Glow

by Molly Bryant

  “What am I supposed to do now? She's with Jordan,” I shrugged.

  “Ben!” Belinda sang again.

  “Seriously, who the hell is that? Tell whoever it is to shut the hell up, she is making my head pound,” Maria whined.

  “Maria, focus,” I said sternly.

  “Right, sorry.” she paused. “They were supposed to have dinner at Jordan's but decided to go out instead,”

  “Where did they go?” I jumped to my feet.

  “Oh-uh, that's the thing-”

  “What thing, Maria?” I was getting impatient.

  “You are going to freak when I tell you,” she said lowly.

  I sat back down onto my couch, squinting my eyes waiting for her to say this one name. The one place that only select males and females know about. The entrance to this place in a dark secluded alley off of 165th street. The place where drinks, touching, and kissing amongst couples are the attraction; Swingers.

  “I tried to tell her, Ben-”

  “Where did he take her?” I asked, anger flooding my veins. If he took her there, I will kill him.

  “Swingers,” her voice echoed through the phone.

  “Son of a bitch!” I grit my teeth as I hung up the phone.

  I ran out my front door towards my car.

  “Benny! Where are you going?” Belinda yelled from behind me.

  “Go home!” I yelled as I hopped in my Beamer, screeching the tires as I back out of my driveway.

  I gassed it through Manhattan. “I am going to kill him,” I mumbled.

  The tires squealed as I turned left, right, then left again onto 165th street. I saw a few people standing in the alley in front of the door to Swingers. I felt my heart pounding as I threw the car in park.

  I got out of my car, slammed the door closed behind me and ran across the street and down the alley way.

  “No partner, no entry,” the big-burly guy with a black leather vest on placed his hands on my chest.

  “She is inside, I'm late,” I stared at him.

  “I hope your not too late,” he laughed, opening the door for me to enter.

  Me too, big guy...

  When I walked in, it's just like I remember. The many white, silk covered tables, crystal chandeliers, men in tuxedos, and candles giving off a five star restaurant feel. The nice ambiance made the woman relax, getting their few cocktails in before being taken to the back to 'mingle' with other couples. This is nearly every man's fantasy to see their woman with another. I never brought anyone here. Although, I have been brought here. It was awkward. Let's just say that I never called the girl back. Besides, I said it was nearly every mans fantasy, not mine.

  I glanced around the 'restaurant' with no such luck in finding Vanessa and Jordan. All I saw was a few couples laughing, talking, and seductively staring at each other from their tables. I looked to the right to the door entering into the back. I jogged to the door, swinging it open.

  I stood there in the dark room feeling panicked and anxious. Candles were lit everywhere. Porn style music played in the background. I feel my stomach begin to turn, my heart rate picking up speed. I will kill him...

  I heard laughter with a few quiet moans. I frantically walked around the room, staring at the multiple velvet couches trying to see the faces of these disgusting people.

  I walked through half of the place and stopped in my tracks when I had seen him; Jordan atop of a blonde, kissing her passionately. Vanessa.

  I quickly stomped over to the red couch gripping my fist in the material of his button down collard shirt.

  “Get the fuck off of her,” I said angrily as I pulled him off of Vanessa. The first instinct I had was to punch him right in the face, I did.

  “You sick bastard!” I saw pure red as the anger flooded my every limb, my right hook connected with his face.

  “Dude, what the hell?” he grunted as I bent forward, gripping the front of his shirt and continued to punch him.

  “Vanessa doesn't belong in a place like this,” I held my fist back ready to swing for the tenth time when I heard a soft voice in the background.

  “Who's Vanessa?” I heard a female say.

  I looked towards the red, velvet couch. The blonde I saw beneath Jordan wasn't Vanessa.

  “Where the hell is she, Jordan?” I nodded to him. “You have two seconds to tell me before I keep whooping your ass because I fucking feel like it, you sick piece of shit!” I spat in his face.

  “She is better than this nasty place. Why the hell did you bring someone like Vanessa here?” I bitch clapped Jordan across the face.

  “Huh?” I smacked him again.

  “Alright, alright!” he held his hand up for me to stop smacking him. “She went all crazy, kneed me in the balls and ran out the back door,” he gestured to the black door along the wall across from where we were.

  “I thought she would be into it,” he dabbed his bloody nose with the back of his hand.

  “Is there a problem here?” a fat man dressed in all black approached.

  “Nope,” I said as I stood to my feet still staring at Jordan. “You're a piece of shit, Jordan,”

  “You can have her!” he yelled as I quickly walked to the back door.

  As I walked out the door, I felt my phone vibrating in my pocket. At the same time I pulled it out, I saw it was Vanessa calling. I go to answer it but it was already sent to voice mail.

  “Shit,” I muttered, scrolling through my phone.

