Songbird

by Bell, Julia

  “My brother tells me that your ship is relatively new, Captain?” I said lightly, when we had all settled down into easy conversation.

  “Indeed, ma’am. I was made captain when she was launched just over six years ago.”

  “And have you sailed to many countries?”

  He nodded. “Mostly to Australia, but we’ve been to America too. But on this voyage it’s Australia and New Zealand and then to Japan.”

  I gestured towards Gwilym and his new wife. “It looks like they’re going to have an interesting married life.”

  “They will,” he laughed. “And having a famous opera singer aboard my vessel will please the passengers.”

  “I can’t believe she’s giving up all that fame to be a singer on a ship.” Thinking I might have offended him I added, “I mean, I can’t imagine the Dorothy-May is like Covent Garden.”

  He threw back his head and laughed loudly. “It certainly ain’t, ma’am.”

  “What did you do before you captained the Dorothy-May?”

  “I was first officer on a schooner in the East India Company. Spent all my time in the Southern Hemisphere with a motley assortment of crew and cargo. No passengers. I only transferred to the Cleveland Line when I was offered the Dorothy-May after her launch.” He nodded. “Yes, you could say I’ve spent all my adult life at sea.”

  I saw Danny showing too much interest in the large Chinese vase in the corner. “Come away, dearest. You’ll knock it over,” I called in alarm.

  “He’s a lovely boy. How old is he?”

  “He was seven in March.”

  “Gwilym told me you’re widowed so he’s a credit to you.”

  Danny ran to me and I fussed with the top button of his jacket, but he shrugged me off and skipped over to his uncle and new aunt.

  I watched Danny chatting to his uncle and sniffed contemptuously. “A credit he might be but I’m rather worried that he wants to be a pirate when he grows up.”

  “Does he really?”

  I nodded. “I took him to see the Pirates of Penzance and he’s fascinated with the idea.”

  “Oh dear, then I’d better watch out in the future and be ready to repel all boarders.”

  “What do you think of the captain?” asked Gwilym, as the party was breaking up. He and Ruth were staying in the hotel for the night, before their journey to Portsmouth the following day.

  “He’s a nice enough man. We had a long chat.”

  “So I could see. But don’t let him sweet talk you, Issy.”

  I felt very amused with this morsel of advice from my big brother. “And why is that?”

  He frowned. “From what I’ve seen, Captain McAllen seems to have a woman in every port.”

  “A woman in every port? Isn’t that something of a cliché?”

  He nodded and laughed softly. “I wonder he can remember their names. I often wonder if he remembers their faces.”

  I felt startled at such revelations but I had already surmised that Captain McAllen was something of a charmer when I had travelled to France and I knew he had been flirting with me on that occasion.

  Gwilym smiled. “Ah, here’s Mrs Pritchard.” The expression on his face made my heart melt.

  Ruth sat down beside him. “It’s been a wonderful day,” she sighed. “Absolutely perfect.”

  “Yes,” I said and then nodded in Mr Perry’s direction, “but how did you get him to come to your wedding never mind give you away?”

  “I asked him.”

  “When?”

  “Yesterday morning.”

  “And he agreed just like that?”

  She nodded slowly. “I think he was so taken by surprise that he felt he had to agree.”

  Although Mr Perry had his back to us, it was obvious he had overheard our conversation, as he turned and came towards us.

  “If I’m going to lose her, then I should see it done well,” he laughed, taking a seat next to me.

  “You did the job very well,” nodded Ruth. “And I thank you for it.”

  “Yes, well, I’ve always enjoyed weddings,” he smiled and I felt startled. His smile seemed to be directed at me. I must have been mistaken, I thought to myself.

  Ruth grinned and then took my hand. “Good luck tonight, Issy,” she whispered. “I know you’ll be a great success.”

  I grimaced. “Well if I’m not, I can always go back to teaching music.”

  Martha, my dresser, was very kind and helped me on with my costume after I had completed my makeup. She deftly pinned up my hair and placed the black wig over my head.

