After two hours of calling every clinic and hospital in the town and the neighboring towns, her search turned up empty. Disappointed and tired from the emotional rollercoaster of the day, Stephanie fell into a deep sleep that night of a smiling little girl and giggles in the darkness.
Rising from a deep sleep later that night, she looked at the clock and saw that it was a little after eight. She didn’t know what else to do. She suddenly felt again that she was on a narrow path that led to nowhere. Her faith in God was being tested, but she refused to give up, knowing deep down that He was the only one who could help her to succeed in this path she was headed. Stephanie mumbled a quick prayer, asking for guidance in her search for the doctor and for healing from the pain she was suffering. Then she locked the front door, walked to her car and climbed in.
She wanted to travel down memory lane, to go to the one place she knew she couldn’t keep herself from visiting. Stephanie pulled up outside the large building and put the car in park. She looked out at the people running in and out of the large double doors. There was only one ice skating rink in town, and it normally only operated for just a few short months of the year. It was also where all the concerts took place during the summer time. It had been one of Rachel’s favorite places, and they had started coming there when she was five. They would come every Saturday in the month of December. They would start with breakfast at the diner and then ice skate for a few hours until Rachel had had enough. Then afterwards, the two of them would pick up some hot chocolate at the café in town.
She took a deep breath as she got out of the car and made her way forward to the doors. As she walked through the lobby, the rush of crisp air bit at her face and the familiar smell of ice tingled her nose. It was a smell that was unlike any other, and it made you feel like it was winter and Christmas. Inside this place, a little girl’s dream would come true. There were some mornings they would be all alone, and they would imagine themselves as princesses and an evil sorceress was chasing after them. They would also imagine themselves as swans on the water paddling gracefully around a lake. Rachel had been a natural on the ice, and sometimes Stephanie would simply stand there and watch her. It was as if the people around them disappeared and they had vanished into another world when they skated, and Stephanie knew that getting on the ice in remembrance of her daughter would probably do her good and make her feel a little better. She carried the skates over her shoulder and made her way down to the side of the rink. Putting her shoes in one of the square boxes that held shoes, she began lacing her strings up. After her skates were tied, she made her way onto the ice.
Stephanie pulled her hat down over her ears. She remembered watching Rachel twirl around on the ice and how she looked like a natural. She would twirl in the air and skate around like she was born to be there. She looked like a professional, and Stephanie remembered leaving the ice to sit in the stands and watch her daughter’s graceful moves. She was amazing, and she regretted more than ever not getting her lessons. She could have been great. Rachel had said she wanted to join the Olympics, and Stephanie believed with all her heart that she could have made it big. Like every child, Rachel wanted to be famous. But now . . . Stephanie shook her head and let out a sigh.
She continued to skate across the ice and laughed as she thought of the times she had with her daughter. There had been so many good times, and she had so many fond memories of her daughter that she couldn’t help but feel joy in remembering them. She knew that she had to find a way to give Doctor Pierce the same peace that she had rediscovered. The guilt that had been laid on his heart had turned him into an emotional cripple, and she needed to find a way to show him and prove to him that he wasn’t to blame. That there was hope for a better life.
Stephanie knew God worked in mysterious ways, and there was no way her finite mind could understand the workings of the infinite. There was no way of knowing how things were going to turn out or how bad circumstances could have a purpose for good. God knew all and saw everything. That’s why the pastor had said her faith was so important. Having faith in not only God and his word, but believing in it and herself as well. She needed to have faith in herself, knowing she would come out of this crisis a better woman, someone who could make a difference in someone else’s life.
She needed to make the doctor see this. She needed for him to see that Jesus was there right beside him. That there was a hand reaching out to him to help. He needed to take the hand of Jesus into his own and embrace the lovely and the unlovely in life. She needed to help him find God’s purpose for his life so that he had a reason to go on. Stephanie wanted to offer him a foundation to start and grow his faith, and there was only one place she could think of where she could go to and pray.
Stephanie made her way back over to the small seat where her shoes were in the cubby hole. She quietly took her skates off and replaced them with her shoes. It was a long drive coming down every weekend during the month of December, but they had made it and stayed at her mom and dad’s for those weekends.
Rachel had loved it. She would help her grandmother in the kitchen, and they would make everything from fried squash to cookies and cupcakes. Her daughter was a natural in the kitchen just like her mom. There were a lot of qualities Rachel inherited from her grandmother like her talent in cooking, her artistic abilities with her paintings, and her outlook on life. Even through the divorce and the fallout afterwards, Rachel had always been worried about her mother and had checked up on her numerous times throughout the day. She had been conscious of everything that was going on around her even if she wasn’t involved.
Rachel was also the first one to give a helping hand if someone needed it. Like Stephanie’s mother, Rachel would give the shirt off her back to help another person. It was just how she was. She was a good person with a heart of gold. She had her moments like every teenager, but Stephanie counted herself lucky. She had a good girl. She looked up and saw that Reggie was coming towards her. Reggie was the owner of the rink, and they had become friends over the years. He knew that she had frequented the rink many times with Rachel, and she was sure he remembered who she was.
