Carry Me Home (The Home Series: Book Three)

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  Carry Me Home

  Book Three: The Home Series

  By Megan Nugen Isbell

  For my Grandma Peggy and Grandpa Junior

  Thank you for making Kansas such a special place for me.

  I wish we could play one more game of Yahtzee.

  Chapter One

  My Jetta was packed to the brim. I didn’t think anything else would fit in it if I tried. For the past three years my home had been in Manhattan. Not Manhattan as in New York City. My Manhattan was about as far from the Big Apple as you could get. My Manhattan was located in Northeastern Kansas, the seat of Riley County, a fact I only learned after moving. I thought it had been a good sign, considering I’d almost decided not to go to Kansas State University in Manhattan after Jesse left. But, I had gone and now it was time to return home for the summer before my senior year.

  Evan stood with his hands stuffed in his pockets and was looking at me with the bright blue eyes I’d first noticed at the party Holly dragged me to during the end of our sophomore year. We’d spent the whole night talking, which turned into a whole year together. But now it was time for us to head home. Evan to Kansas City and me to Carver.

  “You’d better call when you get home,” he said, stepping closer to me, taking his hands out of his pockets and running one through my dark hair.

  “I promise and you’ll do the same when you leave tomorrow, won’t you?”

  “Of course,” he said, pulling me to him and kissing the top of my head as we stood silently for a few moments.

  After Jesse, I didn’t think I’d ever be able to care about anyone again. He’d nearly destroyed me when he left. I’d wanted to hate him, but no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t. I was bitter and mad and sad and lonely, but I’d never once hated him. He’d been through something I could never understand. His dad had died, basically leaving him completely alone in the world, and after many tear filled nights, I’d eventually understood, or convinced myself I understood, why he left. He had to find himself and he didn’t think he could find it while giving me what I needed too. I’d be lying though if I said I didn’t miss him. I did miss Jesse, every day. I wondered where he was and what he was doing. Mostly though, I wondered if he’d found peace and I wondered if he ever thought of me.

  I’d been angry for a long time. In my books, he was a liar and I told myself I wouldn’t open myself up to that kind of hurt again. I’d hardly dated my freshman year. I spent that time getting to know myself again, not as the girl who’d been hurt by Alex or the girl who’d been abandoned by Jesse, but as myself. I spent a lot of time with Holly and the girls from my dorm. We just hung out watching movies, listening to music, going to clubs and exploring Manhattan and we spent way more time laughing than studying. It was refreshing to just be a girl with nothing tying her down, but by my second year at K-State, I was ready to dabble in the dating department. I just wanted to have fun, but then I met Evan and that changed.

  Evan and I just clicked and for the first time since Jesse left, I thought I could be happy with someone else. I was going to miss Evan now that he’d graduated and I wondered what it would be like for me returning to K-State without him to finish my last year, but his life was in Kansas City where he was taking a job at a large accounting firm and my life was in Carver until I returned to school. After that, it was anybody’s guess.

  “Drive safe, Riley.” Evan kissed me softly before pulling back. I brushed a piece of his dusty hair from his forehead and smiled up at him.

  “I will. See you…well, I guess I’ll see you when I see you,” I said, trying to joke about it, when really I wondered how we’d go an entire summer without seeing each other when we’d nearly been inseparable for the past year.

  “Don’t sound like that. We’ll see each other soon. Just let me get settled at the new job and we’ll plan something.”

  “I’m holding you to that.”

  “I hope you do.” He kissed me again and then opened the door to my car. “You’d better get going so you can get home before dark.”

  I just nodded and got in the car, buckling my seatbelt and turning on the ignition.

  “Talk to you tonight. I love you, Riley,” Evan said, leaning in through the open window and kissing me again.

  “Bye,” I said, smiling at him once more before rolling up the window and pushing on the accelerator.

