Kiss of Noir

by Clara Nipper

  “You’re not goin’ to show me your dick, are you?” I said.

  “No, something the ladies like even better.” Johnny removed his wallet and split it wide to reveal a thick wad of green bills.

  “You are such a pig!” I said.

  Johnny shrugged, his eyes twinkling. “Don’t matter. Don’t you get it? All this buys my laundry done and pressed, my shoes shined, my house cleaned, my food cooked, my regular poon, and all the strange I want. It buys me a play-wife and my freedom all at once. Hell, it will even buy my car washed if I want. Am I right, brothers?”

  Drew threw the lunch garbage away, not answering. Cleo sat down, sucking on a toothpick.

  “Brothers, am I right?” Johnny said to Cleo, whose eyes sharpened and he removed his toothpick and pointed it at Johnny.

  “No, man, we ain’t brothers. We ain’t nothing alike. I am a man and you are a foolish boy. I respected my mama and when I found someone, I respected that woman enough to marry her and treat her right and stay married ’til the day she died. I didn’t play around and she didn’t either. That ain’t cool, what you doing, Johnny. When you mess with the female and treat her like trash, you make bad voodoo for yourself. Just don’t be near us when it all comes down.” Cleo replaced the toothpick. Johnny sighed and shrugged, stunned by Cleo’s words but trying to act unfazed. I cleared my throat, feeling uncomfortable about my own female messes that might rain hell down on me.

  “Well, I got a good situation and I like it just as it is. Cindy ain’t going nowhere because she’s on the payroll.” Johnny cupped his crotch. “Know what I’m saying?”

  I sat forward. “No, fuck all that, pretty boy. What I would do is,” I dropped my voice to a whisper, “wise her up.” Then I licked my lips.

  Johnny jumped away from me, sneering. “Oh, you nasty bulldyke! You crazy! You’d get nowhere, believe me. Cindy don’t play that way.”

  “They never do until they meet me,” I said.

  “Sure. Well, you can try if you’ve got your panties in a twist, but it’s a dead end. I know.”

  “I can seduce anyone,” I said, feeling my fangs. “And she is a woman in need.”

  “Hold up, hold up,” Drew said. “Johnny, man, you don’t care if Nora makes a move on Cindy?”

  “That’s cold, Johnny,” Cleo said.

  “What the fuck, we ain’t married,” Johnny said.

  “But she’s living in your house, sleeping in your bed, washing your skidmarked drawers, and cooking your supper,” Drew said.

  “She’s free and I’m free,” Johnny said, his voice stern. “I don’t ask her to do none of those things. She do them because she thinks it will keep me. Well, look, it don’t.”

  “You’re a pure-D bastard,” I said.

  “Like I said, it don’t matter. I still get all the bj’s I want.”

  “Johnny, you talk too damn much, but that Q was good,” Cleo said, closing the subject.

  “Yeah, man, that was some fine shit,” Drew added.

  “It was okay. I’ve had better,” I said, thinking of Tulsa.

  Johnny snorted. “Sure.”

  “Let’s play bones,” Cleo said.

  “All right, I’m in,” Johnny said.

  “When is Ellis getting back?” Drew asked. I rolled my eyes.

  The rain poured down, flooding into torrents at the curbs. Trash was swept toward the drain gutters, washing the town clean.

  Chapter Ten

  “Mrs. Clyde, may I present Nora Delaney, my cousin and apprentice? Nora, this is Mrs. Clyde, a well-established long-term client and dear friend. Nora, behave,” Ellis said.

  “Oh, Ellis honey, how many times have I implored you to call me Julia?” she said, batting her eyes and raising her hand to my chin. I cupped the hand with a caress and kissed the air above her skin. I held the hand a few seconds too long, appraising the woman and assessing the possibilities. From the ground up: expensive and edgy. Older woman, mid forties, but very sexy. Muscular, meaty legs with a fine, round, fiery fanny perched on top. Luscious belly pouch, sweet, curvy waist, breasts like the prow of a great ship draped with a vulgar excess of jewelry like a dime store Christmas tree. Succulent pale neck and a pouty, sulky face. All blond in the head. Her eyes were huge, navy blue, and slightly crossed like a Siamese cat’s.

