With all the time I spent at Renee and Jack’s house when Matthew and I were together, stories from the past spill easily between us while we eat, as if no time has passed at all. Jack had just begun a new story about swimming with Aaron earlier when the kitchen door slams open. Renee and Jack exchange a worried glance as footsteps echo through the kitchen, coming closer. I put my fork down, preparing myself for what I know is coming. I swallow hard in anticipation of seeing him again. The moment has come. I thought he was coming over after dinner for a visit, but here he is now.
Matthew appears in the doorway to the dining room, but he stumbles over the doorjamb and falls into his mom’s chair, bumping the table and knocking over a water pitcher. It falls and shatters. Renee jumps up to bring him back to his feet. He looks disheveled. His deep brown eyes look scattered as they search the room. His bangs are longer, his T-shirt only tucked into his shorts partway, beer bottle in hand.
“You can’t do this to me, Eve.” He focuses on me, squinting. “That’s my boy.”
“Do what to you, Matthew?”
“Mom said you’re seeing some guy.” He hiccups and stumbles, falling against the wall. “Ow, fuck.”
“She did, huh?” I glare at Renee, whose eyes are glued to the floor as she runs her fingers through the hair behind her neck.
“Eve, look at my boy. Look at him.” Matthew points at the wall while looking at Aaron, who’s sitting in his high chair, eyes wide with fear, face covered in sweet potatoes.
“No, Matthew, I’m looking at you right now. And you are drunk.” I shake my head. I knew it. Nothing has changed here. “How did you get here? Did you drive?”
“Nope. I live in the apartment over the garage. I’ve been trying to stay away until our meeting.” He sulks and sniffles, hanging his head and wiping his nose with his sleeve. “I have nothing since you left.”
“Oh, geez now, Matthew. There’s no need to say anything like that.” Renee shakes her head and purses her lips, looking at him. “You won’t live there for long. You just need to find another job, dear.”
“She needs to know she ruined my fucking life, Mom!” His tenor voice roars through the room, triggering Aaron’s startle reflex, so he drops his spoon.
I unbuckle Aaron from the seat, and his stiff little body clings to me tightly as his wide eyes watch Matthew. All eyes are on him. The adults in the room know what’s coming. We’re waiting for the bursts of rage. The blaming and the accusations for the past, present, and future. And the threats. That’s the pattern of his drunken episodes.
Except then I turn my eyes to Jack. He doesn’t look shocked or surprised or waiting. He squints, his eyebrows drawn together, with one hand on his hip and the other circling his temple. He looks fed up, like he’s contemplating saying something.
But it’s my turn. “Matthew, I did nothing to you! You did this all yourself. For fuck’s sake, you locked us in the closet.” My voice is firm, but I’m trying not to yell with Aaron in my arms. And I can’t hand him off and deal with this how I planned because Renee and Jack won’t even look at me right now. “And you two. What in the actual fuck is going on here?” My voice rises a little. “Why on earth would you invite us here when Matthew lives here? You know how scared of him I was.”
Renee finally looks up. “Eve, really… the baby.”
“What? My swearing?” I shift Aaron to my other hip, but his hand is gripping my shirt so tightly, I have to pry his hand open before I can move him over. After kissing the top of his head, I lower my voice and continue. “I think instead we should start talking about what is going on here.”
“Oh, Eve, come on now,” Renee says, looking at Matthew. “We knew you never would have come here if you’d known he was living out there.”
“So you lied? But actually, you’re right. Except it’s more like I never would have come if I knew you were enabling him,” I snap. “I mean, Matthew, have you even been to treatment or AA?”
“No.” He rolls his eyes. “I quit for a while after you left and I didn’t even miss it.” He takes a swig from his beer. “I do not have a drinking problem, so you all need to leave me the fuck alone.”
Jack shuffles his feet and Renee wraps her arms around her own torso. They both look uncomfortable.
“So he’s living here and you guys invited us here and he’s still drinking. God, that’s just perfect.” I’m so angry, my brain is about to combust from a short circuit. “The denial in here is so thick, you could cut it with a fucking knife. I gotta get outta here.”
