My Weakness

by Alison Mello

  Pulling up outside Molly’s house, I see all the lights are out except for the lounge. We get out of the car and go to knock on the door. The look of shock on her face says she wasn’t expecting me to come along. Still, she doesn’t say anything, doesn’t tell me she doesn’t want me here. She steps aside and allows us into the house. It’s homely and quaint, a nice little place to bring up the baby. Molly ushers us into the lounge and goes to sit in the armchair across from the sofa where we take a seat.

  “Can I get you something, Molly?” I ask as I twist and wring my hands nervously in front of me.

  “Tea?” It comes out more of a question than an answer.

  “Sure, I can make a cup of tea. Reid?”

  He looks up at me and nods.

  I make my way into Molly’s kitchen. I switch the kettle on and set about finding the mugs. Once the kettle has boiled, I make us all a cup of tea.

  Walking back into the lounge, I see Molly with her feet tucked up on the armchair. She thanks me as I put a mug of tea on the coffee table for her. I sit back next to Reid and the silence is deafening.

  “Molly, what happened?” Reid asks finally.

  “I hadn’t felt the baby move for a few hours, which was unusual, because it’s normally really active. I didn’t know what to think, my head was in a spin, all these crazy thoughts vying for space in my head. I haven’t really got any family around here, or many true friends when it comes to it. But I phoned one friend, who took me to the hospital. They were brilliant. Saw me really quickly.” She pauses to take a sip of her tea before continuing. “They did an ultrasound. They showed me the screen and I saw the heart beating. The doctor said sometimes babies have periods of inactivity and it isn’t always something to worry about, but it’s best to get it checked.”

  “So everything is okay? Like really okay?” Reid asks, trepidation clear in his voice.

  “I guess so, yeah,” Molly agrees, sounding deflated.

  I can see the worry weighing her down and I just wish there was something we could do.

  “I don’t mean to sound so down. I mean I should be more excited and stuff, it’s just…well…it’s just the shock of it, I suppose.”

  “That’s understandable,” I say as I reach a hand across to cover hers, “It must have been an awful day. But now you can relax. Everything will be just fine, you’ll see.”

  “The main thing is that you take good care of yourself and the baby,” Reid adds.

  “I am. I have been for months. Unlike you. Where have you been?”

  Molly sounds angry and affronted, as though what Reid just said was somehow meant in a harsh way.

  “You haven’t been in contact with me for weeks, Molly,” Reid’s voice raises in volume, “You don’t answer the phone. You don’t answer texts. You don’t call me back. How can I be there for you when you ignore me?”

  “Hey, hey, let’s just calm this down,” I try to placate them both.

  “I was calm, but he told me I need to take care of myself. Like it was somehow my fault that his son wasn’t kicking about as usual today.”

  “My son?”

  “Yes, your son. We’re having a boy. I found out today.”

  “You didn’t say,” Reid’s tone softens. “I’m sorry if you thought I was having a go at you, Molly. I just meant that now that everything is okay, all you have to do is concentrate on taking good care of yourself and the baby now. What I said somehow came out wrong and I’m really sorry.”

  “I’m the one who’s sorry, Reid. I shouldn’t have bitten your head off. I’m just…tired, cranky, and hormonal.”

  “Do you have somebody to stay with you tonight?”

  “No. My friend who came to the hospital, she had to go to work.”

  “Would you like one or both of us to stay?”

  “You don’t have to put yourselves out. Like you say, the main thing is that our son is okay and I’m good.”

  “We’re staying. Even if we have to sleep in the armchair and the couch. We’ll just stay tonight, make sure you’re really okay.”

  They argued back and forth a little longer before Molly finally gave in and told us we could sleep in the spare room.

  I snuggle up to Reid in bed. He’s here in body, but his mind is elsewhere. I know there’s nothing I can say or do, and that the best thing to do is just be here if he wants to talk. I’ll be here every step of the way to support him. Anything he needs, I’ll be there.

