Her Last Letter

by Nancy C. Johnson

  “Yes, thank God. I was worried. I couldn’t get an appointment with Audrey until tomorrow and I just had to do something about my roots. It’s like they grew an inch in a day.” Linda sat down, began tapping her nails on the table, then frowned. “I know this might sound a little weird, bringing this up now, but I was wondering, when exactly were you planning to get pregnant? I know you said you weren’t going to try right away, but how long were you planning to wait? Have you and Trevor talked about it at all?”

  “Sure, we’ve talked about it, though not in a while. Did something happen? Why are you asking?”

  “Nothing happened. I’ve just been thinking about it lately. And well, you are thirty-four and I’m thirty-two and it just seems like we should be thinking seriously about it if we really want children. I mean, what if we wait too long and can’t have them?”

  “Are you pregnant?”

  “No,” she said, throwing her head back with a laugh. “No, of course not.” But her smile faded and she began tapping her nails again. “The truth is, I’m not sure I want children. My life is so full. I just don’t know.”

  “Well, it’s not like you’ve got to decide tomorrow. But I don’t understand. You’ve always said that you did. I’ve put off thinking about it because, well, we’ve only been married a year and the way I’ve been since-”

  “You don’t have to explain.”

  “Does Wolfgang want children?”

  “Oh, I’m sure he does. Not right away, but in the future. A boy probably, you know, someone to carry on the Lehman name. Lehman and Son’s Construction. Has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?” She frowned, crinkling her brow. “Sorry I brought this up. It just popped into my head. Brain damage from the hair dye probably.” She glanced at the kitchen clock.

  I took the hint. “I guess I should get going.”

  “No hurry,” she said, but rose from her chair and took our cups and plates and stacked them in the sink.

  “I need to ask you something before I go,” I said, “though I probably already know the answer.”

  “What?”

  “Have you been over to the house recently?”

  “No, why?”

  “I was over there taking a look around and thought things were out of place since I was there last. The ashtray next to Dad’s chair was turned around, facing in the wrong direction. There’s no way it could have gotten that way on its own. And I was down in the cellar and noticed that the boxes with Kelly’s journals seem to be missing too. The one box I did find was almost empty, and I don’t think any of them were like that before. Any chance you moved them?”

  “No, I haven’t been over there. I certainly wouldn’t go down in that creepy old cellar anyway. Maybe someone broke in.”

  “No, I don’t think so. I just thought-”

  “We need to sell the house, Gwyn. You have to stop living so much in the past for God’s sake … reading her journals, wandering around over there. It’s not good for you and you know it. I doubt that you tell your therapist even half of what you do. I know you’d rather not hear this, but it’s true. We’re asking for trouble leaving the house empty like that. And it’s dangerous, you hanging out there all the time. Who knows when that Craig creep might come back?”

  “I can’t get rid of the house, Linda. I can’t. Maybe someday. But don’t make me decide now. I just can’t do it.”

  “I don’t know why I even bring it up. Well, actually, you brought it up.” She shook her head. “Stop going over to the house. It worries me. Or stop telling me about it.”

  “Okay.”

  “I didn’t mean that. Just don’t go over there. At least not alone.”

  Chapter 2

  “Guess who I saw?”

  It was Caroline on the phone, her voice mischievous and playful.

  “I don’t know. Who?” I asked.

  “I said you had to guess.”

  “Okay. The Great Pumpkin.”

  “No-o-o.”

  “Witch Hazel.”

  “Oh, come on, Gwyn, you’re not even trying. You’ll never guess.”

  “Well, if I’ll never guess, why should I try? Okay, give me a second. I see. I see … a celebrity. Brad Pitt.”

  “Not exactly, but just as cute. I saw Josh.”

  “You saw Josh? Where?”

  “In Aspen. I was over there yesterday hanging out with this guy I know. I guess there’s an art fair going on, and Josh is in town checking it out.”

  “I know the fair you mean. I thought about going down there myself if I didn’t have so much work to finish. Did you talk to him?”