  “Me yow,” I drawled.

  “I beg your pardon?” Julia asked, withdrawing her hand and staring at Ellis.

  “Nora, what did I tell you? I’m sorry, Julia, my cousin doesn’t have any raising. Please excuse her. Nora, apologize to Mrs. Clyde. She is a lady—”

  “That she is.” I grinned.

  “Nora, go get my briefcase out of the car. Now.” Ellis pushed the keys into my hand and shoved me toward the door. “I am truly sorry, Julia,” Ellis repeated as I slouched to the exit. “I had hoped for Nora to assist me with your account, but now that is out of the question. Please accept my apology.”

  “Accepted, Ellis. We go back too far for anything to come between us. But do keep that horrible person out of my affairs,” Julia said.

  “You have my word,” Ellis said. “Now, shall it be the same terms for these items?”

  I looked back at the two of them before I left. Julia turned her head and met my glance. Pure hatred glittered in the woman’s crossed cat eyes. I blew her a kiss and closed the door behind me.

  In the car, I realized Ellis never left his briefcase in the car. It was with him at all times, as if handcuffed to his wrist. So I just sat and waited, feeling like a chump. I smoked but got no pleasure from it. I knew Julia better than Ellis, and I knew what that woman wanted and how she wanted it. After all these years, I didn’t make mistakes about sizing women up. Ellis was just too polite and married and that made him blind. Julia’s wealth gave her a screen of propriety, but that wasn’t her. I knew it. I may have lost my coaching career and some of my dignity, but not that. Never that.

  After some minutes, Julia emerged from the anonymous storefront. She saw me sitting in the car, waiting like a lapdog, and she sneered. Julia approached the car slowly, pulling gloves on like a reverse striptease. I licked my lips and stared at her, waiting.

  “Your cousin,” Julia said, frigid with contempt, “will be out shortly. We have concluded our business for today.”

  I continued to stare, feeling the power of my own silence.

  “Well, good day.” Julia smacked sunglasses on to her face.

  I remained quiet. All eyes.

  “I said good day!” Julia repeated, getting shrill.

  I said nothing. I didn’t blink.

  “What is the matter with you?” Julia charged the door and punched it with her gloved fist. I didn’t flinch. “Ellis knows the proper way to treat me, someone of my class and stature,” Julia continued harshly, hoping to prod some shame from me. “He is courteous and professional!” Julia shrieked. “He has race manners!” she added acidly, in desperation.

  I allowed a tiny smile to curve the edges of my mouth. I did not speak. I looked away from Julia and stared front, cutting Julia dead.

  “Why, you…you beast!” Julia exclaimed. She fumbled in her pocketbook for her keys and dropped the whole thing. Femme supplies clattered everywhere. Lipstick, compact, tissues, lotion, wallet, coins, gum, perfume, business cards, and a rabbit’s foot scattered all over the concrete. I watched all this and extracted another cigarette and thumbed a match. I blew out the match and tossed it into the handbag mess on the sidewalk. When the match landed next to her compact, Julia gasped. “You are abominable! Incorrigible! You should be flogged! Have you no shred of decency? Respect? Kindness! I’m going to march in there and tell Ellis all about you, you creep!”

  I enjoyed this smoke immensely. It was perhaps the finest of my life. Julia was scrambling, trying to gather her things with gloved hands.

  I smoked, still silent and staring off into the distance.

  “Oh, help me,” Julia cried, slumping to the sidewalk in her skirt and pumps. “Please help. I must go.
I have an appointment. Can’t you give me a hand with this?”

  I raised my eyebrows and squinted my answer. I liked Julia just where she was. A snotty dignified woman looking perfectly ridiculous sitting on the sidewalk and grappling at her belongings like a soft-shell crab.

  “If you don’t help, I shall cry!” Julia said, her mouth drawn and ready for tears.

  I scratched my jaw, wondering what was keeping Ellis. I watched Julia on the ground. A moment passed. I finished my cigarette and tossed the tiny butt out the window where it landed near Julia, who whipped off her gloves and threw everything back in her purse triple-quick. Her jewelry rattled and clanked with her movements. “All right, then,” she said, “I see.” She snapped her bag closed. The fury was gripped as tightly as her pantyhose gripped her thighs. “So that’s what you are.” All blond ice. She stood, towering over me in a well-groomed rage. She smoothed her suit over her big curves. She flipped two fingers toward me with a beautiful embossed business card clamped between them. “My number.”

