River of Time

by Naomi Judd

  This magical woman lived her life with deep meaning until the very end. It was the most important example she could bequeath to following generations.

  I was ready to radically accept that my prior purpose in life, of touring and performing for millions of people, was over. It was incredibly painful to release it. But it hurt less than emotionally holding on to a history that couldn’t be repeated. I had to find a new purpose. As soon as my pain became overwhelming, I loosened my grip on the past and my future began to knock on my door. My motto became, Acknowledge. Allow. Accept.

  I needed to dive into something that held great meaning for me, so I became a board member of the American Humane Association. Many people think the AHA is about cats and dogs, but it’s much more. The AHA is the dedicated group that helped to finally outlaw the use of elephants in the circus and send them to sanctuaries. They also are working on protecting the gentle manatees in Florida that are injured and killed by boat propellers and jet-skis. You can also find the AHA on every movie and television set where they are using animals. If you watch a stunt horse falling in a movie, you don’t have to worry. We are there overseeing that it’s not hurt. We watch over creatures, both great and small, which need protection, since they have no voice.

  I’ve been invited to Florida with the AHA on a mission to reunite military bomb-sniffing dogs with the soldiers who were partnered with them. These beloved German shepherd dogs were responsible for saving between 100 and 170 American lives each day during the height of the Iraq War. They have been specifically trained to sniff out bombs or IED explosives underground. The dogs also supply comfort and solace to our service people who are in volatile and anxiety-filled situations.

  I had the privilege of meeting five injured Marines who had been sent home from Fallujah, Iraq, within the past year. The men not only suffered the effects of post-traumatic stress disorder from coming under fire; they were also not healing well from their emotional injuries. The doctors said one of the reasons they weren’t getting better was that they had been in inner turmoil about the unknown fate of their service dogs since the time of the blasts that injured them.

  The American Humane Association located all five dogs and had them shipped back to the States to be reunited with their human soldiers in Florida. It was a difficult process, since the dogs are considered property of the military; their training is an $85,000 investment. Some of the dogs had been relocated within the army but were not faring well separated from their original human partners.

  The reunion of a soldier and his K-9 and the unbridled joy and healing it brought was enough to light my fire of purpose. I went to work making changes. I refused to accept that these war hero dogs had no medical coverage. I spent several days on Capitol Hill with the AHA president, Robin Ganzert, speaking to many of our representatives to encourage them to pass a law that would allow these hero war dogs to get full veterinary coverage once they return to the United States. In addition, any dog whose soldier is killed in the line of duty should eventually come home to that hero’s family. It’s been an education, helping to pass legislation in Congress, but I’ve been invigorated by the challenge. Who better to give my time and energy to than our American heroes, including the four-legged ones? I plan to stay active in this cause to make sure our hero dogs are reunited with their hero service person.

  In addition, I am working on getting two police dogs for the use of the city where I live. I was infuriated to learn that one of our officers’ K-9s had been shot and killed by the perpetrator in a bank robbery. The criminal was only charged with a misdemeanor in killing the dog. Considering the cost of training these magnificent loyal dogs, not to mention their intrinsic worth as our fellow creatures, I fought to get harming a service dog changed under Tennessee law from a misdemeanor to a felony. They also deserve a full burial ceremony.

  A dog doesn’t have to be on a battlefield or at a crime location to be a hero. In 2016, People magazine published a special collector’s edition, “American Heroes,” featuring a yellow Lab named Bella. She is a service dog and a hero to her owner, a young woman who has suffered paralyzing panic attacks for years, and who had been hospitalized for both depression and anxiety. She was struggling to live on her own when Bella was brought into her life. This beautiful canine companion had been trained to notice rising anxiety in a human and supply him or her with comfort and distraction. Because of Bella, the young woman is able to live independently, even though she still faces her mental illnesses daily.

  I almost always travel with my small dog, Bijou. My psychiatrist gave me a document stating that Bijou is necessary for my emotional wellbeing. She wears a little vest to identify her as a service dog. The emotional support and the comfort Bijou brings me is incalculable. My dogs are my best friends and they have carried me through my darkest days.

  One afternoon, Larry found me upstairs in the bedroom, staring out the window at the breathtaking countryside, blooming with summertime life. He sat on the arm of my chair and put his arm around my shoulder, pulling me toward him.

  “I need to say this. I am concerned that you don’t attend church. The only time you pray is over supper,” Larry said.

  I couldn’t understand why my husband was confronting me with this now, with all that I had been through.

  “I’ve never stopped praying for you,” he continued. “Honey, there is a God. Believing in something bigger than your problems is how you’re going to get through all of this. There is a Supreme Being, a Divine Intelligence, a love that created the universe and is much more than our imagination can comprehend. God is there and loves you unconditionally.”

  I knew he was right. God wasn’t the one who gave me depression or made it seem difficult or unfair. He had granted me free will to make my own choices. Maybe the time had come to “radically accept” that I couldn’t know the reason why I had this brain disease, at least for now. I was willing to begin practicing my belief in a Divine Creator.