  Chapter Twenty-Six

  Reid

  I’m lying here trying to sleep, but my mind is whirling from the gamut of emotions I’ve gone through in the last couple of hours. I was distressed that something could have gone wrong with Molly and the baby. Then I was relieved that everything was okay. But then Molly and I argued a little and that brought more stress my way. But to find out we’re having a boy? That was just…words can’t express it. I’m going to have a son. A little boy I can play football with, all those things daddies do with their sons.

  It feels a little bittersweet, though. I wish it was Kara having my baby instead of Molly. But I hope that sometime in the future, Kara will want to have children too. My mind refuses to switch off and let me get some sleep, so I turn over and snuggle closer into the woman I love. I inhale the scent of her vanilla shampoo and feel the warmth of her body in my arms. Hearing her even breaths lulls me into a semi-slumber.

  ***

  I wake up to unfamiliar surroundings and it takes a moment to remember why. Kara lies asleep in my arms and I watch her for a few minutes before gently waking her. She turns in my arms and places a sweet but chaste kiss against my lips. We both stretch out sore muscles from the previous night, before getting out of bed. Kara makes the bed as I pull on my jeans. This wasn’t how I’d expected to start my morning. If we’d still been in the hotel room, I’d had visions of us making love into the small hours and then falling asleep, sated, in each other’s arms. Then this morning I would’ve woken her with an explosive orgasm. But I guess that will have to wait for another time.

  We go downstairs to find Molly in the kitchen, putting the kettle on. We sit down with her for a cup of coffee.

  “How are you feeling this morning?” I ask.

  “Better. I think I was just emotional last night, a little bit of a mess. But I’m so grateful for the two of you turning up.”

  “We just want you and the baby to be healthy and happy,” Kara says as she sips her coffee.

  “I know, and I’m so thankful. I was falling apart even though it was good news. The two of you being here means the world to me.”

  We talk a little longer, making small talk, as we don’t really know each other all that well. I know I dated Molly for a short while, but I don’t feel as if I ever got to know her properly.

  Kara and I take our leave, and once we are in the car, she lets out a long sigh.

  “Are you okay?” I ask as I pull out of the driveway.

  “Sure,” she says in a forced sounding cheerful voice.

  “I’m sorry.”

  “What for?”

  Kara places her hand on my leg as I drive and I must admit it feels good to have her touching me. It’s the small things that make me happy.

  “I just wanted last night to be different.”

  “But that’s not your fault. It’s not anybody’s fault. Molly needed comfort and that was more important than anything. The fact is, we have the rest of our lives to go on dates and romantic getaways.”

  The rest of our lives? It feels good to hear her say that. It means she’s thinking of our future together.

  “We do. It’s just that this was the first one.”

  “But it won’t be the last.”

  Kara looks at me and I steal a sideways glance. Her smile touches my heart and makes my worries drift away. Her positivity is exactly what I need right now. I reach my hand over the centre console and rest it on her thigh. She takes my hand in hers and raises it to lay a kiss on the back of it. The touch of her soft lips is as inti
mate as any caress could be. I feel like the luckiest guy in the world to have a woman like Kara at my side. Through the good times and the bad, she’s always been a friend, always been my constant.

  ***

  I dropped Kara at home so she could shower and change, promising to pick her up for lunch in a couple of hours. I’ve decided to hit the gym and work some of the emotions out of my system. I’m so happy that last night wasn’t worse than it was, but it was bad enough. I knew I was going it be a dad, but last night really brought it home, and I’m so relieved that Kara seemed so calm about it all. I mean, I’m having a son with another woman, and yet Kara openly accepts that. If anything proves it, then this is surely the proof of how much she loves me. I’m still trying to take it all in that I’m going to have a son. I didn’t realise that Molly had found out the baby’s sex. To say it was a shock is an understatement, but it feels good to know this is happening. After my past, it’s like a soothing balm to my heart. I wish it was Kara carrying my first child, but we still have a future together to be able to have our own children. But the feelings of trepidation about being a daddy—those flutters in my heart and that excitement—it all feels so much like last time, and that’s one of the reasons I need to head to the gym and vent my feelings into the punch bag.

