Over You

by Lucy Diamond

  Had she made a pass at him? She remembered thinking about it, daring herself to …

  ‘All right?’ Nell asked, cutting into her thoughts. ‘You look a bit weird.’

  Josie nodded, trying to shut out her memories. ‘I’m fine,’ she said.

  And then the latch was clicking and the door was pulled open and there stood Rob, in a white T-shirt and jeans covered with daubs of paint, his hair shorter now and his chin smooth. ‘Hey!’ he cried, laughing, and reached forwards for Nell, hugging her to his chest. ‘Hello.’ His eyes fell upon Josie and he grinned at her, then stood back and crouched down to the boys’ level. ‘And look at you two!’ he laughed. ‘Top light-sabre,’ he added solemnly, which made Toby wriggle with pride.

  Rob stood up and hugged Josie, two strong arms around her back. ‘Lovely to see you again, Josie B,’ he said into her hair. He smelled of soap and sawdust, clean and honest.

  And then Josie had a sudden flashback to that warm, boozy evening: a moment – several moments actually – when she’d caught him looking at her in a strange, wondering way, holding her gaze with those blue eyes of his …

  And the way he’d come back from the bar, and deliberately squeezed in next to her …

  And then the two of them pausing before they said goodbye, something unspoken in the air before they went their separate ways … him to catch the night bus, her to walk home with her mates.

  She distinctly remembered lying in her bed that night, wishing she’d leaned in for a kiss. Wishing she’d asked him back to her place.

  And then, of course, two weeks later she’d met Pete and Rob had been forgotten. Until now.

  Don’t be silly, Josie, she told herself, as Rob let go of her. You must have imagined it all. Don’t be ridiculous!

  ‘Come on in, guys,’ Rob said, stepping back so they could walk into the hallway. ‘Anyone hungry?’

  ‘Me!’

  ‘Me!’ shouted the boys at once.

  ‘Anyone like shepherd’s pie? Made with real shepherds?’

  There was a pause while the boys thought about it. ‘Yes!’ ‘Me!’ they yelled.

  ‘And me makes three,’ Nell added, with a laugh. ‘How about you, Jose?’

  ‘What? Um … Yes,’ Josie said, snapping herself out of her reverie. She turned to close the front door behind her, thankful that Nell couldn’t see the strange expression she knew was on her face.

  I’ve not had enough sleep lately, she told herself sharply. And that half of lager has gone straight to my head. My mind is playing tricks on me!

  But there was just something about Rob’s low, amused voice, those blue eyes of his that made her feel twitchy.

  You’re being silly, she told herself again, following Nell as she headed towards the kitchen. This is called Misplaced Attention Syndrome and it’s totally because I’m missing Pete. She gave her shoulders a shake in an attempt to throw off her strange feelings. And then she put a big smile on her face and caught up with Nell.

  When the shepherd’s pie had been well and truly polished off – the coincidence of it hadn’t been lost on Josie – Rob showed them where they’d be sleeping. ‘The boys can have my room,’ he said, ‘and you and Josie can sleep in Mark’s room, Nell. Is that OK?’

  ‘Where are you going to sleep, then?’ Nell asked.

  ‘On the sofa,’ Rob replied.

  ‘Are you sure?’ Josie asked. ‘I can sleep with the boys, and you and Nell go in together if you want.’

  ‘No chance, his feet smell,’ Nell said.

  ‘And she snores like a pig,’ Rob retorted.

  Josie laughed. ‘Well, if you’re sure …’

  ‘We’re sure,’ they chorused.

  To her great relief, the boys were so worn out from the day’s travels that they got into their pyjamas without complaint and fell asleep on Rob’s double mattress almost immediately. What a result, thought Josie, closing the door quietly behind her as she slipped out of the room.

  ‘And then there were three,’ Nell said as Josie came downstairs again.

  ‘And then there was beer,’ Rob added, holding out a couple of bottles straight from the fridge.

  Josie hesitated before taking one. She was drinking way too much. But …

  ‘We are on holiday,’ Nell reminded her. ‘You’re allowed to, Jose. Come on, let’s drink these outside.’

  ‘How come you’re off on this road trip together anyway?’ Rob asked conversationally as they headed into the garden. It was a warm evening, and still light. He dragged some deckchairs from a shed, brushed off the cobwebs and started setting them up on the daisy-dotted lawn. ‘And what does your husband think about you gallivanting around the country with my wild sister, Josie?’

