s arms around him. She tried not to notice how comfortable her husband looked holding the boy. Chase jogged up and collected the first-aid kit from her.

  “Why don’t you hold his hand?” he said. “I’ll take care of cleaning the wound.”

  C.J. took a step back. How could she explain that she wasn’t the sort of woman who was good at holding children’s hands? While she wanted to help, they never seemed comforted. She had hoped that by having her own child, or even adopting a baby, she would be able to figure it all out in time. Once her child loved her, he or she would understand that C.J. cared with all her heart, even if she didn’t always know what to say.

  “What happened?” Gladys asked as she walked toward them. “Oh, the poor dear. Tommy, did you fall? You’re being very brave.”

  Eddie joined her friend. “What are you going to use on that scrape, Chase? Got any hydrogen peroxide? It won’t sting so bad. Plus, Tommy will like the way it bubbles. All that white fizzing and foaming is like a battle going on right there on your knee. The good guys are fighting with the germs. Of course the good guys always win.”

  “H-how do you know?” Tommy asked.

  Eddie crouched next to him. “I’ve seen plenty of battles on knees in my day. Josh, my boss, takes spills off his bicycle all the time. Never seen one where the good guys didn’t kick butt.”

  C.J. took another step back, then another. No one noticed. She turned and headed for the small stream she’d seen on their way in.

  When she got there, she found a flat rock to sit on and folded her arms over her chest. She felt all ragged inside, and her eyes burned as if she wanted to cry.

  Stress, she told herself. This wasn’t anyone’s idea of a relaxing time. Plus she hadn’t been sleeping very well. When she got home she would take a couple of days to unwind and get her equilibrium back.

  She heard footsteps behind her but didn’t turn around. She felt someone sit beside her on the rock. Even without looking, she knew it was Thad.

  “Tommy’s doing fine,” he said. “Chase cleaned out the wound and put on a bandage. The boy’s with Gladys and Eddie. They went to see if there were any brownies left from lunch.”

  He spoke matter-of-factly, as if sharing information. But she wasn’t fooled. She heard the criticism hidden in his words. She should have stayed and helped take care of Tommy. She should have been the one to tell him that he would be fine and then get him a snack.

  She sighed. That wasn’t fair. Thad never judged her. Sometimes she wished that he would.

  “I caught Lucy going through our saddlebags,” she said. “I told her we hadn’t brought any money with us, so there was no point in stealing.”

  Thad rested his hand on the small of her back. “What did she say?”

  “That she wasn’t stealing. She claims to have been looking for a bandage for Tommy, but she was right there when I said I was going to get the first-aid kit from Cookie.” She squeezed her arms tightly against her chest. “I know you think I was wrong before when I said they stole from us, but I know what I saw.”

  “You think she was doing it again?”

  C.J. shrugged.

  “Is it possible she was telling the truth? Looking for a bandage?”

  She wanted to say no. She wanted to scream that these were not the children she’d wanted. It wasn’t fair. None of it. She and Thad were good people. They were honest and they worked hard. Was it so wrong for them to want a baby?

  Pain sliced through her until it was impossible to breathe. Her throat ached. The ever-present anger rose up inside of her until it was all she could think about. There was such coldness in her rage. Such brittleness that sometimes she wondered if she would eventually shatter.

  There was a time when she’d been soft and yielding, but not anymore. Not for a long time. Unexpected sadness overwhelmed her. She closed her eyes against it and dropped her chin to her chest.

  “I used to laugh,” she whispered. “I used to be fun and funny. What happened to me? When did I start changing?”

  Thad was silent for a long time. Finally she turned to look at him. His blue eyes never wavered as he studied her.

  “Do you really want an answer?”

  Did she? Did she want to know what her husband thought of her?

  Slowly she nodded.

  He shifted so that he was facing her, then cupped her face in his hands. “It wasn’t when we found out we couldn’t have children. Maybe it started after the cancer. Maybe after what happened in Kazakhstan.”

