My Weakness

by Alison Mello

  “Stacy called me. She didn’t want you to find out over the phone. It was a routine traffic stop. The guy pulled his gun and shot Joe twice.”

  The buzzing intensifies, and I feel the blood drain from my face. “I…Is he d…dead?”

  “No, he’s not, honey, but he’s in surgery. He’s lost a lot of blood, and it’s not looking really good right now.” He brings my hand up to his lips and gives it a kiss. “Stacy said she’d call and keep us posted, okay?”

  I nod my head and then stare out the window, watching the passing scenery. My parents and Carter all talk quietly, but I don’t listen to what they’re saying. I just think about every moment I’ve spent with Joe, every phone call, every text, and every video chat. I think about the child we lost. I think about all the times we made love.

  No tears fall, because I feel numb. I wrap my arms around myself because I’m so cold I’m shivering. Pops’ phone rings, and Dad turns down the radio.

  “Hey, Stacy.” Silence. “Okay, we’re two hours out.” A pause. “Yeah, she’s right here.” He turns to me. “Stacy wants to talk to you.”

  With a trembling hand, I take the phone from him and hold it to my ear. “Tay Tay,” I whisper.

  “Hey, honey. He’s still in surgery, and we haven’t heard anything yet, but they told us his surgery could take a while. Just send good vibes and prayers his way, and we’ll see you when you get here. I love you, sweetheart.”

  “I love you too, Tay Tay.” I disconnect the call and hand the phone back to my dad. My gaze turns back out the window.

  It seems like it takes forever before we’re finally pulling into the parking lot of the hospital. I see Tay Tay and Dustin standing outside. I’d heard my dad say that they would be. The SUV is barely in park before I’m busting out through the door and running across the parking lot. I run right into Tay Tay’s arms as the tears begin to fall. “Shh…honey. He’s strong. If there is anyone who can pull through this, it’s Joe.”

  Tay Tay and Dustin lead me inside with my family following close behind. When we reach the waiting room, I see that there are people everywhere—some wearing uniforms, most wearing street clothes. I spot Joe’s parents and siblings sitting in the corner. Journey sees me and gets up.

  I step into her embrace as a fresh wave of tears hits me. “Come sit, sweetheart.” I sit next to Journey, and she holds my hand tightly in hers. Silence surrounds us as we wait for word. Dad and Pops go grab coffee for everyone and an herbal tea for Abby.

  The sliding doors open, and a man in scrubs comes walking toward us. “Officer Carmichael’s family?” We all stand up, my dad wrapping his arms around me. “I’m Dr. Petri, and I’m the one who treated your son. I have good news for you. Both entry wounds had exit wounds, and no bullet fragments were left behind. He’s got three broken ribs, and we had to put in a chest tube to drain the blood from his lungs.

  “He’s intubated right now to get more oxygen into his body, but they’ll remove it as soon as he’s awake. The bullet in his shoulder nicked the subclavian artery, but we were able to clamp it off. His clavicle is broken as well. We’ve got him in recovery right now, but as soon as we get him into the ICU, you can go visit him. Just know that he’s heavily medicated, and we’ll keep him like that overnight.”

  “How did this happen? He was wearing his vest, wasn’t he?” Dylan says as he looks between the doctor and Ben, his son-in-law.

  “He was, but they used armor-piercing bullets. Forensics examined the scene, and as soon as we get the report, we’ll know more.”

  Dylan starts cussing and storms out of the waiting room. I watch as Dustin and Parker go after him. Abby and Haddie flank their mom as she begins to cry. I don’t think—I just go to them and wrap my arms around all three of them.

  It takes a half hour before Dylan, Dustin, and Parker come back. I don’t miss the fact that Dylan’s clearly been crying. He goes right to Journey and pulls her into his arms.

  It’s ten at night, and Journey sent Abby and Haddie home over an hour ago. Abby was dead on her feet, and Journey was worried about her and the baby. Haddie went with her to help with the kids because Journey would need to rest.

