Frozen Barriers

by Sara Shirley

  “Daddy mostly stays in Boston these days or is out of town, and then Mother, well, she’s got the entire house to herself, and outside of polishing off multiple cocktails before noon, her only other chore in a day is to make a few phone calls for my benefit and let me know when and where I need to be. I hope you didn’t expect me to sugar coat any of that.” She chuckles while turning on the radio. “I try to avoid them at all costs these days. Once I finished college, I moved into the garage because I couldn’t take a lot of the madness in the house.”

  “Not to sound mean or anything, but what’s keeping you holed up still at your parents’ house?” I ask, even though I really have no right. She stares out the window, scanning the passing houses and pushing a stray piece of hair behind her ear. God, she’s gorgeous. She really has no idea how much natural beauty she possesses.

  She sighs and turns to me. “Some things are still beyond my control. Everyday I try to be a little stronger than the last in the hope that one day my life won’t involve training, competitions, and my parents hounding me about success and making the family look good. I’ve only ever been a marketing tool for Daddy’s company, and well, you know how my mother is. I just want to wake up and have it all gone, but then I think to myself, what the hell do I do afterwards? I’m afraid when it’s all over and I’m finally able to walk away, I’ll have nowhere or no one to walk toward.” She turns her head and begins sniffling and wiping her eyes with the backs of her hands.

  I am really at a loss for words, because in some ways, I can say the same for me. Granted, I still coach the kids during the summer, but what happens to me when that contract doesn’t come, or I get traded? I’ve been lucky so far, but the AHL is a business, and they can drop you whenever they feel like it. An injury can put you out for life, and then what? How do you move on when the only thing you know, you can no longer do?

  Gazing over at Emily, I grab her hand in mine and begin rubbing her knuckles. Her soft eyes meet mine, and she smiles slightly, but it becomes genuinely larger when I bring her hand up to my mouth and kiss it. Pulling the car over to the side of the street and turning it off, I move to face her and reach out to rub the side of her face. “If and when you’re able to walk away, you can always walk toward me. Got it?”

  Tears form in her eyes again, and she nods back at me. “Is this where you live?” she asks, facing the house we’re parked in front of.

  Looking at the old cape-styled home with red shutters on the front windows and then over to where my truck is parked in the driveway in front of the huge garage, I begin laughing. “Funny thing. You’re not the only one who still lives with their parents,” I say, thinking she’s probably wondering how much of a mamma’s boy I really am.

  In all reality, after college when the AHL finally picked me up off an amateur tryout agreement and then signed me to a one-year contract, I didn’t know if it would last. Renting or buying wasn’t really a feasible option for me, so with the money I earned from some of my first contract, I renovated the entire top level of the garage into a two-bedroom apartment. It also helps when I go on the road with the Monarchs to know that my parents will take care of Aspen for me. Road trips aren’t long, but it’s long enough that he needs taking care of. Either way I love coming home to this place. It’s always been filled with loving people and great memories.

  Emily turns back at me and laughs. “Oh my gosh! I think you and I might have more in common than we think! Do you have time to show me your place? I mean, you don’t have to, but I see Sue’s car is still parked up there, and I need to apologize for last night anyway. I mean, that is still the same car she had years ago, right?”

  Wait. Why is Sue’s car still parked in the driveway? Maybe Dave didn’t take her home, or Courtney came here after leaving Eavesdrop. Dave did say she was asleep on my sofa last night, and he didn’t answer his phone at all this morning. Something isn’t adding up. Now, I need to find out what the hell happened last night. Grabbing the keys and going to open the door, I nod to Emily to come along. This may be a bad idea. All I need to add to this morning is my mom to come out the front door before I make it safely into my place.

  Emily keeps up with my pace, and once we get to the stairs, I urge her up in front of me as I place my hand on the small of her back. I unlock the door and open it, letting Emily walk in first. Immediately upon entering, she turns around, pulling her hands up to her face, muttering something along the lines of, “Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Please tell me I am not seeing what I think that is.”

