by S. J. McCoy
He nodded.
“The most expensive ones of all.”
He smiled at her. “I only go after the best.”
“And you already got me,” she said hoping to lighten things up.
He took her hand. “I know, but I want the best for you, too.”
She shrugged, hoping he might understand. “The best isn’t always defined by cost or even quality.” She turned to look at the house, then out at the orchard. “Sometimes value is defined in a different way. It’s what means the most. Do you get that?”
He nodded, “Of course I do. I know this place means the world to you. I’m bumbling around here because for once I don’t know what to do for the best. This place means so much to you, but it’s not a good place to live—at least in practical terms. I’m uncomfortable here. You know that, and when I’m faced with problems I like to solve them as quickly as possible.”
“Yes, but Gabe, this is something that can’t be rushed. Not for me at least. I know it’s not easy for you living here. It’s hardly up to the standard you’re used to, but I need to be here for a while for all the emotional reasons involved, and from a matter of pride, too.”
He raised an eyebrow at her. “Pride?”
She nodded. “I feel as though my entire adult life was tied up with Eric. He dictated our finances, and look what happened to me there. At first when I realized that everything I worked for was gone, I felt so hopeless—and helpless. When I pulled myself together, I had to figure out what I could do for myself. I had nowhere to turn and no one to turn to. This place offered me the only hope I had. I know it’s awful—I’m not stupid—but it’s my solution.” She shrugged, “My independence. Something I can do all by myself to take care of me. I know you want to help, I know you want us to be partners in a relationship. I want that, too, but it’s going to take me a while. I need to feel okay with myself, that I’m bringing something to the table to be an equal partner, not just a dependent. I need to have some say over my own life, not just be a passenger in your life.”
Gabe pressed his fingers into his temples and stared out at the hills for a few moments before he replied. How she hoped he would understand.
He took a deep breath. “I get that. It makes all kinds of sense. On an emotional level at least.” He met her gaze. “I have to be honest with you though.”
She nodded and waited, wondering what was coming.
“I find it hard to deal with on the practical level.”
“I know, and I’m sorry. But please bear with me?”
He smiled. “You know I will, but will you do something for me?
“Tell me what it is before I agree.”
“Fair enough. Can we make a list of everything you need to achieve? Everything you need to have in place before you can feel like an equal partner with something to contribute? I’m goal oriented. Can we set up some goals so that I know we’re working toward them—making progress to where we want to be.”
She nodded. “That’s a good idea. It’s not a long list, but it is a big one. I need to figure out what I can do for a living. I need to get a divorce.” She stopped when she saw the look on his face. “I don’t mean we have to wait until it’s all final, but at least get proceedings underway. And I need to figure out my finances. I talked to Paul again this morning and the Asset Forfeiture Hearing is coming up. He’s hopeful that I should get something back as an innocent spouse.”
Gabe nodded. “You should. And listen, I’ve stayed the hell away from everything to do with your legal issues.” He shrugged. “It seemed the wisest move.”
She waited. She was grateful if a little surprised that he’d never asked any of the details of Eric’s investigation.
“I do have a number for you though…if you want it. The guy’s an old friend of mine down in LA. He’d be happy to talk to you and Paul about divorce proceedings in a case like yours.”
“Thank you! I know I’ve pushed you away on so many things, but that’s one area where I really do appreciate your help.”
“I haven’t wanted to overstep my bounds.” He held her gaze for a moment. “Not when I have so much invested in a speedy outcome.”
What did that mean? Was it like Ethan had said? That he wanted to marry her? She smiled. “Thank you,” seemed like the safest thing to say.
Chapter Nineteen
Gabe stared out the window of his new office. The view made him smile. Just a few short weeks ago he’d been looking out at the Hudson. Now he saw the beautiful lake sparkling in the sunshine. Things were going well. His first week on the job had been much more enjoyable than he might have hoped. The business community was welcoming, excited about having someone new at the helm, and, for the most part, open to change. He was under no illusions that he’d meet some resistance along the way, but he was off to a much better start than he’d envisioned. He was feeling more comfortable at home, too. He smiled at the thought that he was able to call it home, not just Renée’s place. He still had his issues with living in a ramshackle old house, but after the talk they’d had, he felt better able to deal with them. As he’d told her, he was a goal oriented achiever. She now had a list of goals that needed to be achieved before she would feel like she was an equal partner with him, and he was doing everything he could to try to help her achieve them.
She’d filed for divorce after talking to his buddy in LA. It seemed that might go a little faster and a lot more smoothly than she’d originally hoped. Her finances weren’t showing any improvement though. The Asset Forfeiture Hearing had revealed that Eric had refinanced or borrowed against everything they owned. Although no charges were going to be brought against her, and she had been found an Innocent Spouse, there was very little left that could be returned to her. She’d taken that well, and Gabe was glad that she was simply using it to fuel her search for whatever she might do next career-wise. She’d talked to a couple of the big non-profits in the Bay Area—though she’d assured him she had no intentions of moving back there. As it turned out, there wasn’t much hope for her to do so anyway, at least not to work for them. Her reputation as a capable fundraiser was still intact, but none of the agencies would take the risk of being associated with her. The non-profit world wasn’t one Gabe was too familiar with, but it made sense that no charity would risk their donor’s trust and faith in them in any way.
