Songbird

by Bell, Julia

  He gave a polite cough and looked about him once again. “It wouldn’t have been appropriate. Besides, Angelique wanted it otherwise.”

  “Angelique? Is that French?”

  “My wife is French,” he murmured. A cold wave washed over me. His wife was French! Chateau St Julienne must have been her family home. The duc and duchesse must have been her parents. Angelique was the child they had had in their later years, the daughter, Mrs Holland had said, that was married and living elsewhere. My shocked expression told him everything. “Don’t be too alarmed, Isabelle. Chateau St Julienne was the best place for you and I knew the duc and duchesse would take good care of you.”

  Anger bubbled up inside me. “I wish you’d told me,” I hissed through my teeth. “I had a right to know certain facts. Why did you keep me in such ignorance?”

  “I had to keep my name a secret. Knowing I had a French wife might have led you to me.”

  “How, for goodness sake?”

  “You’re an intelligent woman and you’d have found a way.”

  I wasn’t convinced with his argument and in fact, felt deeply hurt that he thought I would have tried to trace him. Especially when Mrs Holland had told me how he had pleaded for my address. I opened my mouth to tell him so, when Lady Waltham clapped her hands and called for our attention.

  “Everyone in the drawing room for charades,” she cried. “No one can leave until the game is finished.”

  I heard Karl groan. “What did I tell you? It’s always charades after luncheon with Penelope.”

  I opened my fan and wafted my cheeks that were still burning with resentment. “Well, charades is something you and I are good at. We do it for real.”

  I glared at him, but to my annoyance, I saw that he was smiling.

  “Beautiful, intelligent and spirited,” he said. “You certainly must have given your husband a good run for his money, Mrs Asquith.”

  I tossed my head and walked away from him, but I knew his eyes followed me as I caught up with Eloise and took her arm.

  I was surprised when I stepped into the drawing room and realised that a huge Christmas tree stood in the corner of the room, decorated with ribbons, glittering baubles and candles. I hadn’t noticed it before, or the holly and ivy that adorned the mirror and portraits around the walls. It was a very pretty room, made even more so by the festive decorations.

  Charades turned out to be great fun. Lord Waltham was hopeless and made such ridiculous suggestions at the clues offered that his wife kept slapping his hand with her fan. The Marquess of Salisbury was very good, as was Mr and Mrs George Cannings. I finally arrived at the answer for Lady Portland’s attempt at Tolstoy’s War and Peace and then I took my turn. I decided to make it a difficult one and chose Mozart’s opera Cosi Fan Tutte. I gestured that it was the theatre and started by hugging myself to indicate the word ‘cosy’. Delighted cries of ‘cuddle’ and ‘amour’ were greeted with laughter and a shake of my head.

  “If there’s one thing I learnt about Isabelle it’s that she loves opera,” said Eloise tapping her chin. “So, this is no doubt an opera.”

  A relieved ‘ah’ went round the players. Finally, the marquess arrived at ‘cosy’ and I flapped my hand in front of my face to indicate ‘fan’.

  Karl was sitting on the edge of the group, his dislike of charades plain to see. But then he sat forward in his seat. “I believe it’s Cosi Fan Tutte,” he said, grinning.

  I spun on my heels to stare at him. “Yes, but I thought you…” I began, but stopped abruptly. The game had loosened my tongue.

  He bowed his head, a satisfied smile playing on his lips, as the assembled company clapped and cried ‘well done’.

  Sounds of childish laugher erupted outside the door and Emily burst through, her red bow askew, her dark, brown hair falling in waves over her shoulders.

  “Quick! Quick! They’re after me,” she cried, laughing with glee. “Papa, save me.”

  I smiled as she ran past me and I glanced at the earl, waiting for her to run to him. But instead she went straight to Karl who sprang to his feet and opened his arms to catch her. He gathered her up and then they were hugging each other, a devoted father and a loving daughter together. I remained still, hardly understanding the implication of the scene I was witnessing.

  Karl set her gently onto her feet. “Emily, this is Mrs Asquith. She’s come to spend a few days here at Claythorpe House.”