  Pulling her into my chest and rubbing her back, I scan my living room, and my eyes fall upon what can only be described as a conjoined pile of naked flesh surrounded by most likely my entire liquor cabinet. Leaving Emily facing away from the sight, I walk over to lay my hands on the back of my sofa, looking at the two sleepyheads that are starting to stir on the floor. Oh, hell no! This is going to be fun. With all my might, I suck in my breath and scream, “Cock-a-Doodle-Doo!”

  Dave shoots straight up, while his partner in crime comes into view and raises her arm to block the bright light. He rubs his hands over his head and then stares up at me, clearly hungover. “Fuck, dude, what are you yelling for?” He still hasn’t processed the fact that his dick is hanging out or that Emily is in the room, so I help him out a bit.

  “Well, let’s see. It could be because I tried calling five times earlier, and you didn’t answer, probably because you drank my entire stash of Patron. It could be because Emily just walked in to see your twig and berries hanging out on my living room floor, or it could be because I told you to take Suzanne home, not back to my place and screw her on my floor.” At my last statement, his eyes go wide, and he looks down next to him to see Sue’s eyes bugging out of her head just as wide as his. Well, I guess neither of these two expected to be hooking up with each other last night. Sue shoots up off the floor, grabs a blanket from the couch, and runs down the hall to the bathroom. I turn to Emily. “Emily, can you maybe just go try to talk to her? She might feel better having it come from you.” She nods my way and makes her way down the hall toward the bathroom.

  In the meantime, I have Dave to deal with. “Dude, can you perhaps put some pants or something over yourself? I mean, really, Emily already threw up after seeing my junk this morning. I’m shocked she didn’t toss her cookies after seeing all this, too,” I say, making my way to the fridge to grab some water. As I glance back over to him, he slowly gets off the floor, grabs his boxers and tugs them on. Leaning on my counter with my arms out in front of me, I take the water bottle up to my mouth, chugging back the cold fluid before asking him, “Do I even want to ask what happened last night?”

  Sighing, Dave looks down the hall and back to me. “I remember leaving Eavesdrop, and the minute Sue got in the truck, she had her tongue in my ear and rubbing her hands over my dick. Shit, you know me. I’m not one to say no. She said she wanted me to make her scream and her toes curl anyway I knew how. The next thing I knew she called Courtney and started giggling, so I grabbed her phone and told Courtney to just come back here. When we got here, I told Courtney I was going to let Sue sleep on your sofa. That part of my text wasn’t a lie. Then, Sue found your Patron, and we started playing Truth or Dare. Bad choice, I know! After, I think, my sixth shot, I might have started thinking more with my dick than my head. Sorry, dude, but not really. I mean, Sue is crazy, but she’s hot.”

  I honestly can’t help but laugh because I don’t think Dave understands the level of crazy he just got himself into. Back in middle school, he knew how nuts this girl was, but he always had a weak spot if she showed him even the slightest bit of attention.

  Two loud shrieks followed by laughter from down the hall break my train of thought. Dave and I run to where the boisterous sounds are coming from. Stopping in the doorway, I see one of the funniest sights ever. Emily is sprawled out on the floor of my bedroom as Aspen huddles over her body, licking her face and jumping back to grab his stuffed duck from the floor, trying to get her to tu
g it away from him. I whistle to get his attention, and he leaves Emily’s side long enough for her to stand up and adjust her clothes. I glance at her, taking in her smile and asking if she’s all right.

  She walks over to me and kneels down to Aspen, rubbing behind his ears and saying in her lovey dovey talk, “Of course, I’m all right, but who is this big ball of fur that just gave me the best kisses in the world?” Best kisses? Really?! I don’t think so.

  I lean into her as she stands back up and pull her toward my chest. “Perhaps you don’t remember the kiss I gave you a few days ago? But, if that wasn’t up to your standards, I can certainly up my game.” With that statement, I slide my mouth down her neck as I feel her shiver and the slightest of moans comes from her mouth. The clearing of Dave’s throat behind us reminds me that we are not alone. Turning to him, I give him a glare that asks, What the fuck?

