Evolve Series Box Set

by S. E. Hall

  Spank me and put me to bed…who the fuck is that? “Zach?!”

  Nothing.

  “Zach?!” I yell louder.

  “What?”

  “Who. Is. That?” I point to the, um, we’ll go with “dancer” for now.

  “Cause I know her? I think they said Karma or something, but I doubt you’d find her in the phone book under that. Why?”

  Look at him, trying to be all smartass… Well, he fucked it up, who the hell uses a phone book?

  “No reason.” I bounce my shoulders in what I hope looks like casual nonchalance, never taking my eyes off her. That may blow my cover, but damn if I could look away even if I tried.

  I’m thinking it’s the beer, strike that, tequila goggles; has to be. I was just dogging every chick who came near me, ready to pay for a meaningless quickie, a scratch to an itch, and sheer perfection happens to strut in to my favorite song?

  Yeah, and when I’m done here, I’m gonna ride home to the Playboy mansion on the flying fucking dragon that I bought with my lottery winnings.

  This isn’t real; up close she’s probably a big mess with bad breath and a whiny voice…and herpes. Gotta be.

  But here’s what I do know, no guessing, no wishful thinking, no maybe to it—take it to the bank: her hair is so dark and shiny that you can damn near see reflections in it and it has purple streaks in it—hot as hell. AND, wait for it… IT. IS. IN. BRAIDS.

  Usually two braids or ponytails are known as “handlebars” in my language, but on this girl, they’re cute; cute, wet dream-inducing braids.

  Her eyes are as dark as her hair, and hold the fear and anxiety of a kitten stuck in a drainpipe when it’s raining. I may never know where it came from, this instinct that up until this point I would have sworn on a stack of Bibles I didn’t possess, but I swear I hear her mind screaming to mine, “You’re big and strong, protect me, Sawyer, take care of me, hold me and make me unafraid!”

  That body of hers is tiny. Not frail, just petite, and tan and muscular…and her own. She turns it to the side and away from the onlookers and keeps her hands over her barely-covered breasts like the tease is part of the dance, but it’s not. I’d bet you a nut this girl has never danced or stripped before in her life. And if she has, she should stop immediately, because she absolutely sucks at it.

  Those come fuck me heels she’s wearing? They’re two sizes too big and she’s never walked in them before. Also something she should stop doing immediately. If the teetering and wobbling didn’t draw attention to her shapely legs, it’d just be sad, but the legs are worth the painful show. Oh and fuck me, she’s skipping around in a circle. I hope she doesn’t think that’s a good cover for her lack of dance skills…skipping, for crying out loud.

  And lastly, she loves this song. She’s mouthing the words, keeping her eyes unfocused and on the back wall, dying for everything but the song itself to be over. And when it is, she runs like she’s on fire for cover behind the curtain.

  “Who was that?” I ask Dracula Nails, still standing beside me.

  “New girl,” she answers snidely.

  “First night, can’t you tell?” she laughs.

  “Yeah, I can.”

  “So, I’ll see you later?” she curls those inflated lips at me.

  “Maybe. If I see ya I see ya.” I get up, walking over to Dane. “Where’d you get these girls?”

  “Hell if I know; Brock hooked it up.”

  “So the company, it’s local to us, like in Statesboro?”

  “I think so, why?”

  “Find out for sure. I’m gonna hit the can. Be right back.”

  I really do need to take a leak, but somehow I veer off course, peering behind the curtain like the Great and Powerful Oz will be waiting to hand me the 411 on this girl. I don’t see him, or her, only several other scantily clad women who only remind me how different she was. I want to bust in a demand they tell me her name and where she is, but I’m forced to duck out and shove the curtain back when their escort/bodyguard/whatever guy spots me.

  No worries, Dane can find out for me, that man has scary ways of digging up the buried. I hurry back from the bathroom and catch him just as he’s hanging up his phone. “Well?”

  “Local company, kinda off the radar, Brock isn’t sure they’re on the Better Business Bureau, if you catch my drift.”

  “I don’t.”

  He leans into me, talking low and discreetly. “I know nothing, and I’m going to say this, walk out of here and never speak of it again. I may also fire Brock for being a dumbass. It’s some on the side thing for one guy, mostly underage college girls needing money.”

