Her Last Letter

by Nancy C. Johnson

  “Fine.”

  “That’s good. You planning on going out with the guys later, on Wolfgang’s snowmobiles?”

  “No, I thought he was joking.”

  “Don’t think so.”

  “I didn’t bring a change of clothes,” Josh said.

  Trevor waved a hand. “I’m sure Wolfgang’s got extra stuff you can borrow. You’re not going to stay inside with the women, are you?”

  “I thought the women were invited too?”

  “Yeah, but Gwyn’s not going. She has a cold.”

  “I haven’t decided that for sure,” I said, “but you’re right, probably not.”

  “Sure, I’ll go,” Josh said, “if Wolfgang can suit me up. What the hell?”

  “Yeah, what the hell,” Trevor said, smacking Josh on the back so hard his drink slopped over the side.

  Josh narrowed his eyes at Trevor, then excused himself and walked off toward Caroline and Nate.

  “Doesn’t that guy ever bring a date?” said Trevor. “If he wasn’t your ex, I’d swear he was gay.”

  “I thought you said you weren’t going out, that you’d changed your mind.”

  “Well, I changed it back.”

  “It’s a bad idea and you know it. It’s freezing out there and you’ve had too much to drink. How many is that anyway?”

  “Don’t worry. I’m fine. I’m hungry and I’m getting some food. You coming?”

  “Yeah, I guess.”

  After the snack, I ditched Trevor and searched for Linda. I’d spied her once, briefly, when she’d stopped to talk to a few guests, but just as quickly she’d disappeared again.

  I looked for her in the kitchen, then in the rooms off the hall on the main floor. Finally, I found her in the room Linda referred to as the library, a grouping of chairs and loveseats surrounded by bookcases only partially lined with hardbound books.

  “What are you doing in here?’ I asked.

  “Nothing, trying to find a little space.”

  “Oh. Just wondered where you were. I can leave if you’d rather be alone.”

  “It’s okay. Go ahead. Sit if you want.”

  I noticed a weird odor in the room, masked somewhat by the heavy scent of Linda’s perfume. “This room smells a little funky, don’t you think?”

  She sniffed the air. “Yeah, guess it does. Books are probably moldy. Nobody actually reads them. If I opened one up a moth would probably fly out. It feels cold in here too, doesn’t it?”

  “A little chilly.”

  “I’ll start a fire.” Linda rose and turned on the gas jets for the fireplace. “If this damn thing works.”

  After a few seconds, flames ignited. We sat quietly, staring at the fire.

  “Looks real,” I said.

  “It should. I spent enough on it.”

  It was then that I noticed a tear slip down her cheek, then another.

  “Sweetie, what’s wrong?”

  “Nothing. It’s nothing. Don’t-”

  “No, tell me, please.”

  She sat very still, then lifted her head and smiled sadly. “Have I always been such a loser? Did I ever do anything right?”

  “Linda. What are you talking about?”

  “Nothing. Just that no one really gives a shit about me. Except you. And then … maybe not you either. But how could I blame you? I’m such a pain in the ass.”

  “You’re not.”

  “I will bet you that not one other person noticed I’m missing from my own party.”

  “That’s not true. Not true at all. Caroline was looking for you. And a lot of other people asked me where you were.”

  She shrugged.

  “Linda, everyone likes you. You have tons of friends. Everyone goes on and on about how much fun you are, and you give these great parties.”

  “Yeah, my great parties.”

  “Did something happen? Something must have happened.”

  She stared ahead, her eyes glazed over.

  “Wolfgang?”

  “I don’t think I want to talk right now.”

  “Tell me. What happened? What did he do?”

  “Not now, Gwyn.”

  “Okay … okay. Then we’ll just sit here.”

  She took a deep breath, let it go. “I’m glad I have you, Gwyn. You know that? I don’t say it very much, but I am.”

  “I know.” I moved in close and put my arm around her. “I love you, Linda. I do. Please believe that. And everything’s going to be okay. From now on. I won’t let anything bad happen to you-not to either of us.”

  This only made her cry harder. She stayed tucked under my arm for several minutes, and then finally shook herself loose.