  “Not to interrupt, considering I’m already on the shit list, but where is Sue?” he asks. Emily slides out from under my grasp to face Dave. She walks over to him, reaching out her hand. “You must be Dave. I don’t know if you know me, but I’m Emily. I want to thank you for helping last night in our drunken state at the bar; however, Sue may not be entirely sure of what happened. If you so much as hurt her, I will have no problem shoving your nuts up your ass.” She starts to make her way back toward the bathroom, where I assume Sue is hiding out, and says “Jeremy, just out of curiosity, since I don’t have too much to compare them to, but from what I saw this morning, shouldn’t his be just as big as yours? It wasn’t that cold in the living room, was it?” With that, she smirks, and I see Dave’s face scowl at her insinuation.

  “Dude!” Dave shouts.

  Now, I’m full on laughing hysterically. “Seriously, that one’s got a naughty side to her, and I’m just starting to see how playful she can be. Don’t you even say anything about her.”

  Dave puts his hand on my shoulder. “No way, man. I couldn’t care less about her small dick comment. What I want to know is how the fuck did she see your dick, and what did you really do last night?”

  As I knock on the bathroom door before I step in, my hands are still shaking from my little bravado show I just put on in front of Dave and Jeremy. I’ve never done or said anything like that before, since I have always been in the public eye and worried about how it would affect my family image. I have to say, to let go for once felt incredible.

  I walk in to find Sue, still curled up on the bathroom floor with her knees pulled tightly to her chest. With tears rolling down her face, she raises her bloodshot eyes to me. In my heart, I know I need to be here for her, but the clock on the wall keeps reminding me that I’m going to have to act fast if I’m to make it to my training session on time. I know that if I’m even just one minute late, my phone will ring off the hook, and my mother will not relent until she determines where I am and why I’m not one hundred percent focused on the goal at hand. Unfortunately, what she doesn’t know is that goal has only ever been hers and never mine. Medals and trophies, all that means nothing when your career is over. It’s friendships and love that hold the key to happiness and help fulfill your dreams.

  Pulling up a seat next to Sue, I drape one arm over her shoulder and try to comfort her. She hasn’t said much to me about what happened last night, other than the obvious. Earlier, I went in search for her clothes from last night, but never found them, as I was attacked by one of the largest, most loving dogs I’ve ever met. As I continue to rub my hands over her arms to ease her, I try to get some details about last night, but I feel as though I really need to apologize for my own actions first.

  “Sue, please tell me what I can do to help. I can’t help but feel as though I’m partly to blame for this.”

  Her eyes shoot up and stare right at me. Wiping her hands over her face, she sniffles back, “Why would you even think me sleeping with Dave is partly your fault?”

  Looking back at her with sad eyes, I reply, “Well, if I hadn’t been so nervous about hanging out with you and Courtney, I never would have had so much to drink, and you probably would have been in the right frame of mind to drive home alone. Because of me, Dave had to take you home, and well, we both know what happened after that.”

  Sue’s tears have stopped, and she wraps the bathroom towel around her tighter as she says, “I’m the one who led him on and basically told him to ravage me last night. Don’t get me wrong. Dave is a hot fuck and has the body of a god, but he’s been a playboy since I met him in middle school. We’ve been playing this game for years. I’m crying because I never actually realized that I had feelings for him, and I know he’ll never feel the same way toward me.”

  I hug her tightly, and we stand to face each other. “So, you forgive me for being an out of control drunk last night who made you sleep with Dave?”

  Chuckling, she waves her hand in the air. “Yeah, we’re good. It was fun, just us three. I think we probably need to make it up to Courtney, though. Poor thing didn’t realize we were going to need a rescue team. Which, by the way, you need to tell me all about this thing with you and Jeremy.” Turning on the faucet, she starts running water over her face and then takes some toothpaste from her finger and starts cleaning her teeth.

  While she’s brushing and spitting, I may as well tell her my story about the past twelve hours. Once the water is turned off and she stares at me because I’ve not only informed her of the kiss the other day, but also my liquid courage and throwing up after seeing Jeremy naked, she laughs at me as if it happens to her all the time. A knock comes from the door, and I turn to open it slightly after Sue gives me the okay.