  “Yeah, for a while. I ran into him on the street. He asked about you,” Caroline said slyly. “Said he might give you a call.”

  “But he can’t. Our phone’s unlisted. But you probably gave him the number.”

  “Well, he asked for it. It’s not like he hasn’t known you for most of your life. He would have got it anyway. Besides, I know you would have wanted me to give it to him.”

  “It’s okay, Caroline. I’m not mad. You’re right. I’m glad you gave it to him. So what did he say? Is he in the area for long? Is he coming to Glenwood?”

  “He said he was, though I had the impression he was only going to be around for a few days, then fly back to Los Angeles. But he’ll be cruising the art fair all this coming weekend. Probably hopes you’ll turn up.”

  “No, he’s an art lover and a collector, as you very well know. That’s probably the reason he’s in Aspen.”

  “Well, I still think he’s there to see you, and you won’t change my mind. So what are you up to?”

  “Work, work, and more work. I’ve been diddling with this one piece for most of the day and it’s just not coming together. Thank God I work in acrylics and not oils. I’ve erased half of it twice.”

  “Come over to the bar and keep me company. The place is dead and I’m lonely. I’ll mix you up the best strawberry daiquiri you’ve ever had in your life and we can commiserate together. Please- ple-a-s-e.”

  “Okay, I’m not getting anything done here anyway.”

  Caroline worked at the Wild River Grill in Glenwood Springs. She was the only female bartender employed at the saloon-style restaurant, and was, in my biased opinion, the best. The job had started out as temporary work to pay the rent, since Caroline had for years professed interest in interior design and sporadically took classes at the local college. But now it appeared she planned to make it her lifelong career. She didn’t like to sit for long. She enjoyed being on the move, and being part of the action when the nighttime crowds roared in. She also liked to talk, and customers at the Wild River were more than happy to indulge her.

  I walked in and took a seat at the bar, and thought again of Caroline’s recent conversation with Josh in Aspen. How was he doing now? What did he look like? Had he forgiven me in the two years since I’d last seen him? He hadn’t called or attempted to contact me in all that time. When he left, I thought I understood why. Now I wasn’t so sure. Was it possible that his abrupt departure from Glenwood wasn’t just about me? Could it have had anything to do with Kelly? Try as I might, I couldn’t believe it.

  Caroline greeted me with a smile, sliding a humongous strawberry daiquiri down the bar to me. “I put a real strawberry in there, so don’t drink it down too fast.”

  I took a sip. “Ooo, yummy. Berry delicious.”

  “I put in an order of buffalo wings for us too, my treat, in case you’re hungry. I am.”

  “Thanks. I’m glad you called. I was going stir-crazy staring at that stupid canvas. Sometimes I wonder why I even bother. It’s not like I need to do it, not for the money anyway.”

  “No, but you love your work. I’ve seen the look in your eyes when you’re painting. It’s like you’re hypnotized.”

  “Yeah, maybe, but it’s a love-hate relationship on days like this. Believe me, it was way easier to stay motivated when I was doing graphics for Crowley and Hoch.”

  “Uh huh,” said
Caroline, “needing a paycheck will do that for you.”

  I turned and looked around. I was the only customer seated at the bar, and other than some wait staff periodically moving between the tables with napkins and silverware, the restaurant was empty.

  “It should pick up in another hour,” said Caroline. “Maybe you could give Trevor a call and stay for dinner.”

  “No, he’ll be home late and definitely won’t want to go out. He’ll want something quick. Besides, tonight’s Halloween.”

  “Oh, right. Forgot. You mean he’s going to miss the trick or treaters?”

  “He won’t mind. Actually, I’d rather turn off the porch light and sit in the Jacuzzi. Maybe I’ll just leave a bowl of candy on the steps.”

  “And the first greedy little goblin will dump the whole thing in his bag.”

  “True.”

  Caroline leaned on the bar, her eyes level with mine. “Josh still looks good, better than ever. He got rid of the beard. Makes him look more professional.”