  Parker’s asleep in a chair in the corner, and my parents and brother left to go to sleep at the hotel. They tried to get me to leave, but I’m not going anywhere until I see that Joe is okay.

  “Mr. and Mrs. Carmichael?” We stand up as the doctor comes out. “He’s been moved to the ICU. He’s still critical, and the next twenty-four hours are crucial, but I think we’re going to see him make a full recovery.”

  We all tell him thank you and wait for the nurse to get us. Tears leak down my face, and I feel arms wrap around me. Looking up, I give Parker a watery smile.

  A half hour later, they bring us down to the ICU waiting room. His parents and brother go first, and I sit on the sofa staring blankly at the wall. I just want him to be okay. I want to be able to tell him that I love him and that I want us to live together, and if he’ll have me, I want to be the mother of his children.

  Some might say it’s too soon or we’re not going to work, but I will fight for us until the day I die. He was meant for me, and I was meant for him.

  “Chloe?” With a start, I turn and find Joe’s dad standing in the doorway. “You can come see him, but they want us quiet, and we can only visit for a few more minutes.”

  I slowly make my way toward him. With a hand at the small of my back, he leads me to Joe’s room. I pause in the doorway. He’s hooked up to machines that fill the room with a steady beep.

  “Come on, honey. It’s okay.” Journey holds her hand out.

  Moving farther into the room, I take Journey’s hand as she pulls me toward the bed. When I’m right next to her, she wraps her arm around my waist. “Talk to him; hold his hand. We’re going to give you a few minutes alone, okay?”

  “Are you sure? I don’t want to take away your time visiting with him.”

  She squeezes my waist. “We’ll have plenty of time to visit him. We’re going to wait out in the waiting room.” They give me a smile and disappear out of the room.

  Moving toward the bed, I pick up Joe’s hand in mine. “Hey, baby. I don’t think you can hear me, but I’m so sorry this happened to you. I just want you to open your eyes and give me the naughty smirk of yours, but I know you need to heal. So you sleep…sleep until you’re strong enough, and I’ll be here waiting for you to wake up.”

  I bring his hand up to my lips, kissing it softly. Still holding his hand, I bend down and kiss his forehead. “I’ll be right outside, baby.” Walking backward, I can’t and won’t take my eyes off of him until I’m out the door.

  On my way out to the waiting room, I say a little prayer for healing and for him to wake up.

  Chapter Nineteen

  Joe

  I’ve been in the hospital for a week and a half, and I’m ready to lose my fucking mind. I finally woke up the day after I got shot to find Chloe asleep, curled up in a chair in the corner of my room. I had pressed the call button, and after that it was nurses and a doctor coming in to check on me. It felt like someone had stomped on my chest, and it was hard taking deep breaths.

  Chloe had been quiet, and then she disappeared while they were checking on me, but she returned with my sisters and brother when they were finished. After that, everyone came in and out until the pain was too much and they had me press the button to get some more pain meds, causing me to fall asleep immediately.

  It was nighttime when I woke up again, and this time my mom and dad were sitting in my room. Mom fussed over me until finally Dad had to walk her out of the room. They returned a short time later, and my mom sat in the corner while my dad helped me get comfortable. Again the pain was too much, and after pressing the fancy little button, I fell asleep.

  That’s how things went for the first several days, and it wasn’t until five days after the shooting that I could grin and bear the pain. My entire family has been here—even Violet flew home to see m
e for a couple of days before she had to go back. According to my dad, Chloe’s been here every day. She left long enough to shower at my parents’ place, but then she came right back.

  The day I got shot, I noticed I had a text from her that I’d missed the night before, but I’d been running late and hadn’t had the chance to respond to it. I knew she just needed time, and apparently she hadn’t needed much since it was only several hours after I left that she’d texted me.

  I was thrilled when the nurse took my damn catheter out. Nothing like having what looked like a rubber hose yanked from your dick. The worst was the day before yesterday when they finally removed the chest tube; luckily, they medicated me first. Four times a day, respiratory therapists have come in to give me breathing treatments and to check the numbers from some breathing test I’ve been made to do every hour.

