by AJ Alexander
“Sometimes he looks at me like I hung the moon, and then others when it seems like I’m the anti-Christ. I don’t understand men. This is why I never dated.”
“Wait a minute, never dated? You went on dates back in Shawnee. We double dated a few times.”
“Yeah, about that. Most of those were just guy friends I asked to hang out with me so I wouldn’t look like a loser. I never had an actual date where a guy asked me out before,” Morgan whispers into the phone, obviously embarrassed about her situation.
“What the shit, Mo! Why didn’t you ever tell me? Now everything makes so much more sense. He more than likely doesn’t want to corrupt you or something.”
“But I want to be corrupted, dang it!” Morgan shouts. That’s the closest Morgan has ever gotten to a cuss word in the lifetime I’ve known her. These feelings she has for Theo must be serious.
“Paul and Michael know people, we can make this all go away. Just say the word,” I state into the phone while I look around my room. You never know who is around watching.
Morgan’s laughter comes across the line. “I can always count on you to make me laugh.” There is a long pause followed by a heavy sigh from Morgan. “The night he kissed me he had been drinking, he seems to always be drinking when I’m around. I think he is just mistaking me for someone else. A sophisticated socialite or something, someone that is more suited for him.”
“Stop that, Mo. Whatever his issue is, is his and has nothing to do with you. I’ll not stand for you putting yourself down,” I demand.
I may need to hop in my dad’s truck and pay this Theo character a visit. Morgan is naïve, but she isn’t stupid. There’s no way she’s confusing his signals that badly.
“You’re probably right, but enough about me. Tell me all about what’s going on with you and Liam.” Morgan seems to perk up a little now that we’ve changed the subject.
“Nothing much. We’ve been dating for a few months now, but nothing crazy. Last week he took me on a Horn Blower cruise of the harbor.”
“How romantic! Have you two gotten busy again?” Morgan blurted out.
“Why is this the first thing everyone wants to know?” I giggle before answering. “No, it’s one of our rules. No sex.”
“Why the heck would you make a rule like that? And after you already let him bend you over a Harley.”
“Thanks for reminding me,” I groan into the phone. “I’m happy to report he’s taken the entire upcoming weekend off to spend with me. He wants to cook me dinner.”
“Do you think he’ll tell you why he left?”
I sigh. “I think so. Things have been going well, but there’s still this nagging feeling in the back of my head he’s hiding something.”
“Fudge nuggets! Well keep an open mind, okay?”
“I’ll try, that’s all I can promise.” Morgan and I laugh. “Who knows, I’m trying not to focus on any of that and just live in the now. He asked for me to give him a chance to show me how much he cares, and I’ve been trying.”
“He’s getting more of a chance than most men would. I wish I were there to help, but you know I’m only a phone call away,” Morgan responds while stifling a yawn.
“If your boss wasn’t so hot, I’d be angry at him for working you so hard.”
Morgan gasps in surprise. “You know what Theo looks like?”
“Of course! When you tell someone, your boss is a multi-millionaire and sex on a stick, I googled him. Girl, you didn’t give me much to go by, but he wasn’t hard to find. You weren’t lying, I wouldn’t kick him out of my bed.”
“Oh my gosh, please tell me you didn’t tell anyone else. I could get in a lot of trouble.” Morgan begins to hyperventilate on the other line.
“Calm down. No, I didn’t tell anyone who he was. Did he threaten you or something?”
“No, I had to sign a Non-disclosure agreement this afternoon.” I let out the breath I was holding.
“Why is he making you sign an agreement suddenly? You’ve been working there for months. If he didn’t trust you, he should have fired you by now.”
“Theo does not understand what he wants, and this is just his way of making sure I can’t tell everyone his dirty little secrets,” she mumbles.
“Do you happen to be one of those dirty little secrets?” I ask. I mean Morgan has been drooling over him since she started, but maybe she decided to put her big girl panties on and make a move.
“Shiitake mushrooms! You weren’t supposed to hear that,” she sighs, obviously this situation is stressing her out more than she’s letting on. “Take a deep breath love, no stress. Even if you told me, it was before you signed the agreement so he can’t do anything about it.”
“Thank goodness. I need this job. With the money I’m making here, I can pay for the rest of school next year.” I can hear the excitement in her voice.
All Morgan has ever wanted to do was be a graphic designer. Getting into California Institute of the Arts was a dream come true. However, the price tag that came with it was a little too much for her parents. The whole town chipped in to help. Fundraiser, bake sales, the loose change jar at the convenient store, we tried all of it. It’s one of the perks of living in a small town, everyone is willing to help a fellow town member in need.
Between the town of Shawnee’s donation and scholarships, she was awarded tuition along with room and board. However, she has been working her butt off at different jobs to pay for all the extra things she may need, like food, a computer, programming software, etc. Morgan never complains, but I know being able to relax and enjoy college is a dream come true.
“Your secret is safe with me, Mo.”
“So is yours,” Mo responds before hanging up. I take a second and realize that I don’t have a secret to keep safe, or at least not one I told her. Smiling at the phone, I put it back into my pocket before heading into the bathroom to change.