  ****

  When I saw the sign for the Carver city limits, my heart picked up speed. It wasn’t like I hadn’t come back since I left for college. I came back plenty, but things were different now. Things had changed. It wasn’t just that Jesse was gone. It’d been lonely at first when I’d come back and he wasn’t there, but that wasn’t why my heartbeat quickened. It was due to the phone call I’d received six months before.

  When the phone rang that night and I saw Mandy’s name flash across the screen, I figured she was just calling to say hi, but when I picked up, I knew she hadn’t called to chat. She was crying and my stomach started to knot.

  “What’s wrong, Mandy?” I’d demanded when she didn’t say anything. I just heard sobbing.

  “Brandon,” she squeaked out.

  “What’s wrong with Brandon?” My heart started racing at his name. One of our best friends, Brandon, had joined the army after graduation and was serving his second tour in Afghanistan. I was always worried about him and by the sound of Mandy, my worry was finally justified.

  “He’s hurt.”

  “Calm down, Mandy,” I said softly, trying to settle her down. She sounded as if she were hyperventilating. Mandy’s emotions always shot to the highest extreme, which in cases like this, wasn’t a good thing. “What happened?”

  Her breathing became even more frantic, and I waited for what felt like forever, but she finally calmed down and was able to speak.

  “I don’t really know,” she said, her voice shaking. “I guess he was on patrol and there was an IED…”

  “What? Is he okay?” I exclaimed.

  “No.” Her voice was quick and scared. “He’s been flown to Germany. I heard he lost a leg in the attack.”

  I felt like I might be sick as I imagined my friend being blown to bits. Brandon, who was always the butt of our jokes…always the one who made us the butt of his jokes…the one who always made us laugh, was laying in Germany in a hospital bed and I didn’t know if he’d be okay. I started to cry and I as I thought about Brandon, my mind drifted to Jesse. I wondered if he knew and I instantly wondered if he was okay. I’d heard he’d spent time in Afghanistan or Iraq too. I wasn’t really sure. Jesse had vanished from my life the day I dropped him off at the airport to join the Marines. I always worried about both of them though. I tried telling myself I didn’t need to worry, but with the news about Brandon, it was obvious I did.

  We got more details as time went on. Brandon’s parents kept Mandy informed and in turn, she kept me up to date. Brandon stayed in Germany for a while until he was transferred to Walter Reed in Washington, D.C. to continue his recovery. He was being discharged now though and would be back in Carver soon. Mandy told me she’d let me know when Brandon got back. It couldn’t come soon enough because I was anxious to see my friend. We hadn’t stayed in touch as much as I would’ve liked. It was awkward for us after Jesse left, considering Brandon was Jesse’s best friend and I was the girlfriend he’d left behind. Still, I knew the past had to be put behind us and I wanted to see Brandon….to physically hold him to know he was alright.

  The anticipation of being reunited with Brandon was pushed aside when I saw my grandmother’s old farmhouse come into view and I was overcome with a mix of emotions. I’d hated that house when I
first arrived in Carver five years before. I’d been beyond pissed off when my mom decided to unexpectedly uproot us from the only life I’d ever known in Boston to the small town in southern Kansas. I’d wanted to hate it, been determined actually, but despite my best efforts, I’d grown to love it. I had to admit, a lot of that love came from Jesse, but now that he was no longer a part of my life, I found I still loved it. It had become my home and I didn’t think about my life in Boston as much as I used to. I didn’t think what might’ve been had I stayed in New England because I wanted to be here, despite the heartbreak of Jesse having left so unexpectedly. Even though I was happy to be home, I was sad too because it would be the first summer my grandmother wouldn’t be there. I think I’d been delusional when my mom told me about my grandmother’s Alzheimer’s diagnosis. I’d refused to believe my loving, light-hearted, always smiling grandma would become someone else…someone who didn’t know me or even herself for that matter. The delusions had stopped though when I found my mother crying in the kitchen over Christmas break, head in her hands after having just caught my grandmother with a wrench, twisting the faucet so hard, the knob had popped off, causing water to shoot out all over the kitchen. Luckily, my mom’s boyfriend, Jack, had been there and was able to get the water shut off quickly, but still, it was the last straw and my mom knew it wasn’t safe for anyone to have my grandma at home anymore. It was too much for my mom to handle on her own and a few weeks after the faucet incident, as we’d dubbed it, I came home for the weekend to help my mom move my grandma into an assisted living facility where she could be taken care of. It had been a hard day for all of us and seeing the confusion on my grandma’s face as we left was one of the most gut-wrenching moments of my life. She had her moments where she knew who we were and there were times she didn’t have a clue. It was hard to see her that way and I tried to keep the thoughts of before with me instead of who she was now.

