“I’ll be okay, Riley.”
“Your house is almost twenty minutes away and it’s right in the direction of the storm. Stay here until it passes,” I said, not thinking of the words coming out of my mouth. I wasn’t thinking about the fact I was supposed to be mad at him or the fact I still loved him. All I was thinking about was not being able to bear the thought of anything happening to Jesse if I let him drive home.
“Are you sure you’re okay with that?” he asked, his eyes reaching mine and I smiled shyly and nodded.
“Stay,” I said softly.
“Okay,” was all he said and we both got out of the truck and headed up the porch, past the old white rocking chairs and through the doorway, side by side.
Chapter Thirty
When he shut the door behind us, the loneliness I’d been feeling since my mom and Jack left for Alaska, was completely gone. The house seemed full and complete. Jesse’s presence was heavy and exciting and something I’d missed more than I wanted to admit.
I set my purse down and turned to him. He was still standing by the door, looking nervous and adorable as if he wasn’t quite sure he should be here.
“Are you hungry?” I asked, breaking the tension.
“A little.”
“Let’s get something to eat then,” I said and he followed me quietly into the kitchen. He leaned against the counter as I looked through the fridge. Being alone in the house for the past couple of weeks, I’d been living mainly off of sandwiches and frozen meals and there wasn’t much to offer him. “How do BLTs sound?” I asked, still leaning over into the fridge and when I turned to get his approval, I could’ve sworn he’d been staring at my butt. I looked away before he could see me blush and I quickly grabbed what I’d need from the fridge before standing up and turning around so he no longer had such an open invitation to my backside.
“Can I help?” he asked as I set the bacon, lettuce, and tomatoes on the counter.
“Why don’t you slice the tomatoes while I fry the bacon?” I said and he just nodded as he found the cutting board and knife effortlessly, obviously recalling all the time he’d spent at my house before our life together had gone down the tubes.
We didn’t say anything as we worked, but every time I heard the knife he was holding hit the cutting board, I was aware that he was there, that he wasn’t a figment of my imagination and that I liked the feeling of knowing he was only a few feet away. For so many years I’d wondered where he’d gone and why he’d thought he had to leave me behind, but now he was so close I could reach out and touch him. I felt myself wanting to go to him, to wrap my arms around his waist, his back to my front, teasing and distracting him the way I used to, feeling him squirm under my touch. I imagined him turning around quickly, smiling at me only the way he could and pressing his lips against mine. Slow at first and then hungrily, wanting me as much as I wanted him.
Just the thought made me blush. I couldn’t be thinking about him this way. Only two days ago he’d begged me to choose him and I’d sent him away. I kept reminding myself of the way he’d hurt me. The way I’d loved him and the way he’d loved me had been so deep that the pain of not being together was even deeper and that is why I forced myself to keep him out of my eye sight, focusing on the sizzling bacon on the stove instead.
When it was done, I turned to see Jesse had set the table, prepared the lettuce and tomatoes and poured us each a glass of ice water. I’d been too focused on not paying attention to him that I hadn’t noticed him getting everything ready.
I set the bacon on the table and then we sat quietly, making our sandwiches and eating in silence. When I’d asked him to stay, I didn’t know what I’d expected. I just knew I didn’t want him to leave.
Even though we remained silent throughout dinner, it wasn’t awkward and when we were both done, he loaded the dishwasher while I tidied up the kitchen. It was all very domestic, but it was obvious we were tiptoeing around each other. I could tell he was trying not to look at me just as I was trying not to look at him, but then as I was walking our empty water glasses to the sink, a crash of thunder louder than I’d ever heard before, jostled the house and the glasses fell from my hands as I jumped from the scare. They smashed to the floor, shattering into a mass of shards and pieces.
“Are you okay?” Jesse asked, walking quickly over to me.
“That thunder just scared the crap out of me,” I said breathlessly.
“Yeah, that was a big one. It’s getting nasty out there.” Both of our heads turned to look out the window above the kitchen sink. The sun was nearly set now, but there was an eerie greenish haze in the sky and the trees were bending so fiercely, I was certain they would snap any moment. The rain had started now too and was pelting against the house like a thousand bee-bees.