  “It’s always nerve-racking on your first night, but it usually turns out well,” she said.

  I didn’t answer. Mr Perry entered the room.

  “Are you ready?”

  I swallowed hard. “I’m shaking like a leaf.” I held up my hands to show him.

  He pulled up a chair and held my hands between his. “I don’t want you to worry about anything. Just go on that stage and be Carmen. You’re going to be the talk of the theatre world after tonight.”

  “Perhaps in more ways than one.”

  He chucked me under the chin. “I’ll be with you all the way.” He kissed my hand, jumped to his feet and was through the door before I could answer.

  “Well I never,” said Martha. “He’s not done that to a principal lady before.”

  I stood in the wings, waiting. The rest of the cast took their places on the stage. I could hear the audience, their soft hum of conversation filtering through the curtain. The orchestra was tuning up. I knew the theatre was packed and I knew that their eyes would be on me as soon as I made my entrance. Suddenly, I felt terrified and wanted to run. But wasn’t this what I’d worked so hard for? Everything I had gone through was for this moment, I thought angrily. What was wrong with me? I looked down at my shaking hands and tried to steady myself. If I failed now then everything would have been for nothing. It was time to prove to myself that I could do it. Not only for myself, but also for the other members of the cast, for Mr Perry and for my husband who had had so much faith in me. And last of all, for the sake of the child I had sold for twelve hundred pounds.

  Mr Perry squeezed my hand before disappearing through the curtain. I heard the audience’s hum die away.

  “Ladies and gentlemen. Owing to circumstances beyond our control, Miss Ruth Procter will not be able to perform tonight. Instead, the part of Carmen will be played by Miss Emmeline Barri.”

  I heard the gasp and then a groan sweep over the hundreds of people sitting in the auditorium, the balcony and the boxes. They had come to see Ruth, not an unknown.

  “Oh, help,” I whispered as the overture started.

  “Show them what you’ve got, kid,” said Diamond, kissing my cheek. “Make them forget Ruth Procter every existed.”

  It began and finally it was time for me to step onto the stage. With my Spanish blouse falling loosely over one shoulder and my hair hanging down my back, I became the sultry Carmen, absorbed in the story of her love, betrayal and ultimate death at the hands of the soldier, Don Jose, the man she had deceived. And when I sang Habanera, I knew I had come full circle for that was the piece I had chosen to sing at my very first audition with The Royal Academy of Music. Only this time I was enjoying myself. Even if the audience didn’t like me, I didn’t care. It was absolutely wonderful and the music, the passion simply swept me along. I left the stage in the interval completely exhilarated hardly hearing the applause from the audience.

  “Hear that?” said Diamond. “They’re loving it.”

  “Let’s wait and see,” I said cautiously.

  Mr Perry came rushing past me. “Can’t stop, Isabelle, but I’m very pleased, very pleased indeed.”

  Diamond sniffed indignantly. “Well, don’t overdo the compliments, will you.”

  I smiled. “He’s happy and that’s good.”

  I made my way to the dressing room and let Martha fuss round me as I repaired my makeup. I looked into the mirror and saw a
young woman with shining eyes. Martha had made me a drink and I sipped it slowly. Twenty minutes went by all too quickly and soon I could hear the orchestra again and I was called to take my place once more.

  The second act turned out to be just as wonderful but by the third and final act I knew the audience were on the edge of their seats. And in the final scene when Don Jose plunged the knife into me, I turned my face away from the audience and died in his arms without a murmur. The curtain came down and the applause sounded like thundering rain. Mr Perry and the stage manager organised us for the curtain-call and after Tobias had taken his bow as the principal male singer, as was the custom he held out his hand to me and I stepped across to him, took it and bowed with him. It was then that the clapping increased and people started rising from their seats.

  I couldn’t believe it; I was receiving a standing ovation. In the wings, I saw Mr Perry applauding, a grin on his face that would have befitted Alice’s Cheshire cat. And when I glanced up, I spied Ruth, Gwilym, Nan and Danny standing up in one of the boxes. And they were clapping and cheering. I tried to hold back the tears. In my son’s face I saw his father and I knew that my husband, wherever he was, would be smiling too and I sent a silent thank you to him. I’ve done it, my darling, I thought, I’ve reached the top of the tree just like you said I would.

