Frozen Barriers

by Sara Shirley

  Running his hands over my back, he shushes me. “Emily, you have no idea how hard it was to know what I did in my past caused you that much pain. I never wanted that to happen. You have to believe that before you, I really wasn’t seeing what was worth going after. I would go out after games with the guys, and on occasion, some of the girls took advantage and hooked up with us. The night I was with Avery was the one and only night that went to that level, and that was my fault entirely. Had I not drunk as much as I did, none of the last few weeks would have happened. Can you forgive me for this?”

  I can’t allow him to think he’s completely at fault here. Swallowing back the lump in my throat, I respond, “Jeremy, I understand how it happened, but I can’t condone how I reacted the rest of the night. I didn’t want to think I was as insignificant as the next. The past few weeks needed to happen for us. I needed the time apart to figure out where my true feelings stood and sort out a lot of other things in my head.”

  “And did you?” he asks, clearing his throat.

  I nod my head silently against his chest before pulling away to look into his brown eyes. “If it wasn’t for your mom, I might not have understood everything going on in my head, but I managed to separate the good and the bad. I know what I need now and where I need to get to in my life. You. Jeremy, you were never a question in my head. You had my heart before I left. It was the family drama and skating that needed to get sorted out. I love you for who you are and what you made me see. Can you forgive me?”

  Staring into my eyes, he reaches for my face and brings his head down to mine. “Babe, I missed you so damn much it hurt not knowing how you felt and what you were going through. Mom just kept telling me to focus on my own life and to let you figure out things. I can’t take back the last few weeks, but I can make the future better. I promise. I love you, and I’ll spend forever showing you how much better it can be for us.”

  Tears pool in my eyes again as I rub my thumb over his stitches just above his eye before asking the big questions, “So, does this mean we’re okay? We’re still together?”

  “Was there ever any doubt? You’ve had me all along, Emily, unless, of course, you’re still having an affair with that actor?” he playfully hints, but his eyes tell me he may actually think the story is true.

  “I was hoping you wouldn’t have seen that. Really, it wasn’t anything. I turned around too quickly and bumped into him. The cameras caught it at just the right angle to make it look like we were embracing. Do you believe me?”

  “So, I don’t have to use any of my hockey fighting moves to get him to back off? Damn! I was so hoping to have to fight for you.” He winks at me. “Well, then I guess there’s only one other way to make sure you don’t run off again, but it’s going to involve less clothes than you have on right now,” he suggests as his lips hover just above my neck. My breathing grows rapid because I need him just as much.

  Breathlessly, I mouth his name before standing up, grabbing his hand and guiding him back to my bed. “Make love to me again, Jeremy.”

  I slowly remove my tank top and pajama bottoms. He reaches to pull me close to him, and I make quick work of removing his hoodie and the T-shirt underneath. Then, his lips fall on mine as if the past three weeks never happened. After he pulls back suddenly, I wonder if he’s having second thoughts as my hands hover over his belt straps.

  “Emily, before we do this, I need to tell you something. While I was on the road, I went to the team doctor and had him run an STD test. The results came back last week, and I’m clean. I didn’t want you worrying.” Before he can say anything more, I pull him on top of me and watch him make quick work of his pants and boxers. He slowly rolls me on top of him as he kisses me passionately; our tongues join together in a battle. Jeremy grazes my legs and ass with the tips of his fingers as chills of anticipation spread across my body. Feeling his hardness growing under my stomach, I reach down between us to begin stroking him. Throwing his head back, a groan escapes his lips. “Oh my God, Em. I missed you so much. That feels so good.”

  Knowing I’m entering a whole new territory, I start placing kisses along his pecks and begin slowly making my way south. As I linger just above his trimmed happy trail, he smirks as if he’s asking what I’m planning on doing. Lie back and relax because I’m taking control right now. Sitting back on my calves in between his legs, I lower my head to the tip of his cock, still stroking it slowly. I open my mouth and let my tongue circle the tip before sliding all the way down his length to the base of his shaft.