  I’d yet to be home for any extended period of time though since my grandma moved out and I knew the house wouldn’t be the same without her jovial smile and warm hugs. I knew my mom missed her too, but at least she still had Jack, who spent most of his time at our house anyway.

  I saw both of their cars out front when I pulled up and I was glad I wouldn’t be coming home to an empty house. I grabbed as many of the bags as I could manage and walked up to the front door, Jack opening it before I could.

  “Riley!” he said with a wide grin. I had liked Jack from the beginning. He was good to my mom and he didn’t try to be my father. “Welcome home.”

  “Hey, Jack,” I said, walking into the living room and setting my stuff down before hugging him. “Where’s Mom?”

  “Making dinner. Why don’t you go say hi while I start unloading your car?”

  “Thanks. I appreciate the help.” Jack just smiled and walked out while I went into the kitchen.

  My mom was standing at the stove, but turned around when she heard me walk in. She put the spoon down she was using and met me half way, opening her arms wide and embracing me.

  “It’s so good to have you home,” she said, squeezing me tightly as we rocked back and forth.

  My relationship with my mother had not been good when we first came to Carver. I was angry and I made no qualms about showing that anger. I had been awful and a downright bitch to my mom. I still regretted it, but over the years, especially after Jesse left, we’d grown close and I was happy to be home.

  “It feels good to be here,” I said and then we pulled back and she returned to the stove. “Jack’s getting my stuff. I think I’ve told you this before, but I really like him.” I stood beside my mom and picked up the spoon she’d set down, dipping it in the sauce simmering on the stove and tasting it.

  “I’m glad you approve.”

  “When are you guys gonna get hitched?” I grinned and she just shook her head. She didn’t say anything, but I could see her cheeks blush before she looked up at me with a shy grin that reminded me of a teenager. “What?” I gasped. “You’re engaged? Like officially? When did this happen? Why didn’t you tell me?” I continued to exclaim, grabbing her hand and looking down at the pretty gold band and diamond on her ring finger.

  “Slow down, Riley,” she said, appearing like my put-together, level-headed mother again. “It just happened last week. I was waiting to tell you till you got home.”

  “When do you think you’ll get married?”

  “We’re going to the courthouse on the twenty-fifth.”

  “The twenty-fifth? As in June twenty-fifth? As in like a month?” I exclaimed and she nodded. “Why so fast? You’re not pregnant are you?”

  “Riley!” she said, yanking her hand away from mine and slapping me on the arm. “Don’t be ridiculous! I’m 46 years old.”

  “Hey, don’t get all defensive. You forget I have a one-year-old little brother back in Boston who was never on my radar.”

  “And you forget your father’s wife is ten years younger than me too,” she laughed and I hugged her.

  “I’m happy for you, Mom. I really am.”

  If I said five years ago that I’d be happy about my mom getting remarried, I would’ve been lying. My parents’ divorce hadn’t been easy for me, but as time went on and I grew up, I realized my parents hadn’t divorced to ruin my life. They’d grown apart and I’d eventually realized they needed to be happy too. I’d already survived my dad getting remarried to Robin, a woman I’d once promised to despise, but now actually loved. I thought seeing them get married would hurt, but it hadn’t. I’d been happy and I’d been even happier when I finally got that little brother I’d always wanted a year ago. Even though Stephen Jr. was twenty years younger than me, I still loved and adored him, even though I’d probably be more like an aunt than a sister to him.