  “Yeah?” I knew that Caroline had always been attracted to Josh. When he and I broke up after I began dating Trevor, I thought Caroline would finally do something about it. But she didn’t, and then Josh moved to Los Angeles. He still had family living in Glenwood though, so there was always the chance that someday he’d move back. Maybe Caroline hoped so too. At the time he left, I was certain it was because of me, that he wanted to put as much distance between the two of us as possible. I’d never meant to hurt him. I still cared deeply for him. We’d been friends since childhood. He was my first real love, the man I’d lost my virginity to, the man I’d at one time dreamt of marrying. But then I met Trevor and was forced to make a choice. It hurt to let Josh go, but I loved Trevor more.

  “You know,” I said. “I always thought you and Josh might eventually get together.”

  “Hah.” Caroline covered her mouth to keep from laughing too loud. “Not a chance. That boy has always, and only, had the hots for you. Sure, I can’t say I didn’t like him, but I’m not silly enough to waste my time.” She leaned in closer. “Besides, you’re my best friend, and though you won’t admit it to me, you still care for him.”

  “Of course I care for him, but only as a friend.”

  “Right. The truth of it is, that relationship never got a chance to resolve itself, Trevor moved in so fast.”

  Her remark left me off balance. “Is that how it looked to you, that he moved in too fast?”

  “About as fast as a jackrabbit homing in on a prize carrot.”

  I drained the last of my daiquiri.

  Caroline quickly replaced it.

  “No, don’t give me another one.”

  “Don’t worry. I won’t let you leave until I know you’re okay. Besides, the hot wings are up.”

  We munched on the wings and blue cheese dip, me trying to act as though Caroline’s words hadn’t upset me. Love is blind. Yes, it is. I’d never fully realized-or was it, wanted to realize-how quickly I’d become involved with Trevor. My perfect and perfectly wonderful husband. He’d shown me the house we were living in now, taking the place of another Realtor out sick. That’s how we’d met. An accidental meeting, it seemed, but how accidental was it really? Everyone in town knew about eccentric Sam Everett and the truckload of money he’d left his girls. It’s not like we’d tried to let it get out, but in a small town like Glenwood, riches of that magnitude didn’t go unnoticed. People talked.

  And what about Kelly? Yes, Trevor and Kelly had been friends. They’d joked around a bit here and there, the usual stuff that goes on between a sister and her sister’s boyfriend, nothing suspicious. Kelly seemed to like Trevor just fine, and Trevor liked her okay too. But that’s all it was. Right? Or was I only kidding myself?

  I reached for my drink and missed, instead brushing it with my hand. The glass teetered, then fell, rolling back and forth in a slow arc. The pinkish contents oozed out like a miniature lava flow.

  “Sorry,” I said.

  “Don’t worry about it.” Caroline quickly wiped up the bar and removed the evidence.

  I lowered my voice, aware that more people were sitting at the bar now. “Do you like Trevor?”

  Caroline’s eyes widened.

  “Do I like Trevor? Sure, I like Trevor.”

  “Yeah, he’s great. You know, I wonder if maybe he only married me for the money. I mean, he did know about my money. And I’m not bad looking and all, but he could have had anyone.”

  “Gwyn, now wait just a …” She eyed a customer, his arm outstretched, beckoning. “Back in a sec,” she said, aiming a finger at me.

  I watched as she moved down the bar and mixed two drinks in rapid succession. Then, almost as an afterthought, she tossed a capped beer bottle twirling high behind her back and with barely a look up, caught it, uncapped it, and slid it down the bar where it stopped dead in the man’s hand.

  The man laughed as his beer overflowed in sudsy foam.

  Caroline sidled back to me. “He’s willing to lose some brew just to watch me do tricks.” She shrugged, then placed a tall frosted glass in front of me. “It’s water,” she said. “You want a lime to dress it up?”

  “No.”

  “Now you listen to me, and you believe me when I say this. You are special, really special. He’s a lucky guy and he knows it. As for the money, sure, maybe he did feel like he’d won the lottery. Couldn’t hurt, right? But that’s not why he married you. The guy loves you. Anyone can see that. I don’t know where you come up with this stuff.”

  I smiled, truly relieved. “Thanks, Care.”