  I watch as his chest rises and falls quickly, and his eyes never leave mine. He says nothing, so I assume I must be doing this right and begin massaging his balls in my other hand. I slowly slide my mouth up his length, wrapping my lips around his tip and tasting the warm smooth fluid already flowing from his cock. Continuing my torturous motions, I slip the tip of my tongue between the entrance of his cock before sliding my hollowed mouth down until he’s hitting the back of my throat. Jeremy’s hips thrust up as his hand finds its way to the back of my head. Pushing down just slightly until I’m almost gagging and tears prickle my eyes, I look up at him as he watches me go down on him and becomes completely at my mercy. It’s a feeling I’ve never felt before, knowing I’m the one making him feel his pleasure.

  Then, as much as I don’t want to go there, the mental image of Avery in this same position flashes across my mind. I stop all movement along his cock, and Jeremy notices my mood change. “Don’t think about whatever is going through your mind. We’re here now, and you’re my future. Good?” Nodding in understanding, I remove my mouth from his cock and move to straddle him.

  Knowing his favorite sexual position from Twenty Questions comes in handy when I have control in bed. Hovering my already slick entrance above his cock, I slide my folds along his length, arousing my own pleasure points in the process. Moans escape me before I lean behind me to pull his cock up to my entrance, looking into his eyes as if silently asking for help on what to do. Jeremy moves his hand over mine on his shaft assisting silently, never breaking eye contact and gliding himself in slowly as I lower myself until he’s all the way inside me. He’s already placed right at the point, where with just the slightest angle movement, I’ll be spiraling out of control. It’s been too long for the both of us, and I’m not sure I can ever do without this physical connection ever again.

  Resting my hands on his stomach, I look into his eyes while his hands grab onto my waist, moving me just enough to make me feel him inside me even more. I throw my head back in pleasure, letting my nails dig into his skin lightly.

  “Emily, I need to feel you come around me. I’ve missed the feeling of being inside you.” His hand slides over and starts massaging the wetness between my legs over my pulsing bud. My mind races, and I try to move my body with his as he tenderly strokes me. I begin to tremble above him, and I know my release is close. Looking down into his eyes, I see his emotions pouring out of him. “Come on, baby. Come. If you don’t, I’ll be forced to take back control and show you what I’m capable of making you feel.” Holy Shit! Moving my hips faster along his cock, my breath shortens right before I feel him thrust his hips up to hit the spot, sending my orgasm out of control. I can’t move anymore; I just feel the pulsing and throbbing between my legs and around his cock. He moves his hips up even more, and I’m screaming his name before he pulls me close and rolls me on my back, staring down at me while he wraps my legs around his waist.

  “Hold on, babe. I’m not going to be gentle.” His pace speeds up as he rises slightly, and I watch as his cock slides in and out before he’s stilled and groaning through clenched teeth. “Holy fuck. Oh. My. God. Emily.” Before I know what’s happening, with one last hard thrust, he sends another wave of pleasure through me, and I’m clutching the sheets at my side, screaming his name.

  Completely sated and exhausted, Jeremy glances around the bed to look for something. “Tissues?” Shit. “In the bathroom.” He pulls out slowly before running to the bat
hroom, coming back with a wet washcloth to wipe away the remnants of our late night pleasure fest. Sitting up, I go to grab my pajamas, but Jeremy stops me to kiss me like he never has before. “I love you, Emily.”

  I know you do.

  “Stay with me?” I ask as I feel the warmth spread through my body again. Giving me one more kiss on the lips, he silently nods yes before making his way over to his pants to grab his phone. After typing out a text, I can only assume to his sister, he comes back to bed with me. “I had to tell Courtney I’m home, but won’t be at the house until later. She’ll figure it out.”

  Feeling him curl behind me and wrapping his arms around my stomach, he places a lingering kiss on my bare shoulder as I lay a hand on his. “I love you,” I whisper as I turn my head just slightly before flicking off the bedside lamp. The only light in the room now is the moonlight casting shadows about.

  “Babe, I almost forgot to tell you. Congrats on the gold medals. I was so proud of you when I watched. We all were.”