  They’re worried about pneumonia, so I’ve been on IV antibiotics for the past week. Today, I have to have another chest X-ray, and as long as my lungs are still clear, I’ll get to go home. It’ll be at least six months before I’m able to go back to work…at least active duty, anyway. First, I’ll have to have physical therapy for my shoulder, and then I’ll need to speak to a specialist about being shot.

  So far, I haven’t had any issues, but they said it could happen anytime. There’s no way I want to jeopardize my career or my future, so if I need help, I’ll go get it. I’m not too proud to realize there may come a time when I’ll need to talk about it.

  A knock on my door has me looking up to find Chloe standing in the doorway. Every time she’s been to see me, there’s always been someone else there. This is the first time we’ve been alone. I hate how unsure she looks standing there. Raising my good hand, I wave her in. “Come here, baby.”

  She hustles toward me and grabs my outstretched hand. “How do you feel today?” Chloe reaches out and brushes my hair out of my face. I seriously need a haircut.

  “Better. After they do the X-ray, they’ll decide if I can go home or not.” I let go of her hand and reach out, my fingers brushing over the skin under her eyes. “Have you gotten any good sleep?”

  She smiles and shakes her head. “I’ll sleep better once they release you. Your mom says they’re getting a room ready for you there.”

  “No. I’m not going there. I love my mom, but she’ll smother me, and that’s not what I want.”

  “What do you want?” She sits down in the chair next to the bed, but I shake my head and pat the spot next to me. Chloe gingerly sits down, and I lace my fingers with hers.

  “I want to go home but only if you’re there.”

  “Done,” she says but then starts to cry.

  “Hey, hey, hey. Why are you crying?”

  She wipes at the tears. “The last time I saw you, I had freaked out about us, and I thought maybe I blew it, and what if you didn’t make it? I wouldn’t have gotten the chance to tell you that I was sorry and that I love you, and if you’ll have me, I want us to live together. I don’t care if we live here, Atlanta, or somewhere totally new. You are my life now, and I realized that none of that other stuff matters. I just want to be with you.”

  I pull her carefully down until our lips are a hair’s breadth apart. “I just want to be with you, too. I love you so fucking much.” I kiss her lips hard, and she opens for me, my tongue dancing with hers. It isn’t until we hear a throat clearing that I pull back and see that it’s the radiology tech to take me for my chest X-ray.

  Chloe helps me get into the wheelchair, which I fucking hate, but I could be dead right now, so I’m not going to complain. The tech gets ready to take me down. “Will you wait for me?”

  She gives me that smile of hers that I love and bends down to kiss me. “I’d wait forever if I needed to.”

  As the tech pushes me out the door, he mutters, “You are a lucky man.”

  “No shit,” I say and laugh as much as I can without being in pain. It feels good knowing that when I come back, my girl will be waiting for me, and I’ll never forget how lucky I am.

  ***

  Six Months Later

  “Hey, baby, are you home?” I call out as I step into our apartment. The sound of her getting sick has me rushing toward the bathroom. As always, Ragnar and Lagertha stand guard.

  So much has happened since I got released from the hospital six months ago. Chloe moved in with me to help take care of me while I recovered, and my whole plan was to get her moved in and never let her go again. She hated leaving her job, but her boss was a super nice guy and understood her reasons why.

  Once I started therapy, the healing went much faster. Mentally, I only had a couple of instances where I lost it a little bit. That was when I had to face the asshole who shot me. Thank God for dashboard cameras, because it was an open-and-shut case. He was going away for a long time for attempted murder. Chloe was so strong while I dealt with all of that. She was patient and loving when I was moody and irritable. When I had nightmares, she would hold me until I was able to fall back asleep.

  Oh, there were times where I tried to push her away, but she’d just ignore me and do her own thing.

  My family absolutely loves her, but I don’t blame them, because she’s pretty fucking lovable. A couple of months ago, Abby and Violet both gave birth to healthy baby girls. Violet and Diego named their little one Luciana, or Lucy for short, and Abby and Ben named their little girl Paisley, or Pay Pay as we all like to call her.