  “I’m better now,” she said, sniffing. “I’ll just go upstairs and fix myself a little, then I’ll be back down.”

  “All right,” I said.

  She rose to leave.

  The first thing I did was go look for Wolfgang. I found him near the bar, flirting with Sylvia of all people, though she didn’t appear to be paying much attention. Instead, she was craning her neck in the direction of Trevor and Bob.

  I turned away in disgust and cruised the room trying to find Caroline and Nate. They were seated on one of the couches near the Christmas tree, the lighting lower on that side of the room. Caroline scooted closer to Nate to make room for me. “Enjoying the party?” she asked. “You look tired.”

  “I am. I have a stupid cold. I hope I don’t give it to you.”

  “I’m not worried. Hey, is that the infamous Sylvia? The brunette?”

  “In the flesh.”

  “Kind of the painted lady, isn’t she? Puts that makeup on with a trowel. I haven’t seen Trevor talking to her much. In fact, I think he moves around the room just to avoid her.”

  “Yes, but what does that mean? He knows I’m watching him.”

  “True. But maybe it means he’s telling the truth. Maybe he’s not interested in her.”

  “No, maybe he isn’t. But she’s not the only woman he knows. And maybe he doesn’t want to make it too obvious. Oh, who knows? Who cares?”

  “You care.” Caroline leaned in close. “So, how’s it going with-you know? Anything happening yet?”

  I shook my head. “Not a lot yet, but I’ll tell you when we’re really alone. I’m a little paranoid. I feel like everyone can hear me, no matter how softly I talk.”

  “From what you told me about-you know-maybe they can.” She looked suspiciously at the couple seated across from us. “I did talk to Linda, finally. It took me a while to find her.”

  “I don’t think she’s in a people mood tonight,” I said. “These parties really wear her out. All the planning involved.” I motioned toward Nate, who seemed content to gaze around the room while Caroline and I conversed. “Is Nate having a good time?”

  “I think so. But he’s all talked out. He was on duty since early this morning. Needs some quiet time, I guess.”

  “So it’s going good?”

  “So good it’s scary. I hate feeling this way.” She leaned in closer still. “He’s a great kisser. But that’s all I know so far. I’m not going to rush into anything with him. And he’s not pushing me.”

  “He seems really nice.”

  “Yeah, he does. But he hasn’t gotten to know me yet. I don’t know if I can keep my apartment clean for much longer.”

  I laughed. “If he takes the time to get to know you like I do, he’ll adore you.”

  “Whatever,” she said, but grinned. “I saw you talking to Josh when we walked in. How did Trevor handle that?”

  “How would you expect?”

  “Hand to hand combat, right?”

  “Trevor plans to go out and challenge Josh on a snowmobile. I did, of course, try to talk him out of it.”

  “The whole idea is hilarious. A bunch of drunk guys out tearing around the property. Wolfgang’s idea?”

  “Who else? Maybe Nate can put a stop to it.”

  “Private property. As long as they don’t go
out on the public roads, he can’t do much. And I don’t think he’d want to. He’d be the guy on the outs with the host, and he doesn’t want to ruin Wolfgang’s party. Maybe he can keep an eye on things. I sure hope Wolfgang thought to update his liability insurance though.”

  The hors d’oeuvres trays were moved out and replaced with a hot buffet. Trevor filled a plate, but I wasn’t hungry.

  “I’m getting tired, Trevor. Why don’t we just go home afterwards? Okay?”

  “No, but I’ll take you home if you want.”

  “Earlier tonight you said you didn’t even think you’d go.”

  “I changed my mind.”

  “Why is this so important now?”

  “It isn’t. I just don’t want to be the only one not out there.”

  “It’s a stupid idea and you’re not even sober.”

  “I’m sober enough. Don’t bother to argue. I’m going.”

  The trio of jazz musicians kicked it up a notch, and a few couples moved onto the area set aside for a dance floor. Though still angry at Trevor, I accepted his invitation to dance when the tempo again slowed.

  “No talking,” he said.