  “Ben, it's Vanessa.” she sobbed. She was crying. I felt my heart ache with the thought she was hurt, sad, scared...

  I could hear her leaving me a voice mail. She was crying somewhere in this dark alley behind Swingers. I slowly took a few steps trying to listen.

  “I need your help. Jordan is a jerk and he brought me to this horrible, disgusting place and I need a ride home,” she cried harder.

  I walked toward a stack of wooden crates against one of the brick buildings to see a hysterically shaking Vanessa sitting on the ground behind them.

  “Please, call me back.” she sobbed again before hanging up.

  “Nessy?” I said slowly. My heart was literally breaking seeing her this upset. I am the one who got her into this mess.

  She looked up and had become completely hysterical. “I'm so sorry,” she cried.

  “Don't be sorry, Vanessa. It's okay,” I bent down and wrapped her in my arms carrying her to my car as she cried into my chest. “You have nothing to be sorry for. It's okay, I'm here now,”

  I set her to her feet as I opened the passenger side door to my car. I helped her get into the car and hurried to my side. I hopped in and drove towards her house without saying a word. When she was ready to talk to me, she would.

  I helped her inside and took a seat on the couch as all she wanted was a shower. I can't say that I blamed her. I sat quietly, biting my nails waiting for her to come out. I still wanted to kill Jordan for taking her to a place like that.

  “You're still here,” she said quietly from behind the couch. If I had it my way, I would never leave.

  “I'm not leaving you,” I shook my head. “Come sit down, I'll make you some coffee,”

  “Thanks,” she sat down, her eyes on me the entire time.

  I was standing in the kitchen getting her a cup of coffee when her questions started.

  “How did you know where I was?” she asked with her chin resting on the back of the couch.

  “Maria called me,” I held the cup under the machine letting it fill. “She told me where Jordan was taking you, and I could have killed him,” I could hear the anger rising in my voice. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My being upset at myself and Jordan for putting her in that position tonight had nothing to do with her.

  “I am so stupid for thinking I could do this,” she sulked. “This is not me. I don't throw myself at men, or-or go on all sorts of dates with random guys I barely know,” I could see the tears starting to form in her eyes.

  I walked to the
couch with her coffee and sat down next to her. “Here,” I handed her the coffee cup.

  “Vanessa...” I sighed. “This is all my fault. All of this,” I moved a wet strand of hair from her cheek placing it behind her ear.

  “Why would you say that?” she looked into my eyes.

  “Because, I'm sure Maria has told you that this whole 'player article' was my idea,” I watched her facial expression change from sad to a smile.

  “She did, and it was a damn good idea,” she laughed. “But, Ben, Jordan taking me to that place was not your fault. He's a perverted creep. It was surprising though to say the least.” she stared at the floor for a minute remembering back. “I had no idea what that place was until Jordan and I were sitting in the lounge on a couch when a blonde sat next to me and started running her finger up my neck. I'm sure I looked like rigor mortis had set in,”

  I laughed. “Culture shock,”

  “Yeah,” she agreed. “Thank you for being there,”

  “You're welcome.” I stared at her wanting so badly to wrap her in my arms. But, after the last time I had seen her, I didn't want to push it.

  “So, Ben, is there anything you want to tell me?” Vanessa took a sip of her coffee.

  I slowly nodded as I looked down at my fidgeting hands. She knew that I knew that Maria told her everything.

  There's no holding back, Benjamin. Let's do this.

  “Yeah, there's quite a bit actually.” I stared into her blue eyes and I could see she was anticipating what I had to say.

  “Where do you want me to start? How I fell head over heels for you when we were kids, how there wasn't a day that went by after I moved to Chicago that I didn't think about you? How I have never committed to female in my life because you are the only one I want to be with? Or how I called my aunt with this whole idea to get close to you after all these years? Wait, the best one is how much I truly am in love with you, Vanessa Montello, and to tell you the truth... the night we slept together was one of the best nights of my fucking life.”

  There, I said it... even with the f-bomb in the same sentence. But, I didn't care, not anymore. I just grew a case of the fuck-it's and there it was...I finally told Vanessa I loved her. I felt as though the thousand pound weight has been finally lifted from my shoulders, I sighed with relief.

  I sat there staring at her waiting for her to say something, anything at all. She just sat there staring at me with a sparkle in her eyes.

  It felt so good to say it, I said it again.

  “I love you,”

  Chapter Ten: Nut Cracker

  Vanessa

  Everything seemed to have been moving in slow motion; his mouth moved slowly, and his slow, deep voice echoed through my ears as if we were in the 168th street station tunnel. He, Ben McGurthy, actually said those words; those three magical words that every woman longs to hear- I. Love. You.