  “Fuck,” I mumble.

  “Fuck is right. My name is never to be associated with this, ever. I had no idea and I’ll kill Brock if he jeopardized any of us in any way.

  You hear me?”

  “Wait, so college, as in our college?”

  “Yes,” he sighs, running his hand through his hair, mad as hell. “My old job ready at The K?” Wait, better yet… “I’ll replace Brock even.”

  “You always have a job with me, Sawyer, you know that. Just say the word.”

  “Word. I’m heading back early. Don’t fire Brock until I say, okay? I need to talk to him first.”

  “You just fire him when you have what you need. My hands are washed of this whole thing. Now get the fuck out of here and pay for the party in cash. No paper, you hear me, Sawyer?”

  “Got it. Go, man.”

  Look out, Skipper, Daddy’s coming home.

  SLEEPLESS IN STATESBORO

  —

  —

  —

  —

  “WHY ARE WE HERE AGAIN?” Zach questions me, looking around.

  “Put your pussy back in your pocket and shut the fuck up.”

  Since all my boys keep getting lost in the Bermuda Bush—as in they dive into her bush once and I never see them again—I’ve nominated Zach, the only single one left, as my new partner in crime. Though if he doesn’t quit his fucking whining, I’ll go solo.

  I’m a man on a mission; there’s no time for bellyaching. After spending the last few weeks scouring every club within fifty miles of school, in all directions, my patience is wearing thin…and I’ve run out of clubs. If this isn’t the one, and I’m guessing this isn’t the one, I’m out of brilliants ideas. All Brock had to do was take Dane’s money and throw together a bachelor party for Parker. No one even said send dancers, but he did anyway, and because he can’t get ahold of the shady fuck he did business with, I’m plagued by the image of a girl who’s proving to be more elusive than Bigfoot.

  “I don’t think this is a strip club, bro. Look.” Zach nudges my shoulder and points to a small stage with a wall of chicken wire wrapped around it and several different colors of broken glass littering the surface.

  The flashing sign outside says Unbuckled—how is it not a strip club? Disappointed doesn’t even begin to describe how I feel watching Meemaw and Peepaw slow dance amongst the peanut shells on the floor. I’m not sure if I should sue for false advertising or thank God they’re not going to actually unbuckle anything.

  “Come on.” Zach gives me a slap on the shoulder, his face not hiding his pity. He knows this was it—the last place on the list. “Let me at least buy ya a beer.”

  Since there’s nothing better to do and we’re already here, I accept his offer and we grab two stools at the bar. Zach orders our drink and within minutes we’re approached by two girls who are way below Social Security eligibility, so I’m more than a little surprised they’re here.

  “You wanna dance?” the blonde asks me, strategically placing herself between my chest and the bar, her tit grazing my arm.

  I wouldn’t even begin to pretend I know how to dance to the twangy, inbred music coming from the jukebox...and if we’re doing this, I want her brunette friend anyway. I shake my head slowly and take a swig from my beer. “No, but Zach here has dance fever, don’t ya, buddy?”

  “Yea
h,” he stands, extending his hand to her, “show me your moves.”

  And he’s back in the game, ladies and gentlemen! Now it’s me and the friend. I blatantly move my eyes down her body and back up even slower, giving her a one-sided grin when I get to her wide, hungry eyes. Not bad. “You got a name?”

  “Carmen. Yours?” She smiles shyly. Nice try. Her eyes tell me the truth; she’s anything but shy.

  “Sawyer. Have a seat,” I pivot toward her and spread my legs, patting my thigh, “right here.”

  “SAWYER!”

  Don’t open your eyes, just keep going. She’ll go away, you’ll finish and fall asleep; another day down.

  Her fist thuds on the door so hard this time it shakes. “Sawyer!”

  “What?” I scream back, aggravated. Whatever my sassy ass roommate Laney lacks in good timing…she doesn’t make up for in subtlety, either. Must we talk while I’m buried nine inches deep in…? I spare a one-eyed peek at…the brunette under me. That’s right—the friend. The girl I picked solely for the color of her hair.

