The Undesirable (Undesirable Series)

by Celi, S.

  “You really do love him, don’t you?” she whispers. I shrug. “We talked about him while you guys went running. We didn’t know if you really did love him. We figured the whole thing might just be some school kid crush.” She puts a hand on my left leg.

  “Well, I didn’t know for sure, not when I left him.” I choke out the words. “But it’s different now. I can’t leave him and his family there to die. I love him. I really do.” I bite my lip. “God. Why didn’t I realize this before?” My thoughts pound in my head like an anvil on metal.

  I should never have left Fostino in Harrison Corners. I should have told him the truth and stayed, no matter what the risk. Why didn’t I tell him I love him?

  I should be with him now.

  My heavy, raw eyes hurt, and so does the back of my neck. The muscles tense and twist. I put my head in my hands once again.

  “It’s wrong. We have the information. We can’t stay here and do nothing,” I say through my hands. “He might die. His parents might die. Farrah might die. I can’t leave them there, not when The Party will kill everyone! I—”

  “So?” Her next words don’t come out fast. Her hand still rests on my leg. “What would you suggest we do?”

  “Go back,” I manage through the muffle. “I’m going back. I am.” I take my hands off my face and turn to her for the first time since she entered this room.

  “That won’t be easy. We had a tough time getting you out of Harrison Corners the first go around.” Trina’s mouth falls into a hard line and it ages her face further. She raises an eyebrow to drive home her point. “It’s very dangerous. You just don’t know.”

  I throw up my hands, too tired to bear the weight of my life. I am tired of acting like an adult; I am sick of my responsibility for everything and everyone.

  It’s too much.

  “You all keep on saying I’m valuable to the SSR. I don’t care. It doesn’t mean anything to me unless Fostino is safe.” This time, I raise an eyebrow. My voice is firm. “It’s not fair to save other people and not save him and his family.”

  Trina pushes a few strands of my hair out of my face with her right hand. I sniffle.

  “Haven’t you ever loved anyone?” I whisper.

  She nods and does not need to fill in the silence with her story.

  “I don’t know what we’ll find if we go back,” she cautions. “This is very risky. Really risky.”

  “I don’t care.” All I can think of is Fostino’s strong jaw and the moment he touched me for the first time. I just want to fall into his arms again.

  I should have never left. I should have never left. I should have never left.

  “What do the others say about it?”

  “Not much.” Trina sighs.

  “While I sat here, I realized something.” My chest heaves. “If we go back and get Fostino, I think we can get him to join the SSR.” I sniffle again. Salty tears cover my bottom lip. “I’m serious. He’d be good for us. He’s smart, and he knows a lot about The Party. But how can I convince them?” The last words slide out as my voice cracks.

  “I’ve already told them I think your love for Fostino isn’t a childhood crush. They know how much he means to you.” Trina gulps. “But this is all very unusual for us. We don’t bend our rules like this. You know, Charlotte, it all comes with a price.”

  Don’t I know it?

  “Who cares what it costs?” It comes out as a whisper. I stand up to put some distance between her and me, folding my arms across my chest.

  “Well, what if it costs you your life?” she says, and then bites her lip. “What will that do to our cause?”

  A long moment passes while I find the words for my answer. When I open my mouth to speak, someone else interrupts me.

  “Jesus, you’re a stubborn little one, huh?” Thompson says from the doorframe. “And sometimes you really remind me of your father.”

  CHAPTER THIRTY

  Trina whirls around, even though she still sits on the bed. She frowns even deeper. “How long have you stood there, Thompson?” she demands.

  “Long enough,” he says. He directs his next words at me and I think he sounds annoyed. “Sometimes I wonder why I allowed all this. You’ve complicated our work in ways you don’t understand.”

  “What do you mean, I remind you of my father?”

  “You can be very persuasive. Just like he is.” Thompson smirks. “Willa, Glenn, and I talked about this whole idea. Ready to hear what we think?”

  “Yes.” I have never been more ready to hear anything in my life. “Tell me.”

  “If you do this, if you make it back here, it’ll probably be a miracle.” He leans one shoulder up against the wooden white doorframe.

  “Okay,” I concede. I nod. I expected this.

  “We’ll take you to see Drew Morgan if you get back.” He takes a small step forward. “When you come back here. He already wants to see you, since we went to so much trouble. While you’re gone, I’m going to figure out what we do with you next.”

  “Go on,” I say. I am ready to risk and do what it takes.

  “Two people go back. You and one other person. We can’t afford to send you alone. It’s too dangerous and I don’t think you’re ready by yourself. What you do when you get to Harrison Corners is up to you. We’ll give you a few guns, some supplies, a Humvee, some stamps, a couple of backpacks, a map of the safe houses, and an outline of secure areas along the way.” He studies me for a moment. “It’s up to you to get there and then get back here safe and sound. We will not come after you; we won’t rescue you from Harrison Corners again.”

  “Fine,” I say, and this prompts Thompson to continue.

  “Like I told you, there are other members of the SSR who will be doing things to rescue people in town.” He points his index finger at me. “You are not to interfere with any of that. At all. No matter what you come across.”

