by Mj Fields
She looked at me and covered her mouth. “Please ignore the drunk girl.”
I replayed the conversation in my head, because no, I wasn’t one to ignore anything.
“C-section. You have—”
“We, silly man.” She slapped her hand against my chest.”
“Mimi, you’re confusing the hell out of me right now. Please explain.”
She dropped the towel and traced the line above her small patch of pubic hair.
“I don’t like hair, Jaxson but I do hope someday this ugly scar, this scarlet letter, this mark on me will be covered and the hell that I went through a little over four years ago disappears from my conscience with it.”
“What the hell does it have to do with me?” I knew the answer before I even asked the question.
“Our family is bound very tightly, Jaxson Irons, but none of you have to worry about it. Daddy covered it all up, made it go away. No one will ever find out. There is no reminder of it in the public or you all, just me.” She traced it again.
“Mimi, I need an explanation.” I was growing angry.
“No, you don’t. I wouldn’t want you to carry the burden I have since that morning I woke in your bed.”
I felt sick to my stomach immediately. “My parents knew about this?”
“I don’t know,” I started to walk towards my phone. “Jaxson, stop. Enough blood has been shed.”
I turned around, grabbed her arm, and dragged her into the walk in shower and turned on the water, holding her under it. “Sober up Mimi. I deserve a fucking answer!”
She started shaking and crying. “You’re scarring me.”
“Then fucking talk!”
“Please don’t hurt me. Please, Jaxson, I won’t tell anyone. Please!” she cried.
I let go of her, turned off the water and went and retrieved the hotel robe hanging on the back of the door, then walked over and handed it to her.
“I’m not going to hurt you, Mimi, I just want a god damn answer. Did I, was I—.”
“Yes, damn it!” she said, wrapping herself in the robe as she cried. “But you can’t say a word, Jaxson. Not one word.”
“Enough blood has been shed! What does that mean?”
She shook her head no and crouched on the floor. “I can’t, I just can’t.”
When she started visibly shaking, I picked her up, carried her trembling body to her room and sat her on the bed. “Start talking.”
She shook her head no and covered her face.
I took her hands and held them so she couldn’t cover her face again.
“Are you going to try to make me disappear?”
“Mimi, of course not. Fuck, I just want a damn explanation.”
“Sandra’s death. I told them I was gonna tell you and they said if I did, life for me or you would never be the same. That I was to give our child—”
“Our child!”
“Yes! Yes Jaxson, our child. Our daughter, our beautiful little—.”
I stood up, ran into her suite’s bathroom and threw up repeatedly.
“Then she died.” I turned and looked at her as I grabbed toilet paper and wiped my face.
“Our daughter?” I felt myself tremble.
“No, Sandra. She was killed and although they said I was crazy and sent me away, I believe it was them trying to kill me.”
“Jesus Christ, Mimi, who is them?”
“My parents? Our parents?”
“No, you’re wrong.” I stood to walk to the phone.
“Jaxson, no!” she screamed so loud my ears rang and then she began crying so hard she was hyperventilating.
“Fuck, Mimi, calm the hell down!”
“Don’t,” she gasped, “Call. Them.”
“Or what? Don’t you want answers? Where is my child? Our child?”
“She was adopted at birth. A family in Canada.”
“She’s alive and well?”
“For now, but Jaxson, I don’t believe she would be.” She started crying hard again. “Why did I say anything! She’s safe, she’s happy. They will destroy her like they have me. They may kill her like Sandra—”
“Okay, Jesus Mimi, okay.” I grabbed her and held her as she sobbed until she fell asleep.
When she was asleep, I stood off the bed and covered her and then left the room.
I looked at the clock and it had been over four hours since I called Frankie. What the fuck was I going to do about her?
Quickly I grabbed my phone and called Shadows.
He answered in a groggy voice, “Irons?”
“I need a favor.”
“At,” he paused, “two thirty in the morning?”
“Yes.”
“You in jail, man?”
“No, worse, I’m in Roanoke with Mimi.”
“Little Will and you—”
“Look, don’t ask questions but I will text you her address. Go there, break in if you have to, make sure she’s okay and stay put. I will be there by ten in the morning.”
“Seven and a half hours? You want me to bust in there and refuse to leave—”
“If it wasn’t important, I wouldn’t ask.”
“Fine, and what the hell do I tell her when she says to get the fuck out or tries to call the cops?”
“I don’t know, tell her I insisted. She wouldn’t doubt it. Or bang one of her roommates. Actually, that’s a damn good plan. Tell Frankie you’re interested in—”
“She anything to look at?”
“Shadows, just go, we’ll rub vaginas later, alright, man?”
“Fine.”
* * *
I CHECKED IN on Mimi and she was passed out. My blood was boiling, my head was spinning, and I wanted answers. I sat down and tried to figure out if the time line even made sense. I was about to go online and check out stories about Mimi Caldwell to see if there was anything about her during the time Sandra was shot, but I didn’t want to do it from my phone. If there was reason to suspect that Mimi or my alleged child would be in danger, I didn’t want to raise red flags.