He’d been keeping his ear to the ground for anything that might be suitable for her here in town. It was hard though. She wanted to find meaning and purpose in whatever she did, while most of the local businesses had the sole purpose of simply surviving. Unemployment levels were high, the county wasn’t exactly thriving. Gabe thought he could turn that around, but he didn’t see how he could help Renée, and part of him felt as though he shouldn’t even be trying to. She wanted—and needed—to figure it out for herself.
He hoped she’d figure something out soon. It seemed as though it was the last piece of the puzzle that needed to slot into place. A knock on his door brought him back to the present.
“Come on in.” It was strange not to know who he would see when the door opened. For the last ten years Rosemary had managed his schedule and announced his visitors on the intercom. Here he had to fend for himself, and his schedule was subject to the whims of whoever cared to stop by. He smiled when he saw Max Douglas.
“Gramps! How the devil are you?”
The old guy took his hat off as he came in. “Just wanted to stop by and see how you’re settling in. I didn’t want to be interfering before you had your feet under the table. From all accounts it sounds like you hit the ground running.”
Gabe smiled. “I’m off to a good start, thank you. And it’s all thanks to you.”
Gramps held up a hand. “I’d been hoping with all you young ’uns finally seeing sense and coming home, that it might be time for the town to turn a corner. You’re the man we needed. I should be thanking you.”
“I think it’s going to work out great,” said Gabe. “It’s a win-win for everyone.”
; Gramps surprised him, by shrugging. “Is it though?”
Gabe raised an eyebrow. “What am I missing? Who’s losing out?”
“She’s not losing, but where’s young Renée’s win in all of this?”
Gabe shook his head. “I don’t know, Gramps. I wish I did. She’s trying to figure it out, but it’s not easy.”
“Nothing good is ever easy, is it, Gabe?”
He had to smile at the way the old guy’s eyes twinkled. “But you’ve come up with something, haven’t you?”
Gramps stroked his chin. “Let’s just say, I see a gap that she might fill. A win-win for her and the town.”
“I’m all ears! What have you got in mind?”
“Nothing, in particular. Just an idea. She’s spent years doing fundraising, charity work, helping people. I think there’s a need for that in this town. Too many folks have nowhere to turn. You can’t have economic development without social development, can you?”
Gabe shook his head.
“So you think maybe there’s something in the budget that might fund, I don’t know, some kind of social fund?”
Gramps shrugged. “I’m too old to know how these things work, what the details might be, and besides you’re meant to be the one in charge around here. I just wanted to plant the seed.”
Gabe pressed his fingers into his temple while he thought about it. “I like the idea, Gramps—for both Renée and the town—but I’m not sure how well it would go down with her. Not if I suggest it. She…”
Gramps chuckled. “She needs to stand on her own two feet and doesn’t want to be the little woman who relies on you, right?”
Gabe sighed and nodded. “That’s about it.”
“So do what I just did. Plant the seed. And know that if you present a case to the Committee, you shouldn’t have any problems with the budget for it.” He pushed his chair back. “Anyways. I need to be getting on. I can hear them fishies calling my name. I just wanted to visit with you while I was in town. Oh, and to tell you to call me if I can be of any help. I’m just a feeble old-timer, but I’m happy to serve if ever you need me.”
Gabe watched him leave with a wry smile. Feeble old-timer? Ha! Gramps was sharp as a tack, and much as he claimed he wanted new blood leading the town into the future, it seemed he was still happy to nudge them in the direction he thought they should go. His suggestion made a lot of sense. Gabe was a little irritated that he hadn’t thought of it himself. He was pretty sure he would have gotten around to addressing social issues the community was facing—just not as quickly as Gramps had. His problem now though was how he might plant the seed of an idea with Renée without her feeling he was directing or—worse—controlling her in some way.
~ ~ ~
Renée hugged April before she left the bakery. Now they had a roster figured out, life was getting a little easier for both of them. They each had a couple of late starts and a couple of early finishes each week. Today Renée was meeting Laura for lunch. She’d been looking forward to it. “Stop by and join us when you get finished if you want to,” she told April.
“Thanks, I might just do that. Marcus is going home with Ethan after school today, so I’m going to be a bit lost. I might come and hang with you for a while if you really don’t mind.”
“I’d love it. You need to take five minutes for yourself when you can.” She’d noticed that April rarely went anywhere other than coming to work, and it seemed she never did anything without Marcus. She was still finding her feet, but Renée was hoping that encouraging her to come out and join the girls when she could would help.
She found Laura already seated out on the deck. “Hey, girlfriend. I was starting to think I might need to come find you.”
“Sorry I’m late.”
“No problem, I’m just glad you’re here.”
“Me, too. I’ve been looking forward to this.”
Laura smiled. “Good. I was a little worried that you might be dreading it. I won’t really interrogate you about your love life if you don’t want me to.”
