My Weakness

by Alison Mello

  When Liam gets home he acts like the goofball he generally is and remarks in a singsong voice that Kara and he have been talking about me. When I ask what’s been said, he refuses to answer at first and goes for a shower instead, leaving me frustrated.

  Fresh from the shower, he walks into the kitchen and reaches for a bottle of Bud from the fridge.

  “So?”

  “So, what?” he says coyly.

  “You know what I mean, Liam. You don’t have to tell me specifics, I wouldn’t expect you to break her confidence, but I would feel better if you gave me any inkling how Kara feels.”

  “All I can tell you is that she blushed when I mentioned your date. She feigned the ‘just good friends’ thing, but I say if you like her, you should tell her how you feel. I don’t think she’d rebuff you.”

  That’s all the encouragement I need, and I pull my phone from my pocket to text her.

  Seeing what I’m about to do, Liam snatches the phone from me.

  “Hey! What are you doing?” I ask as I reach to retrieve my phone.

  He waves it in the air and pulls a face at me.

  “Don’t text her. That’s so impersonal. Ring the girl, it’s the least she deserves and you know it.”

  Handing me back my phone, he pokes his tongue out at me and wanders off into the lounge.

  I pull up Kara’s number and hover over it in hesitation before biting the bullet and pressing the button. There’s no backing out now. The phone rings a few times before she finally answers.

  “Hi Reid.”

  “Kara, hey. How are you? I was just wondering if you fancied going for a drink,” I blurt, my words tumbling over each other.

  “Umm…”

  Her silence makes me nervous, and I wonder if Liam got the wrong end of the stick.

  “When were you thinking?” she finally replies.

  “When are you free?”

  “How about tonight? There’s something I think we should discuss.”

  It’s hard to tell from her tone how she’s feeling but she seems a little…off.

  “Sure. Where and what time?”

  We talk for another couple of minutes to arrange a time and place to meet, then I say goodbye and head straight for the shower.

  I’m getting ready in my room when Liam barges in.

  “Hey!” he greets as he sits on the edge of my bed.

  “Hey yourself! What happened to knocking?”

  “Oh, come off it, man, you haven’t got anything I haven’t seen before.”

  “Yes, I have.”

  “Oh really, what’s that?”

  I don’t answer, I just grab my cologne and put some on before walking out of my room.

  “Come on, what do you have that I haven’t seen? I want to know now!”

  “What are you two boys on about?” Jase asks as he walks through the front door.

  “Reid reckons he’s got something I’ve never seen before. Says I should knock before going into his room,” Liam replies as he walks over and puts his arm around my brother.

  “Well, you should knock, I’m forever telling you that. But seriously, bro, what have you got that we ain’t seen?”

  “My cock, all right?! He might have seen god knows how many, but he hasn’t seen mine and I’d rather keep it that way!”

  “I’d rather he didn’t see yours too, bro,” Jase responds as he cuffs Liam round the back of the head.

  “I didn’t want to see it and I didn’t see it, he was already dressed,” Liam retorts as he rubs the spot Jase hit.

  “You should still knock.”

  “I’m glad I’m moving out. Nobody to barge in on me anymore,” I say as I reach for my jacket.

  “Where you off to, bro? You look good, so it must be a date if you’ve put in so much effort.”

  “I’m meeting Kara.”

  I feel the blush creep across my face.

  Jase just gives me a knowing smile and reaches out for a fist-bump. I leave him hanging and head for the door.

  “Don’t wait up!” I call as the door closes behind me.

  ***

  I’m sat at the bar with a drink in my hand, waiting for Kara. I’m a few minutes early and I feel my pulse begin to pick up its pace. I keep an eye on the door and my heart leaps as I see her arrive. My body reacts to her presence, and I have to keep myself from thinking too much about the way she looks. I don’t think she’ll appreciate me greeting her with an obvious hardness in view. She looks beautiful. She always does, but tonight I drink in her appearance as if it’s the first time I’ve ever seen her. I greet her with a kiss on the cheek before ordering her a drink and finding us a table.

  Once we’ve sat down, Kara looks like she has something on her mind, but I don’t want to push her. Maybe she’s come tonight because she wants to let me down gently, face to face instead of over the phone. I feel a pang in my gut as this thought crosses my mind.

  We make small talk for a little while and she seems a little fidgety. There’s certainly not the same kind of atmosphere that we experienced on the blind date, and I’m not sure whether I’ve done something wrong.

  “There’s something I need to show you,” Kara says when the small talk subsides.

  The look on her face is serious and maybe even a touch sad. My heart is pounding wildly, wondering what on earth has changed since the weekend.

  “Okay…” I urge as the silence threatens to consume me.

  Kara reaches into her handbag and pulls out a small white card. I’m not sure what I was expecting her to show me and now I’m nervously anticipating the contents of the card. My palms begin to sweat, so I discreetly wipe them on my jeans under the table.

  “I was asked to give you this. I’m starting to wonder why I agreed to get involved.”

  Her cryptic words have me worried that whatever she’s going to show me is going to change things between us—I may not know what was happening between us, if anything, but I want more of the last date. However, there’s something in her tone of voice that makes me sure she didn’t agree to meet for a date as I had expected.