“Hello Stephanie.”
“Hey Reggie.”
The older man sat down beside her and patted her on the knee. “How you doin’ honey? I mean that’s kinda a dumb question considering. Isn’t it funny how people ask it knowing darn well that the answer isn’t going to be a good one? But anyway, I wanted to check on my favorite customer.”
“Thanks Reggie. I’m getting there. It’s still hard, but I try to tell myself that God has a plan.
Reggie’s cheeks creased as he gave her a smile. “While I saw you skating, I remembered a saying I once heard a while back. I thought it was fitting to share with you. ‘Think of your child, then, not as dead, but as living; not as a flower that has withered, but as one that is transplanted, and touched by a Divine hand, is blooming in richer colors and sweeter shades than those of earth.’”
Stephanie’s face softened with a smile. “Wow that was beautiful Reggie. Thank you so much.” She reached out and embraced him tightly.
“It was written by a British theologian named Richard Hooker.”
“Thanks. Well I hate to leave in a hurry Reggie, but I do have to go.”
“Go on my dear. You let me know if you need anything, and I’ve told the girls up front that you can come and go as you please. There will no longer be a charge for you, my dear.”
“Oh Reggie, you don’t have to do that. Really I can pay.”
The man rested his hand on hers. “You come here to remember your daughter, right?”
“Well, yes. Rachel loved this place. It was our own little haven.” She smiled when she thought about it.
“Then you can’t put a price on memories. They’re priceless, and you’re free to come and think of your angel at any time. I won’t put a value on your memories or the memory of your daughter. You have a good day you hear and come back.”
“Thank you, Reggie
. I appreciate it again.”
“You’re welcome, my dear. Just remember, God is with you.”
She nodded as he leaned down and briefly kissed her forehead.
Stephanie made her way back to her car and began driving. She needed some tips from someone with experience in the matter, someone who could help her to steer this man in the right direction. She needed help in saving this man from a life condemned to a life of solitude and unhealthy anguish. She knew he blamed himself and couldn’t see past the wall of depression that had imprisoned him.
But Stephanie knew better and believed that while God was invisible, He was actively involved behind the scenes of our lives and the only one who had the authority to take or save a life. She knew that Dr. Pierce, with the best of his human abilities, worked in an imperfect world, an atmosphere where people thought he held the choice of life and death in his hands. But what he didn’t understand was that God would always have the final say in the matter, and there was nothing he could say or do to change what the Divine had predestined. It was a concept she needed to make him understand before it was too late. She took a deep breath as she turned down the next street.
The streets were almost completely dark now, but she knew the little chapel down the street never closed. It was quiet, and the lights were down inside the small church as she stepped over the threshold.
Chapter 15
Making her way to the end of the small aisle, she lowered herself to her knees where she could talk to God. She poured out her heart, asking God why this man was brought back into her life and to use her as an instrument to help him see that he needed Divine help. What did God require of her? She had always made God and the church a priority in her and her daughter’s life, making sure that Rachel had known how important her faith was.
Being raised in a house that loved and believed in God, herself, Stephanie made sure she had passed the devotion of faith down to her daughter. She rested in the blessed assurance that Rachel was now beside the Lord and that she was happy and free of any of the pain that could be seen on earth. Rachel would make a beautiful angel, and although He called her home way too soon for Stephanie, she looked forward to the day when she would see her daughter again.
Sighing deeply, she asked God for a sign. She needed His guidance for salvation for not only herself and her healing, but of this young doctor whose life was now on hold. She needed to help him. The Holy Spirit had started a flame of conviction in her heart about guiding him with her faith, and now she couldn’t quell the fire spreading inside, pushing her to search again for this man. After praying for a few more minutes, she gave thanks for the power of the Holy Spirit and rose to her feet.
Turning, she smiled at the woman who rose up from the end of a pew she had been sitting in. She realized that it was Susan Watson from the diner down the street.
“Hello, Susan, how are you? You’re here awfully late.”
“As are you my dear. I was praying for a new friend of mine.”
Tears welled into Stephanie’s eyes, and before she could say anything, they began to leave a trail down her cheeks to disappear into her hair.
Susan brushed the tears from Stephanie’s face with her hand and enfolded her in her arms. “Oh, child what is it? Tell me what’s wrong.” It was a small town, and Susan had heard about the young woman’s daughter, but she knew that if Stephanie shared some of her burden, it would ease some of the terrible pain she was now going through. Sometimes all a person needed was a good listening ear and strong arms for a comforting hug in their time of despair.
“My Rachel. She’s gone, and I know there’s nothing I can do, it’s in God’s hands now. I love God. I really do, but sometimes I want Him to tell me why? Why did he take my baby from me? Why did he take her so soon before she even had a chance to live? Now the doctor’s here, and he’s in bad shape. I’ve been searching to help him, but I’ve found nothing.” She looked up to see the woman’s eyes tenderly gazing at her.