  Later that night I had a life-altering revelation. It came to me when I was awakened with a panic attack. I felt a sense of protection, like a comforting presence, come into the room.

  I’ve always been a woman who needed to reconcile God and science to fully commit and surrender in faith. I’ve come to understand that the two aren’t mutually exclusive. Science tells us how; faith tells us why. The next day I began to read The Hidden Face of God, by the brilliant physicist Gerald Schroeder. He wrote: “A single consciousness, an all-encompassing wisdom, pervades the universe. The discoveries of science, those that search the quantum nature of subatomic matter, those that explore the molecular complexity of biology, and those that probe the brain/mind interface, have moved us to the brink of a startling realization: all existence is the expression of this wisdom.”

  Are we each a part of that universal wisdom? If what Gerald Schroeder has concluded through research is true, then we must be.

  As they say in the twelve-step program, this is “God as I understand God.”

  With faith, I can see the wisdom of God now using me to help other people, even if it’s just by sharing my most vulnerable and painful times so others feel less alone. By doing this, I don’t feel so alone anymore. An unseen presence is guiding and comforting me.

  Larry encouraged me to return to an idea that had bloomed in my mind when I was out on the Encore tour. During the meet-and-greets after the shows, fans would often share their troubles and mention how our music would help them through. Music is healing for me, as well. I had mentioned to Larry late one night, as our tour bus rumbled along to the next city, that it might be a gift to suffering people to record a CD that contained calming music along with uplifting quotes and scriptures. We could leave a part of ourselves to future generations. Now it seemed was the perfect time to follow through on this new idea, “Comforting Words & Music.”

  Larry and I began creating peaceful music at our home recording studio, because I wanted to make sure it was perfect. I had studied psychoacoustics, which is
the science behind how music affects brain wave activity. We all recognize how music affects our moods. Rap and hip-hop music makes me feel hyper and jittery. Subtle instrumental music with sounds from nature calms me.

  I gathered up some of my favorite inspirational sayings and Bible verses and we recorded them. Then Larry recorded the most lovely music underneath the words.

  I sent the first copy, hot off the press, to my friend, the beautiful country singer Joey Feek. She had been diagnosed with recurring stage 4 cervical cancer, which had now spread. Joey had decided to give up on medical treatment, which wasn’t working anymore. She had moved to Indiana to be closer to family, with her husband and singing partner, Rory, and their darling baby girl, a special needs child. Joey wanted to remain as lucid as possible and enjoy the time she had left with Rory and her baby, though her hundreds of thousands of fans, including me, never stopped praying for a miracle. Since I wouldn’t be able to travel to Indiana to see her, I sent her a copy of the CD and a letter. About a week later, Rory called to say that Joey listened to the CD, on repeat, all day long. I was deeply moved and grateful that it could bring her comfort in her final weeks. It was exactly what I hoped this special music could do for others.

  If I can bring any comfort or hope to you, too, that would give my writing this book the greatest meaning. I may still struggle, but I no longer suffer. I want to share some of the insights I have gained and techniques I have used almost every day:

  • If you become ill with an emotional illness, have a loved one help you plan your course of treatment. You’ll need a trusted ear and eye to help you watch over your condition until you feel more stable and have clarity. Don’t make big decisions while you’re in a depressed state. This person can also help you find a therapy that will help you. Many cities and counties have free health clinics that include mental health. There are also therapists who work on a sliding scale. Group therapy is a more low-cost way to receive the benefit of a therapist and also provides the support of other people who struggle with mental illness.

  Consider attending one of the many twelve-step groups going on in most cities in the United States. If you live in a rural area, you can now attend meetings by Skype. There are no permanent or appointed leaders or professional therapists in the twelve-step groups and there is no cost to attend. Often the best therapy is being able to talk about what you’re going through, out loud, with a group of people who understand and support each other’s efforts to be well. There are now twelve-step programs and meetings for almost every issue for which depression and anxiety might be the cause or a side effect. There are meetings for gamblers, survivors of incest, hepatitis C, narcotics, and nicotine cravings. There are meeting for overeaters and sex addicts, those with eating disorders, and workaholics. There are even groups called Emotions Anonymous, whose purpose is to help people understand and unravel their destructive emotions and lead more manageable lives. Your scariest and most private fears are shared by thousands of other people. When you’re ready to talk about your fear, you’re no longer alone anymore.

  There is great solace in being around others who truly understand what it’s like to be depressed or suffer panic attacks. Some universities and colleges even offer free clinics for psychological services where you can have sessions with their doctors and social workers in training. If you feel you can’t discuss needing help with a friend or family member, then you can call 211. In almost every part of the country, dialing 211 will connect you to a caring listener who can direct you to social programs or emergency shelters and resources. Know the number for the suicide hotline in your state. Find it online at suicide.org. If you feel at your limit, please pick up the phone and call.

  • If you live in a cloudy part of the country, get some Happy Lights. Many of us are affected by seasonal affective disorder. These large tabletop lamps provide full-spectrum light, which is comparable to sunlight. They help to regulate the circadian cycle of a twenty-four-hour day. On dreary weather days, I keep two on my kitchen table.

