Family Dynamics: Pam of Babylon Book #5

by Suzanne Jenkins

  She woke up to the smell of coffee brewing. Rushing through her morning routine, she needed to get to The Eagle’s Nest to confer with her mother regarding the baby and then to Sandra’s to approach her about raising the baby. Pam had fleeting moments of sadness about resolving to give up the rights to what was her flesh and blood. But she knew Sandra already loved Miranda from the few times she’d helped out with her care, and when they spoke briefly yesterday, she could hear the near hysteria in Sandra’s voice when the question of Miranda’s destiny came up after Pam revealed Steve’s accident.

  “Oh, my God! It never occurred to me that he’d be dead!” she yelled. Pam could hear Tom in the background, comforting her and trying to find out what had happened. Pam promised her that as soon as she spoke with her mother, she’d get back to her. And then she asked a final question before hanging up.

  “Would you be willing to raise Miranda as your own?”

  Sandra broke down crying, repeating yes over and over. Pam was moved—and relieved. They said goodbye, but before hanging up, Pam spoke the words to Sandra that she’d never thought possible.

  “I love you,” she said. Sandra said she loved Pam, too. In spite of the terrible conception of their relationship, they would be bound together for life in friendship and now even more so because of the baby.

  The next morning, they went to see Nelda, Dan going both as a supportive friend and as Pam’s attorney. When they walked into Nelda’s room, she burst into tears at the sight of her daughter. All the tears and emotion were wearing Pam down.

  “Pam! Oh Pam, I’m so sorry! I’ve been lying here all night thinking of you, of all that you’ve done for me. I am so grateful, truly I am,” Nelda said, crying. “Please forgive me for everything. Please.” Pam held her and comforted her, whispering that she forgave her, that she loved her. What was the point of holding a grudge against her old mother? The poor woman had been through hell the past year and now was doing some much-needed self-examination. It was either face up to it now or be in despair for the rest of her life. Nelda had made restitution to Marie; now it was Pam’s turn.

  “So Mother dear, what are we going to do about baby Miranda? I know we agreed that allowing Sandra to take over was for the best, but do you think you can really relinquish control of her life?” Nelda nodded her head.

  “She needs a mother and father,” Nelda said. “Who else is there? I can’t do it anymore. Could you?” Pam shook her head.

  “Not only can’t—I don’t want to,” she admitted. “It would be awful for her. Sandra loves her, you said so yourself. She and Tom want her. Tom’s mother is involved in her care and has offered to babysit while Sandra works. I just feel like it is all working out for the best. So are we in agreement? Sandra and Tom will raise Miranda. We have to be present in her life, I’m sure they’ll agree.”

  Dan nodded his head. “That can all be worked out,” he said to Nelda.

  “Let’s not say anything to Bernice yet, by the way,” Pam asked. “Where is she?”

  “Still sleeping. That old battle-ax was up pestering me half the night,” Nelda said.

  “Mother!” Pam exclaimed. But she understood and laughed, admitting that it was a perfect word for her. Once Pam was assured that Nelda was OK both physically and with the decision that Marie’s daughter would be safe with Sandra, she left. Dan held her hand as they walked to the parking garage. “I guess we should go back to Brooklyn,” Dan said, looking at her.

  “Yes, I imagine they are nervous, waiting for an answer. I know that feeling—you want your life to begin the moment you commit to something big.”

  He squeezed her hand. “I feel that way now,” he said. “I want to begin our life together.” Pam wanted it, too, but was frightened. There was a little bit of What will people say? lurking in the back of her mind. What will they say about a ten-year age difference? Living together without marriage? And she hated even to think it, but What about his ethnicity?

  She wondered if she could still possibly be so small-minded. This great guy, really everything she could dream of, was crazy about her. What did she have to lose? Did she still have pride left after that schmuck Jack Smith left her in a wake of his awfulness? And she was no great package! She was old, she had a ton of baggage, and she had AIDS! In seconds, she shed what was left of her snobbery. How had it survived? Her inner dialogue solving the problems of a lifetime, she squeezed his hand back and once again said words she never thought she would say.