I turn to walk out of the dining room, but Jack catches my elbow. I try to shake him off, but he holds on tighter.
“Eve, wait. You should hear this.” Jack’s eyes are sincere and earnest, his voice deep and steady as he turns to Renee. “It’s time, Renee.” He lets me go, walks over to put an arm around Matthew’s shoulders, and claps him on the arm. “Son, it’s time we sign those papers and get you the help you need.”
Matthew balks and tries to struggle from his father’s grip. “No way, you aren’t fu—”
Jack squeezes Matthew’s shoulder harder, keeping him in place. “You want to live here anymore, it’s time you face up to your problems.” His gaze moves to his wife. “Renee, we’re taking him to Riverside in the morning.”
“Fuck that. I’m leaving then,” Matthew shouts. “I don’t need you, asshole.”
“Where you gonna live, son? How you gonna pay for it, huh? The only thing I’m paying for is a trip to detox.”
“You can all go to hell!” Matthew’s face is red and veins bulge from his neck.
He jerks free from his father’s clutch, howling so loudly, it makes Aaron cry. My shaky hand instinctively holds his little head against my chest so I can shush him, but what I really want to do is hide. This is the Matthew I ran from. This angry, out-of-control man is who I never wanted to see again. I need to get the hell out of here.
Then Renee speaks up. Her voice is shaky as she talks in a sing-song voice and it makes everyone, even me, pause. “Now, Matthew, is this really how you want to act around your son? Remember, we talked about how you want to be good, right? And stay in control so you can maybe visit your son?”
Matthew looks at Aaron, and his face drops. He’s clearly trying to concentrate on us, but his body sways back and forth. With a grimace on his face, his fists slam onto the table to catch himself from falling.
“Oh, God. I fucked it up again, didn’t I?” He drops his chin to his chest and lets out a loud sob.
“This is why you need help, son. It’s an illness. This is beyond being able to stay in control.” Jack rubs his back and says, “You can do it.”
Renee joins them, wiping Matthew’s tears.
Jack embraces his son, then walks side by side with him to the door. Once there, he turns around and says, “Eve, I’ll stay with him in the apartment tonight. I want you to feel safe here till you catch your flight tomorrow.”
I hastily nod. “Thanks.”
The door closes behind them, and I’m frozen in place, stunned. Nothing has changed here. The outbursts, the mood swings… I’m so glad I left. I was thinking I could go get a hotel room or camp at the airport for the night, but I trust Jack to keep him away from me. I think I can make it one more night here, so I turn around to walk upstairs with my son.
I have nothing to say to Renee. She deserves nothing from me, and I don’t want an explanation from her after this. I want to sleep and get us the hell out of here in the morning.
Chapter 15
I pull my suitcase down the staircase, the wheels hitting each step. Thump. Thump. Thump. Aaron is in the sling on my back, tugging at my hair, and my purse and the diaper bag are barely hanging on my shoulder. With each step, everything slips a little more and seems to threaten to fall any second.
Renee calls from below, “Eve, can we help you?” She starts to rush up the stairs.
“No thanks.” I will not take her help. I’ve been doing this on my own for quite a while, and I
can continue.
She meets me where I am on the stairs, stops mid-step, takes the diaper bag, and says, “I know you feel betrayed. And for that, I’m so sorry.” Her eyes look sincere as she continues. “Jack and I owe you an explanation. Do you have time for breakfast?”
“No thanks. I called a cab.”
We continue down the stairs. Once we make it to the large open foyer, we set down my luggage and Aaron bounces in the sling behind me, his arms straight out for Renee. She looks at me questioningly, and I nod grudgingly. Aaron plants one of his famous big wet kisses on Renee’s cheek, and she giggles.
“Aww, sweet boy.” She hugs him tighter and whispers, “I’m going to miss you so much.”
Jack and Matthew, who are watching from the kitchen, walk toward us. Even though the bite of anger and deceit still feels heavy in my heart, I motion for them to join Renee in saying good-bye. When it’s Matthew’s turn, Aaron is timid around him but remains calm. A stab of grief threatens to bring tears, but I gather some more of our things in order to avoid watching them.