  “Thanks, honey,” she said as I let her go.

  “Now,” I began hesitantly. “Did I hear you say you guys are going to the courthouse?”

  “Yes. We just want something small and simple. Nothing big.”

  “Now you’re being ridiculous. This is a big deal and it deserves to be treated as such.”

  “It’s what we want, Riley. Just get married and then go to a nice dinner afterwards.”

  “Absolutely not,” I insisted. “We won’t have anything big, but you are not getting married at the courthouse. We’ll have it in the backyard, where grandpa used to keep his garden. I’ll get it cleaned up and we’ll have some people over. It’ll be great. Small and simple, just like you want.”

  “Riley,” she groaned, rolling her eyes.

  “Don’t argue, Mom, because you’re gonna lose. Let me do this. Please. You deserve this.”

  “Fine,” she finally relented, but I knew she wasn’t happy about it.

  “Thank you,” I said, hugging her again, glad I may finally be able to do something nice for my mom to make up for how good she’d always been to me even when I was giving her nothing but grief.

  “How was your drive?” she asked, obviously wanting to change the subject.

  “Not bad. Boring,” I said and she knew exactly what I meant. There wasn’t much to look at in Kansas, just flat land, fields of wheat and an occasional sprinkle of sunflowers.

  “How’s Evan?”

  “Good. He’s heading back to Kansas City tomorrow.”

  “When will you guys be seeing each other again?”

  “I’m not sure. He said once he’s settled at the new job, we’ll plan something.”

  She just nodded and I wondered what she was thinking. She never came right out and said if she liked Evan or not, and I was curious what she really thought of him. She hardly knew him though. We’d been together a year, but that time was spent at college, away from our families. He’d come home with me for a weekend about six months before, but he was a virtual stranger to my family. Even though she didn’t know Evan well, I knew as long as he made me happy, she was okay with him. What I did know for certain was she was grateful I’d finally moved on from Jesse, even though
I knew she still missed him too.

  When Jesse left, I expected my mom to unleash like a crazy mother bear, but she was surprisingly sympathetic of Jesse’s decision. She hadn’t been a fan of the way he’d done it, telling me in a letter delivered by my friend, Matt, but she understood his need to leave. Her understanding helped me through it when I thought there was no recovering from his departure.

  “All your stuff’s in the living room,” Jack said, interrupting my thoughts when he walked into the kitchen. “I can’t believe you fit all that stuff in your little car.”

  “I hear congratulations are in order,” I said, turning to look at him.

  “Your mom told you then?”

  “She did,” I said, walking over and hugging him.

  “Riley’s insisting we have a little wedding in the backyard,” my mom said, rolling her eyes again, but Jack walked over and put his arm around her.

  “I think it’s a great idea. I tried convincing your mom we should have a real wedding, but she kept refusing. Thank you for changing her mind,” he said, looking over to me.

  “Glad to actually be some help for once,” I said, walking into the living room to start taking my things upstairs.

  “Can I help?” Jack asked, following me to where my luggage sat.

  “That’d be great,” I said and Jack and I began lugging the bags and boxes up the stairs. When I turned on the lights, I couldn’t ignore the little pang in my heart when I saw the bright blue-purple walls. Aquamarine was the name of the actual color and every time I came home, I told myself I should repaint. It wasn’t just paint, it was a reminder of Jesse, and it needed to be changed. I was always very good at pushing him to the back of my mind while I was away from Carver, but whenever I came back, it was hard not to think about him and how much I’d loved him and seeing that paint and everything it meant didn’t help me to forget.

  Jack and I set my stuff in the room, but I didn’t unpack anything. I had all summer to do that and dinner was just about ready anyway. We went downstairs instead, sitting around the small table together.