I grabbed the yellow pages to see if I could find an all-night coffee house that may have access to a computer. I found one right around the block. I threw on a shirt, jeans, and baseball cap, left my phone so that if someone was tracking me or keeping tabs on me they wouldn’t have the ability. I headed down the stairs and out the side entrance of the building.
* * *
I ORDERED AN iced coffee, something I never drank, and paid cash. I sat down at the table in the corner and looked around, happy that I wasn’t the only one here. I Googled Sandra Caldwell and the story popped up, along with pictures of her funeral services. I looked though ten or fifteen before spotting Mimi. She looked horrible. Not ugly, but worn down and nothing like she did in any other photo I had ever seen of her. I also spotted her looking off in the distance and she looked afraid. In a couple of keystrokes, I enlarged the photo enough to see my parents in the distance talking with her father. I zoomed out again and carefully examined Mimi’s line of vision and yes, in fact, she was looking at them.
I sat back and took a drink, trying to wrap my brain around what I had learned tonight before further investigating online as to what Mimi did in the next few months.
An hour passed and I looked up at the clock, it was four in the morning and I needed sleep before driving four hours home. I stood up and pulled the brim of my hat down, shielding my eyes and avoiding the cameras that surveyed the coffee shop as I walked out.
Once back in my room, I flopped on my bed and grabbed my phone. The battery was dead so I got up and plugged it in, set the hotel alarm clock for six fifteen and closed my eyes, seeking respite from the nightmare in which I had just entered.
* * *
“JAXSON,” I HEARD and felt a hand on my shoulder, “Jaxson, wake up.”
I opened my eyes to Mimi standing above me.
“It’s nine o’clock, I have to be back by—”
I sprung up and looked at the clock, “I set
the alarm.”
I jumped out of bed and jetted to the bathroom, turned on the shower and yelled out, “Can you be ready in ten minutes?”
“Yes,” she yelled back.
* * *
“JAXSON, SLOW DOWN please.” She grabbed the dash.
“I fly helicopters at a much higher speed than this every day.”
“I trust you, but all these other people, not so much. I can be late, it’s all right with me.”
She and I hadn’t spoken about the bomb that was dropped last night and I knew we had to at some point.
“See if my phone has a charge yet?”
She picked it up. “My, you have five missed calls.”
“From?”
“Four from a Shadows and one from a Frank. Are they important?”
I cut across the highway, took an off ramp and she gasped.
“Apparently so.”
I flew into the first parking lot I saw and jumped out, phone in hand.
“Irons, where the fuck—”
“She okay? She didn’t answer.”
“How far from home are you?”
“Why, what the hell is going on?”
“Answer the question, Irons.”
“Three hours.”
“She’s here, and sleeping.”
“So she’s okay?”
“Yep, just get home safe, man. I got this until then.”
“She pissed?”
“She’s a bit fucked up, yes.”
“Wake her up.”
“Not gonna happen. Just get back safe.”
When I jumped in the car she asked, “Is everything okay?”
“Yep, everything is fine.”
I heard her stomach growl, fuck.
“You hungry?”
“Thirsty. I don’t think I could eat. I drank way too much last night.” The last part she whispered.
I pulled into a drive-thru and ordered us drinks and some bagels. Not the shit I ate but I didn’t think I could eat if I wanted to.
About half an hour went by without a word spoken. I had to say something.
“We should talk about—”
“I do not wish to talk about it, Jaxson. Leave it alone, please. Nothing good will come of the discussion. Nothing good at all.”
“So I should just pretend that you didn’t tell me that I have a child out there somewhere, and that the mother of that child has lived in fear for—”
“I beg you, Jaxson Irons, to not ever mention it again.”
I drove quietly for a moment and looked over when she wiped a tear off her face.
“Mimi, this isn’t something I can just forget.”
“You’ll wish you could,” she sniffed. “When you have to look over your shoulder every day and carry the burden alone. When no one else on the planet knows your pain and no one can know because you don’t want to see them hurt. I am so very sorry I even mentioned it. I wish I hadn’t been drinking, if I didn’t feel safe and connected when you were around…” She stopped. “I care about you. Not because of one drunken night. Not because of a little girl. But because no one else I know feels like they only exist to be used as a pawn in the sick and twisted world of politics. And I am deeply sorry that you now know just how sick and twisted it is.”
‘You think my parents know about this?”
“I suspect. But I don’t know. They just look at me differently. It may just be me, Jaxson. I pray, for your sake, it is.”
“I need to ask this and I hope you understand—”
“You were the first man I was with.”
“Jesus Christ. I am so sorry.”
“Please don’t be. I know it wasn’t planned. Not by you, anyway.”
“What is that supposed to mean?”
“Have you ever been so drunk you wake up and not know what the hell happened?” she cried softly. “I swear I had three drinks. Three, that’s it.”
I reached over and took her hand, because I needed to console her. Because I needed her to know I was here and because I was not the type to roll over. “Can I ask,” I paused. “Do you see her?”
