My Weakness

by Alison Mello

  I stripped off and jumped in bed, leaving the TV on to blare out to itself. At least some noise was a distraction from the empty loneliness in here. I checked my phone, disappointed to see I had no communication from Paul. I shrugged it off as I lay back against the pillows and daringly allowed myself to think of that brilliant dream from last night.

  Imagine my delight when Paul returned to my dreams once more.

  He trailed his fingers up and down my legs, goosebumps chasing his touch. He kissed my shoulder and nibbled at my skin here and there, gently waking my body for him. When he skated his fingers across the side of my breasts, I gasped at the powerful throbs shooting straight between my legs.

  I groaned and rolled over onto my back, giving him access to whatever he wanted. He coated me in a sweet oblivion with those sumptuous lips of his, laying kisses on every inch of me. As he worked his way down my midriff, I groaned in anticipation of where he was heading. He grazed his lips along my inner thighs, my hips bucking of their own accord as I begged for him to delight me with his tongue.

  He obliged, moving his hands to my chest at the same time. The soft strokes from his hands combined with the jagged, rough patterns he drew on me with his tongue had me in a vortex of pure bliss. He moved one hand, skimming it down my body before teasing his way inside me with two fingers.

  He matched the rhythm of his tongue to that of his skilful fingers, and within minutes, I was wriggling around on the end of his hand as I succumbed to a brilliantly sharp orgasm. My hands gripped the bed sheets as I lay back panting, every inch of me quivering in delight.

  He walked his way up my body with his mouth, drowning me in more pleasures before whispering,

  “Isn’t it good when you let me take care of you?”

  Those strange words knocked on my subconscious, telling me it was time to wake up. Still reeling in my hazy dream, I didn’t want to wake up but something yanked my consciousness to the forefront, peeling my eyes open.

  I blinked myself awake, the room spinning around me. Still suffering with a foggy mind, it took me a good few seconds to register what greeted me.

  Looming over me, naked and ready, was Tim.

  Chapter Forty-One

  Before I could muster my vocal chords to scream, Tim’s clammy hand closed over my mouth. The devilish glint in his haunting green eyes etched into my brain, threatening to never leave.

  “Who’s Paul?” he asked. “Fella from back home?”

  My eyes must have given out the answer as he chuckled at me.

  “You must have really wanted it to be him.”

  A whimper escaped me as I struggled not to sob. Hot tears streamed down my face as I realised the predicament I was in. Violated was not even close to how I felt right now.

  “You taste delicious,” he said, licking his lips. “Close your eyes and pretend it’s still him. I promise it’ll be good—no doubt even better than the real Paul.”

  Some sort of inner female instinct took over and I lifted my knee up, catching him from behind straight in his crown jewels. He howled in pain and rolled over me onto the bed. I grabbed my clothes from the floor and scuttled into the bathroom, slammed the door shut, and locked it behind me. Just for good measure, I sat with my back up against it in case he tried to break the door down.

  Fear stricken tears flooded me, strolling down my cheeks in long trails. I managed to swallow the huge, racking sobs trying to consume me so he couldn’t hear how much he’d affected me. After a couple of minutes, he started banging on the door.

  “Unlock the door now.”

  I ignored him.

  “Unlock the door, Kyra.”

  I still ignored him. My heart pounded against my rib cage as if it were a caged animal trying to escape its captivity.

  “Don’t ignore me. We will finish this. No one gets away from me.”

  I gasped at his words, wondering what on earth he was talking about. What did he mean? What would he have done if I hadn’t woken up? Was this the first time he’d done this or not?

  I sat there silently crying and pulled my knees up to my chest. Clasping my hands over my ears, I gratefully blocked him out. I sat there for so long, my bum went numb. When I saw dawn breaking outside, I attempted to move only to discover my joints had all locked together from either the cold or fright. I coaxed my body into moving, biting my lip to stifle my hisses of pain.