  “Okay,” I reply. “I’m fine with that. When do we leave?”

  “Are you sure you want to do this? Absolutely sure?” Thompson wants an answer, and he wants it now. He squints at me.

  I blink and don’t think about what to say next. I don’t care about the future. I don’t have one without Fostino and his family in it. “Yes.”

  “Very well. You’ll need this.” He holds out his left hand and I see a silver packet of hair dye. “Probably best to go brown, and maybe trim your hair up some. Darken the eyebrows. Wear makeup. We have an ID you can carry with you. You’ll be Anna Anderson. Can’t have anyone guessing who you really are.”

  “Wait, should we—” Trina stops when Thompson shoots her a look and holds up one hand.

  “Anna Anderson. It will work. We’ll make it work.” He tosses the hair dye packet at me and I catch it.

  “You said the liquidation would happen in the next few days,” I point out. “I think we should leave now.”

  Thompson shakes his head. “Not now. Not this afternoon. We need to wait until tonight, when we can cross the water with less risk.”

  “Right,” Trina says. “They should use the speedboat.”

  “I think it’s best to cross at Bar Point, and then hit Michigan at East Lead. From there, the turnpike is a short distance. I already talked to the contact over there. They’ll have a car waiting right up against the shoreline.”

  “Won’t the speedboat be loud?”

  “Yes, it will be, but that’s the one way to get across the border.” Thompson throws up a dismissive hand. He has already thought of this.

  “We’ve done the research. We own a few safe houses over there. The Party does not patrol it well. Spotty at best.” Trina runs a hand through the speckled strands of grey and brown hair.

  “You’ll need to be careful about the roads you drive on,” Thompson adds. He
sits down now on the opposite twin bed in the room. “And if you get pulled over, you must play along and play the part. You’ll have to convince people you’re a Party member.”

  “I don’t own Party member clothes.”

  “We’ll fix that, too,” he says.

  “So, who goes with me?” I ask Trina.

  “Me,” says a strong voice, once again from the doorway.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

  “We’d be gettin’ your hair dyed now.” Glenn chews on a toothpick. “So we can get on our way.”

  “Why are you going?” I ask, incredulous.

  “Lady Luck has it in for me.” He shrugs. Then he smiles. “And maybe I want a little adventure, Duchess.”

  Trina stands up from the bed and I follow her. We all walk down to the bathroom to open up the brown hair dye.

  *

  Six hours later, past 9:00 PM, twilight has settled on the shoreline. Thompson, Glenn, Willa, Trina, and I stand on the sandbar at Lake Erie. The lake’s water is still and reminds me of a huge black pearl in the moonlight. A small speedboat waits on the shoreline behind us.

  Every step I take, I tell myself, brings me closer to Fostino and his family.

  I pull my tan jacket closer around me to block the unexpected breeze. I am dressed like a consummate woman of The Party in a pair of green-cropped pants, a black shirt, slip on tan shoes, and the Party jacket. It’s a sexless outfit, topped off with a patch of white, black and red stripes on the right arm of the jacket. My dyed brown hair hangs in a ponytail down my neck, and I topped the look with creamy blush and pale pink lipstick.

  Glenn’s outfit matches mine; he holds the two black backpacks we will take with us. Each has three energy bars, a canteen of water, a change of clothes, a small tarp, a small first aid kit, some rope, a knife, ammunition, a pistol, and some cyanide.

  “When you get across the lake, you’ll find an intercom phone in the car,” Thompson says, referring to the razor thin, credit card size phone we will have with us in case of an emergency. The phone has a GPS, a message system, and a hologram assistant built right into it. My stomach churns a little bit.

  This is it. Who knows what lies ahead?

  “So. Ready to do this?” asks Trina.

  “Yes. More ready than I have ever been to do anything.” I hope my words fake my confidence.

  Trina frowns and looks down at the ground. “Did anyone ever tell you how I got the scar on my face?” She puts one of her hands in her back pocket and bites her lip once she looks back up at me. “Thompson, or Willa, or anyone?”

  “No.” Instinct tells me to focus all my attention on what she says next.

  “One of the soldiers cut my face about a year ago, during a fight. It’s a—” She breaks off and looks away. “I don’t really talk about it, but anyway… my husband tried to get food for our family, and the soldiers came. They thought he’d joined the SSR, since he wasn’t home during the hourly checks. He had just gone to find food. And when they came back, they were so angry…” She wipes one tear away from her face. She doesn’t continue.

  “Jesus,” I whisper.

  “I’m just saying I know what it means to put love above everything. And I know what it means to lose the person you love the most.” She gives me a quick nod and then opens her arms to hug me. “I know you can do this; I know you can find him and fight for him.” She says her next words into my hair. “You’ll get there.”

  “You’ve been so nice to me, Trina. Thanks,” I say against her shoulder. I repeat my gratitude to the rest of the group, but Thompson is last.

  At first, I don’t know what to say, but he fills the silence. “You’re pretty determined, aren’t you?” he whispers.

  “This is the right thing to do. It just is.”

  “Then do it.” He hugs me, and his grip is tight. “You just better come back,” he says into my hair.