  “Don’t mention it.”

  When I returned home I quickly carved a pumpkin, a happy though toothless one, for my little guests. Ghosts and witches appeared in noisy groups, along with rock stars and dragons and winged fairies. Trevor walked in the front door a little after eight o’clock, just as one of the last groups of children scampered down the front steps. He smiled at me and shook his head. “Looks like I missed everything.”

  “We might get a few more. You look tired.”

  “I am. I don’t think that couple even knew it was Halloween, and I doubt if they cared. They don’t have children. But the papers are signed and it’s pretty much a done deal. I was hoping to get home a little earlier though.”

  “I understand.”

  Trevor picked a Hershey bar from the candy bowl, stripped off the wrapper and took a bite.

  I chose a Tootsie Pop. “There’s an art show I probably should see this weekend.”

  “Where?”

  “In Aspen.”

  “Oh,” he said, “you know, that’s a great idea. I need some new skis, and you could use some too. The mountain will be opening in a couple of weeks and this way we’ll be ready. Do you just want to spend the day?”

  “Sure-if we leave early.”

  “Well, we’ll leave by eight and get there around nine. How’s that?”

  “That would work.”

  “We’ll stay and have dinner. I’ll make a reservation tomorrow. Anywhere special?”

  “No. You decide.”

  “Feeling tired tonight?” he asked, draping his arm around my shoulders.

  “Yeah, I sort of am.”

  “You sure?”

  “I’m sorry, honey. I’m absolutely beat. I worked hard all day and nothing came together. Frustrating.” I didn’t mention my visit with Caroline, for no particular reason. I just didn’t feel like sharing it with him.

  “Okay,” he said, “then tomorrow for sure.”

  Chapter 3

  I stood in my darkroom facing a row of polyethylene amber bottles, the soft glow of the safelight illuminating the tray in front of me. Carefully, I agitated the latest eight-by-ten in the solution, watching the image develop before my eyes, like a ghost coming out of hiding. This black and white photograph was from my most recent shoot. I’d trekked high above the canyon and taken several mountain scenery shots. Now I hoped they would turn out as good as when I’d aimed the ca
mera. As I watched, the photo became clearer, the mountain stream seeming to gurgle as it swirled around sunlit rocks, while stately fir trees created the necessary shadows needed to camouflage the sleepy bear I planned to insert there, taking a long cool drink.

  As I hung the photo to dry, the phone rang out in the studio. I listened as the answering machine clicked on, but didn’t recognize the caller, a woman. Hungry and curious, I finished up and left the darkroom, then pressed the message button.

  “Hope I have the right number. The writing in this old address book is a little smudged. I’m calling for Gwyn Sanders who has the house on Stockard road next to mine. I noticed last night that some kids were over there, the lights were off; that’s why I’m calling. They threw some toilet paper into the trees and bushes, and were throwing something at the house. I hope they didn’t do any damage. I would have shooed them off, but they were the bigger kids that come later on Halloween so I didn’t want to go there. I was just about to call the police when they took off. Someone shined their headlights on them and I think it scared them so I-”

  The answering machine cut her off at that point. I quickly flipped through my own address book and found the number for Louise Carmichael.

  She picked up on the first ring.

  “Mrs. Carmichael,” I said, “I just got your message. It’s Gwyn Sanders.”

  “Oh, I’m so glad. I wasn’t certain I dialed it right and I guess you’re not listed.”

  “No. I’m coming over there in a little while, so if you see a red Jeep in the drive you’ll know it’s me. Does the house look okay in the daylight, or did you look?”

  “Oh, I looked. Tissue in the trees, but no broken windows, not that I can see from here anyway. I should have called the cops, but I didn’t notice anything right away, and being it was Halloween … well, I … but I should have called.”

  “You said the lights weren’t on?”

  “No, not all night. It’s the first time I’ve noticed it, though it could have been like that the night before. I went to bed early and slept through for a change, so I wouldn’t have noticed anything. Before that everything’s been fine, though I’m not checking all the time. I usually watch TV in the evenings.”