  With a shaking hand, I dared to open the door, letting out a big sigh when I saw he’d left. I ran to the front door and locked it, wondering how the hell he’d gotten in in the first place.

  And then I collapsed back on the bed and sobbed my heart out for all I was worth.

  ***

  A persistent banging on the door woke me from my peaceful slumber. It took another two sets of bangs on the wooden door for me to remember the nightmare which had unfolded only hours ago.

  “Kyra.” Ash was shouting me from outside. “Open this door now.”

  I stumbled out of bed and opened the door, squinting my eyes at the bright daylight streaming in behind him.

  He barged in past me and turned to look at me. “Are you okay?” he asked. “Have you been crying?”

  I nodded as I clutched at my head and walked over to one of the armchairs in front of the fireplace.

  Ben appeared in the doorway, shortly followed by Tim. I couldn’t help but completely freak out. In a desperate bid for safety, I toppled furniture over to scramble into the bathroom—anywhere away from him.

  I screamed through the door as I slammed it shut behind me. “Get him away from me!”

  “Kyra, what’s going on?” Ash asked, knocking on the door.

  The reality of how close I’d come to being raped hit me like a ton of bricks. I could do nothing to stop the violent trembles taking over my body. Guilt also wracked me with questions as to how I didn’t know it wasn’t Paul, and how I didn’t know it wasn’t a dream. I began to wonder about my dream the first night, and if that had been him as well. My own body had betrayed me, allowing Tim to give me orgasms. I felt dirty and ashamed. I wanted to scrub myself red raw from his leering touch and his perverted, sadistic ideas.

  Ash repeated his question a couple more times before he told me Tim had left. Slowly, I opened the door and peered out, thankful to see just Ash and Ben there.

  “He…he tried…he tried to rape me.”

  Ash’s face clouded over with rage. He stepped towards me, forcing the door open. “Are you being serious? Give it a rest for God’s sake. I would have thought you might have learned your lesson when you wrecked your relationship with Mum. Whatever issues you have with that bloke, let them go now.”

  His balled fists and red face told me he wasn’t just mad, he was seething. I couldn’t actually think of a time I’d seen him this mad. Despite that, the fact that he refused to believe me drove a dagger so deep into my soul, it hurt more than what Tim had attempted.

  Ben laid a hand on Ash’s shoulder, concern floating through his dark eyes. “Ash—”

  “Shut up” he said, glaring at him. He turned back to me, hatred rolling off him in waves. “I’m going to get some breakfast. I suggest if you are going to carry on this charade that you stay well clear of all of us today. Do you understand me?”

  I nodded as I glanced down at the floor. A small puddle of my tears had started to form on the smooth wooden surface. This amount of tears and my own brother still thought I was lying? How could he?

  Without a further word, he stalked out of the door, dragging Ben with him. Ben gave me a sympathetic smile before Ash slammed the door shut behind them.

  I walked to the window and watched all three of them climb in the truck. Heading off to their breakfasts, they left me nothing short of alone, shattered, ashamed, and broken.

  ***

  I spent the entire day on my own. Sitting on the little wooden jetty served as the perfect peace. With my legs dangling over the edge, millimetres from the surface of the still water, the isolation was obvious but welcomed. I
couldn’t help but wonder how long it would take them to discover me if I decided to drown myself. How exactly was I supposed to process something like this? What was I supposed to do? If my own brother didn’t believe me, then who else would?

  Upon seeing the truck lights bouncing down the grassy track, I rushed into my cabin, making sure I locked the door behind me. It was six o’ clock but nearly dark already. I expected Ash’s impatient knock at my door but it never came.

  I sat up in my bed, hugging my knees to me as I refused sleep to claim me. I couldn’t afford to give in to my body’s needs right now. I wouldn’t allow my body to betray me with him again, allow him to molest me in the night, or allow myself to dream of Paul only to have them smashed into a million pieces.