I remained transfixed; staring at the impressive storm going on outside, but Jesse went over to the utility closet and grabbed the broom and dustpan.
“You don’t have to pick up my mess. I can take care of it,” I said, reaching for the broom, but he pulled back.
“Let me get it,” he said and I knew there was no arguing with him.
“Thank you,” I said softly.
The thunder and lightning seemed to intensify as it lit up and shook the house in an impressive display of force. The lights flickered a few times and I reached under the sink for the box of emergency supplies my grandmother had insisted we keep on hand for situations like the one Jesse and I currently found ourselves in. I placed it on the table and after Jesse dumped the pieces of glass into the trashcan, he came and stood beside me as I looked through the box. I wished he didn’t smell so damn good all the time. It made it nearly impossible to concentrate on anything else.
“What’s all this?” he asked.
“My grandma’s emergency supplies.”
“She’s a smart lady,” he said as we took out the candles and matches and checked to see if the flashlights were working.
“Do you think we’ll lose power?” I asked, hoping he’d smile, easily assuring me that we’d be fine, but he didn’t.
“I wouldn’t be surprised if we did.”
“I’m glad you’re here then. I hate the dark,” I said, looking out the window again to see the green haze was almost gone, replaced by the nearly black night. The wind had stopped too and the rain was merely a sprinkle now. It was unnervingly calm. I took out a candle and lit it just in case we needed it.
“You always were a bit of a baby,” he said with a soft laugh, looking at me with those gray eyes that always did me in.
“I’ve matured a lot since you knew me,” I said, the pain from him leaving me, returning to my voice and I picked up the candle before walking into the living room.
I sat alone on the couch for a couple of minutes and then Jesse finally came in.
“I just checked the weather,” he said, sitting on the opposite end of the couch from me. “They’ve added Sumner County to the tornado watch list.”
The pit widened in my stomach and I sucked in a deep breath, trying to calm my racing heart, which was not caused by Jesse this time.
“It’s gonna be fine, Riley,” he said and I watched as he looked at the cushion next to me with hesitation. I wanted him to move beside me. I’d never felt safer than when Jesse was with me. I wasn’t sure if he was able to read my mind or if he just knew me, but he finally closed the gap between us, so our bodies were only inches apart and I felt myself relax.
“You don’t have anything to worry about. It’s just a storm.” His hand was resting on my knee a moment later. It was a gesture of comfort, but I shamelessly wished he would keep inching higher. I wondered if he was able to read my mind because just as my thoughts had his fingers tracing under the hem of my shorts, he pulled his hand away, effectively putting a stop to my latest daydream.
“I’ve always been freaked out by big storms,” I said, trying to steady my voice so it didn’t betray how nervous this storm was making me or how flustered I was becoming by
having him around. “I think I may have been struck by lightning in a previous life.”
He chuckled quietly and it was like music to my ears. I’d always loved hearing him laugh and unfortunately, before he’d left, there hadn’t been a lot of laughter. He’d been too lost and sad, but hearing it now gave me hope that he was finally okay again.
“It’s nice to hear you laugh,” I said before I could stop myself and he looked at me, seemingly taken aback by my statement, but then his hand returned to my leg and this time it didn’t seem so foreign.
“It’s nice to laugh with you again,” he said softly.
“Despite what you may think, I never laughed as much with anyone as I did with you.”
“I’m sorry there wasn’t a lot of that before I left.” His voice was low, almost a whisper and it reminded me of when his dad died when he was sad and lost and I hated hearing that tone in his voice.
“That was just a bad time. There were so many more good times.” My voice was quiet, but our heads both turned to each other, our eyes locking.
“There were a lot of great times,” he said, the sadness leaving his voice and he smiled at me sweetly.
“Are you okay now, Jesse?” I asked suddenly. “The whole time you were gone, I just wanted to know you were alright.”
He didn’t look upset that I’d brought it up, which I took as a good sign.
“I still miss him,” he said as his eyes drifted off for a moment before returning to mine. “I miss him so much. I sometimes think about everything he’s gonna miss, like playing with my kids if I ever have any and when I think about what he’s already missed. I wish I could tell him about everything I did in the Marines. He would’ve loved all that crap.”
“He knows, Jesse,” I said, my hand resting on top of his. “And he’s proud.”
