You_Only_Love_Twice_ARE

by Lexi Blake

  “What did you do?”

  A stern look lit his face as he walked in and shut the door as best he could. “I told you. No more doors between us.”

  “There’s going to be a couple thousand miles between us by tomorrow. You planning on kicking their asses, too?” He wanted to be the tough guy? She could do that, too. She’d practically written the book on how to bury what she was feeling deep.

  So why was her every emotion simmering right under the surface?

  “Stay with me.”

  She couldn’t do that. She couldn’t watch him put himself in the Caliph’s orbit again. “Come with me.”

  His eyes held a steely will as he towered over her. “Marry me and I will.”

  “What?”

  He stepped forward, getting into her space. “I meant what I said. Marry me and I’ll follow you. Marry me and I’ll quit if that’s what you want. I’ll find another job. Hell, I’ll try college or something.”

  She stared up at him, not quite sure she’d heard him correctly. “You love your job.”

  His hand came out, his fingers brushing across her cheek. “I love you more, Phoebe. So give me a reason to walk out of here with you. I’ll pack us up and we can sleep at the airport. I’ll be the first one on the plane.”

  He couldn’t do that. He couldn’t leave McKay-Taggart. She couldn’t ask him to do that. “You love your team.”

  “I do. I love you more.” He said it so simply, as though the words didn’t threaten to change the course of her life.

  She started to turn away. “I can’t.”

  He gripped her elbow, hauling her back. He pulled her close, not giving her an inch of space. “Then I’ll take what time I have. Until you step on to that plane and out of my life, you belong to me. You’re fucking mine. Nothing comes between us. Not your brother. Not the Agency. Not that ghost you keep holding on to. Tonight, you’re mine and you’re going to obey every command I give you, and the first one is take those damn clothes off and get on your knees.”

  Her breath hitched. “I can’t.”

  His head dipped, his lips hovering above hers. “You can. You think I don’t know what you need? You think this is all for me? It’s not. You’re on the edge. You need an excuse to cry, to let go, and I’m going to give you one. I would do this for the rest of our lives. I would take care of you, but you won’t let me so I have one last night to love you. My way.”

  “I can’t love you, Jesse. Not like you deserve, but you should know that I will miss you every second of every day.”

  “Every second of every day I want you to remember this.” He pressed his erection against her, moving until his hard cock rode right against her clit. “Remember every second that you could have had a man who worshipped you with his body and soul. You could have had a man who thought of you all the time, who put you first.”

  “I don’t deserve that.”

  He breathed a sigh and his eyes softened a bit. “And there is the real problem. I’ll show you that you’re wrong about that, too. On your knees.”

  Hands shaking, she dropped to her knees, ready to give him everything she had.

  CHAPTER SIXTEEN

  Jesse watched her drop to her knees, knowing the fight wasn’t over. Not even close. She thought she could have one more night with him, thought she could take what she needed and still walk away.

  He planned to make it impossible for her.

  He needed to figure out what all this guilt was about and banish it from their lives forever because he had no intention of living without her. He placed a hand on her head, for the first time in his life feeling like a real Dom. It had all been play before, light and teasing. There was nothing playful about this. Phoebe needed him. She needed a Dom, but mostly what she needed was a husband. It was all just different words for the same thing. Love. Dedication. Commitment. He was committed to her and she was about to discover what that truly meant.

  “Tell me your secret, Phoebe.”

  Her breath caught and she shook her head. “No.”

  “Does it have something to do with leaving a man behind?” She’d shut down when he’d made the crack about the Agency leaving agents. “Was that what happened to your husband?”

  She went utterly still. “Don’t talk about him.”

  That hurt, but it wasn’t unexpected. He’d known when he started this that it would be a long night. It was the only night they had if he didn’t break down her walls. He was out of time. He needed to get her mind off all the crap that was happening and on the present. “Undo the fly of my jeans.”