  Josie’s smile froze on her face. ‘He … um …’ she said. She didn’t want to say it. She didn’t want to spoil the nice day she’d just had by reminding herself all over again of what lay behind it.

  ‘He thinks it’s a good idea,’ Nell said, gallantly stepping in to rescue her.

  ‘He’s left me,’ Josie said bluntly.

  Rob’s head turned sharply towards her, and the deckchair he was setting up swung shut with a loud clack ‘Oh God, sorry,’ he said, his eyes on her. ‘I wouldn’t have asked if I’d known … It’s none of my business, I’m sorry.’

  It’s OK,’ Josie said.

  Rob opened up the last deckchair and arranged them in a semicircle. ‘Have a seat,’ he said. ‘Me and my big gob. Sorry, Josie.’

  ‘Really, it’s OK,’ Josie said, trying to smile. ‘That’s why we’re on the road, anyway. Running away from our broken hearts.’

  ‘You as well?’ He turned to Nell. ‘Was that “hearts”, plural?’

  Nell nodded. ‘Afraid so,’ she said. ‘It’s all over with the big G.’

  ‘Bloody hell,’ Rob said. ‘I can’t keep up. What happened? Last time I heard, it was all hunky-dory.’

  ‘It was,’ Nell said. She leaned back in her chair and swigged from her beer bottle. ‘Then it went pear-shaped.’

  ‘Why? What happened?’ Rob persisted.

  Josie found that she was perching on the edge of her seat, waiting for Nell’s response. It had to be something pretty bad, she guessed. Nell had been so cagey about the break-up, and had looked so fragile in London, Josie knew it had to be something serious. Something damaging.

  Nell sighed. ‘Look, I don’t really want to talk about it,’ she said, not meeting her brother’s eye.

  Josie leaned back. Should have known. And it was clear as anything that Nell should be talking about it. She couldn’t stay in denial for ever, pretending everything was fine. If Gareth had treated her badly, then Nell needed to talk. Had to tell somebody.

  ‘Why not? There has to be some reason. What did he do wrong?’ Rob asked.

  ‘Did he hit you?’ Josie blurted out.

  Nell turned and stared at her, and for a moment there was a terrible silence. Josie held her breath. ‘Did he?’ she asked again.

  ‘Did he hit me? Gareth? No!’ Nell cried, looking aghast.

  Josie blushed. ‘Oh,’ she said. ‘Sorry. Stick, wrong end.’

  ‘Gareth would never lay a finger on me!’ she went on. ‘He loved me!’

  ‘Then … what went wrong?’ Rob asked again. ‘Why did you split up?’

  ‘Because he asked me to marry him,’ Nell burst out, looking down at her knees.

  There was an incredulous silence. Rob laughed. Josie’s mouth fell open. ‘Did you just say … ?’ she faltered.

  ‘Marry him? What, and so you chucked him?’ Rob asked. ‘You dumped him because he proposed?’

  ‘Yes!’ Nell replied fiercely, rounding on her brother. ‘Yes, too right I did! Of all the things … I mean, that is so what I don’t want. It’s the absolute antithesis of what I want. And for him not to realize that … It’s like he just never knew me at all.’

  ‘Oh, come on, that’s a bit strong,’ Rob argued. Josie was still too stunned to speak. ‘Couldn’t you just say no than
ks and carry on as you were? Why did you have to play the drama-queen card and storm off in a tantrum?’

  ‘I didn’t!’ Nell had tears in her eyes, Josie noticed. She reached over and took Nell’s hand.

  ‘Sorry,’ Rob said. ‘I didn’t mean to upset you. I just … I just don’t get it. Why did Gareth proposing to you have to mean the end of everything?’

  ‘Because for me, marriage is the kiss of death,’ Nell said, with a shudder. She turned to Josie, suddenly apologetic. ‘No offence – obviously lots of people want all that traditional stuff, but me, I don’t. I really, really don’t. And I thought Gareth knew that.’ She swigged down some beer. ‘I just want to be free, that’s all.’

  ‘And you haven’t spoken to Gareth since this all kicked off?’ Josie asked. She still couldn’t really get her head around it, to be honest For Nell to be rejecting exactly what she, Josie, wanted most of all … It seemed warped.

  Nell shook her head. ‘We had a massive row, loads of horrible things got said, and then …’ She hesitated. ‘And then I kind of ran away,’ she mumbled.