Matthew skulks over to me, hands in his jeans pockets, hair long and swaying over his downturned forehead. Without looking up, he says, “I’m sorry, Eve. I’m really sorry. I’m going to the Riverside clinic. Can I call you? Like, whenever they let me make calls?”
I hold my chin high. “Get sober, then maybe we’ll talk.” My voice is fierce, and pride radiates through me.
He nods slowly. Jack gives me a contented smile before leading his son out the back door, suitcase in hand.
Renee transfers Aaron into my arms and pulls me in for a hug. “We were so busy trying to rescue Matthew from his bad choices that we forgot about how they affect others.” She squeezes me harder. “You are important to us too, Eve. You’ll always be special to us.”
I pull out of the hug. “Thank you. I appreciate that very much. Thanks for letting us stay here.”
Turning around to watch for the cab outside, I let out a big puff of breath. A breath of relief, releasing a piece of the tension from the last two years. This moment is the start of a cleansing. A renewal of the beginning that I found when I moved to California.
Two weeks later
As the saying goes, sometimes a good talk with friends is all the therapy you need, and that’s exactly how I feel. After witnessing the things I did and gaining at least a small amount of closure during my time in Minnesota, I feel stronger than ever and ready to continue working toward my goals. Knowing that Matthew is getting help and that his dad is the one orchestrating his care eases my worries a bit.
Although I have been out with Sam a couple of times since we got home, tonight is different. This time, Aaron is coming with us, and I couldn’t be more excited. It might still be too soon for them to meet, but I’m pretty sure Sam is here to stay for a while. Either way, I can’t wait. I’m crazy about this man, and he really wants to meet my son.
Having planned this for weeks, even down to our outfits, I enthusiastically dress Aaron in his best Minnesota Twins garb with little red sneakers and a tiny baseball hat. Because leggings are indeed pants, I’m dressed in my favorite pair—a buttery soft Aztec print—with a long tunic top.
Hearing the familiar buzz from the downstairs entry, Aaron jumps into my arms. I walk to the door, and we both press the little black button to open the outside entry door for Sam. We practice Sam’s name a few times while we wait for him to come up the stairs.
There’s a knock at the door, and as we slowly open it, Aaron squeals, “FFFAAMMM!”
Sam and Aaron greet each other with smiles from ear to ear, and those little lines at the edges of Sam’s eyes seem to accentuate them and give his eyes a smile of their own.
I laugh and say, “That’s right, buddy. Sssam.” I kiss his little cheek.
Aaron’s smile is so big. He looks so proud of himself. While I pull Sam into a hug as he crosses the threshold into my apartment, I feel Aaron’s arms go over Sam’s shoulder too.
“You’re here,” I whisper into Sam’s ear.
Aaron bounces to be let down, then he toddles to the kitchen to empty the Tupperware drawer.
“I’m here.” Sam smiles and kisses my cheek. That’s how we’ve greeted each other since I returned. “You guys ready to go?”
“Yup. Let me get our bag.”
I’m gone for about two minutes, and when I return, I’m surprised to see both boys are sitting on the kitchen floor, happily banging on a big plastic bowl with wooden spoons.
“Bang! Bang! Bang!” they chant in rhythm to the drumming sound.
“Ah, I can see you guys are gonna get along well!” I tap the tops of their heads before we head out the door.
With Aaron strapped in his stroller and a picnic in the cooler bag hanging from the handle, we make our way to the park.
******
With the sun setting on the horizon and a large blue-and-white checkered blanket spread out on the grass beneath us, we feast on a simple, yet perfect picnic made for three. Well, two and a half. Aaron runs circles around us with watermelon juice dripping from his chin and stops every other round to jump on Sam’s lap. At each pass, I meet him with a napkin, trying to prevent Sam’s light blue T-shirt from becoming striped with pink juice. They’ve obviously hit it off, and that pleases me more than I thought it could. I’m in love with the way he interacts with my boy.
“You’re pretty good with kids. You’ve been around some before?” I ask.
“Yeah, I don’t see them often since I opened the Stock, but I have a nephew and a niece in San Bernardino. My brother’s kids. We have a lot of fun.” He stretches his long legs out across the edge of the blanket.