  Arriving at the gym, I see the owner, Guy, and I walk over to say hi.

  “Hey bud, haven’t seen you in a while. How you doing?” he asks as I set down my gym bag on the bench.

  “Not bad, Guy. You?”

  “Oh you know, same old, same old.”

  “I see all the punch bags are taken. Damn, I was hoping to vent my shit on one of those babies this morning.”

  “Something wrong, Reid?”

  “Nah man, got a great girl, got a baby on the way, things are good. Just complicated.”

  “Your girl’s having your baby? Damn! Congrats man,” he says as he pats me on the back.

  “It’s not actually my girl that’s pregnant. That’s why it’s complicated.”

  “How so?”

  I launch into a short version of the events surrounding me at the moment. Guy looked a bit shocked when I told him about Molly, but said that regardless it was the best feeling in the world to be dad. He should know, he’s got four of his own. It feels good to get it off my chest even though men aren’t usually outwardly emotional and we don’t tend to wear our hearts on our sleeves and all that shit. We do have emotions, we just don’t have them on display.

  I feel better having got things off my chest, and don’t actually feel the need for the punch bag anymore. I thank Guy for listening and tell him I’ll come back to spa with him soon, then head back to my car.

  “Thnks fr th Mmrs” by Fall Out Boy plays as I make the short journey home. I’m feeling more upbeat and I turn up the volume on the radio.

  ***

  Kara looks gorgeous. She’s wearing a pair of faded blue skinny jeans, a grey sweater, and a pair of Converse. Simple, yet she pulls the look off with an air of confidence. She gets into the car as I hold the door open for her and gives me a small smile of appreciation at the gesture. I get that she thinks opening doors for her is old-fashioned, but I don’t care. I hop in and start the engine.

  “Where are we going?” she asks as we pull out of her driveway.

  “It’s a surprise,” I reply.

  I’ve planned something I think she’ll like, but I’m not telling her a thing until we get there.

  “Okay,” she responds with a grin.

  We make small talk as we drive the short distance. She says that Zoey is close to having the baby and she can’t wait to meet her goddaughter. I didn’t know Zo was having a girl. The whole Zoey having a baby thing had kind of hit me hard, but I haven’t let on to anybody, least of all Zo herself. It brings back bittersweet memories that I’d rather keep from resurfacing at the moment.

  We pull up in the car park of a gorgeous little park. It’s set back a bit from the main roads and is nice and secluded. I get out and hold the door open for Kara. She kisses my cheek as she gets out and I pull her to me so I can kiss her properly. She allows me to claim her lips and I kiss her softly, with all the love I feel inside. She deepens the kiss, not seeming to be bothered about whether or not there are people around to see our public display of affection. Her arms wrap around my neck, and with one hand, she plays with the hair at the nape of my neck. I inhale a scent that is wholly Kara as I wrap my arms around her waist, drawing her so close that there’s barely any space between our bodies.

  Panting, we pull away to take a few deep breaths. Kara looks at me and I want to drown in the blue-green ocean of her gaze.

  Taking her hand, I walk us to the boot of the car where I lift a hamper out and grab the blanket beside it. Kara smiles at me as she registers what it is we’re here to do. Her eyes light up and she’s bouncing on the balls of her feet. I love her enthusiasm, even for the seemingly small things.

  Walking down the path to a little spot that’s perfect for our picnic, I steer her under the canopy of the trees above. We place the blanket and are seated before I start to unpack the contents of my hamper. I prepared this just after my shower, an impromptu picnic in the park. Perfect for a day like today. I knew Liam and Jason would have the kind of things I wanted in the fridge at home, so I left them a note saying I owed them some strawberries and a bottle of prosecco.