  A look of relief crossed her features and her hands immediately came up, working the button on his jeans and bringing the zipper down. His cock sprang free. He’d been erect from the moment she’d walked into the room. Even during their argument, his cock had been slamming against his jeans, desperate to get close to her. She stared at him, his dick pulsing. “You’re so pretty.”

  He’d never once been called pretty before, but he would take any compliment she gave him. “I think you’re the pretty one. Kiss me, Phoebe. Show me you want me.”

  She leaned over and those gorgeous lips of hers opened and her tongue came out, swiping at the head of his already weeping dick. His eyes nearly rolled into the back of his head when she sucked his cockhead behind her lips.

  “I do want you. I want you so much.” Her words rumbled along his cock, trembling against his flesh and making his balls draw up.

  “Take more.” He had no intentions to come. He wouldn’t do that until he was buried deep inside her ass, but he so wanted her mouth on him. They both needed the connection.

  She looked up as she ran her tongue down his cock, whirling it around and around. She sucked the pre-come off him and drank it down. Her hand came up, circling his stalk and drawing him in deeper.

  So good. She felt so good. His Phoebe didn’t half ass anything, so when she sucked him, she meant it. She worked her mouth around him, drawing him deeper and deeper inside. Her hands went down to cup his balls, nails scraping lightly. His hand sank into the softness of her hair and he tilted his pelvis, forcing her to take more. Her breasts bounced as she ate his dick. He hissed when he felt the sharp scrape of her teeth, but it was just one more sensation to be had. Her tongue soothed the little ache and before he knew it, he felt his balls pulsing, getting ready to explode.

  With pure willpower, he pulled her off. “Not yet. You’re not getting off that easy, baby. Take off your clothes, go to the bed, and kneel on it. Ass in the air, face on the mattress.”

  Her gorgeous mouth was perfectly puffy as she dragged her tongue across her lower lip. “Why am I being punished?”

  “You’re not. You need this. Tell me you don’t need this and I’ll just make love to you. I’ll make love to you all night, but it won’t mean a damn thing if you can’t relax. Do you want to enjoy our last night?” Manipulative, but necessary. He didn’t feel a moment’s guilt over it. Though he certainly didn’t intend for it to be their last night, the rest was true. She needed the discipline in order to let go and relax. He kicked off his shoes and quickly undressed. He needed to be with her, nothing between them.

  “I don’t know why, but I do need it. Jesse, I’m sorry I can’t give you what you need. Why would you take care of me when I can’t do the same for you?”

  That was easy. “Because I love you and that’s meaningful to me. Even if you never love me back, I’m glad I love you. I’m a better person, stronger, happier for loving you. And I’ll explain to you why you need it, but not until you do as I ask.”

  She got up with grace and then quickly began taking off her clothes. There was no teasing in it, no playful lover. She was a woman who needed. His question was did she even understand what it was that drove her as she climbed onto the bed and placed her body in a position of complete vulnerability?

  His dick tightened as he stared at her perfect form. She hadn’t been trained in any formal way, but she’d learned from the few times they’d play
ed. He reached out and let his hand touch the curve of her ass. She sighed, relaxing the moment he caressed her.

  “You need permission to connect, baby. You don’t. Not really, but somewhere in your mind you’ve got the idea that it’s wrong to feel pleasure, connection, joy, just about anything but pain.” He drew his hand back and gave her the smack she needed. He didn’t hold back. He slapped her ass with a sure show of his strength.

  She cried out but didn’t move, didn’t do anything that would stop him from spanking her again. “Please.”

  “That is all in the world I want to do,” Jesse whispered. “Please you. Love you. Be with you.” He spanked her again, five times in rapid succession. Her skin went a nice pink and she let out a long cry.

  “Jesse,” she started, but whatever words were there remained trapped.

  Like his Phoebe was trapped. She would stay that way if he didn’t free her.

  “I love you. You walking away from me won’t change that.” He kept up the hard whacks, being careful with her. She needed enough to feel it, not enough to harm her. Oh, he had no doubt she would harm herself if she could, but he was in charge. He was the Dom. “I will go to my grave loving you, woman.”