  “I love you, Dan.” He smiled down at her, happy and surprised, having waited his entire life for her.

  The ride into Brooklyn on an early Sunday morning was an experience that few would believe; there wasn’t another car on the road.

  “Jeez! Where is everyone?” Dan asked. He navigated down the narrow street and luckily found a space in the block of Sandra and Tom’s apartment. “Do you think it’s too early to drop in?” Pam thought about it and decided they would go up; she had told Sandra they’d be by first thing after seeing Nelda. Someone responded to the buzzer right away, and the door unlocked. Dan pushed it open for Pam. They rode up the elevator in silence. When they got off on Tom’s floor, Sandra was waiting for them in the doorway of the apartment, baby Miranda riding her hip. It was such a natural picture; it was where the baby belonged. Any fears or misgivings Pam may have harbored left when she saw the tableau, tears rushing to her eyes. Sandra saw the emotion, and they hugged each other. She stepped aside to allow Dan and Pam in, afraid to hear what decision had been made on their behalf.

  “You’re ready to take on parenthood?” Pam asked, smiling. Tom walked over and embraced her, also emotional. Sandra looked at Miranda and then up at Tom. They were a family already. Tom ushered everyone into the dining area and began pulling chairs out. He’d been to the bakery, and there were fresh bagels and cream cheese and lox, tomatoes, coffee, and doughnuts. As they talked and ate, Dan made some suggestions that would be finalized that week if all agreed. Nelda, Pam, and the other aunts would have active roles in Miranda’s life, although Sandra and Tom would be the custodians. The baby would collect Social Security benefits from her parents. Marie and Steve worked their adult lives and paid into it; it was Miranda’s right.

  Then Pam made an offer that surprised the three other adults. She would provide a sizable down payment for a larger home. Although Sandra’s draw from what was formerly Jack’s business would allow her to have a comfortable life, it was pretty well fixed. The least Pam could do was to ensure their comfort. A one-bedroom apartment wouldn’t be enough for long. Dan knew Pam was wealthy, but he didn’t expect such generosity. It was another admirable quality she had.

  They chatted and drank coffee. Pam held Miranda and rocked her while the others ate. She remembered Marie at that age. Nelda was too crazy to nurture her, so Pam did it. She tried to think of something positive about Marie’s life, and Miranda was what came to mind. And then, if Jack hadn’t introduced Sandra into her life….She shook those thoughts away. Thank God Sandra was here. The silver lining. She stood up and handed the baby off to Tom.

  “Let’s get going,” she said to Dan. “I’m getting antsy.” Sandra looked at Dan with eyebrows up and a grin.

  “You’d better get used to that,” she said, and Pam laughed, agreeing.

  On the way back to Babylon, they didn’t speak much, both emotionally exhausted. “What do you want to do today?” Dan asked. “I think all concerned parties are taken care of.”

  Pam started laughing. “Yes! There’s no one left to bother us! I would like to start my garden. Does that sound too old-ladyish to you?”

  “Hey! I come from farmers, remember? Let’s stop at the Garden Center on the way home,” Dan said. Pam put her head back on the seat, closed her eyes, and smiled.

  By Sunday morning, Lisa and Ed knew they were meant to be together. It was no fluke that he left the priesthood or that she was involved with Ryan as a means to enter the family. Lisa understood that her platonic relationship with Ryan was an abe
rration; she wasn’t meant to be in a sexless marriage. She admired him and had felt safe with him but had no desire for him. The need to remain platonic emanated from Ryan, not from Lisa. Now she wanted Ed, wanted to be with him forever, after knowing him for only twenty-four hours. And wonderfully, he felt the same way. They talked most of the night, planning what they’d do. Lisa would go back to school and finish her senior year. Ed would find a teaching job and get established so that by next June, they could be married.