  Happy tears slip onto my pillow. Where has he been all my life? A family I just met has helped me in leaps and bounds over the past two months more than anyone in my twenty-two years. I have friends that are supportive and caring and a boyfriend who has shown me how much love is truly worth fighting for. Having all that means more than the two gold medals currently glistening on my kitchen table in the moonlight. I finally fall into a peaceful sleep that I haven’t had in so long, looking forward to what I’ll wake up to in the morning.

  The morning sun has just started to peek its way through Emily’s French doors. The night’s early frost is melting against the sun’s rays, as it didn’t hold a chance against the blaze, therefore, allowing more sunlight to enter the room. Emily is snuggled tightly into my side, trying to keep warm. Staring around the room and afraid to move since she is still asleep, my eyes train toward the glare from her kitchen table. Her two gold medals sit glistening.

  Slowly moving out of the bed, I make sure I don’t wake Sleeping Beauty next to me. When I know I’m safe, I quietly head to her bathroom to take a piss after throwing on my boxer briefs. Having morning wood and post-sex pee is never an easy task, just ask any guy. After tossing some water onto my face to freshen up and brushing my teeth, I know I’m in need of coffee, soon. As quietly as I can, I walk toward the kitchen, stopping to check out the medals on the way.

  As I hold one of them up to get a closer look, some papers on her table catch my eye. Some appear to be documents from the United States Figure Skating Association, but sticking out from underneath her other medal, is one of the checks from her winnings. Are you fuckin’ shitting me?! She took home eighteen thousand dollars for one event. I skate for eight months out of a year, and I make just more than double that. I’m in the wrong friggin’ business.

  Placing her medal back onto the table so she won’t notice I’ve been looking, I head to the fridge to grab something to drink. Opening the door, I peer inside. Seriously? Water and condiments? Okay, water it is. My stomach is growling; I know I need to find something to eat. It’s either that, or I’ll get moody as all hell. Twisting off the cap of the water bottle, I take a long pull from the bottle while I quietly start opening cabinets looking for anything to eat.

  Searching cabinet after cabinet, the only thing I find that’s edible is peanut butter puffs cereal and shake-n-pour pancake mix. Noticing the one-cup coffee machine on the counter, I turn it on and wait for it to warm up. So much for being quiet. Turning toward Emily, I notice her stirring and her hair falling over her face, but she doesn’t wake up. After a couple of minutes, I find the mugs and coffee pods. I manage to get the cup of coffee brewed and already begin to feel alert after a couple of sips.

  It’s always when you’re trying to be quiet, that you’re the loudest. When I start pulling the frying pan from her lower cabinet that is buried under about a million other pans, all the pans on top begin tumbling on each other. Shit! She’ll be awake now. That’s when I hear soft laughter from behind me.

  “Do you think you can be any louder? Some of us are trying to sleep over here,” she says, clearing her throat.

  “Listen, woman. You have nothing to eat here other than coffee and pancakes, so I’m slightly limited on choices.”

  Stretching her arms above her head, Emily slowly throws her legs over the bed and makes her way to me. She walks toward the door and pushes a button on what appears to be an intercom on the wall. A few seconds later, an older woman’s voice comes over the speaker. “Good morning, Emily. Welcome home.”

  She pushes another button to speak back. “Good morning, Louisa. It appears I don’t have any food supplies here. Would you mind making some breakfast and bringing it over?” She has a maid? As if knowing what I’m thinking, she turns to me. “She’s my mother’s maid, not mine.” Well, that’s about right. Louisa buzzes back inquiring as to what Emily wants for breakfast. Looking at me for an answer, I’m acting dumfounded before Emily says, “Today, Jeremy. I’m not getting any younger here.” Staring at her, unsure of what I can even ask for, she tells me, “Whatever you want.” Seriously, it’s weird. I won’t even ask my own mother to make me breakfast.

  “I don’t know. Eggs, bacon, toast and real creamer.”

  “You and that damn creamer! Are you sure you don’t want pancakes, too? I mean, it would be a shame not to have to lick all that maple syrup off of you afterwards, but it’s totally up to you.” She playfully winks back at me before pressing the Talk button.