Out of everyone I’ve talked to today, Mo was the only one to pick up that something has shifted in my relationship with Liam. I wouldn’t say things are back to normal, but they are well on the way. Now I have to wait for him to come clean this weekend. Depending on his reasoning, they may shift the course of our newfound happiness forever.
19
Liam
To say I’m nervous is an understatement. I’ve been trying to find the time to tell Rachael what happened the night I left, but it never seems to be right. Everything is going so well between us, and the love we shared back then is coming back to the surface. I know as soon as I tell her about that night, she’ll run the other way, leaving me once again with a broken heart.
I know it’s wrong, but I need to make sure she is one hundred percent mine before I tell her what happened. Just a little more time and she’ll remember everything we had with each other — she has to. Once that happens, it will be safe to tell her what I did, how I was the reason for her brother’s death. I loved Jeremiah, more than my brother to be honest. The fact I had anything to do with his death has been eating away at me all these years. But to know the man you loved caused your brother’s death, that would kill any relationship.
It would have broken Rachael and I, there was no doubt about it. I decided that it was better for both of us if I left, even though it wasn’t for selfish reasons. I’m not sure how she has gone through the last three years without knowing, even with receiving my letter. Shawnee is such a small town, so someone was bound to tell her. I guess I got lucky this time around, and now I have the chance to tell her myself. I need to man up, but the problem is I don’t know how.
I’ve rehearsed how I want this conversation to play out over and over in my head. The one thing I’m not prepared for is the heartbreak I’ll see on her face once she realizes what I’ve done. I ruined her family by being late, by being a Murphy, just by breathing. These feelings of guilt I’ve had hanging over my head for the past three years are the main reason I haven’t tried to contact her — other than a single letter to say goodbye. I can deal wi
th the pain of a broken heart ‘til the end of time, but I don’t know how I’ll deal with seeing the hate in her eyes once I tell her the truth. I’ve been running for too long, and it’s time to face my fears and tell the woman I love the truth.
I decided to make today a day she would never forget, a lasting memory that will remind her of happier times. I hope she’ll look back on today and remember how happy we were when she is deciding about us. We spent the entire day together, just like old times, in our little bubble of bliss. We went to an off the beaten path winery in La Jolla for a late lunch. We then took a hike through the Torrey Pines State Forest to watch the sunset. I’ll give up my man card for saying it was fucking romantic as hell. I timed it perfectly, so the sun was setting behind the cliffs, filling the sky with beautiful shades of orange and red. We sat there together for what seemed like hours, just enjoying the sound of the waves crashing against the cliffs. The light of the setting sun reflecting off Rachael’s hair, while she snuggles into my arms was amazing. I wished that I’d taken a picture, but it’s a memory I won’t forget.
There was a time when I wished for nothing more than to have her in my arms again. I promised the powers that be if I had a chance to see her again, I wouldn’t waste it. It’s time to keep that promise, even though I know in my heart it means the end of us forever.
The timer beeps, reminding me that dinner is in the oven. Rachael should be here in a few minutes. I said we would spend the whole day together. Although I know sex is off the table, I have every intention of having my way with her before she leaves — preferably tomorrow morning.
Heading into the kitchen I pull one of the few things I know how to cook out of the oven — lasagna. Rachael showed me how to make it after we had been dating for about a year. My mom had to go to Texas to help take care of my grandmother, and all us Murphy men were left to fend for ourselves. We have money, but my mom insisted on cooking for us herself. We ordered a lot of pizzas, but when a week turned into two, all of us were jonesing for a home-cooked meal. As soon as Rachael discovered what was going on, she came over with a grocery bag full of supplies and got started.
“Not that I mind, but what are you doing here?” I open the door wider so Rachael can come in. Noticing her arms full of grocery bags, I grab as many as I can carry. “And what the heck is all this for?” I chuckle as I head toward the kitchen.
“I always assumed you had some big fancy cook in this big house. However, I noticed all the fast food wrappers in your car.” She stops next to the counter, a pile of pizza boxes are waiting to be taken out for recycling.
I put her bags on the counter. “Well, my mom went to Texas and she does all the cooking. We have no clue what we are doing around the kitchen.”
Shaking her head, she comes over and places a kiss on my cheek. “All you had to do was ask. In this town, we help each other, but I’m always here for you. Now let’s get to making dinner. How do you feel about lasagna?”
She spent the entire night cooking meals for us to keep in the freezer, with instructions on how to reheat them. We had more than enough food to last us until my mom came back and it was all thanks to Rachael. The only thing better than her cooking us all that food was her insistence that someone cook it with her.
“I don’t know how things work in your house, but in mine, anyone that wants to eat has to help. Go grab your dad and brother. You all should know how to cook something for the next time your mom leaves town.”
I smile before taking off in search of my dad and brother. I find Carter in the living room watching TV. “Hey! Rachael came over to cook us dinner and needs help. If you want to eat, come to the kitchen.”
I don’t think I’ve ever seen my brother move so fast. “You got it, man! Anything to not have to eat take-out again tonight. I hope she’s a decent cook.”