  For the immediate future, they were going to go to the shore for a week. Ed’s friend offered the use of his sailboat docked at a marina in Shipbottom. It had a nice little galley and a double bed. They would go there to play house, and then Ed would get down to business with the job hunting. They’d both get some sleep first and then drive down the next morning after breaking their news to Ryan. Lisa was a nervous wreck; she knew spending the week with Ed meant sleeping with him. She wanted him badly, but she was a virgin, and the fear of intercourse was plaguing her.

  At the family breakfast table, Ed made his announcement right away, startling his mother and father, but shocking Ryan. “Mom, Dad: Lisa and I discovered we want to be together.”

  “What?” Ryan shouted. “You want to be together? Like in the boyfriend, girlfriend sense?”

  Lisa reached over for his hand and gave it a squeeze. Ryan didn’t pull away, but he didn’t respond. Mr. and Mrs. Ford looked shocked; this was perhaps the proof they needed that their son was not returning to the priesthood. Gladys started sobbing but didn’t rush away. Lisa was finding that the family was unusual in that they faced up to issues head-on. So unlike hers—did they ever discuss an issue?

  “Yep, like boyfriend and girlfriend,” Ed said, smiling down at Lisa. The Fords looked at each other, and a sudden burst of knowledge came upon them simultaneously—the realization that they might actually be grandparents someday after all. Mrs. Ford put her hands up to her mouth, and Mr. Ford glanced from Lisa to Ed and back. He stretched his hand across the dining table for Ed’s.

  “Well, here’s the bright spot we needed,” Mr. Ford said. “It’s a little soon to be sending out the baby announcements, Mother. Let’s not get carried away.”

  Ed burst out laughing. “Who said anything about baby announcements?” Suddenly, the table was jarred, and everyone looked over to Ryan, who’d stood up, furious. He was bright red in the face, which wasn’t difficult for him with his pale skin and red hair.

  “I have an announcement, too! I’m gay! How do you like that?” he shouted. Mr. Ford just shook his head and began eating. His sons were getting on his nerves.

  “So what else is new?” Gladys Ford asked. “It’s about time you accepted it so you can get on with your life. Sit down and eat before your eggs get cold.” Lisa was pissed but just momentarily. Thank God, she thought, that Ed came along. Neither she nor Ed responded to Ryan’s outburst. Lisa held on to Ed’s hand as though she would float away if he didn’t hold her to Earth.

  By Sunday night, Julie and Brent had it all figured out. Rather than having Julie fly out west for a week, Brent would come east once again. He’d pack up her apartment and have movers haul her belongings to his house, and then they’d drive his car back to California. She could recover from the trip and take the rest of the summer to find a job. In October, they’d return to New York and get married. Sunday evening, he called his mother to say goodbye; he’d be leaving straight from Julie’s. Pam was thrilled with the plans. She said she’d be more than happy to help with the wedding preparations but was fine with sitting back and being a guest. Whatever was required of her, she’d provide. In the past, he would have asked when her next visit would be. But not this time. She was slowly moving back to the end of the line—a sad reality for a mother of sons, but she was all right with it.

  Chapter 32

  Sundays were evolving into family days for Ashton, Ted, and Natalie. Their child, Deborah, and her boyfriend looked forward to spending Sundays with them in New York.

  While they scurried around their Hoboken apartment, preparing for the drive into the city, Deborah’s adoptive family in Princeton was preparing to spend Sunday the way they always did: going to church and then recovering from the emotional impact of the sermon.

  The day never varied. John and Beverly Phillips would drag each other up and then force their son, Greg, to get up. Since Deborah had moved out, her reluctance to go to church with them was no longer an issue. It had resulted in a family fight every Sunday. Now, the three of them would trudge off to the church service, convinced it was the best thing, the most important thing they had to do, but an underlying uncertainty festering: Who said it was important? John Phillips took the calling of spiritual head of the family seriously. It was his responsibility to see to it that the whole family suffered—ah, not suffered, but benefited from the teachings. But since Deborah’s debacle, as he’d referred to her new-found family life, John was questioning the validity of the teachings.