  Josie and Rob exchanged a look. ‘Seems to be your answer to everything,’ Rob said. Nell didn’t dispute it.

  ‘I think you should go and see him,’ Josie ventured. ‘I mean … You’ve walked out on this good relationship just because he tried to express a bit of commitment.’

  ‘But I don’t want—’ Nell started saying.

  ‘I know you don’t want commitment,’ Josie interrupted. ‘And I’m sure Gareth’s got the message now, loud and clear. But it doesn’t have to be The End for you two, does it? Surely there’s a midway point you can meet at?’

  Nell picked at the label on her bottle and said nothing.

  ‘I can’t believe you’re being so cowardly,’ Rob said, looking amused.

  ‘I’m not!’ Nell cried, outraged.

  ‘You are!’ Rob shot straight back. ‘What are you playing at? You can’t keep running for ever.’

  ‘Says you, with your bags packed for Zambia,’ Nell retorted, chin up defiantly.

  Rob put a hand up. ‘Fair point,’ he conceded. ‘But this is my last trip – really!’ he said to Nell’s disbelieving snort. ‘While I’ve been helping Mark do up this place, I’ve found myself thinking for the first time that I can see the appeal of putting down roots for a while. Making a home. Growing vegetables.’

  ‘I’ll believe that when I see it,’ said Nell with another snort. ‘Vegetables, my arse!’

  It’s true! It’s like … I’ve had my adventures. Seen the world. I don’t want to be one of those addled old fuckers you always see in India, on their own, still trying to escape from whatever it was they first ran away from.’ He finished his beer in one gulp. ‘I want a life, too. A life in England.’

  ‘Yeah, yeah,’ Nell scoffed. ‘I’ll remember that when you come back and start getting itchy feet again.’

  He shook his head. ‘This is a favour, that’s all,’ he said. ‘The Volunteer Africa lot had taken on someone else for this job in Zambia, but the person had to delay starting for six months. Personal reasons, not sure what. So they phoned me, as it’s the kind of work I was doing for them in Mozambique, and …’ He shrugged. ‘Well, I couldn’t say no. That’s why I’m going, and it’s only for six months. Otherwise I’d stay here,’ A grin flashed across his face. ‘Anyway, let’s stop arguing. We’re making Josie feel all awkward and squirmy, I can tell. I’m going to get some more beers, and after that we can stop talking about failed romances and move on to something else.’

  He went back indoors, and Josie turned to Nell. ‘Are you OK?’ she asked. ‘That all got a bit heavy.’

  Nell rolled her eyes. ‘I’m OK,’ she said. ‘Feeling a bit … stupid, if you must know.’

  ‘Stupid? Why?’

  ‘Oh, just the Gareth thing. I feel bad for not phoning him. I need to speak to him, say sorry, that kind of thing.’ She stared up at the sky. ‘I wasn’t being cowardly, running away, but it really freaked me out. And I kept thinking I should phone and talk things through, but I couldn’t bring myself to. And then the longer I left it, the worse it’s become.’

  Josie leaned over and squeezed Nell’s hand. ‘Phone him in the morning, not when you’ve been drinking,’ she said. ‘That’s my expert opinion in these matters anyway,’ she added wryly. ‘I mean, not so long ago the guy wanted to marry you. He’s not going to have switched those feelings off overnight, is he? He’s probably dying to speak to you. And there must be a way you can compromise. It’s not like he said Marry me or it’s all over, is it?’

  ‘No,’ Nell said. ‘It’s just, he was pushing for commitment, that was all. And I can’t do that!’ She sighed. ‘It’s not because of him, I’d be the same with anyone. It’s because of me, who I am.’

  ‘I’m sure hell understand,’ Josie said. ‘He loves you, after all He loves you enough to want to marry you, for Christ’s sake! So I’m sure hell listen.’

  Nell squeezed her hand back. ‘Thanks,’ she said quietly.

  ‘I should be thanking you,’ Josie told her. ‘I’m so glad you turned up when you did.’

  Nell smiled at her. ‘Me too,’ she said. ‘And I’ll stick around for as long as you need me.’

  ‘You sound like Nanny McPhee,’ Josie said, thinking how much she loved Nell at that moment.

  ‘Nanny who?’

  Josie chuckled. ‘It’s a kids’ film. Nanny McPhee is this witchy kind of old nanny—’

  ‘Oh, thanks a bunch!’