  She looked up at him and gave him that comical grin that only happens when a six-year-old has lost their front baby teeth.

  “Oh, Papa, I know Mrs Asquith very well. We had a long talk in her room before luncheon.” She shook her wrist and the pink shells tinkled. “She gave me this bracelet. Isn’t it beautiful?”

  He smiled down at her and then looked back at me. My expression must have been one of utter bewilderment and shock.

  “So, you’re already acquainted,” he laughed softly.

  A second little girl sauntering into the room distracted my attention. She seemed about the same age as Danny but slightly smaller with long, blonde hair tied up in ringlets. Unfortunately, her expression was sour and her haughty demeanour smacked of a child who was indulged and spoilt beyond repair.

  “Abigail! Where have you been?” said Lady Waltham. “I told you to come down as soon as we had finished luncheon.”

  Abigail pulled a face. “Emily wanted to play hide and seek and we’ve only just found her. Silly game to play, very childish.”

  “I hope you’ve not been making too much noise. You know that Lady Shelbrook is not well today,” said the earl.

  “She’s always unwell,” scowled Abigail.

  I stood in the middle of this altercation and felt as though I was standing on the moon. People and objects seemed so unreal and I instinctively took in large breaths to steady myself, much in the same way I did before going on stage. Suddenly, Danny burst through the door, but seeing adults present, stopped abruptly. His blue eyes scanned the room and I gasped when I saw his father in his features. That same steady, sincere and earnest look that had the ability to disarm enemies and make friends with strangers. It jerked me back to reality and I stepped over to him.

  “Mama, did you know that there’s a farm here for rearing horses?” he said.

  “It’s called a stud farm, silly boy from the city,” said Abigail drolly.

  Danny gave her the briefest of looks. “Yes, but I’d love to see the foals. May I go to the stables?”

  I placed my hands on his shoulders conscious of the fact that the formalities had been overlooked. “You’ll have to ask his lordship about that, they’re his horses.” I turned him round. “But you’re forgetting your manners, Danny. You must be introduced to everyone first.” I guided him over to Lord and Lady Waltham, feeling very proud that he bowed to the earl and took the countess’s hand and kissed it softly. Around the room we walked as he kissed each lady’s hand in turn and bowed to every gentleman. Eventually we reached Karl and Emily and I noticed the look of bewilderment on his face, the look of adoration on hers. At that moment, it was as though only we four existed. “This is Viscount Shelbrook, Emily’s papa,” I said vacantly. “My lord, may I introduce you to my son, Danny.”

  Danny bowed. “Pleased to meet you, sir.”

  “He’s so courteous, Papa,” Emily smiled.

  Karl responded with a sharp nod and a deep frown. His eyes swept over my son and his lips parted as if to speak, but then thought better of it. Our eyes met and I could see his smouldering anger. He knew that I had kept a few secrets of my own and he didn’t like it one bit.

  The earl’s voice from across the room broke the spell. “Yes, indeed. The spring foals will be seven months old now and quite a delight to see.” He turned to his daughter. “Abigail, why don’t you take your guests to the stables and inform Gus that they are free to wander about as they wish.”

  She let out a sigh. “Oh, very well. Come on, then.”

  She left the room and Emily and Danny f
ollowed her. I smiled when I saw my son stand to one side and allow Emily to pass through the door first.

  “He’s a lovely boy, Mrs Asquith,” said Lady Chalgrove. “How old is he?”

  “He’ll be nine this March,” I said quietly.

  I watched with mounting alarm, Karl’s hasty exit from the room.

  The rest of the afternoon was spent in the company of the ladies, taking walks in the brisk winter air. The sun was weak and gave no warmth, but wrapped up warmly, we chatted our way along the garden paths and through the orchard. I didn’t see anything of the men since some of them had gone to play billiards and Lady Waltham informed me, the others had probably joined the children in the stables.

  “They take great pride in breeding excellent horses,” she said. “Especially Lord Shelbrook since his estate in Wiltshire also breeds the best racing stock in England. He’s reared three winners of the Derby and two of the Grand National, you know.”