  Sliding the card over the table to me, Kara doesn’t meet my eye. What on earth can this card hold? I take it from her and take a deep breath. My hands shake slightly as I go to open it.

  The contents are completely not what I expected. I don’t know what I actually expected, but it wasn’t this. No words are spoken and the fact that a baby scan picture is staring back at me is confounding. Is Kara pregnant? Is that what she’s trying to tell me? But then why would she have said she wondered why she was getting involved? I need to ask her, but my throat feels as dry as the Sahara desert. I pick up my bottle with a trembling hand and drink half of the contents in one gulp. Now I have to find the words to figure out what’s going on here. Kara still hasn’t spoken and the silence is deafening.

  “Is this…yours?”

  “No.”

  That’s it. A one word reply. She reaches for her drink and I can see tears brimming in her eyes. I want to do something to take away her pain, but I can’t. I’m so baffled here and I haven’t got a clue how to proceed.

  “Help me out here, Kara. I’m stumped.”

  “It’s Molly’s.”

  The tension in the air is palpable. Molly’s scan picture? I’m not clear what the hell that has to do with me. I can hear Kara breathing deeply, as though she’s trying not to have a panic attack or something. I remember she used to suffer from the odd anxiety attack, and I don’t want that to happen now. I want to clear this mess up and then get on with our date or go home and bang my head against a brick wall.

  “Okay. It’s Molly’s. What’s that got to do with me?”

  “She says it’s yours.”

  It seems crazy that I hadn’t put two and two together myself, but I felt totally disconnected and had no idea that’s what she was trying to get across. I down the rest of my drink and excuse myself to go to the Gents.

  Standing looking at myself in the mirror above the si
nk, I stare into my own eyes and wonder what the hell just happened. Why the hell is she getting Kara of all people to do her dirty work? I just can’t figure it out. I’m going to be a dad? That’s the craziest thing I’ve ever heard. I always thought I’d be married to a woman I love before children came into the picture. Now I’m going to be a part-time dad—something I never wanted to be—because I can’t bring myself to entertain the idea of getting back with Molly purely because we’re expecting a baby. I don’t know much at the moment, but I do know that people shouldn’t stay together for the sake of a child. Yes, many people think it’s better to give a child the stability of having both parents together, but I think it’s better for the development of the relationship with the child if you are happy. Two parents who are forced together for their child’s sake only makes for a whole lot of resentment, if you ask me. I’m not about to get back with Molly, so I hope she’s going to accept that and we can have an amicable friendship so our baby grows up in a conducive environment.

  I wash my hands, just for something to do, then I walk back out into the pub to face my future head-on. Getting back to our table, I see Kara isn’t there. Her glass isn’t empty, so I’m assuming she’s just popped to the Ladies. I go to the bar and order another bottle of Bud. Taking my seat, I take a long sip of the cold beer and wait for Kara. I look at my watch and notice she’s been gone for a while. I pull my phone from my pocket and send her a quick text;

  Reid: Hey! Where have you got to?

  I don’t get a response and my stomach sinks. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out she left.

  I don’t know what I’m doing. In my heart, I want to go after Kara, but that’s probably not a wise move. I feel like I should probably get in touch with Molly, but I’m not sure I want to have ‘the talk.’

  Before I can talk myself out of it, I call a taxi and when he pulls up, I give him Molly’s address. This needs confronting head-on.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Kara

  I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m sat at home crying my eyes out with a bottle of wine and a tub of ice cream. What a typical chick response to something that upsets us. I want to call Zoey, I feel like I really need to talk about it with someone but at the same time, I feel like talking about it is the last thing I want to do. Reid sent me a text a little while ago, but I couldn’t make myself respond. I feel like such a shitty person for just leaving him at the bar. It wasn’t something I had intended to do, but I couldn’t sit across from him and talk about the baby he’s having with another woman. It feels like a piece of my heart has died. I have been in love with Reid longer than I care to admit, and I always dreamed that one day we might end up together, but that was just a fantasy. The reality of the situation hits me like a sucker punch to the gut. He’s going to be a dad. Molly will have something tying them together forever and I feel so selfish when I think that she has the one thing I wanted for myself, Reid’s first baby. I shouldn’t be making this about me, but I just can’t help how I feel.

  Instead of texting Reid back or calling Zoey, I decide to put on a chick flick and get lost in somebody else’s fictional problems. I put Dirty Dancing into the DVD player and pour myself another glass of wine. I send a quick text to Liam asking if he can open up for me in the morning. It’s not normally his early shift, but when I tell him something came up, he’s only too happy to help. With that settled, I sit back and watch Baby and Johnny.

  Waking up, I realise I’m still on the couch and I must have fallen asleep watching the film. The DVD player has turned itself off and I look at my watch to see it is 11:15 p.m. I get up and pad softly up the stairs to my bedroom. I don’t bother getting undressed, I just crawl into bed and pull the blanket up to my chin. Snuggled in my cocoon, I feel safe from the outside world. I set an alarm so I’m not too late in to work, then I drift off to sleep.