“You think so?” he asked, reminding me of a nervous school boy.
“I do,” I said, trying to reassure him. “I think he’s always with you and looking out for you.”
“I hope so,” he said as his voice cracked and he swallowed hard through the emotion and we were quiet for a few moments as our hands remained touching. “I wish I’d been able to figure it all out without having to hurt you.” His voice was tender and apologetic now and I watched as my hand seemed to move of its own free will, pushing under his and curling our fingers together.
“Everything happens for a reason,” I said seriously, my voice low and soft. “I wanted to hate you, Jesse. I was so angry at you…so devastated, but I know it was supposed to happen. The time wasn’t right for us.”
He looked down at our hands for a few seconds before looking back to me.
“It’s like that poem Mrs. Davenport made us read says. Nothing gold can stay.”
I felt my throat tighten as our grip grew stronger. What we’d had truly had been golden.
Just then, a wave of bullets started pelting the roof. Jesse jumped up and looked out the window.
“It’s hailing like crazy out there,” he said, an awe in his voice that frightened me and then wind as strong as a freight train battered the window so hard I was surprised it didn’t break. The lights flickered once and then the house went completely dark except for the candle I’d insisted on lighting. My heart was pounding furiously now, but it only got worse when the tornado sirens started wailing in the distance.
“C’mon, Riley. We need to get to the basement.”
Jesse practically pulled my arm from its socket as he grabbed the candle and led me without hesitation into the dark basement. I’d never liked going down there and now it was even worse as the flickering candle caused eerie shadows to dance around us.
“We have to stay away from the windows and we need to sit in the southwest corner,” he said, stopping for a moment to get his bearings and then leading me over to the corner. I didn’t say anything. I just did what he told me to do. We sat huddled on the floor, side by side, and I wasn’t ashamed that I moved in as close as I could to him. He put his arm around me and held me tightly and I was so grateful he was with me. I wasn’t crying, but I felt as if I couldn’t breathe. It was like I was in shock, but Jesse seemed calm and I knew I was probably overreacting.
“How’re you doing?” he said softly in my ear as the wind and hail continued to howl around us, but I couldn’t answer him. My voice was gone and all I could do was meet his eyes with mine to show him how terrified I was. “Hey,” he said sweetly, a smile spreading across his face as he brushed a finger lightly over my cheek. “We’re gonna be fine. This is just a precaution. A tornado probably won’t even touch down. We just have to be ready in case it does. But relax. I won’t let anything happen to you.” I nodded, believing every word he said and then I felt light strokes on my back as he rubbed it, trying to calm me. We were quiet then with no sound to fill the void besides the hail that continued to pummel the house and I prayed it would all be over soon. I don’t know how long we sat there like that, me huddled into him while he rubbed my back, trying to reassure me everything would be okay, but it seemed like forever. I started to get nervous and then my mouth just opened and I began talking.
“I went to Kansas City today to make sure I hadn’t made a mistake when I said yes to Evan,” I said suddenly and I felt Jesse’s body stiffen at my words, his hand stopping on my back momentarily before I felt its circular motion return to my eager skin.
“And what’d you find out?” he asked in a low voice.
I didn’t answer at first. Instead, I just held up my left hand for him to see, the light from the candle flickering and dancing. He didn’t say anything, but I could feel his gaze staring at the spot the engagement ring had occupied.
“I can’t marry Evan.” I waited for his response, which didn’t come for a few moments.
“Why not?” he finally asked and I thought I felt his breathing quicken as he held me.
“I just can’t.”
“Are you guys taking a break then or is it over?” His words were slow and nervous.
“We’re not together anymore,” I replied softly, but I couldn’t turn to look at him and he was quiet for a while.
“I’m sorry, Riley,” he finally said. “If I…if I had anything to do with this…I’m sorry. I don’t want to hurt you again,” he added and before I could respond, the sirens stopped howling and it seemed almost too quiet. I hadn’t realized the hail had stopped, returning to plain rain and the wind had lost force as well. “We’re all clear,” Jesse said. I hadn’t even been aware that I was flexing nearly every muscle in my body from fear and when Jesse said those words, a rush of calm came over me and my muscles let go.
“Are you sure?” I asked nervously.