  It may always be a raven-haired beauty, for the rest of my life, if I don’t fuck her image out of my head. The thought of the clumsy-yet-captivating lil’ stripper has me pumping feverishly into Miss Not Her, screams of “Oh Daddy!” bouncing off my bedroom walls again.

  Which explains the complaining spitfire banging on my door. This bitch is loud!

  “You are not her daddy and I have to be up and on the field at 6 am! Finish or shove a sock in her mouth!” Laney calls out, the thin plywood door, the only thing between us, not even close to a barrier if Laney decides to come shut this girl up herself.

  “Yup,” I answer, eyes squeezed shut again, no break in the rhythm of my thrusts. “You heard her,” I grunt to my guest, “quiet down, sweetheart, and no more Daddy talk.”

  “Hmph.” She starts to pout, but it easily morphs into an open-mouthed groan when I switch from teasing her with only the tip to slamming home again.

  “Yes, oh God, yes!” she screeches beneath me, totally faking it.

  Yes, I’m sure. You see…loose chicks, or basic bitches, can get away with the fake orgasm when they’re fucking a needle dick. As long as she fluffs Pencil Dick’s ego until five seconds after he comes, he’s okay with ignorant bliss because of the unspoken understanding that he’s anatomically equipped to get off regardless of the fact that he’s a suck fuck and she got nothing. Not only can he not tell, since he’s sporting a twig, but most guys don’t give a shit if she’s really getting off or not, so they’ve never made a study of the signs.

  I have a different handbook; feel free to follow along.

  I’m built. It’s not ego, just a fact. So if I can’t touch the sides, the elasticity in that thing is shot—Ben Wa, kegels, duct tape, and electrical wire be damned—there’s no hope, sweetie. Buy a double-wide dildo and a lifetime supply of anti-depressants and wait ‘til some unlucky bastard’s too drunk to care.

  For the rest of you—guess what the fact that I’m packin’ means? I can feel, or not feel, the ripples, the natural quivering in the lining of your pussy that you can’t make happen anymore than you can make it stop when you actually get off. So save the fake screams and use your big girl voice to tell me left, right, up, or down instead. There’s a 100% chance I will come by the time we’re done, and since you went to all the trouble of letting me in, you should get yours, girl…no shame in that game!

  It never ceases to amaze me, really. A woman in the passenger seat won’t shut the hell up. It’s all “turn here, slow down, stop and ask,” but she’ll fake her way through mediocre sex, unfulfilled, and never say a word. What is that?

  If only this one would do something to snap me out of the monotony, do something to engage me enough to stop these damn vagina monologues currently running through my head. Slap me, take charge, tell me how this shit’s gonna go down— do something, girl! But she doesn’t. Just like the one before her and I’m sure the one after her, she just lays there with the false moans and occasional twist or squirm. So I answer accordingly, banging into her like a jackhammer, not so much as using one finger to tickle her fartbox (which they all like, though they’d deny it if asked). Sorry, Senorita. No extra effort, no surprise ending.

  Showing some life, she tries to grab my face and raise herself up to kiss me, but I turn my head, resting my forehead against the pillow. I’m ready to finish, not prolong the niceties.

  “Almost there,” I growl in her ear. “Wrap your legs around my back.”

  She does so immediately and I find myself wishing her pussy gripped as tightly as her legs do. But, since it’s not even close, I scoop both hands under her ass and tilt her pelvis, angling myself to drag along the upper wall inside her for at least some friction. That really amps up her moans now, so I’m forced to use one hand to cover her mouth, lest we have a second visit from Laney. After a few more slides in and out, my eyes closed, my ultimate fantasy skipping through my head, I finally find my non-climatic climax and she feigns the same.

  I don’t take time to relax or fall down beside her. I don’t even catch my breath, not wanting to send her any fucked up signals. We’re done, so I jump out of bed and walk to the bathroom, disposing of the condoms. Yes, condoms. I always wear two.