  I smiled and curtsied and scanned the faces of the people in the theatre, wondering if I would ever feel this happy again. This is the beginning, I thought. This is the start of the best years of my life. But at that moment, I didn’t know that the best and worst of times, was yet to come.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  The day after my opening night, I met Jasper. I was none too pleased to find him slithering across the dining table when I put my head round the door to see how Danny’s lessons were going. He turned out to be Miss Rupp’s ‘little surprise’ that my son had mentioned.

  “Look, Mama. Isn’t he wonderful?” said my son, picking him up and letting him curl round his fingers.

  Miss Rupp looked up, smiling. “He’s a grass snake, ma’am. Perfectly harmless. I thought Danny might want to handle a snake and see how it feels.”

  “How does it feel?” I asked from the doorway.

  “Not slimy. Quite nice really,” said Danny, his eyes shining.

  “We’re going to sketch him and I’ve brought a book of drawings of poisonous snakes including the adder.” She nodded enthusiastically. “Sometimes it’s called a viper and it’s the only venomous snake in England and likes to live near riverbanks.”

  I blew out a breath and pondered on this. She did teach my child the strangest things, but there again, knowing about poisonous snakes would keep him safe from ever going near one. Even if there were very few snakes in London

  “Well, as long as he doesn’t escape,” I said quietly.

  “Can I keep him, Mama? Miss Rupp said he can live in a glass tank and I’ll have to feed him on mice.”

  I shuddered. “No, dearest. I don’t like snakes…or mice.”

  “If that’s the case, then I’ll bring Jasper to visit as often as you wish,” said Miss Rupp.

  “Mama has shares in a mining company called Anaconda. It’s in Montana in America.”

  Miss Rupp nodded. “Ah, now then, an anaconda is a huge snake and could eat you in one go.”

  I had heard enough and decided to escape to the kitchen and start luncheon.

  Ruth was missed right from the start and the morning after her wedding we had waved her off at Waterloo Station as she and Gwilym started their journey to Portsmouth. She promised to write as often as possible and tell us all the adventures she was having. And we were certain she would have many. The look on my brother’s face as the train pulled away from the platform, was something I will always remember. With his arm round his new wife and his eyes sparkling with absolute joy, I knew that he had never looked so happy. It would be a memory that would bring me gladness and sadness over the next few years.

  The week continued and my success in Carmen grew. Mr Perry was delighted and I breathed more easily knowing that I had survived the first week.

  It was the night of my birthday and I had just seen Danny to bed when Diamond told me something that unsettled me.

  “You do realise, of course, that you could have been an opera diva long before now.”

  “What on earth do you mean?”

  “Mr Perry has strong feelings for you. And I think he’s had them since you first joined the theatre.”

  “Don’t be so ridiculous!” I snorted. “He’s not shown the slightest bit of interest in me personally.”

  Diamond smiled. “He would never say anything to you, unless he knew you felt the same way. And since you never gave him the necessary signals, he kept silent.”

  “The necessary signals? How could I know how he felt when he was yelling at me just as much as everyone else.”

  “That’s because professionally he treats us all equally. But privately, his thoughts were in another direction entirely. And if you had noticed and responded, then I don’t think you’d have been in the chorus for nearly three years.”

  “Responded?”

  She nodded. “Shown him that you could be a little friendlier than normal.”

  “Diamond Ward, you are disgusting! Mr Perry doesn’t think of me that way at all. I’m just a member of his cast and nothing more.”

  “Suit yourself.”

  I stood. “Goodnight Diamond. Don’t forget to lock up.”

  “Goodnight Isabelle. I won’t.”