“Of course not. I woke in a French speaking hospital to extreme pain and emptiness. When I asked, I was given pain meds that made me sleep. And a few days after, with no one around, I stopped asking where my child was and started asking for more drugs. I just didn’t want to deal with another loss. When something grows inside of you and then is torn away from you, it’s a much different kind of hell than you can even begin to imagine.”
“How do you know where she is and that she is all right?”
She stiffened. “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Mimi, you told me last night she was safe. You told me she was in Canada.”
“No.”
“Yes, you did. I deserve to know, Mimi. I deserved to know then. I would have—”
“Someone killed my cousin when I threatened to go to you. I tried to keep you safe from this. I tried—”
“Okay. Just tell me, tell me she is treated well.”
“She is. Her parents are wonderful people. I have never met them but I have seen them. I have seen her. But no one knows, Jaxson. If they did, I don’t think I’d be here today.”
“They love her?”
“They seem to adore her.”
“I don’t know how you’ve been so strong.”
“Look at me, Jaxson. Look at how I was raised. I love her, but I see adoration in their eyes and I know she is much better off with parents, grandparents, who know how to love, than with me.”
“What does she look like?”
“You really want to know? You promise this secret goes with you to the grave. There is no other way to give her what she deserves.”
I hated this, it was ripping at my chest, my heart, but what she said was true. Who the hell was I to think I could be a parent? When Frankie talked about it the thought seemed intriguing. But the reality was I wouldn’t want any child to go through a life as a pawn, or a chess piece to be used to get ahead in life, like Mimi or I had. And if her suspicions where correct, I wouldn’t wish for the grandparents I would bring into their life who would treat them the way they treated us.
“Fine, I agree.”
“No one, Jaxson. If someday you meet a woman and fall in love, not even her. Protect her from this.”
“I said I agree.”
“She looks just like you.”
The next hour my foot was on the floor. No talking, and she didn’t complain about how fast I was driving and I didn’t realize I was still holding her hand until we exited the highway for Virginia Beach.
* * *
I ROLLED UP near Frankie’s and parked across the road in a restaurant parking lot. I didn’t want to bring attention to her. I needed to keep her safe.
I walked around the block, cut across the yard and ran up the stairs to the second story of the apartment complex.
When I knocked on the door I heard voices inside, but couldn’t distinguish whose they were. I tried the door and it was locked. I banged harder on it and Mary, one of her roommates peeked out.
“Just a minute,” she shut the door and I heard the security chain being removed and then Shadows opened it.
He held his hand to my chest and pushed me back.
“You and I need to talk before you go in there.”
“She’s pissed?”
“A bit, yes. But—”
I tried to walk around him and he stepped in my way again.
“Shadows, you can leave. I got this.”
“No, listen to what I have to say in full, Irons. Keep your cool, do you understand me?”
“No, I don’t fucking—”
“She wasn’t here when I showed up. Her roommate and I called her and hit everyplace she knew that Frankie would hang out.”
He stopped, “Keep talking ‘cause you got two point five to spill it or I’ll go through you.”
“Seven o’clock this morning, she walked in. She’s
a mess, Irons. Someone fucked her up pretty bad and she’s not talking.”
“Get the fuck out of my way.”
“No. She doesn’t want to see you. She wants to sleep. She agreed to contact you when she wakes up.”
I pushed past him and through the door. Her roommate Mary stood in front of her bedroom.
“You need to move.”
“She needs to sleep.”
“I won’t ask again.”
“I’ll call the cops. You can sit on the couch and wait until she wakes up and that’s going against what she wants. So you take it or leave it, but you will not go in there. She just fell asleep and trust me, she needs to sleep.”
This five foot three little girl was about to get her ass kicked and she didn’t even seem to care. I glared at her and she didn’t waver. She held eye contact and stood, hands on her hips, toe to toe with me. She looked as exhausted as I felt, but wasn’t budging.
“Is she okay?”
She shook her head no and only then did I see fear in her.
“She needs me.”
“She needs sleep. I am going back in, you take the couch or leave.”
“Irons, this little doll has had a real bad night.” Shadows put his hand on my shoulder. “I would take what she’s offering.
“Why the hell didn’t you call me?” I sneered at him.
“I tried, went straight to voicemail.”
I turned and walked to the couch and sat, arms crossed, trying like hell to not crush the two people in this room who seemed to care about Frankie.
Pain
Frankie
I WOKE UP in pain. My ribs hurt and so did my head. My hand still held the SD card that I found when I broke into Joel’s apartment before I was attacked.
I sat up and looked over at Mary, who was laying on the edge of the bed, her face was tear-stained. I hated that she was brought into the drama, the hell that is my life, since Will died.
I looked at the clock and it was three in the afternoon. I had slept seven hours. I stood up quietly and tiptoed to the door, trying not to wake her. I backed out slowly and shut the door gently, making sure I didn’t shut it hard enough to cause her to wake. I turned around and was staring straight at Jax’s chest.
When I looked up, he cringed as his hand crashed over his heart, “Who? Who did this to you?”