  Shortly after my niece was born, I’d finally been given the go ahead to resume sexual activities, and after Chloe and I talked and talked, we decided we didn’t want to wait. She’s now officially twelve weeks pregnant, and this weekend our families are getting together for a cookout where we plan on telling everyone. She’s scared to do it because a part of her is still waiting to lose this baby.

  Granted, I’m worried about that too, but I told her that we are going to just take it day by day. The cats both give me a “Meow” as I move them out of the way. Chloe is on the floor hunched over the toilet. I grab a washcloth, get it wet, and place it on the back of her neck.

  I rub my hand up and down her back as she retches. “Were you able to keep anything down today?”

  She nods her head, and I let out a breath. Last time, she had to have IV fluids because she got so sick. This time as soon as the test came back positive and the nausea started, we began the ginger pills. She sits back on the floor, and I take the washcloth from her neck and use it to wipe her face off. I then scoop her up in my arms and carry her into our bedroom.

  After gently laying her down, I crawl in bed next to her, placing my hand on her lower stomach. I lean close. “Okay, little man—because yes, you’re a boy; I can feel it. Let’s stop making your momma sick. We need you both to stay nice and healthy.” I bend down, kissing where my child rests, and pray that Chloe can make it through this pregnancy with no complications. She deserves that.

  I feel her fingers spear my hair and her nails scraping my scalp. My dick twitches the way it always does when she touches me. Moving up the bed, I lie down next to her and pull her into my arms. “Are you feeling better?”

  “Yeah, I’m just glad that most of the nausea is gone. This baby just hates the smell of hamburger, which sucks because I could really go for a bacon cheeseburger right now. I bought one on the way home from the store, and I had to throw it in the dumpster. That’s why you found me puking.” She snuggles in under my chin.

  “I got my papers to return to active duty today.” She’s been apprehensive about me returning to active duty, but she supports me regardless. I’ve been itching to go back for the past two months, but my sergeant wouldn’t let me until I completed my physical therapy entirely.

  Chloe’s dad Ian is a physical therapist, so when they’d come to see her, he’d always work with me, making sure my shoulder had good mobility. I’ve really grown to care about them and they for me. Even Eli’s finally warmed up to me. Carter’s the only one who has always seemed to be on my team.

&nbs
p; “I know you’ve been ready for a while. Is it okay that I’m not looking forward to it?”

  I lean back so I can see her face. “It’s okay, baby, but you know I have to. It’s in my blood.”

  “Of course it is. I’m sorry—you know I support you.” She leans up, placing her lips on mine. With a laugh, she pulls back. “Sorry, I probably have puke breath.”

  I hug her to me. “I still love you even if you do smell.” She slaps my back.

  She doesn’t know it, but I bought her a ring, and I’m going to propose at the cookout. I’ve been planning it for a while—I’ve just been waiting for the right time, and in front of our family and friends seems like the perfect time.

  Chapter Twenty

  Chloe

  I climb out of our Jeep Cherokee, and Joe meets me on the sidewalk, holding out his hand. Lacing my fingers with his, I smile up at him. He cups my face with his free hand and kisses me slowly and thoroughly, just the way I like it. “I love you so much.”

  I cup his cheek and smile. “I love you, too.” He puts his hand on my barely there bump.

  “Okay, let’s do this.” Joe leads me around the side of his parents’ house, and the backyard is full of people. Natalie, Dalton, Rion, Shay, and Ryder run past us screaming and laughing.

  Journey notices us first and comes walking over with Paisley in her arms. “You guys are here. Chloe, you look beautiful.” I kiss her cheek and then Pay Pay’s forehead. Joe kisses her too and then steals the baby. He’s going to make such a good daddy. I’ve never seen such a large man look so natural with a tiny baby in his arms.

  Journey leads me around so I can say hi to everyone. His family is huge. I’m not sure how I’m going to keep some of these people straight, but I guess if I can remember all the kids, I can remember the adults. I spot my family up ahead. “Hey, guys! Did you have a good drive down?”