  The first real sob came from her throat. He looked down and tears poured from her eyes. They slid down her cheeks and onto the bed. Even as she wept, her body relaxed and he knew she was there.

  He smacked her backside one last time, holding his hand to her flesh as if he could keep the heat in.

  She was crying, allowing the pain and stress of the day to leach from her system, but he wasn’t about to let up. If he gave her an inch, she’d be right back in her head, worrying and creating guilt. There was no place for that in their lives tonight.

  “Don’t move.” He went to the bathroom. He’d already planned a nice scene for the evening, so all the tools were clean and laid out. He grabbed the large plug and some lube and wrapped the rest of his torture implements in a towel to bring along. He had plans for his pretty princess and they included a few decorations.

  She was still crying when he returned. He immediately went to work, dribbling lube all over that gorgeous asshole he intended to make his this night.

  She squirmed a little.

  “Do I need to tie you up?” He’d considered it. It would likely make her feel secure, give her one more reason to give in.

  “No. I’ll be good. It feels good, Jesse. Why does it feel so good? Shouldn’t it be wrong?”

  He lined the plug up and started a slow massage of her asshole, letting it sink in inch by inch. “I thought it was wrong at first. When I met Alex and Eve, I tried to save her from him. I thought he was abusing her because I didn’t understand that there was more than one way to love someone.”

  She gasped, her hips moving ever so slightly, trying to accommodate the plug as he started to move it in and out. “Do you think it’s possible to love two people?”

  At least she was asking the question. “I think what I’ve figured out is that we don’t have a limited amount of love. It doesn’t get all used up and then there’s nothing left. We choose. We choose who we love and how we love, and there is nothing between two consenting adults that brings them connection and pleasure and joy that’s wrong. This is ours, Phoebe. No one else gets a say in it. This is our relationship, our partnership. If you let it, it will be our marriage and there’s only room for you and me. We make the decisions and the rest of the world can go to hell.”

  She let out a deep breath and the plug sank home. Gently, he turned her over. She looked up at him with wide eyes. “I want to believe you.”

  Fuck, she was beautiful. “Then believe me. The outside world doesn’t matter. All that matters is what happens between you and me. We can take care of all the rest of it together. Now tell me your secret.”

  She shook her head. “Please. Just touch me. Let me touch you.”

  He could order her, but he would rather earn it. If he forced it out of her, she would resent him no matter what the outcome was. “Don’t lose that plug. I want to play dress-up.”

  “What does that mean?” Phoebe reached and wiped her tears, relief obvious in the relaxation of her body. She’d purged the emotions that held her back, but he intended to get her all tense again.

  “It means I’m going to torture you for a while.” Another word he’d hated for the longest time. Like all words, it had many meanings at its heart and his torture would be the sweetest kind. His torture would lead to their bonding, their bliss. “I want you to close your eyes.”

  After a second’s hesitation, her eyes drifted closed. “All right, Sir.”

  “Listen to my voice. We can’t do this here. It’s far too dangerous, but I’m going to tell you what’s going to happen when we get home.” He let his hand play along her neck, gently encasing it with his palm. Dirty talk got her going. Luckily for her, he thought very dirty thoughts when she was around. “First, I’m going to do what I didn’t do before. When Tag sends that plane for us, I’m not going to let you sleep on my lap again.”

  Her eyes came open. “Jesse…”

  There was a very pretty nipple just waiting to be tweaked. He twisted her right nipple between his thumb and forefinger, gratified by the little shriek that came from her mouth just before her eyes dilated with arousal. “Hush. This is my fantasy. Close your eyes and listen. I’ll tell you when you need to talk.”

  This was the only place he was ever really going to be in charge. He wasn’t about to let her take over here, too. Her eyes drifted closed again and he rewarded her with a long stroke of his hand, from her collarbone all the way down to just above the junction of her thighs. “Now, I was talking about the plane. We were very well behaved last time. That’s not going to be the case on the way home.”