  ‘And she comes to stay with this dysfunctional family. But she’s good, really, and she sorts everyone out,’ Josie went on. ‘And then, as soon as the family stop needing her, she disappears again.’ She shot a quick sideways glance at Nell. ‘And then she goes back to Wales and tells her boyfriend that she’s sorry she was such a melodramatic—’

  ‘All right, all right! Don’t go on!’ Nell groaned and shut her eyes. ‘I said I’d phone in the morning, didn’t I?’ She sat there in silence and for a moment Josie thought she’d overstepped the mark, but then a little smile crept over Nell’s face. ‘Nanny McPhee indeed,’ she muttered. ‘Some friend you are!’

  By the end of the evening, Josie felt horribly unsteady on her feet. The garden seemed to be swaying and tipping around her as she staggered through the darkness towards the house. Nell had already gone in to make tea, and Josie kept her eyes firmly on the bright rectangle of light that blazed from the open kitchen door, willing herself to make it all the way there without going arse over tit in front of Rob. The grass felt cold now under her bare feet, and the stars were all out. She could smell night-scented stocks from a flowerbed somewhere, sweet and fragrant.

  ‘Oops,’ she giggled, tripping over the back of Nell’s deckchair and almost falling over.

  Rob grabbed her arm to keep her upright. ‘Are you OK?’ he asked.

  Josie turned to smile at him, but managed to lurch right into his side by mistake. ‘Sorry,’ she said. ‘God, I’m all over the place.’

  He caught hold of her again, and she could feel the warmth of his body close to her in the cool night air.

  ‘This is a bit like that evening in The Duke of Edinburgh, isn’t it?’ she blurted out before she could stop herself. ‘I kept thinking about it earlier, you and me, both wondering …’

  She clamped her mouth shut just in time. Josie, shut up! screamed the tiny remaining part of her that wasn’t awash with alcohol. Get a grip, right now!

  There was a moment’s silence as they both stood still on the grass. Josie’s heart pounded. Oh God! Now she’d gone and done it. She had to get inside immediately before she said anything else to embarrass herself.

  Before she could move, though, Rob spoke. ‘I was thinking about that earlier too,’ he said slowly. ‘You know … I probably shouldn’t say this, especially with you being …’

  ‘Completely trolleyed,’ Josie put in, then giggled nervously. Oh, she had to get inside. She had to go! This was all getting too personal. She was to
o drunk. He was too nice. Go, Josie! Get walking!

  She swayed on her feet, but they wouldn’t move.

  He laughed, and for a second she thought he wasn’t going to say anything else, but then in a quiet voice he said, ‘You know, I was gutted when I heard you were seeing Pete all those years ago. Because that night in The Duke of Edinburgh, I really thought …’

  Nell stuck her head out of the back door. ‘Tea or coffee?’ she asked.

  ‘Tea, please,’ Josie said faintly. She felt way too sloshed to be standing up any longer. She needed to sit down at the kitchen table and drink tea and go to bed. Yes. That was exactly what she needed.

  ‘Tea for me too,’ Rob said. Neither he nor Josie moved.

  ‘Coming up,’ Nell said and vanished from sight.

  ‘Right,’ Josie said. She shivered suddenly. ‘Let’s go in then.’

  ‘Josie! Are you still awake?’

  Josie rolled over at the sound of the whisper. Nell seemed to have disappeared from the double bed they were sharing … but there was Rob, perched on the edge. There was just enough light from the half-open door for Josie to be able to see him looking down at her.

  She sat up before she could register just how thin the T-shirt was that she’d been sleeping in. ‘What’s going on?’ she asked blearily.

  He put a hand on her bare arm, and her skin prickled under his touch. ‘We never finished our conversation,’ he said. ‘You know, about that night in the pub.’

  Josie felt wide awake. ‘No,’ she said, looking him full in the eye. ‘We didn’t, did we?’

  There was a beat of silence while they gazed at each other. Josie’s heart quickened. They were on the very edge of something happening, she knew, both poised, waiting to see who made the move.

  ‘Well, what I was trying to say,’ Rob began, still looking into her eyes, ‘was …’ He paused, and Josie felt her heart thud as his thumb started tracing slow circles on her arm. He smiled at her. ‘I was trying to tell you, that night, how much I fancied you.’

  ‘Oh, Rob,’ she said, the words bursting out of her. ‘I felt like that, too. I so did! But I always thought—’