  Tears spilled out of her eyes. She couldn’t deny his words—he spoke the truth. There had been too many disappointments, too many almosts. Too much pain. Rather than let it overwhelm her, she’d closed her heart.

  He pulled her close and wrapped his arms around her. “You’ll be fine,” he promised.

  C.J. wasn’t so sure. Something inside of her had died a long time ago. In that space where she’d once held laughter and light, there was only anger. How could a person survive like that?

  “I still love you,” he said.

  She looked at him. She wanted to ask how that was possible. How could he care when she’d become so dark and ugly on the inside?

  “I love you, too,” she told him, because it was true. He had always been her anchor. Her solid rock. Her life.

  But what was she to him? A burden? He was a gentle, kind man burdened with an angry, cold wife. He might love her, but she would bet he didn’t like her very much. Not anymore.

  Could she blame him? C.J. wasn’t sure she even liked herself these days.

  She almost said so to Thad, then stopped. If she confessed her secret, she knew what he would say. He would tell her to change. Easy words, but meaningless. Change? How? Where would she find the key she needed to unlock her heart and let the world back in?

  * * *

  PHOEBE STOOD UNDER a large tree of an undefined nature. She really should have brought a couple of flora and fauna books with her on the trip. She could have used them to identify the plants and trees she saw on the ride. Well, she wasn’t completely sure she would be able to read while riding Rocky. Did motion sickness apply to horseback?

  She turned around and watched as Zane assembled the tent Lucy and Tommy shared. Zane worked quickly, his muscles bunching and releasing with each movement. There was an air of confidence about him, probably because he knew what he was doing. He was a man comfortable in his world. She, on the other hand, had always felt slightly out of step with her surroundings.

  Sunlight filtered through the leaves. They’d stopped a little early today. Her butt appreciated the abbreviated ride nearly as much as it had appreciated the massage the night before. Would Zane be offering again?

  Liquid desire trickled through her. As Maya had teased her earlier, she had it bad.

  Her gaze drifted over the tents already set out, but not yet put up. Something wasn’t right. There was no symmetry to the camp, no sense of flow.

  She crossed the grass to stand next to Zane
and cleared her throat.

  “I’ve been reading up on feng shui,” she said.

  Zane straightened, pulled off his hat and slapped it against his thigh. He didn’t look wildly excited to see her, but at least he didn’t turn his back.

  “It’s an ancient Chinese way of organizing one’s world to make sure the positive energy forces flow correctly.” Phoebe hesitated. “I think it’s Chinese. For sure it’s Asian.”

  “Good to know.”

  “Our camp is in the shape of an octagon, so we just have to find the front door and then we can position the tents so they’re in the right area. Tommy and Lucy should sleep in the ‘children area’ so they stay safe and healthy. I guess I’d want to be in the career area because things aren’t exactly great there right now.”

  Zane’s dark gaze never wavered from her face. When she was quiet, he blinked a couple of times. “I thought you said you wanted to stop helping people all the time. You said it got you into trouble.”

  “I forgot.” She sighed. “I just thought...”

  “You were trying to help.”

  She nodded. “It does seem to be a compulsion.” She thought about the feng shui and what he must think of it—and her. “I’m not an idiot.”

  “I never thought you were. Your idea for the campsite is interesting, but it’s going to be windy tonight. I’m positioning the tents so that the wind doesn’t blow inside or blow them down.”

  “Oh.” She fingered the hem of her T-shirt. “Okay. I guess that works, too.”

  “Would you hand me that?” he asked, pointing to tent stakes bundled together.

  She collected the thin metal hooks and handed them to him. As he secured Lucy and Tommy’s tent, she felt the first whisper of breeze drift across her cheek.

  “It must be nice to have a place like this for your backyard,” she said. “Did you ever go out riding and get lost when you were a kid?”

  “Some.”

  “What happened?”

  “Eventually I found my way back.”