  He moved back to her breasts. That was a good place to start. Her nipples were big and needed a good tweak to get really sensitive. It was why he’d brought along the nipple sticks. They were a simple toy, nothing more than two pieces of polished wood held together by screws at either end. He’d made this set himself. Jake Dean had taken up woodworking and had a shop in his backyard. Jesse found it soothing to work with his hands. While Jake had worked on Tristan’s cradle, Jesse had made paddles and spanking benches and nipple sticks.

  It was a good hobby.

  He eased the sticks apart and decided to sensitize her before the torture began.

  “On the way home, all those stuffy Agency boys will be gone and it’s just going to be you and me and Si and Erin. They won’t care so I will lay down the rules, and rule number one is you don’t wear clothes while we’re in the air. I want you naked and ready to take my cock at any moment. That plane is my pleasure palace, and I won’t let you forget that I’m the king.”

  “I don’t think Erin is going to like that,” she said and winced even before he could pinch her nipple.

  After that nasty pinch, she probably needed a little love. He leaned over and trailed kisses across her breasts. “Erin is even more submissive than you.”

  “Are you serious?”

  This time he nipped her, taking her nipple between his teeth and gently biting down until she squirmed under him. “Yes, I’m serious. She’s been playing with Kai since she got here. There’s nothing between them, but Erin needs submission the same way you do. She can’t relax or let herself be without it. You have a lot in common with her.” Her face tightened and he gave in. “One sarcastic remark is allowed here.”

  “Erin is the female version of Conan the Barbarian. I can’t believe Kai is willing to play with her. He’s obviously less sane than I thought.”

  He was so going to enjoy the next few minutes. He adjusted the nipple sticks so both of those sweet pink things were in between. “Kai is the most sane person I know. He’s also got a nice streak of sadist in him. Now be quiet. I’m putting your nipples in the stocks.”

  Her eyes flew open, but it was too late. He was already tightening the screws, squeezing her nipples between the l
ovingly made boards.

  “Oh my god.” She whimpered as the boards pressed down and her nipples bulged beautifully.

  “There.” She looked gorgeous with her breasts upthrust and her nipples a deep pink. He ran a finger over one and she bucked underneath him. “Perfect. Now they’re more sensitive. Now I can play with them.”

  “You’re killing me, Murdoch.”

  “And you forget my name when we’re alone together. I could make one of these for your clit.”

  “Sir. Sir. Please don’t, Sir. I’ll be good.”

  He loved how breathless she got. It was like she utterly forgot to be self-conscious when they were playing. She gave in to her role and became the sweet little sub who only wished to please her Master. Outside this room, she would aggressively fight anyone who tried to control her, but here she proved she trusted him.

  Here she took his plug and gave her nipples over to him, and she would take his cock any way he wanted her to. He flicked a nipple, his dick hardening when she squealed. Maybe Kai wasn’t the only one with a streak of sadism.

  He leaned over and licked the nub. “I’ll tie you up on the plane and force you to take my cock in your mouth. Si and I will sit and go over the debrief while you take care of me. That’s your only job during that trip—taking care of my needs. Sucking my cock and offering me all of your pretty parts to lick and suck and torture.”

  “I’ll do it. Simon will be shocked.”

  He chuckled. She had only seen the team on their best behavior. “Where do you think I got the idea? The last time we were all on a plane together, Chelsea served him his tea and she wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothing. And we knew which parts of the plane to stay out of if we didn’t want a show. You’re my woman. When we agree to play, I’ll take you whenever, wherever I want. I’ll indulge your every fantasy. If you want me to fuck you on the conference table in the middle of a meeting, I will make it happen.”

  He slid his hand down her body. He was perfectly comfortable that she wasn’t thinking about anything but him now. The minute he felt all that slick arousal coating her pussy, he leaned over and gave her nipples another lick.