  All night I sat there, fighting my tired, sore eyes as they tried to lull me into dark quiet every few minutes. I fixated my stare on the door handle, waiting for the heart stopping moment when it would turn and my nightmare would start all over again.

  Thankfully, it didn’t happen.

  As the birds started their early morning song, Ash’s voice floated through the door as he knocked. “Are you joining us today?”

  I hesitated before I opened the door to him. I shook my head, earning myself a scornful snort. “You know the only person you’re hurting with these lies is yourself.”

  “I’m not lying, Ash.”

  He searched my face for a second or two before he shook his head and stormed off back to his cabin.

  I locked the door behind him, resigning myself to more tears as I waited to hear the truck pull off. My stomach growled at me but I couldn’t eat, I was far too upset. I couldn’t deal with all of this.

  In just a week I’d found my best friend and my boyfriend having sex, I’d discovered my mum had died in a freak accident, and then her husband had tried to rape me. I walked out to the little jetty in the chilly morning air, needing some more respite. I ignored the black truck driving away from me, leaving me alone and in despair once again.

  ***

  I somehow managed to fall asleep on the jetty. My eyes fluttered open, weighed down with sleep and exhaustion. I realised I was on my side before I became aware of a gentle voice slowly repeating,

  “Kyra, Kyra, wake up.”

  A hand settled on my cheek and I jumped up, fright controlling me. Screaming for all I was worth, I threw myself into the water. The cold water took the breath from my body but I didn’t care—it held a fluid safety that would keep me away from his horrific hands and repulsive thoughts.

  I was now fully awake, the sudden jolt to my consciousness sending me slightly dizzy and light headed.

  “Kyra!”

  The voice shouting my name seemed familiar but I couldn’t quite process it. The icy waters had robbed me of my ability to think quickly. I turned myself around in the water and burst into tears. Paul stood staring at me, his handsome face lined with panic. I was so relieved to see him, I nearly drowned right there.

  He jumped in without a flicker of hesitation, gliding through the water to me. And then his arms were around me, keeping me together and safe inside his embrace.

  Chapter Forty-Two

  He somehow managed to push my exhausted body onto the jetty before hauling himself from the water.

  “Come on,” he said, scooping me up in his arms. “Let’s get you dry and in the warm. Which one is yours?”

  I pointed a shaky finger at my cabin of terror—I didn’t have the energy to formulate words.

  He carried me straight into the bathroom, put me down on the floor, and started to run a steamy hot bath. My body shivered and my teeth chattered as I realised how cold I was now I wasn’t otherwise distracted.

  “Clothes off,” he said.

  I looked at him with puppy dog eyes. The realisation of having to strip naked in front of him had me feeling awkward and out of place. I frowned to myself as I struggled to understand why this was such an issue for me given our past history.

  He smiled, stepped forwards, and tugged at my top. “Come on, Ky. It’s nothing I haven’t seen before. You’re cold and you can’t stay in those clothes.”

  I glanced down at the floor and nodded. I still made no move to remove my clothes. I did nothing when he moved my frozen limbs for me and stripped me naked.

  He pointed at the swirling hot water rising in the bathtub. “In.”

  Glancing at the growing mountain of bubbles, I lost myself in a world where nothing was complicated and everything was simple. I let my mind wander away from my current problems, which seemed like they were in a completely different universe to me at the moment.

  I was so mesmerized and entranced in my own thoughts, I barely registered him picking me up and putting me in the bath until the scorching hot water warmed through my muscles.

  “Ouch,” I said, attempting to jump back out.

  “It’s not hot,” he said, giving me a gentle push back down. “It’s only because you’re so cold. Sit and warm up.”

  I resigned myself to his instructions and slowly slid under the boiling bubbles. I didn’t even have the energy to point out he was also dripping wet and cold. The water was like a blissful blanket encasing me in its warmth. Once the searing hotness disappeared, I found myself leaning my head back and closing my eyes to my current hell hole of a life.