“I’m sure they love you.”
Aaron pounces on Sam again, bubbling with laughter, while I snap, clip, and wrap up our picnic supplies, packing them away. Sam catches Aaron and, in what seems to be all one movement, scoops him up and carries Aaron, arms and legs flailing, over to the swing set. As I pack everything back into the stroller, Sam pushes the swing, but I can feel his eyes are on me.
Time seems to stand still while I walk over to meet him, lost in those brilliant azure eyes that focus on me so intently. A flare of joy follows me to him. Silently, I take over pushing the swing, and Sam slides in behind me, arms around me and hands on my belly, his gorgeous face at my ear and his lips planting a gentle kiss behind it, electrifying every single nerve ending I own.
Each time I push the swing, he whispers something.
“I think I love picnics.”
Push.
“Especially with you.”
Goose bumps. Push.
“You are so beautiful.”
Push.
“I crave you.”
Warmth in my hips. Push.
“I need to taste you.”
The sensations that his words and his hot breath stir into a simmer inside me urge me to turn around and interrupt him with a kiss. Our lips and tongues dance for only a moment, but time seems to stand still in the midst of the busy park surrounding us.
I break the kiss. “I’m calling it. Time to go. Right?”
“Yes. Now.” He smiles.
By the time we get back to my apartment, Aaron is sleeping with his arms over his head and his feet flopped over the sides of the stroller. In a magical moment when the planets seem to align, I’m able to change him and put him in his bed without waking him. Quite frankly, that’s a miracle.
Quietly and slowly closing the bedroom door, I realize that in the two weeks since I’ve been back, that clicking sound hasn’t bothered me once. Maybe because of Sam, or maybe because my visit back home did something to quell my worries. I do feel as though things are in control in that regard. For some reason, I’m not as nervous about Matthew. Even though we didn’t reach a full resolution, I feel like the trip was worth it.
Relaxed as always, when I return after putting Aaron down, Sam appears to have made himself comfortable on my couch, arm resting along the back, legs crossed, ankle over kn
ee. I stop and admire the lines of his body. Long, lean, and rippled in all the right places, urging me to curl up next to him. I take my time in joining him though, drinking in the sight of him.
“Thank you for this. For tonight. It was probably not the kind of date you are used to.” My legs curl underneath me as I sit beside him.
He takes my hand. “Nope. Not really. But it’s definitely the kind of date I could get used to.” He kisses the tops of my fingers. He does that all the time, and it always sends chills through me. Every time.
“And you’ve been so patient, waiting for me since we got back. I appreciate that so much. But I want you to know that I’m ready.” I lick my bottom lip, ready to carry out the rest of my plan. By the smoldering look on Sam’s face, I can tell he was hoping for this tonight. “I’m ready for you to stay here. Stay tonight. Please.”
I tilt my head up to kiss him, ready to rev up my plan to show him my adoring appreciation. His hands dive into my hair, holding my head to take control of the kiss, but I push into it before he does. I kiss him with as much depth and warmth and fervor as I can manage. I want him to know how much I want him.
When our shirts fly across the room, my hands move across his hard abs and sculpted chest and arms, thrilled by the opportunity to appreciate his frame. Desperate to finally feel our bodies skin to skin, we tumble over on the couch, pressed together, our kiss punctuated by gasps as we come up for air. Sam caresses my breast through my lace bra, teasing the dark nipple that peeks through the white lace.
“I need a bite.” He slides the strap off my shoulder and pushes down the cup of my bra. The brush of his hand on my skin sends vibrations through me, and my nipple hardens, popping out. He bends his head to take it in his mouth.
His hand squeezes my breast as his mouth sucks on my nipple, nibbling slightly, and I become lost in a rumbling volcano of sensation. I gasp, trying to hold back because it won’t take much more before I erupt. His tongue swirls, then he exposes the other side to more of the same. Heat spreads over me. I’m about to break into a sweat just from this one act of foreplay. I can’t hold back anymore.
The Drazen World: Run (Kindle Worlds Novella) Page 7