Carter claps me on the back as he passes me. “Good luck getting Dad to come help. You know how he is about doing anything ‘beneath’ him.”
I head directly toward my dad’s office. When he’s home, that’s pretty much the only place we will find him. I knock on the door before entering. “Hey Dad, Rachael came by to make us dinner and needs help. Would you like to join us in the kitchen?”
I figure the ultimatum of not eating won’t work on him. My dad has always thought Rachael and her family were beneath us.
“No thank you. If she is a decent cook, maybe we can secure her services for the next time your mother is out of town,” he responds without even looking up from his computer.
I ball my fist tightly, not wanting to lash out. “She isn’t the help. She’s my girlfriend. If she comes to cook for us, it will be because she wants to, not because we pay her.” I don’t even wait for a response before exiting his office, slamming the door closed behind me.
I wish my father would have realized then how amazing she was, but he saw her as nothing more than the help coming to do what they did best — help.
That was the first time I realized my parents, particularly my father, would never accept Rachael and my relationship. I love her, none of the rest mattered Just because they had a problem with it, didn’t mean I’d leave her.
I left everything I know behind because it was what was best for her, but no one understands how much I love her. All they see is the spoiled rich boy that took his turn with the girl on the other side of the tracks and left when he was through with her. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I need Rachael like a human needs air. I left because it was best for her, and I’ve been dying a little more inside every day since I got in the car and drove away.
A knock on the door signals Rachael’s arrival. Double checking that my place is presentable, I take a deep breath and head for the front door. I don’t know what tonight will hold, but I know whatever happens, nothing will be the same afterward.
20
Rachael
Liam answers the door looking delicious as ever. I thought seeing him in a fitted black t-shirt with jeans that hug him in all the right places was torture, but this was just cruel and unusual punishment.
“See something you like?” He raises his eyebrow as I rake my eyes down his body from head to toe. Liam is wearing every woman’s kryptonite: gray sweatpants and a white t-shirt. I’d bet he has no underwear underneath.
“I’m surprised you even got dressed,” I respond holding out my leather jacket and bag for him to grab as I walk by. He chuckles as he takes my bag.
“Damn, Roo. Did you paint those pants on or are you planning to re-evaluate our no sex rule?” Liam shuts the door before stalking toward me.
I look down at myself. “Just yoga pants and a band t-shirt, nothing special.” I throw in a wink for good measure, as he prowls closer. I’d usually back up in fear, but today I’ve got confidence. My Fairy God Fathers specifically said to wear my power panties tonight — take no prisoners.
Apparently, there are different categories of underwear for women: every day, granny, date night, and the ever so important power panties. It shocked those two that I only had boring cotton panties in my drawer when they raided my room. It would embarrass most people that two men were trying to change them, but in reality, they were just trying to help me shine.
Power panties are the panties you wear when you need to be tough and have a take no prisoners attitude. They are for no one but you. If you never wear a thong, then thongs are your power panties. I thought they were full of shit, but knowing I’m wearing sexy lingerie for only myself gives me courage. “No need, but there are plenty of other things we can do besides sex.” I give him a wink.
“You’re trouble,” he growls before placing a kiss on my forehead, grabbing my hand, and pulling me farther into his apartment. We enter what looks to be the living room. The walls are painted a neutral gray color, and comfortable looking black leather furniture is strategically placed around the room. “What do you think?” he asks letting go of my hand and continuing toward the kitchen.
“It’s not what I expected,”
I answer honestly. “It needs a woman’s touch, that’s for sure. However, a lot more sophisticated.”
“You were expecting frat boy, right?” He heads back into the living room holding two shot glasses and a bottle of tequila.
“You planning to get me drunk and take advantage of me?” I grab a shot glass from his hand, waiting for him to pour my shot.
“Nah, I remember the rules. However, I have this nice bottle of tequila, and I know how much you love shots. I figured we’d take a shot or two and relax while the lasagna cools.”
“Lasagna? You haven’t learned how to make anything new in all these years?” I remember the day I attempted to show all the Murphy men how to fend for themselves, but Liam was the only one that took any interest in it. I got Carter to do the dish, which I considered a win.
“It reminds me of you,” he responds matter-of-factly. “I’ve learned how to use a grill, you know, manly things.”
I throw back my shot and look at Liam, really look at him. I’ve spent all this time thinking about the boy who broke my heart, but here is a man I barely know standing in front of me. “You’ve changed. In a good way. You’re still the preppy boy I met years ago, but you have a different air about you. I can’t put my finger on it.”
Liam throws back his shot before pouring both of us another. “A lot of things change in three years. You may look different, but deep down you’re still my Roo. The girl who stole my heart with a shy smile my sophomore year in high school — the only woman I’ll ever love.”
“You don’t need to lay it on too thick tonight, I already know you want me back. You don’t need to lay on the lines, I’m here because I want to be.” I throw back my second shot and push myself up off the couch. “Now let me at the lasagna. Hopefully, I don’t die before the end of the night from food poisoning.”