  After a few seconds, it’s time to leave. Glenn and I make sure to be careful when we step into the metal speedboat. He balances it, and then pushes the button to start the motor on low.

  “Take the wheel,” he orders. I grab the chrome and settle into the small leather chair at the helm of the boat.

  We are the only ones in the water, the only ones on this desolate, dirty lake. Thompson, Trina, and Willa fade away. Within a few minutes, they are nothing more than specks in the distance.

  “Chocolate?” Glenn reaches into his pocket and pulls out a small square. He holds it out to me.

  “No.” I laugh.

  “Suit yourself, Duchess.” He pops one piece in his mouth and follows it up with another. I watch him savor each chew.

  “Not much fazes you, does it?” I ask.

  “No, not much,” he replies as he gazes at the dark water. “Why waste time and worry on things we ain’t changin’?”

  I shrug because I can’t think of any way to reply. This is one of the longest rides of my life. I can’t convince myself our plan will work. Somewhere close to the Michigan shoreline, it hits me how little I know Glenn. I size him up and wonder if I can trust him as we slide across the water.

  “It’s so much faster this way,” he mutters under his breath. “It’d take us at least two hours to get to this part by road if we went through Detroit. The Party has every main road blocked to traffic.”

  “Good thing The Party’s lax here,” I agree. Then I shudder. We don’t have time to waste.

  “They’re not just lax, Duchess. We recruited people on the inside. All over the place. And they make sure the shoreline stays pretty clear of patrols.” Glenn’s left eyebrow rises up on his leathery face. “We still need to be careful. Spies. Everywhere. You should take your gun out, too. Cooper’s government likes to change the game.” He pulls one of the guns out of the backpack and keeps watch as we approach the Michigan coast.

  I comply with his suggestion.

  Once we reach the shore, we hop out and tie the speedboat to a large rock we find along the jagged coast of East Lead. Just a few trees grow along the water where we plan to leave the boat. It brought us to a three-way fork in the road along the water.

  “We’ll walk from here,” Glenn orders. I don’t have anything to add; I’d never heard of East Lead until this afternoon. “That’s Siegler Road,” he adds, and points west. “Car should be over there.”

  Glenn takes a few steps. I follow. Seconds later, he stops and turns back to me.

  “Hey, check your watch.” He pulls his own Hologram Watch off and flips it over. “Make sure it’s on. Wouldn’t want them to think anything’s wrong. Just good for our cover.”

  I take it off and hold it with disdain. “But won’t they… well, if it’s turned on, won’t they know that I’m back?”

  Glenn shakes his head. “You ain’t got that one on. We took your old watch off and threw it into Lake Erie back when we drugged you before.”

  I frown at him.

  Glenn grunts. “Just make sure it’s on.”

  “It is.”

  He motions for us to walk again. I fall into step next to him. We’re silent again and I notice how little the border is protected. We don’t walk fast. Each step might be our last. The Party is careless around here — or, maybe the people we’ve got on our side are as good as he says. A long moment passes before I ask what’s on my mind.

  “Why haven’t more people escaped this way?”

  “Fear,” he asserts. The darkness clouds Glenn’s expression, but I guess from the tone of his voice that my question made him smile. “Cooper terrifies people. He does a pretty good job, don’t you think?”

  Not going to argue about that.

  “People don’t do things out of the ordinary when they’re afraid,” he adds. “They’ve to be pushed. Like Willa.”

  As we walk, I sling my bac
kpack on both shoulders. I keep my gun in my right hand. I don’t know if I’ll be able to shoot it if I need to, but I plan to be ready. All I hear for a half-mile or so is the crunch of gravel and twigs under our shoes. After another mile’s walk or so, I see a cluster of small woods on my right. The trees line the pathway and jut up against the shoreline of the lake as if they want to escape, too.

  “We’re outside of a small town here,” Glenn says as he takes a few steps off the road. He peers at his Hologram Watch as he does this. “It’s almost midnight now,” he says. “We should rest. Car should be over here.”

  We walk further into the groove. Glenn stays ahead of me through a few feet of heavy brush.

  “I don’t see it,” I whisper as my eyes search through the trees. “It’s not here.”

  “Yeah it is. It’s here, darlin’.” Glenn puts his left hand up to silence my protest. Then he takes a few more steps and stops. He kneels down and pulls something up from the ground. A large camouflage cover blends in with the trees. His hands pull it with one swift movement that reveals the familiar Humvee covered in evening dew and waiting for us to find it. I walk closer to it but Glenn raises his left hand to stop me.

  “Wait right here,” he instructs. “I’ll check inside.” He cocks his gun and slides up to the driver’s side of the black vehicle. I glance behind me to see if anyone watches us. No one does, thank God. Glenn takes a key out of his pocket. He unlocks the door. Then he hits the button and unlocks the other three.

  For some reason I can’t place, my stomach plunges when he pulls open the passenger door on the right-hand side of the armored Humvee.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO

  A black bag falls out of the car and opens up on the ground. Someone packed it full of medicine, water, granola bars, and two more credit card size phones. I jump back a half foot.