“Yes. They wouldn’t have turned off the sirens otherwise.”
His hand left my back as he stood up, holding out a hand to help me to my feet. I took it and as I stood beside him, I was a little saddened the warning was over. I wanted to be back on the floor with him, feeling his touch again.
“You okay?” he asked, the candle casting an ethereal glow over his face and I was carried back to the night he’d first kissed me on the hunting platform when a flashlight placed between us had made him look as equally enticing as he did now.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I managed to say, even though my mind was five years in the past when our lips had met for the first time.
He took my hand and led me back upstairs. The house was so dark and quiet it reminded me of something out of a scary movie.
“When do you think the lights will come back on?” I asked.
“Not sure. I don’t think it’ll be too long, but you never know. It all depends on what was damaged,” he said, walking over to the emergency box that still sat on the coffee table. He began taking out candles and lighting them all over the house until it looked as if we were about to perform a séance.
“I’ll go put some upstairs,” I said, taking a handful of tealights and heading to the staircase, expecting to see him following behind me. He wasn’t though.
He was still by the coffee table. “Will you come with me? It’s kinda creepy up here in the dark.”
“I thought you said you’d grown up,” he said and even in the candlelight, I could see his smile.
“Maybe not as much I claim,” I returned and a moment later, he was following me upstairs.
I stopped in the hallway, setting a few candles on a table where my grandma kept an antique vase of her grandmother’s, before heading to my room.
I opened the door and stepped inside, all too aware he was behind me. We started lighting candles around my bedroom until the ultramarine walls glistened in the dancing light. I lit my last one and turned to see him, hunched over as he held a match to a candle and I was taken aback by how beautiful he was. I didn’t usually think of men as beautiful, but as I stared at Jesse, the candlelight highlighting his features just perfectly, there was no other way to describe him. His profile, chiseled and soft at the same time. His hair hanging ever so slightly on his forehead and the way his hand ran through it, brushing it away. His strong arms and the way his clothes hung on him as if they’d been tailor made for his body. And the curve of his lips in the candlelight was almost more than I could take as they glistened from the firelight. My lips ached to feel his again and when he finished lighting the candle, his head turned towards me and I blushed, knowing he’d caught me staring at him.
He set the matches down and I saw he was staring at my lips too. It was a moment between us that didn’t require any words. Looking back at that first moment we’d seen each other again after being apart for so long, I knew I’d wanted it. I’d wanted to run to him, to throw my arms around him and smash my lips against his. I knew that’s what he’d wanted to do too. We’d wanted it every moment we’d been together since, but I’d belonged to someone else. But now, I belonged to no one.
“Thank you for being here tonight,” I said softly, my voice low and breathy as I tried to control my heartbeat.
“I told you I wouldn’t let anything happen to you.” His gaze left my lips and when he focused on my eyes, it was as if he was searching for something, but then he took a nervous step forward and I did the same, walking slowly until we met in the middle of the room. His breathing was almost as heavy as mine as he lifted both arms, gently taking my face in his warm hands, his eyes darting seductively from my eyes, to my nose, to my cheeks and then back down to my mouth. He leaned his forehead against mine so our lips were only inches apart, begging to be reunited. I closed my eyes and I could feel him getting closer. When our mouths finally connected, it was a light brush at first and he pulled back for a moment, looking almost as if he was in pain, but then he leaned in again, his lips pushing against mine once more, triggering every nerve in my body. He pulled away and our eyes met, our hearts pounding as we stared at each other, but then I closed my eyes and he pulled me to him. This time, kissing the corner of my mouth tenderly before moving to the other side, moving so slowly it was killing me. And then he kissed each lip individually. First the top and then the bottom, so sweet and tender as if he was relishing every feeling. My breathing betrayed how badly I wanted more from him and he complied because a moment later, his whole mouth was on mine, separating my lips with his tongue and I couldn’t control myself any longer. My hands wrapped around him, feeling his strong back muscles flex through his cotton t-shirt. His hands had left my cheeks and were getting lost in my hair as our lips passed over each other, slick and sloppy and wonderful as if we couldn’t get enough of each other. Every ounce of me was consumed by him and I knew when I died I could only pray heaven would feel as good as this did right now.
Carry Me Home (The Home Series: Book Three) Page 22