  After our picnic, we’re laid down on the blanket and Kara is snuggled into the crook of my arm. It’s a perfect fit, and I wonder if she wasn’t made just for me. I twirl the ends of her hair that fall across her back and she traces circles on my chest with her fingers. I couldn’t think of anywhere I’d rather be right now.

  The sound of a phone ringing pulls me from my reverie and I look over to see that it’s Kara’s phone. This feels all too familiar, what with how our last date ended, but at least it isn’t my phone ringing this time, so it can’t be Molly.

  Chapter Twenty-Seven

  Kara

  The sound of the familiar ringtone from my phone breaks the spell I’ve been under for the last…well, I don’t know how long we’ve actually been laid here. I reach over for my phone and see Zoey’s face on the screen. I answer the phone to a panicked sounding Zo. She’s always so calm that it’s weird to hear her flapping about anything.

  “Zoey, hey, calm yourself down. I can’t understand a word you’re saying.”

  “She’s on her way. Ohmygod, what am I going to do?” Her words are rushed and I feel my heart rate pick up speed.

  “Who’s on her way? Slow down and breathe.”

  I hear a scream down the line and the sound tears right through me. My best friend is practically the most unflappable person I know, and hearing her in distress is an awful thing to experience.

  “Thea. She’s on her way right now.”

  There’s another scream and I rush to grab my things from the ground. I see Reid already packing away the hamper and racing round to collect everything we brought with us.

  “Zo, honey, calm down and remember your breathing. You’re not alone, are you?”

  “Yes. Brock’s just left work, but he was on a course.” She pauses to let out a long moan before continuing, “So he’s not in town. He’s about an hour away. Thea can’t wait.”

  “Zo, we’re coming to get you. We’ll be there in about ten minutes. Ring your midwife, tell her what’s happening, and we’ll be with you soon, I promise.”

  “O…kay,” she moans out.

  I hang up the phone and bring Reid up to speed. We jump in his car and head to Zoey and Brock’s place as fast as we can. I know Brock is her birthing partner, but from the sound of it, Thea may not be able to hold on that long. Trust the daughter to be just as impatient as the mother.

  We’re at Zoey’s house in just under ten minutes and I let us in with the spare key she gave me a while ago. When she said that Thea would be here soon, I didn’t expect her to mean today. She mentioned having what she thought was Braxton Hicks, but now I’m ce
rtain they were actual contractions.

  Walking in to find her in the lounge, I see her sat on the armchair with her phone in her hand. She’s talking to her midwife by the sound of it.

  Reid and I don’t know what to do with ourselves. We’re stood around looking like spare parts. I wish I knew what to do, but I’ve never had a baby, nor had to help anyone who has.

  Zoey puts the phone down and asks us to take her straight to hospital. I grab the hospital bag that she’s had packed for the last few weeks and Reid helps her to her feet.

  Getting in the car is a bit difficult. We get Zoey seated in the back with her head in my lap. She’s sweating as she pants her breaths out the way she’s been told to.

  Once we arrive at the hospital, Reid jumps out and goes to fetch a wheelchair. We get Zoey out of the car and sat in the wheelchair before rushing her up to the maternity ward. The nurses take us straight through to a delivery suite and everything seems to happen at warp speed. I’m sat holding Zoey’s hand, while Reid stays outside to wait for Brock.

  ***

  “She’s so beautiful, just like her mommy,” I utter as I look down at baby Thea, who’s wrapped in a pink blanket in my arms.

  Brock had arrived just in time to see his beautiful baby daughter come into the world. I’d waited outside the room with Reid until we were told we could come in and have a few minutes with mom and baby.

  Reid said all the right things, but looked a bit uncomfortable. But then I suppose that’s what men are like when it comes to babies, or more to the point, childbirth itself. At least we got her to hospital and her labour wasn’t at home, where she would have only had the two of us for help.