  Unfortunately, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror as I walk past it. When I turn to examine my reflection, I realize I look as shitty as I feel. My eyes are vacant and hollow, my heart damn near visible on my sleeve. I’ve never done relationships with all the snuggling and kissing, but I’ve also never been quite the callous ass I’ve become. I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t a bit ashamed of myself, yet I can’t seem to pull myself out of my funk. Even the women willing to forego being wined and dined, or even sweet-talked, before they jump in bed and spread their legs to help ease my ache and tension don’t deserve the level of asshole I’ve become.

  I’m not completely in denial; I know I’m idealizing her in my head and building up a fantasy perhaps a million times greater than what it would actually be like in real life. I haven’t stopped the idealistic comparisons, imaginings, what ifs in my head ever since that night. There’s a tugging in my gut that tells me, more certainly than anything ever before, that together, we’d be something special. Maybe it’s all the “true love” bullshit around me, everyone pairing off, my friends adored by some of the hottest, coolest girls you’ll ever meet, but I’m starting to feel like anything but the lucky bastard who escaped the claws of a woman. I feel like something’s missing.

  Oh, fuck me, I’m a goddamn chick, dreaming of my skipping, extraordinary Princess Charming. Gidge and her Disney bullshit are rubbing off on me and shriveling my nut sack into a vag. Is there a razor here? I’ll go ahead and slit my wrists right now and call it a day.

  Sighing, I wrap a towel around my waist and open the door, ready to try and at least behave cordially, which I know is only right. “Listen, can I—”

  “She’s gone.”

  I look up, startled by Laney’s voice and even more shocked to see her sitting on my bed. Thank God I put on a towel. “Where’d she go?”

  “Home, I guess.” She shrugs. “I didn’t ask. I heard the front door slam and got up to see what the hell was going on. Since you’re here and she’s not, I’m assuming it was her.”

  How did I not hear the door slam? Not that I would’ve chased her. “All right, she left. So what’re you doing in here?” She stands, grabbing some shorts off my floor and throwing them at me. “Go put those on and we’ll talk. Since I’m up,” she reminds me with an evil glare.

  I head back in the bathroom to change, and stay in there, locking the door and taking a deep breath. I’m over six feet tall and lift almost every day, but yes, I’m scared to face Laney. Not only is she a hellcat when she wants to be, but I don’t want to see the disgust or disappointment in her eyes. She’s one of my best friends, even more so after becoming roommates, and her opinion means a lot to me.

  “Get out here!” she yells when
she finally realizes I must be stalling. “Take it like a man.”

  I might as well go out there or she’ll undoubtedly come in here, kicking in the door or taking it off the hinges in what I have no doubt would be less than five minutes.

  She pats the bed beside her when I open the door. “Come sit down. We’re doing this now.”

  I hesitantly take a seat, my knee bouncing as I wait for her to speak.

  “First, and of the utmost importance, you know I call my father ‘Daddy,’ so hearing your visitors scream it repeatedly in the middle of the night freaks me out. I wake up thinking I’m in some bad Lifetime movie.”

  Fighting my smirk, I agree. “Okay, got it.” Maybe this little chat won’t be so bad after all.

  “Second,” she stands and tucks my extra pillow between the headboard and wall before sitting back down beside me, “on school and game nights, booty call curfew is eleven. That work for you?”

  “Yeah.” I sigh and run my hands along my head, wishing I had some hair to pull. “It won’t happen again, Gidge. I’m sorry.”

  She places a hand on my shoulder with a small smile. “Don’t be sorry. This is your house too and we hadn’t talked about it. Now we have, so we’re all good. Any rules you want to put in place?”

  “Nah, I’m easy.”

  “Made crystal clear by the parade of women coming in and out of here.” She laughs and scoots away quickly, ducking the pillow I grab and swing at her head. “Speaking of which, been busier than usual lately—you trying for Guinness or Gonorrhea?”

  Here we go—this is what she really wants to talk about.

  It was a nice segue, funny even, but I’m on to her.

  “I mean, you used to at least walk them out and kiss their cheek at the door. I know you said you’ll come to me when you’re ready, but I can’t watch you self-destruct much longer and not say anything.” She ducks her head and looks up at me, forcing my eyes to meet hers. “You’re trying to fuck something, or someone, out of your system, Sawyer, and it’s killing you.” Care to share with the class?”