  I lay there in the darkness, going over what she had just said. I suddenly realised that there had been times when Andrew Perry had been just a little more tender towards me, often speaking to me in a softer, gentler tone. But to use him to further my career as an opera singer appalled me. And then my mind returned to Felix Russell and how I had been willing to use his marriage proposal in order to fulfil my ambitions. I shuddered at that memory. I turned over in bed, and pushed my knuckles into my mouth, knowing I had done far worse than that. As sleep slowly claimed me, I decided that I had to visit Mrs Holland again. I had to go to Gibson Place and ask her about Karl. I must find out if he was well and happy. But most of all, I must discover if my daughter, our daughter, was thriving. I couldn’t put it off any longer. I needed to know.

  The following day I caught a cab to Ealing. I decided to arrive at four o’clock, since that had always been the time I had visited Mrs Holland in the past. As I waited at the door, I looked about me. How strange it felt and yet how familiar. Nothing had changed. The fashionable people still promenaded through the small park and along the pavement, servants still scurried to and fro on various errands. Carriages with liveried drivers and footmen rumbled over the cobbles, the ladies inside carrying their parasols, the gentlemen wearing top hats.

  Jane answered my knock. “Miss Pritchard! Fancy you visiting. Madam was speaking of you only yesterday.”

  “Was she?”

  “She was and here you are in person.” She showed me into the hallway. “Madam is in the garden pulling up the weeds.” I followed her through the house and into the conservatory where my heart lurched in my chest at my memories. But then I was out in the glorious sunshine and a beautiful garden. Mrs Holland was kneeling on a small piece of carpet, skilfully prising out the weeds with a small trowel. “Miss Pritchard to see you, ma’am.”

  I could see she was surprised.

  “Well, I never! I only mentioned you yesterday.”

  “So Jane said,” I laughed.

  Jane and I helped her to her feet and she groaned.

  “Oh, my poor, aching joints. It’s all right getting down, it’s the getting up that’s more difficult. Bring some tea, my dear,” Mrs Holland said to Jane. We watched the young maid scurry across the lawn. “Sometimes I think tea is more refreshing on a day like today. Now then, do sit down and make yourself comfortable.”

  I saw two wicker chairs under a tree and sat down.

  “I hope you don�
��t mind me visiting. I just felt the need to see you.”

  Mrs Holland frowned. “Did you? Is something wrong?”

  “Oh no, nothing is wrong. I just wondered how you were.”

  She gave a small laugh. “I know it was assumed we would never see each other again, but I always hoped we would keep in touch.”

  Jane brought the tea and placed it on the small garden table, along with a plate of Mrs Holland’s special chocolate cake.

  I smiled with delight. “How lovely, even if it is bad for the figure.”

  Mrs Holland chuckled. “I ceased to worry about mine long ago.” She poured out the tea. “How’s Miss Rupp doing?”

  “Oh, she’s absolutely wonderful. Danny is devoted to her and I must say that she has some innovative ideas about teaching.”

  Mrs Holland nodded. “I knew she would be suitable.”

  Suddenly the strangest notion came into my head. “How did you know it was my advertisement in The Times? I’ve moved house, you know.”

  She gave another chuckle. “I cheated somewhat. Your landlady, Mrs Haygarth, has been a friend of mine for years. When she told me she had rented her property in Finsbury to four young ladies, one called Mrs Asquith and the mother of a boy named Daniel, it wasn’t difficult to deduce it was you.”

  “And Miss Rupp? How do you know her?”

  “Again, I’m a friend of her mother. I’ve known Jean since she was a baby. She’ll never marry, of course. Far too plain to attract the attentions of any gentleman.”

  I was rather startled that Mrs Holland could sound so unkind. “Oh, you never know. There might be someone out there waiting for her.”

  Mrs Holland patted my knee sympathetically. “My dear, he would have to be blind.”

  I sipped my tea and decided to change the subject.

  “Why were you thinking of me yesterday?”

  “Because it was your birthday.”

  “You remembered?”

  “How could I forget. That wonderful evening of your twenty-first birthday when you sang for us. The duc with tears streaming down his face.” She squeezed my hand. “Tell me, did you enter the academy and become classically trained?”