  ***

  Walking into work, I see Liam serving a customer and I smile at him as I make my way over. Once the customer has left, I ask if he wants a drink, then make my way to the coffee bar. I make my way back to the counter and hand Liam his cup. He smiles and nods in appreciation.

  I busy myself with restocking some of the shelves and tidying the ‘mom and baby’ room. That brings on thoughts of last night and of Molly, then inevitably Reid. But it needs tidying and I can’t leave it with toys and books strewn across the floor, so I get on with it, and then I take my lunch break.

  I walk to the local deli for a bite to eat. There’s no way I’m going to Madison Avenue, even if it’s the best food around for miles. And going to the pub is out of the question too, because I don’t want thoughts of Reid clouding my mind. I know I need to text him and apologise for leaving so abruptly. I’m aware it wasn’t the most mature way to deal with things, but I did what I felt I needed to do at the time.

  The air is crisp today and I pull my jacket closer as I walk. My head is in turmoil as my thoughts betray me. With nothing else to distract my mind, I guess it was bound to happen.

  When I get back to work, I am lost to my own thoughts and I get the sense that Liam knows something is up. I can’t talk to him about it, it’s not my place to tell him somebody else’s business. So, I fake a smile for the rest of the day and don’t really relax until closing time.

  I’m closing the store alone when I realise how selfish I’m being. I’ve spent all day making this about myself, about how I feel. But I have no right to do that. This isn’t my life, my baby, my decision. It’s about Reid. I guess I’m allowed to mourn the loss of what we could have had together, but I can’t keep thinking this has anything to do with me whatsoever. I need to be a good and supportive friend to him in all of this.

  I get home and check my phone. No missed calls or texts. I can’t help but feel a little disappointed, but I guess I need to make the first move and apologise for the way I behaved. I send Reid a quick text;

  Kara: I’m really sorry about last night. I shouldn’t have left without talking to you. You didn’t deserve that. I’ve been a shitty friend, but I want you to know that I want to make up for that.

  I get a response faster than I expected, almost as if he’d been waiting patiently for me to realise I’ve been such an ass.

  Reid: You have nothing to be sorry for and you aren’t a shitty friend, Kara. You’re the sweetest, kindest person I know. It was a hard position Molly put you in. She had no right to do that. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry she did that to you.

  He’s sorry? I don’t know what he has to be sorry for. This isn’t his doing. I can’t help but feel mad at Molly for putting this on me. On him. If she had been a mature woman, she would have got in touch with him herself. I know she said he’d ignored her calls and texts, but if that had been me, I would have gone to his house and made him listen to me.

  Kara: If you ever want someone to talk to, I know you have Jason and Liam, but I want you to know I’m here for you.

  I go to make myself a coffee and hear my phone chime with another incoming text.

  Reid: Could we meet up to talk tonight?

  I wasn’t expecting him to want to meet so soon, but I can’t deny him. I offered to be there and I will be, so I text him and tell him he can come round to talk. I think it would be better to talk in private than somewhere strangers can overhear. I’m nervous about what he’ll have to say. I know I’ve apologised, but I still feel like a shitty friend for barely speaking two words to him, handing him a scan, and making a dash for it while he was in the toilets. I just saw my escape and I took it. How pathetic does that make me? But I will make it up to him, whatever that takes.

  I’m sat watching some mindless TV when there’s a knock on the door. I freak internally for a moment before pulling my big girl panties up and opening the door.

  “Hi,” Reid says softly as I move to the side to let him in.

  “Hi.”

  I walk ahead of him into the kitchen and ask what he wants to drink. When I’ve fixed us both a cup of coffee, I walk into the lounge wi
th Reid close on my heel.

  “I’m sorry about last night, truly.”

  “Don’t be silly,” he admonishes me.

  “Really, Reid, I wanted to talk to you, but I felt under immense pressure and didn’t have the words to say.”

  “It’s okay, seriously. Let’s forget about that and move on.”

  He takes a seat on the armchair that’s at an angle to the couch. I perch on the couch with my feet tucked up underneath me. Facing him, I drink in his handsome face. He has chiselled features and the most gorgeous eyes I’ve ever looked into. Looking into them now, I’m not sure what I’m seeing. His face seems to suggest he’s lost in thought and I wait for him to speak.

  “I’ve spoken to Molly. We rowed a little. I told her she had no right to put you in that position and made it known that she should have come to me directly.”

  “She said she couldn’t get hold of you, that you never answered calls or texts.”

  “That’s another thing, Kara. She never called me, not once. And I never got any texts either.”

  I’m shocked that Molly lied. I know Reid’s telling the truth. Not just because I want to believe him, but because I know he’s an upfront, honest person, and I just know he wouldn’t lie about something so important.

  “Well, I don’t get why she’d lie to me and get me to pass the picture along. I should have told her no and that she should give it to you herself, but she started crying and I felt sorry for her.”

  “She’s a manipulative bitch, that’s why. I’m sorry to be blunt, but that’s exactly why she did it. That’s one of the reasons we didn’t date for long. She would tell little lies, thinking I wouldn’t notice, or that I wouldn’t pull her up on it.”