  “But-”

  “No, if we don’t talk, we won’t argue.” He pulled me close, his fingers pressing lightly in at my waist, then moving upwards, rippling along my spine. I began to relax, feeling much more forgiving.

  He looked down at me. “Better now?”

  “Yes.” Moments later, I spotted Sylvia watching us, and pulled Trevor closer still. “Can I ask one favor?”

  “What?”

  “Don’t dance with Sylvia if she asks.”

  “What makes you think she’d do that?”

  “That’s easy, she hasn’t let you out of her sight since we walked in. It’s perverted the way she stares.”

  He glanced at her, then laughed. “She’s not watching me. She’s talking with Bob. You’re imagining things.”

  “Yeah, sure I am.”

  As the music died away and Trevor led me off of the floor, Sylvia suddenly appeared in front of us.

  “Oh, hi, you two. Glad I ran into you. Gwyn, could I borrow Trevor for a minute? Bob refuses to dance with me anymore. He says his feet hurt.”

  I started to open my mouth, but before I could answer, Sylvia quickly pulled Trevor onto the dance floor.

  He looked back at me, raising his brows as if to ask, What am I supposed to do?

  I watched as Sylvia attempted to draw Trevor tightly into her arms. It was several seconds before I noticed Josh standing beside me.

  “Aggressive lady,” he said.

  “What?”

  “Sylvia Breslin. Over there, the one practically wearing your husband.”

  “She doesn’t bother me.”

  He chuckled. “Oh really.”

  I began to walk away.

  He caught my arm. “I’m sorry, Gwyn. I am. I shouldn’t make fun.”

  “You’re right. I hate her.”

  “Understandable.”

  I glanced up at Josh, but he was watching Sylvia and Trevor.

  “You know,” he said, “she’s planning to snowmobile after the party. She told me. Listen, I’ll foil her plan, make sure she’s not on the back of your husband’s snowmobile. I’ll take her on mine. Unless Trevor stops me. You’d like to know if he does, wouldn’t you?”

  “Yes, I would.”

  “Want to dance?”

  “Love to.” Though he held me at a comfortable distance, I purposely drew him closer. “Not to be nosy,” I asked. “But why didn’t you bring a date tonight?”

  “What you’re really asking is, am I here alone because of you.”

  “No.”

  “Gwyn? Truth?”

  “Well, no. It’s just that I know lots of women who would have loved to be your date. Half the women in this town.”

  “I’m here alone because I didn’t know if I’d actually be able to make the party. I wouldn’t want to cancel and break some woman’s heart.”

  “Yes, that’s true.”

  Josh brought his lips close to my ear. “Trevor’s watching us. I don’t think he likes me right now.”

  “So? That’s his problem.”

  “We’ll teach him.”

  I began to giggle in spite of myself. “We’ve known each other a long time, haven’t we, Josh?”

  “Yes, a very long time. And I’ve enjoyed every minute of it … well, almost.”

  “I am sorry.”

  “Sorry?”

  “About … before.”

  “Oh. I knew that. Don’t give it another thought.”

  “You do deserve better,” I said. “You deserve the best.”

  He looked out over the crowd. “Your husband dumped her. At least for now.” Josh winked. “The games begin.” He motioned toward Wolfgang, who had already changed into his bulky snowmobile suit.

  “Isn’t he rushing things?” I said. “Linda’s party is not exactly over.”

  “This could be a major hint that he’d like it to be.”

  The jazz trio ended its number and Wolfgang disappeared from the room. Shortly after, I heard the loud buzz of a snowmobile warming up outside.

  “Well, Gwyn, it’s been a pleasure,” said Josh, “but hubby is coming this way and he’s not exactly smiling. Catch you later.”

  “Bye, Josh.”

  Trevor marched toward me, his face fiery red. “What was that?”

  “What was what?”

  “You, dancing with that loser. What? To get back at me? Pretty childish.”

  “No, and lower your voice. Who’s being childish?”

  “Oh, to hell with it. I’ll be outside. I’ll see you when I’m done.”

  I watched him stalk away. Funny how he’d just assumed I wasn’t going.