  I tried not to show too keen an interest, but it seemed that every hour brought new revelations about Karl. He bred racing horses. That was probably why I thought his shoulders broad and muscular, the first time I had seen him remove his shirt. All his life he had dealt with horses and had probably brought quite a few into the world. I knew that delivering a foal was no easy task and took a great deal of strength.

  It was getting dark by the time we all met up in the drawing room for tea.

  A tall woman in a nurse’s uniform appeared at the door. “I’m sorry to intrude, my lady. But it’s time for the children’s tea and I can’t find them anywhere.”

  Her ladyship became exasperated. “Oh, Nanny Pearson, they must still be in the stables. I’ll send one of the footmen for them.”

  I rose to my feet. “Please don’t trouble yourself. I’ll walk round and fetch them.”

  Lady Waltham nodded. “That’s so kind of you. But you’d better wrap up warmly. There’s such a sting of frost in the air.”

  I left the drawing room and went up to my room and found my coat. I didn’t bother with a hat, since I would be out for a matter of minutes. I went down to the hallway and out of the main door. It was now quite dark and the lamps had been lit along the gravel path. My breath turned to white mist and I pulled my coat closely round me. The moon kept disappearing behind clouds that seemed to glow a metallic silver-grey. If it rained, it might turn to snow.

  When I reached the stables, I looked about me. I saw two grooms going about their business and I heard the gentle neighing of horses and the stamping of hooves on stone floors. I crossed the yard and asked the way of one of the men. He pointed a little further along and I could see in the distance a succession of low barns, with light streaming from the door.

  Stepping lightly over the cobbles, I made my way towards the golden, welcoming light and entered the first barn. Everyone seemed to be gathered down the far end where a wonderful coal fire burnt. The smell of oil lamps filled the air, mixed with the pungent aroma of horses and hay. Danny and Emily were sitting on a low stone wall, Abigail lounged against one of the struts. I came to the side of my son and looked down. Two foals lay on the straw with their heads turned towards Danny and Emily.

  Danny pointed at them, his eyes shining. “Aren’t they beautiful. They’re twins, but I like the one with the white across his back.”

  “But you don’t need a horse,” said Abigail. “You can’t even ride.”

  Emily jumped immediately to his defence. “That’s because he was brought up in London and he has hackney cabs and the omnibus to get him about.”

  “And trains,” nodded Danny.

  “Fancy not being able to ride,” scoffed Abigail.

  “I’ll teach you to ride,” said Emily. “It’s quite easy when you’ve had a bit of practise.”

  I glanced around at the three men present and saw Karl standing half in shadow, watching us.

  “So, have you come to see the foals too, Mrs Asquith?” asked Sir Joshua, smiling.

  “No, I’ve come to collect the children for their tea.”

  Danny and Emily jumped down from the wall.

  “Mama, I’ve decided to own a stud farm when I grow up,” said Danny.

  I straightened his collar. “Have you really? But what about your ambitions to become a pirate and sail the seven seas?”

  He pulled a face. “No, I don’t think I’ll bother with that after all.”

  I couldn’t help laughing. “I’m so relieved, since you were going to make me walk the plank.”

  Emily’s eyes opened wide in horror. “Was he, Mrs Asquith? Was he going to make you walk the plank?”

  I nodded and tried to be serious. “He was and at the point of a cutlass.”

  Emily stared at Danny. “How awful. Your mama could have been eaten by sharks.”

  I was startled when she placed two thin arms round my waist and gave me a loving hug. I responded instinctively and then took her hand in mine.

  “Come on, you three. Nanny Pearson will be making me walk the plank if I don’t get you back for tea,” I said, trying to swallow the annoying lump in my throat.

  “She’s only a servant,” said Abigail. “We don’t have to do what she says.”

  The men had been listening with amusement and laughing at the banter, but as we moved away and walked out of the barn, I was horrified when I heard the marquess say, “Now that young woman would make an excellent mistress.”

  Sir Joshua Portland answered with a coarse laugh. “Yes, but for which one of us? We’ll have to invite her to our summer house parties and have a wager on who can bed her first.”