  I took the card and put it in my pocket without looking at it. I stared up at Julia, who sniffed, turned, and clicked away, her caboose switching with anger that just made me want to hit that thing.

  Ellis emerged at last, his briefcase in tow. He locked the shop and started the car. He couldn’t lecture me because I laughed all the way home.

  Chapter Eleven

  The sun was sharp and pointy, cutting the skin and blinding the eyes of anyone unfortunate enough to go outside.

  The bell above the door rang. Johnny came in, accompanied by a tall, thin, swivelly woman with brown sugar bed hair. I thought at first glance that she was a pretty young man, but then recognized the hips and jawline as female. I ran a hand over my stubbly skull and smelled my breath. I regretted getting so comfortable and therefore lazy with my grooming, just as Sayan had feared. I straightened my collar and tucked in my shirt. No one else was even paying attention to the visitors.

  “Nora, what’s your name?” Johnny asked.

  “Delaney. Nora Delaney.” I puffed up, trying to loom large. “Of LA,” I added and held out my hand.

  The butch smiled sourly and clamped her hand onto mine. “Payne Phillips of Bayou La Belle D’eau.”

  “Pain, you say?” I asked with emphasis.

  Payne spelled her first name. “Old family tradition. It’s my mother’s maiden.”

  “Well, that is darling,” I said. “Here, let me offer you my chair.”

  “No, thanks, I’ll sit here.” Payne boosted herself onto the counter.

  “Yeah, everyone? This is my bud from the old neighborhood, Payne Phillips. Payne, you’ve met Nora, this is Cleo Sweetleaf and Drew Ekalibato,” Johnny said.

  “I’m of New Orleans and he’s of Haiti,” Cleo said.

  “Pleased to meet you all.” Payne followed her statement with a dazzling smile.

  Cleo grunted and Drew shook her hand.

  “What are you talking about, old neighborhood, Johnny? You live in your mama’s house just down the street. You ain’t moved a foot since you was born. Good thing she passed and left you a place to live, eh?” Cleo said.

  “I live here because I like it. I could live anywhere I please,” Johnny said.

  “Can I get the little lady something to drink?” I asked.

  Payne burst into laughter. “Are you talking about me? Miss Delaney, you can relax. Johnny brought me in because he thought we could be friends. I’m not gonna step on any toes. Come on now.”

  “Sure thing,” I said. I looked into Payne’s eyes and they were sweet around the edges and smoldering in the centers. “Let me get you that drink. Would you like some strawberry milk? Or a fruit soda?”

  Payne scowled. “I’ll take whatever you’re drinking.”

  “Say, say, me too,” Johnny added.

  “Get it yourself,” I called from the back. I brought Payne a beer. “Here, let me open it for you.”

  “Give me that.” Payne grabbed the bottle, snapped off the cap, and flung it at the trash. It went in pretty as you please. Payne smiled and drank.

  “I like a peaceful pawn. Don’t you two go turning this place into a harem,” Cleo said.

  “I won’t if she won’t.” Payne grinned and lit up the room. I rolled my eyes.

  “You know dominoes, Payne?” Drew asked. Johnny had gotten himself a beer and sat on a speaker. Cleo, rolling a cigarette, stopped to listen. I leaned against the counter, my arms locked across my chest, wishing I had better shoes and a fresh shirt.

  “Sure I do! I grew up around here, didn’t I? What do you play?”

  “St. Mary’s,” Cleo answered.

  “Do you know Memphis Twist or Ragtime?” Payne asked, leaning forward in eagerness.

  “Sure.” Cleo smiled warmly, his eyes twinkling. “Do you know Crown Jewels or Midnight Special?”

  “I know Crown Jewels,” Payne replied. “What do you want to play?”

  “Well, these here,” Cleo indicated Drew and Johnny and me, “only know what I’ve taught them, and that’s St. Mary’s.”