  Jeremy sticks his head in. “Everything good in here?” I nod back at him as he looks at both of us, clearly thinking he’s not going to have to deal with girl problems as long as Sue is laughing.

  “Yeah, we’ll be out in a minute, but can you try to find Sue’s clothes for her?”

  He nods back at me as he starts to close the door, but comes back in before it shuts and whispers into my ear, “After you’re done in here, meet me in my room. I want to ask you something, okay?” I stare up at his big brown eyes and shake my head.

  After he shuts the door behind him, Sue grabs my shoulders and turns me to face her. “Do you even realize how bad that boy has it for you? I’ve known him basically my whole life, and he’s never acted like he does when he’s around you.” I stare back at her with a confused look.

  “You’re crazy. He barely even knows me. He keeps insisting on me going out with him, but I just don’t know if that’s such a good idea.”

  “Why wouldn’t you go out with him?”

  How do I explain to her that there are so many reasons why I can’t see a relationship with him, let alone anyone else in my near future? Until a few days ago, I had absolutely no experience dealing with guys. Now, here I am seeing Jeremy wet and naked this morning, and what do I end up doing? I throw up. I guess in some ways I do kind of owe him. Spending one night out with him won’t be so bad.

  “I’m not even sure if he’s interested, but if he asks, I guess it wouldn’t be so bad to get to know him better,” I tell Sue as I lean against the door, playing with the ends of my hair.

  “Well, what are you doing still standing in here with me? Get your ass out of here and go talk to him,” she presses.

  “Are you sure you’re all right?” I ask, knowing that I’ll stay with her before heading to see Jeremy if she asks.

  “I’m fine. I’ve got to go have words with that asshat in the other room anyway. I need to clear up a few fuzzy details about last night and head out. Call me later and let me know how things turn out with Jeremy, okay?”

  After confirming I’ll be in touch with her later, I make my way down the hall to Jeremy’s room. Opening the door further, I see him grabbing his hockey gear and throwing it into a bag almost as big as me. Once I walk through the door, I turn slowly and shut it behind me. Trying to find my inner strength, I start making my way over to where he is now standing st
aring at me. He must have sensed something was up when I shut the door and didn’t say anything. Honestly, I have no idea what I want to say or even what he wants to talk to me about, but I’m here now, and I can’t turn back. “What did you want to ask me?” I ask, just above a whisper.

  I see him toss the items he has in his hands into the bag on the floor as he goes to sit at the end of his bed. He slowly pats the space next to him, telling me to come sit. I give him an odd look, and he says, “I’m not going to bite. Just come sit, please.” Slowly, I walk over and sit next to him. As he scoots a little closer, his hand comes up to grab my chin, so I have to look him in the eyes. “Do you have any idea how beautiful you are? You don’t, do you? I know this is all new for you, and I’ll be as patient as you need me to be. But, you do owe me a date, so before you try to talk your way out of it, I’m going to tell you right now, our first date is going to happen. I know you felt a connection when we kissed the other day. Just live in the moment and let your heart tell you what to do before your mind starts working out a different answer.”

  Out of his entire statement, the only thing that registers in my head is he thinks I’m beautiful. Even after last night and this morning, he still wants to go on a date with me, and I know I have no reason to say no. However, I feel like being a tease, so I play with him a little.

  Standing and moving in front of him, I slide between his legs, placing my hands on his shoulders. “Now, just because I’ve seen you naked doesn’t mean I’m obligated to go out with you.” Slowly moving my nervous hands down to his chest, I lean into his ear and whisper, “It just means I have to do something in return for you.” I feel his heart start to race under my hand, and I know I’m doing something right. “So, Jeremy, besides going on a date with you, what do you want?”

  I’m pretty certain he can hear my heart racing if he wants to. I’m not even sure where this whole new version of sexy Emily has come from, but she has made herself known, and I’m kind of digging her. It’s a new kind of rush I haven’t felt in a very long time, if ever.