  “Pancakes it is. Make sure she sends over extra syrup,” I demand, rubbing my hands together in excitement. Emily places our order, and we have about twenty minutes to wait.

  Making her way over to grab a coffee mug of her own, she notices her USFSA documents on the table. Seizing them forcefully, she shoves them into the kitchen drawer and slams it shut. Looking at me before pushing the button for her coffee to brew, she says, “Just a bunch of crap Daddy wants me to do every year for tours that will allow him a chance to advertise his company. Right now, I couldn’t care less if I speak to either him or my mother.”

  “Something happen while you were away?” I question her even though I have an idea from talking to Mom something went down.

  “I know we are supposed to be working on communicating more, but for now, I just want to enjoy being back here with you. Once I’m ready, I’ll tell you. I Promise.”

  All I can do is take her word. I want to push her to open up to me and trust that I will be able to help, or at least try to help. If she doesn’t tell me, the only thing I can do is assume, and I don’t like where my mind wanders when I do that. A knock at the door removes me from my thoughts. Emily walks over to open it, while I go to put on my pants that are still on the floor from last night.

  Once I’m slightly more clothed, Emily lets in an older, attractive woman carrying a tray with two plates covered with a silver topper. While she catches up with, Louisa, I think her name is, I take it upon myself to grab my phone and call my parent’ house. Just out of earshot, I think I hear Emily tell Louisa that there was a falling out between her and her mother in Vancouver. After the photo in the tabloid, she needed to get home early. Why couldn’t she have just told me that? I’m about to listen more when I hear the phone pick up on the other end. Josh answers and says he saw the note from Courtney on the table when he woke up this morning. He stayed over Sunday to help Dad get the house ready for this weekend’s Halloween-Birthday party.

  As much as I hate the annual party, it is still a fun time. Extended family and friends all come over and Dad usually has a party tent set up in the yard with tables and chairs. Courtney makes the desserts, and Mom spends all day throwing every item of food she can think of into crockpots and onto serving trays. Josh handles the beer selection and typically finds the craft beer of my choice for the keg. My dad says we still celebrate it every year because it reminds him of all the people we have in our lives that make us happy.

  Josh hangs up, saying he has things to do, that w
e all can’t skip out helping to play hockey and get laid. He seriously needs to find a girlfriend. I sit here, remembering some of the parties we used to have as kids and some of the costumes we’ve had over the years. I must have been lost in thought for a while, because when I look up, Louisa is gone and Emily is fussing around the kitchen looking for something.

  “Anything I can help you with?” I question as I make my way over behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist as she leans into the fridge.

  Jumping back in surprise until she realizes it’s me, she answers, “Don’t do that! You scared the shit out of me.” She places her hand over her heart before turning back to the fridge. “What are you looking for?” I rub the scruff on my chin as I stare from behind her.

  “I need blueberries. I can’t have pancakes without them.” Jumping up and down, clapping her hands, she shouts, “Ah ha! See. I knew they were in here.” She pulls out the bag to show me.

  “That’s a six-pound bag of blueberries. How many pancakes do you plan on eating?”

  “These don’t just go on pancakes, silly. I put this shit on everything!” She rolls her eyes at me and laughs as she grabs a spoon to sprinkle them over her plate. I’m pretty sure I’ve lost sight of the pancakes that used to be on the plate seconds before.

  “Babe, that’s a bit much. Don’t you think?”

  “I’ll have you know, there’s never such a thing as too many blueberries. Now, do you want some or not?” She places her hands on her hips, and a cocky grin spreads across her face. Waving my hand toward the plate, I gesture for her to start piling that healthy shit onto my breakfast. I want butter and lots of it, none of this antioxidant, good for you shit. Fuck that! I’m going out of this world eating all the things that are not good for me.

  Emily had already made plans with Sue and Courtney to go shopping for their Halloween costumes. I’m a last-minute costume selection kind of guy. In other words, if I can’t find it in my house, I’m not wearing it. I think I was a hockey player for four Halloween parties in a row.