  “Fine with me. What’s the pot?” Payne asked, rubbing the faded, aged dominoes with reverence. They were soft and blurry with use.

  “Nothing. But sometimes Little John buys us lunch.”

  “Mmm-hmm, some good shit too, huh, my man?” Drew said.

  Johnny sipped his beer. His phone rang.

  “If that’s Cindy, you better go on home, boy,” Payne said.

  “Oh, fuck y’all.” Johnny stood and went outside to answer the call.

  “Deal you in, Nora?” Cleo asked.

  “Come on, my man, let’s kick some ass,” Drew said.

  “No, I’m feeling sick,” I said.

  “Hope it’s no one you’ve eaten,” Payne quipped, passing dominoes. Drew laughed and Cleo giggled.

  “My man!” Drew held out his hand to Payne, who slapped it.

  “Oh, give me a break,” I spat. “I’m getting some air!” I headed for the back door so I wouldn’t run into Johnny. I heard Payne say, “Touchy, isn’t she?” I stopped to listen further.

  “Not usually,” Cleo said. I exhaled.

  “Well, you know, you can’t get two of us in the same room, we’ll swagger each other into oblivion.”

  Cleo grunted.

  “Ob…obliv what?” Drew asked.

  “Never mind,” Payne said. Dominoes clicked.

  “Slide in easy, honey,” Cleo murmured. I went outside where the sun stabbed me.

  When I returned, Cleo was smoking a cigarette and frowning over a gun and a wedding ring that a woman was trying to sell.

  “Please, you gotta help me,” she said, looking over her shoulder. “I got four kids.” She glanced around again. “They’ve gotta eat.”

  “Sure, I can take them off your hands, but it won’t be much.”

  “I’ll take whatever you can give me. I don’t care.” The woman ran a hand through her hair. She leaned to look outside where a battered old station wagon held four quiet children, all sitting in their seats, facing forward. I got a chill seeing this.

  “You want a loan or a sale?” Cleo asked.

  Drew, Johnny, and Payne were all fiddling with toothpicks or cigarettes or dominoes, their eyes downcast.

  “I can give you more if you sell them.” Cleo had the ring on the first knuckle of his pinkie finger.

  “Sell. I will never need these again.” The woman chewed her lip.

  “Well, how about that?” Cleo wrote a figure on a pad and slid it over to her.

  She swallowed hard and blinked. Then nodded. “Oh…okay, if that’s all you can…”

  “Yep, that’s the best I can do. Take it or leave it.”

  “No, no! I’ll take it. That’s fine. Thank you, sir.” The woman bit her nails.

  “Wait.” I stepped up. “Here, take this.” I handed the woman two hundred dollars. Then I slid the gun back to the woman. “And keep this. You may need it. Got any ammo we can give her, Cleo?”

&n
bsp; Cleo glared at me but pushed a small box of bullets across the counter.

  “Good. Now take this, get food and a tank of gas, and go somewhere safe far away. And no matter what, don’t go near him ever again. You or your kids, got it?”

  The woman began crying. “Oh, God, oh, God, bless you, bless you, bless you all. I’ll pay this back, I swear I will.”

  I waved her away. The others watched me like a pack of coyotes hiding in the bush.

  “I never thought my life would be like this, you know?” The woman sank to the floor. I gave her a hand full of tissues from the box under the register. Sometimes people cried when they pawned things. It paid to be prepared. “I thought he was nice, you know?”

  I sat with her on the floor, patting her knee. Cleo handed her the cash for the wedding band. She cried for a few moments in silence. The telephone rang and the woman jerked and jumped to her feet. Cleo answered the call. The woman embraced me while babbling, “I’ll never forget you. May God bless you for your kindness. I’ll pay this back. I swear. I have to go. Thank you, thank you.” The woman scurried out, trailing tissues.

  I strutted to the table and sat with a gusty sigh. “Well, what did I miss?”

  “I’m buying lunch,” Payne said with a brilliant grin, “for those who played.”

  I looked at Cleo, who was still at the counter with paperwork. He winked.

  “Yeah, I didn’t want to be suckered again, so I sat out too,” Johnny said.

  Drew smiled. “My man beat her and I didn’t do too bad.”

  “So what are y’all gonna eat?” Payne asked.