Renée laughed. “Actually, I’ve been hoping I can interrogate you.”
Laura gave her a raunchy grin. “You think you can handle the details?”
“Not about your love life! About your life life. I mean, you live here, but you still have a life.”
Laura nodded. “Ah, the serious stuff then? You’ve reached the point where you want to stay, but you don’t see how to make it work?”
“Pretty much.”
“Well, I’m not sure my solution will translate to you. You see, I work from home, in that I can do all my design work in my little workshop out back. Then I travel a lot, meet with clients to discuss what they want, and usually to deliver the end product.” She smiled. “And I’m lucky to have my very own private pilot for a fiancé. He’s not exactly at my beck and call whenever I need to go, but it usually works out that he can at least get me to San Francisco or LA.” She looked at Renée. “But they’re the details of my life as a jewelry designer. If we’re going to try to figure out your details, you need to tell me what you are. Or at least what you want to be? The bakery must be driving you nutty by now.”
“I’m grateful for it…”
Laura held up a hand. “Stop it, would you?”
“What do you mean? I am!”
“Yeah, I know. It’s been a life saver and all the rest of it, but it still has to be driving you nuts. You’re used to running a non-profit, it’s hardly the same is it?”
Renée nodded sadly. “Beggars can’t be choosers.”
“You’re not a beggar! What you need to figure out is what you are.”
“I don’t know what I can be.”
“Well then it’s time we figure it out.” Laura beckoned the server over. “Can we get two burgers and fries and two Diet Cokes, please.”
Renée watched her reach into her purse and pull out a large sketch pad and pencil. She smiled. “We don’t have all day. You ate it when Ben ordered it, I figured I’d do the same to save time. Now. Let’s start making some lists, shall we?”
“Okay.”
“First, if you could have any career in the world, what would you do?”
Renée shook her head. “I can’t though, can I? I have to see what’s available and pick something.”
Laura put the pen down and looked at her. “Good luck at the bakery then.”
“Ouch!”
“That’s what’s available around here. Come on. Dream a little. Let’s figure out what you want and then we can try to cobble some of the elements together to come up with something you’ll enjoy.”
Renée sighed. “Okay then. If I could do anything at all, I’d go back to my office and go back to work, just as I was before the truth came out about Eric.” Even as she said it, she wondered if it was true. Chance’s word’s echoed in her mind if you’re honest it was all for Chloe, not for you. He was right.
Laura watched her face. “Would you?”
“No. But I don’t know where that leaves me. First, non-profit work isn’t going to be an option anymore. No one can afford to risk hiring me. Eric and I were known as a team. My name is tarnished, to say the least.”
“Unfair as it is, I can see that. But what was it you loved so much about that work?”
That was a tough question. She’d always said she loved making a difference. Raising awareness about the dangers of alcohol abuse, but had she really just been wrestling with her own demons, as Chance had said. She shrugged. “I like to help people?”
Laura laughed. “You’re not auditioning for Miss World here. We’re talking about you. What do you get out of it?”
Renée was starting to wonder. All those years, she’d put herself aside in order to do what she thought was right, what would help others. Yet she had longed for more personal fulfilment. She just didn’t know where she might find it. She tried to boil it down to the nuts and bolts of the work she’d done. What did she enjoy about that, rather than what was that elusive, meaning
and purpose that she kept talking about?
Laura watched her as she thought. “I’ll tell you what. Think in broad terms. What were the responsibilities of your job, and which ones did you look forward to?”
“Umm. I liked running a staff of enthusiastic volunteers. It was fun to organize a team. Strange as it seems to most folk, I enjoy public speaking. I also like leading small group sessions and working one-on-one with people with specific needs.” She paused. “That’s all way too generic though, isn’t it?”
“Not at all. Have you thought about retraining as a counselor or coach or therapist of some kind? One of my friends back in San Francisco trained as a life coach. I thought it was crazy when she started out, but she’s doing fabulously—she has a waiting list of clients, and she makes boatloads of money.”
“Hmm, that sounds interesting. But what does she coach people about? I mean isn’t that for stressed executives who need to find work-life balance or whatever?”
Laura laughed. “That’s what I thought, too, but Sally is a—get this—a Women’s Empowerment Coach.”
Renée raised an eyebrow. “What does that even mean?”
Laura shrugged. “From what she told me, she works with women who are burned out from trying to do too much in their career, their home, or most commonly both. Women come to her when they know they aren’t taking care of themselves through the middle of it all, but have no clue how to either. She helps them empower themselves, put themselves back in the driving seat of their own life, in a way that works for them.”
Renée let out a short laugh, thinking how she’d told Gabe she wanted to be more than just a passenger in his life. “It sounds interesting, but I have no idea what I could coach people about, and I don’t think I’d like just working one-on-one with people. I like leading a team who are all working toward a common goal, and I like helping whole groups of people.”
Laura smiled. “See, we’re narrowing it down already.”
“Hi, Renée!”
She waved when she recognized the woman who had just called her name. “Lily! I’ve been meaning to call you.”