“What doctor, honey?”
Stephanie inhaled deeply before she began to relate the horror story of her daughter’s death and the doctor who had tried to save her. “Dr. Pierce was the doctor who tried to save Rachel. I don’t remember much about him except what he looked like. I remember seeing his name on the paperwork as well. I moved back to Mom and Dad’s a week or so ago. I just couldn’t take it being in that big house alone.” She took another deep breath as she continued on. “Well, last night I went to dinner with my father. As we were leaving, he collapsed and grabbed his chest. Before I knew what was going on, this man was there, and he was saying that he was a doctor and all. He gave my father CPR and according to the hospital saved my father’s life. When we got to the hospital, he told the nurse who he was, and I realized it was him. He was the doctor that tried to save my Rachel. He realized who I was, and there was such pain and sorrow in his eyes. I had no idea it would affect him so badly.”
Another breath as she went on. “Then I heard the two nurses in the hospital talking about how he had been let go from the hospital. He blames himself for Rachel’s death and doesn’t practice medicine anymore. I feel so sorry for him. I’ve been looking for him everywhere thinking maybe he came here looking for a job, but nothing.” She absently wiped at the tears that covered her face and knew that she looked a mess.
Susan handed her another tissue as she began to speak. “I think that if you find him you’ll not only help him but yourself as well.”
“That’s what my mother said.” She sniffled as her body trembled involuntarily.
“I know the man you’re speaking about. He came into the diner a couple days ago and met with a real estate agent I know. He may know where the doctor is living at now. Hold on and let me find a pen, and I’ll write his name down for you.” She pulled out a small notebook and pen from a pocket inside her purse. Her hand flew over the paper as she wrote down the man’s name. Handing it to her she smiled as she patted her on the shoulder. “His name is Ernest Sudder. The name of the company is Mendocino Real Estate.”
Stephanie dabbed her eyes one last time with a tissue and embraced Susan tightly. “Oh, thank you so much. I just hope I can get through to him.”
“Just have faith my dear. Remember strength is in numbers and that God has a plan for everything. Your sweet little angel is looking down on you right now, and she is so proud of you, I’m sure.”
“Do you remember the passage in Matthew?”
“Which one?” Her swollen eyes looked at the older woman.
“"But Jesus said, 'Let the little children come to me, and do not try to stop them, for the kingdom of heaven belongs to such as these.'"
The tears welled into her eyes again at the woman’s words. She smiled and nodded before making her way outside and to her car. Looking up and whispering one more small thanks to God, she made her way back home for the night. That night she slept peacefully for the first time in a long time. There were no nightmares, and she didn’t wake in a sweat or with tears in her eyes.
She woke in the morning with a renewed purpose in life. Stephanie knew nothing would ever take the place of her Rachel, but for the first time since that night from hell, she could breathe without the pain in her chest trying to cut off her oxygen. Sitting up in her bed, she finally made her way downstairs and to the coffeepot.
As she sat at the table her hands curled around the cup in front of her, she stared at the small piece of white paper that Susan had given her the day before, a mixture of emotions racing through her brain. She felt sadness for everyone involved in Rachel’s tragedy, and she feared rejection from the doctor. She had finally made peace with God, and even though her life had been turned upside down, she realized for the first time that although hers was affected the most, there were others who had been devastated and were going through similar trials.
She realized that the kids at school had lost not just one friend, but four the night the girls had the accident. The accident had left a solemn atmosphere at the school.
The other girl’s parents were experiencing the same thing she was. Her parents had lost a grandchild and a doctor had lost a patient. She had wanted to call the other girl’s parents who had been affected, but couldn’t bring herself to do it yet.
After a quick shower, she got dressed and was seated in her car headed towards the hospital. She wanted to check on her father and talk to her mother. Then her next visit would be to a little loft on the edge of the beach. She made her way to the room where her father resided for the time being and quietly stepped inside the doorway. The first thing she saw was her mother sitting in the chair beside the bed and quietly crocheting the blanket she had been working on. She looked up and smiled as Stephanie walked in.
Holding a finger to her lips, she indicated beside her where the man laid asleep in the bed. The television above the bed slowly spoke of the news for the morning. Making her way to her mother, she hugged her close and made a gesture toward the doorway.
Valerie followed her daughter out of the small room. As they walked into the hallway, she turned to look at her mom. “How’s he doing now?”
“He’s actually doing really good. He’s just tired now, and it’ll take some time for him to get back on his feet. You know your father though, he’ll be back to normal soon. He also needs to watch what he’s eating. That means no bacon or sausage for breakfast anymore.”
“He said watch what I eat not take out all the good stuff.” The gruff voice called out from within the small hospital room. Both women laughed as they made their way back inside to see him scowling at both of them. “Hey baby. How you doing?” He held his arms out to his daughter, and she quickly made her way to him so he could enfold her in his arms. She had always been a daddy’s girl, and at that moment she realized just how much he had scared her the night before.
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