  Our bodies make vitamin D through our skin when it has sunlight exposure. Insufficient levels of vitamin D are linked to clinical depression. Vitamin D supplements are inexpensive and easy to find. If you know you’re not getting sunlight, ask your doctor about the appropriate dose. A simple blood test can determine if you need the supplement.

  Also, the barometric pressure can influence how you feel, contributing to headaches, even migraines. It affects me and a number of my friends, as well.

  • Some people are finding relief from depression with a method of treatment called transcranial magnetic stimulation. It doesn’t produce seizures like electroconvulsive therapy, but seems to be successful for some in the same way. A magnetic coil is placed near your head and produces small electric currents in the region of the brain right under the coil. Evidence is suggesting that it’s useful for people with treatment-resistant depression and doesn’t have the side effects that electroconvulsive therapy might produce. I tried it for a number of sessions, but the severity of my depression, along with overwhelming anxiety and panic, made it less effective for me, which is why Dr. Rosenbaum suggested the ECT treatments in my case. That doesn’t mean it wouldn’t be something worthwhile for you. I’m putting it on the list because I think it holds promise for many.

  • Start now to write in a journal about your self-identity. How would you like to be known in the future? If one part of your life is over (mom to little kids, employee, beauty, health, youth, etc.), then how do you perceive the next phase of your life? Dream big.

  • Meditate. I know it’s hard to quiet your mind, but sit for ten minutes every day and give it a go. I sit upstairs in an armchair and look out the window at nature. I try to focus on being totally present, not thinking of the past or the future. It gives your brain a break and relaxes your nervous system. There are hundreds of different meditation methods. You can find them online, on YouTube, or at the library.

  • Take a college or adult education class. Reignite your passions and find a course that interests you. I have a friend, Cherrie, who takes a photography class at a technical college. She met new people with a similar interest and they go on photography outings together.

  Vanderbilt University in Nashville offers classes for people over age fifty for only twenty-five dollars. I’ve taken many: physics, art, literature, anthropology, forensics, and creative writing. It motivates me to get dressed up, out of the house, and into the world, and get my brain into gear. Look into Osher Lifelong Learning Institutes. They have topics for every taste.

  Find out about seminars or lectures you can attend at local community centers, art museums, libraries, hospitals, churches, and colleges. Your local weekly newspapers and magazines usually list these events. Many of them are free or offered at a low cost. It’s a relief to the brain to learn something new, instead of recycling the same old thought patterns. I updated my ability to perform CPR at our local hospital. You can arrange to have a CPR instruction lesson with a group of your friends.

  If it feels overwhelming to you to be around a roomful of people, begin with only one other person. Offer to babysit and hold and nurture someone else’s child. Or volunteer to teach a child to read or tutor them in any subject. I believe our nation’s children are starved for human touch and interaction. Too often, I see parents who depend on an iPad to keep their children occupied, while they are absorbed in their own electronic activities. Parenting can be exhausting and the need for a few hours of peace is understandable. But, in the long run, are we teaching kids that machines matter more than people?

  • Follow a sports team. Get over-the-top enthusiastic about them. Meet up with other fans and cheer. I follow the University of Kentucky basketball team. Ashley has been a fervent longtime fan and it’s such a kick to be around her. I’ll wear blue and white and get loud and crazy over basketball. It’s fun and a great way to scream and holler without hurting anyone’s feelings.

  • Attend live music concerts. Various studie
s have reported that playing or listening to music relieves persistent pain, both physical and emotional. Most churches have choirs or times when they practice and that are open to the public. Check out the music programs in your city; perhaps a town band is playing at your local park or choirs are performing for a special event, especially during the holidays, when many people struggle with depression. Colleges often offer open recitals by their music program students, free of charge. Larry and I enjoy our local bluegrass music.

  • Change up your day. Try putting some new activity in your routine. Even a minor change can give you a fresh perspective. Take your magazine or newspaper and go for breakfast in a local diner. Chat with the waitstaff or other customers. Shop in a different grocery store from where you usually go. Wear clothes you’ve been “saving” for good. Get a new coffee or tea mug. Go for a manicure and choose a color you’ve never worn!

  • Volunteer for the Red Cross or at a homeless shelter. Build a house with Habitat for Humanity. Help out at a Boys and Girls Club. Be a library or hospital volunteer. Giving to others gets you out of obsessing about your own problems. Find a cause. Make it yours.

  This was the most powerful antidote for my depression. Watching out for animals is my passion. Besides working with the American Humane Association, I am assisting in the effort to get puppy mills closed down by getting city ordinances changed. This has been so rewarding for me that it’s beyond description. We have to work under the radar so the puppy mill owners don’t move or hide the dogs, so you’ll have to ask your veterinarian or your local chapter of the Humane Society for more information.

  Our brains need to rest from trying to solve our personal daily problems and issues. The best way to let your mind rest and also be productive is to be of service to someone else. You may find that you have a much better perspective on someone else’s problems than you have on your own. My personal motto: Service is the work of the soul. I believe we are here to grow in wisdom and love and to be of service.