  “I’ll get the fire going, okay?” he said.

  I nodded and smiled. A kiss grazed across the top of my head before I heard his footsteps disappearing.

  Once the water began to cool, I hauled myself out of the peacefulness and wrapped myself in one of the huge white fluffy towels. I wandered out into the bedroom/sitting room and was met with a wall of heat as I rounded the doorframe. I could hear the crackling of the logs as the flames licked them, scorching any wetness hiding inside, drying them out instantly.

  “Better?” he asked.

  I nodded, noticing how gorgeous he looked sat in the big red armchair facing me. He’d changed his clothes and was now in a grey woolly jumper and a pair of faded denim jeans. He looked perfect with his hair not gelled and just left freely to ruffle itself to its own shape.

  I sat down in the chair facing Paul, the roaring heat from the flames next to me heating my skin. I looked to the window to see if it was dark but noticed he’d shut the curtains.

  “What time is it?” I asked.

  He leaned forward and placed a hand on my knee. “Just before three.”

  “Ash should be back by now.”

  “They are back. They came back whilst you were in the bath.”

  “I’m guessing he didn’t knock for me?”

  Paul drew his lips into a sympathy smile before shaking his head.

  My heart dropped, melting away in the heat from the fire. I couldn’t understand Ash right now. Why was he being like this?

  “Do you want to tell me what’s been going on?”

  Slowly, my heart pieced itself back together before it began racing away like a herd of thoroughbreds on a racetrack.

  I nodded as my eyes strained for more tears but there were none to give. Slowly, over the next several minutes, I managed to form comprehensible sentences and tell him the complete story. When I reached the parts about my dreams, I struggled to swallow the rising lump in my throat but stressed strenuously to him I truly believed it was him I was dreaming of. Even though we weren’t officially together, I still felt like I’d cheated on him in some way, and given his confession of feelings for me, I didn’t know how he would take it.

  I noticed the tension in his face and the straining of his neck muscles as he struggled to listen to the ending when I told him it was Tim.

  “How could you not know?” he whispered. “Surely I touch you differently to…him?”

  “I don’t know. I thought it was you. I wanted it to be you.”

  My heart skipped several beats at this last admission. Was I so hung up on him I had believed so desperately another man’s touch was his?

  “Okay,” he said, nodding. “I
understand. But he didn’t…?”

  I shook my head, sending a tear flying through the air as I did so. “I don’t think so. I don’t remember us actually having sex in my dreams. I mean when I thought it was you and me.”

  “Okay,” he said, patting my knee. “The important thing is you woke up at the right moment.”

  I forced a smile and nodded. “Do you believe me?”

  “Of course I do,” he said, sliding down from his chair and kneeling in front of me. He reached up and placed a soft hand on my cheek.

  A wave of relief washed over me as I heard his words. I closed my eyes as I forced back my tears of joy. He wrapped his arms around me, squeezing the life out of me. I found myself giggling as I thought of how sensitive he could be but it took something drastic to bring it out in him. The irony wasn’t lost on me that I wished I could merge him and Scott together so I had raw passion with a sensitive, gentle side, but here it was; it just took me having a complete meltdown for it to show through.

  He asked me what was so funny, and I found myself telling him. Amusement danced all over his face. “Did you think I was just some emotionless Neanderthal?”

  I grinned in response.

  “You have no idea how I feel about you.”

  I gulped and struggled with an answer when a sharp banging on my door broke the moment between us. Paul answered it.

  “Hot Stuff.” Ash’s voice came through the open doorway along with a draft of cold air. “I thought you were going to call me when you got a flight booked?”

  “I did one better and got on the next flight out.”

  “Good man,” Ash said, patting him on the shoulder.

  I looked up at Ash, hopeful he had calmed down.

  “Are you going to be sociable today?” he asked me.

  I sighed and looked down at the floor.

  Paul stepped in for me. “I think you should lighten up on her. She’s grieving just as much as you are.”