  He not only said it once, but twice. Most woman would cry while flailing their hands. Possibly ask him “Really?” repetitively until they felt confident enough, then grab him with everything they had. They would kiss him with the utmost desire that 'I love you' brings to their hearts and souls. Me? Well, I'm a completely different story. I couldn't help but make things complicated.

  “Vanessa?” Ben touched my cheek. I blink once, twice, three times. “Please say something,”

  “I-” was all I could mutter as I started to cry.

  “No, no, no,” he nervously wiped my tears. “Why are you crying?”

  I clenched my teeth. “Why are you doing this to me?” I thought seeing him to hear how he feels about me was what I had wanted. But in all truth, it had made me angry. It made me angry that I love Ben as much as he 'claims' to love me. To hear everything Maria had to say made my heart soar. He is a player, I could never trust him. I could never believe a word he says to me. This is all for nothing.

  “What?” he cradled my face with his hands. “I love you, Vanessa.”

  I closed my eyes. “Stop saying that, please,”

  “Why?” he smiled at me. “I'm happy to say it,” he shrugged.

  “Because you truly don't love me, you can't,” I cried.

  “How can you say that I don't?” Ben took his hands from my wet, flushed cheeks, then sat back with a saddened look upon his face.

  “This is totally not the reaction I was hoping for,” he sighed, running his hands through his hair out of frustration as he stands to his feet. “I love you, Vanessa, and there is a part of me that is sure that you have somewhat of feelings for me too. Let yourself be happy... be happy with me,”

  Be happy? “What reaction did you want, Ben?” I stood up. “Did you want me to jump all over you, say I love you too, and we live happily ever freaking after until you cheat on me with the next long-legged bimbo you see batting her eye lashes at you? I'd be real happy then,”

  “I know I expected a hell of a lot better than this.” he walked toward the door. “Wait... no. I deserve it,” he turned around. “You don't know me as well as you think you do, Vanessa,”

  “I don't?” I crossed my arms.

  “No, because if you did, you would know that I never committed to anyone else because of you,” he gestured his hand toward me. “You were all I have thought about since I moved away. Every girl I hooked up with, I tried so damn hard to be with, but I couldn't so I gave up on trying. Just like everyone else, I have needs. But no one ever compared to you and how you have always made me feel inside.” he turned then placed his hand on the door knob.

  “I'm sorry for wasting your time, Vanessa. Good luck with the position, I'll make sure it's yours. Goodnight,” Ben walked out the door.

  He left me standing in the middle of my living room completely speechless. I plopped down onto the couch with a groan as I placed my head in my hands. Why do I always screw things up? Why am I so scared to take the leap and just tell him how I feel? He didn't tell me anything that I already didn't hear from Maria. I knew why he played woman and I guess in all reality when he told me he loved me, I freaked out just like I always do.

  I picked up my cell phone and called Maria.

  “What?” she mumbled sleepily into the phone.

  “Come over, please,” I started to cry.

  “Are you crying? You should be in heaven, twinkling between the sheets with Mr. Hotty Pants right now. Especially after confessing his undying love for you,” she yawned.

  “I did it again,” I cried.

  “You freaked out, didn't you?” she said in monotone. “You are playing him like a yo-yo, Vanessa.”

  “I know, help me. Please?” I sniffed wiping the tears from my cheeks.

  “I am still drunk so I have to take a cab.” she groaned as I heard her get up. “I hate Pinot,”

  “Just hurry,” I hung up.

  I paced the living room while I waited for Maria to show up when my phone rang.

  It's my brother. Like I need this right now.

  “Hello?”

  “Nessy,” he said sternly.

  “Don't call me-”

  “What the hell did you do to Ben?” Ethan interrupted.

  “Excuse me?” I said rudely. “I did nothing to him,”

  Ethan snorted into the phone. “It's time for tough love sister,”

  “Time for-” What is he talking about?

  “Nessy, you need to get your head out of your ass and stop being so damn stubborn,” I could hear Jackie in the background telling him not to be so rude. “The guy loves you, and you just shit all over him. You raped his pride, sis,”

  “I didn't rape anything, Ethan,” I growled through my teeth. As far as I am concerned this is none of my brothers business. “He is a man-whore and I don't want to get hurt!”

  “There you go again. Jesus, Vanessa.” he sighed. “Ben is a good guy! Do you think I would be wasting my breath with all of your damn drama if I didn't think so? I have known for a long ass time how he has felt about you because we kept in contact all of these years. Every time I talked to t
he sappy bastard; How is your sister? What's your sister been up to? I'm not an idiot, Nessy,”

  “He asked about me all the time?” Not that I didn't already know that, Maria told me he did. I guess it was better hearing it from my brother.

  “Yes, all the time. He used to stalk your Facebook page too, but he doesn't know I know that so don't say anything.” he sighed. “So, quit being a nut cracker and go talk to him. He is seriously upset. I have never seen him like this,”