  And then I heard Karl say, “Now that would be a very interesting wager.”

  Shock swept through me.

  I soaked in a bath that evening. Nelly bustled about me and was as attentive as any personal maid could be. She had sprinkled jasmine bath salts into the water and I lay back and closed my eyes, a sudden weariness sweeping over me. I couldn’t understand why I felt so utterly tired. I thought over the events of the day.

  Karl wasn’t pleased with me that was certainly obvious, although he had no right to make me the centre of amusement along with the other men. Why he thought only he could have secrets was beyond my understanding. But I knew there was more to it than that. He will have assumed, as Mrs Holland had done, that I had given birth to Danny while unmarried. He had already known that I was no longer a virgin when I first went to his bed and had accepted it. But bearing a child while unmarried was a different matter. Did he think the mother of his child shameful? Did he now doubt my reputation? If that was the case, then it was contradictory that his high-minded principles didn’t stop him fathering a child out of wedlock. Men had such a blinkered way of looking at the world. Well, he would have to learn a hard lesson and realise that Mrs Isabelle Asquith had a life of her own.

  I dressed for dinner with Nelly’s help, choosing an oyster pink satin gown with a sleeveless top. It had a complex decoration of white ribbons and Nelly tied my hair up into curls with a matching ribbon. As I looked into the long mirror, I felt that I could equal the ladies of the nobility. Better, Nelly informed me, some of them had no taste.

  Before I went downstairs, I made my way to the nursery and found the three children engrossed in a game of snakes and ladders with Nanny Pearson. She assured me that she would see the children to bed at the appropriate time and I left them, feeling satisfied.

  Dinner was more formal than luncheon and the table was magnificently set. I found I had been placed between the marquess and Lord Ramsbury, a squat, bald man who turned out to have German ancestry and insisted on telling me all about his family in Munich. Thankfully, Karl was seated at the far end of the table and now and again I could feel his eyes on me, but he would turn away quickly if I looked in his direction.

  Meeting his wife was very interesting.

  Lady Angelique Shelbrook turned out to be a small, dainty woman with a mass of dark hair. The moment I met her I recognised the Duc de St Julienne in her features. The sa
me dark blue eyes, always haunted by the spectre of poor health. The same slight, fragile build, as if a gust of wind would blow her over. It was as if she found life too much to bear and needed to retire frequently to her room to escape from it. The boisterous, vivacious little girl that was her daughter was a drain on her and I discovered that she spent hardly any time at all with Emily. Suddenly, I found my heart breaking for the baby I had carried and given birth to. She had a devoted papa, there was no doubt about that, but the woman whom she called Mama, was constantly exasperated with a child who demanded too much on her limited resources of energy.

  After dinner, the ladies adjourned to the drawing room and drank coffee, leaving the gentlemen with their port and cigars and when they joined us an hour later, I could see that some of them were quite merry. Lady Portland remonstrated with her husband when he bumped into the table, knocking over one of the delicate china coffee cups and ushered him off to bed immediately.

  Angelique also retired to bed shortly after them, but the rest of us settled down for an evening of cards. I was delighted when I was asked to join the marquess and Lord and Lady Waltham at their table. I watched the marquess over my cards and wondered if I should ask him to elaborate on his theory that I would make an excellent mistress. But not wanting to embarrass my hosts, I decided to forget the entire incident.

  On the far side of the room, Karl, Eloise and Mr and Mrs Cannings started their game. Now and again Karl’s pleasant chuckle drifted across to me causing my heart to lurch in my chest. But I couldn’t help feeling indignant with him. He had no occasion to feel annoyed with me; I hadn’t done anything wrong. In fact, I had upheld my end of the agreement faultlessly. I had given him the child he wanted and I had kept out of her life, neither demanding nor expecting any maternal rights. It’s a pity the same thing couldn’t be said about him. I sighed as I threw a card down on the table.

  “Now what are you sighing about?” asked the marquess, smiling.

  I glanced at him. “Sometimes it’s impossible to win the game, no matter how well you play.”