  The jazz group put their instruments back in their cases, and the help staff began to clear the room of stray glasses and plates. Guests either said their good-byes, or headed to designated rooms to change clothing. Coffee was offered to those left behind.

  I wandered to the rear of the house and drew the curtains aside. I could see the headlights of a few snowmobiles parked outside or moving slowly toward the acreage beyond. Josh was gone. Trevor was gone. All of the men had left.

  I went off to look for Linda and Caroline.

  I found Linda standing alone in the kitchen.

  “Aren’t you going out?” I asked.

  “No, not in the mood. Aren’t you?”

  “I don’t know. I have this cold, and I’m tired. But Trevor’s going.”

  “I wish they’d all go home. The neighbors might get testy if this thing gets too noisy, though a few of them said they’d join in. Wolfgang’s planning a big bonfire afterwards.” She walked to the kitchen table and sat down. “You want something? Coffee?” she asked.

  “Not unless it’s decaf.”

  “It isn’t.”

  I sat down with her. “Your party did turn out great.”

  “I suppose it did, but I probably should have cancelled, considering how much I’ve had to do lately.”

  “So when are you leaving for Hawaii?”

  “Thursday … if I go.”

  “What do you mean? If you go.”

  “Because Wolfgang’s a colossal jerk.” The buzzing of the snowmobiles intensified. She glanced toward the window. “I hope he runs himself into a tree, the bastard.” She turned back to me. “Don’t worry. I’m not serious-not yet anyway. It looks like we’ll be in Maui the first week, at the Grand Wailea Resort. After that, I don’t know. Wolfgang says he wants to surprise me. I’ll send you a postcard.”

  “I’d rather you call.”

  “Sure.”

  “Can’t talk you out of it?”

  “No.”

  “Have you seen Caroline anywhere?”

  “I think I saw her head outside. That’s a nice guy she’s with. Does she like him?”

  “Yes.”

  “Well, I hope it works out for her.”


  After a while, Linda left to go upstairs and I again tried to watch the others from a window. Lights bobbed up and down invisible mounds of snow and through the trees at the back of the property. Up by the house, I caught sight of two snowmobiles idling, waiting for passengers. I couldn’t stand it one minute longer. I had to know if Trevor was with Sylvia.

  I changed into heavy clothes, picked out a helmet from a pile near the door, then hopped on a snowmobile that didn’t appear to be in use. I gunned the engine and charged off.

  I knew the property fairly well, enough to know the hazards. Linda and I had walked it several times before she’d made the decision to buy it.

  Most of the snowmobiles were still at the back of the property, following the trails that curved through the woods. I sped across the snow, crouched over the snowmobile as it smacked down over several small rises. Gripping the handlebars tighter, I stood, straddling the machine like a steed in full gallop. I cranked open the throttle, giving it gas. Reaching the open field, I raced across it, then braked momentarily to locate the trailhead. I saw it, and punched the throttle open, flying up the curving path. I was gaining on them. I could see their headlights in the near distance through the woods. So concentrated on their lights was I, that I nearly missed the next turn. I slammed on the brakes and slid out so fast the tail end of the snowmobile arced a hundred and eighty degrees. I’d narrowly missed a big sturdy pine. I stopped and caught my breath, thinking that it wasn’t necessary to die and make it easier for Sylvia and Trevor to be together.

  Before I could start out again, I heard what sounded like a whump, then screams and shouts. All activity stopped.

  I raced up the trail and saw snowmobiles scattered all over. I jumped off and started running.

  People were standing over someone on the ground. Headlights were trained on the body, lying still on its back. Two men crouched near it. As I approached, I could see that the body was a woman’s. One of the men crouching over her was Trevor. I ran toward him.

  “What happened?” I shouted, but he didn’t seem to hear me. “Trevor, what happened? God, is it Caroline?”

  I stopped, and someone grabbed my arm. “No, Gwyn. It’s not. I’m perfectly fine.”

  “Oh my God, Care. Then who is it?”

  “It’s Sylvia.”

  “Oh…. She’s not dead, is she?”

  “No. But it looks serious. She hasn’t moved since she got thrown off. Nate is taking care of everything, along with Trevor. They called an ambulance.”