  After meeting Ted and Ashton, and having to admit how great they’d been to Deb, he secretly examined the Holy Scriptures for evidence that homosexuality was a sin. And what he found shocked and saddened him: It was an archaic notion taken out of context. He realized he could find a scripture to judge every behavior if he looked hard enough. Why was he so willing to be cruel? He remembered his behavior that afternoon, and it mortified him. He planned on calling the men and his daughter and apologizing that afternoon. As the family drove to church, he glanced over at his wife. She was still beautiful after all these years. He told her when they were young that one of the things that attracted him was that her mother was so nice-looking. It was evidence that she’d age well. He reached out for her hand and gave it a squeeze.

  “Thank you for putting up with me,” he said. Beverly was shocked but hid it. She wondered if he was dying.

  “You’re quite welcome!” she said. “Thank you for putting up with me.” And then from the back seat, their son, exasperated with his parents sing-songing at the top of his lungs: “And thank you for putting up with me!” he yelled. The family burst into laughter. John knew he couldn’t tolerate a sermon that morning. The need may return someday, but for now, he just wanted to be with his family and think positive and uplifting thoughts.

  “I’m starving,” he said. “Anyone want to skip church and head out for breakfast?” Beverly was frightened. Going to church, following the precepts and regulations set forth there made her life less complicated. All she had to do was follow the do list and avoid the don’t list. John was the strictest follower of them all, and now he wanted to bypass it. Where would their strength for the week come from? When he spoke again, she was sure he was having a stroke or something worse.

  “When we get home, I need to call Deborah’s father and apologize to him and his husband—to her, too. I acted like an ass.” Beverly turned around to make eye contact with their son, who also seemed amazed and concerned.

  “Dad, don’t get carried away, OK?” Greg said.

  John laughed. “I won’t. I was a creep when they were graciously entertaining us, and I want to make amends, that’s all. It’s what a true Christian would do.”

  “When everyone arrives, I have a surprise,” Ted announced.

  Natalie put her coffee cup down. “Oh, Lord. Don’t tell me. You’re going to come out.”

  “Get serious. No, you have to wait,” he said.

  Ashton moaned. “I hate surprises,” he complained. “They never end up good.”

  “Stop whining. It’s wonderful, you’ll see.” Ted left the kitchen so the best friends could talk about him privately. He knew they did it, triangulating. He was excited about his news; it was too good to pass up, and he did it without conferring with Ashton, which might cause trouble. He hoped not.

  He was standing in the living room window looking at the river when he saw Zach’s piece-of-crap car pull up. Deborah looked from the car toward the windows and saw Ted standing there, waving. He felt a rush of tenderness
for her. She was half him. Half his DNA. She looked more like Natalie because of her hair and stature, but when he concentrated on her eyes and mouth, she looked just like him. He rushed to greet them at the elevator, shouting, “They’re here!” toward the kitchen. When Deb stepped off the elevator and saw her father standing there waiting for her, she ran and hugged him. Ted wasn’t the most demonstrative man she’d ever met, but she was sure he was growing to love her. “Come in!” he said, shaking Zach’s hand. “I have exciting news. Well, I think it’s exciting. Your mother and aunt might not.” Deborah looked concerned as they entered the apartment. Ashton hugged her and then Natalie.

  “OK, get it over with,” Ashton said. They stood around the little hallway, waiting.

  “Let’s go into the dining room. I have something to show you,” Ted said. They went to the table and began pulling out chairs to sit on, Ashton clearly anxious. Natalie didn’t know what to think because Ted so rarely engaged anyone.

  “Last week, a client came to me with a proposition. He’s interested in buying my apartment in Battery Park. I had tenants until last month, and now I just want to get rid of it. Anyway, I listed it, and this guy loves the building, wants to be downtown, blah blah blah. The only problem is he has to sell this piece of property.” Ted distributed flyers to each of them. Natalie was the first to figure it out.