The Last Girl (Sand & Fog #7)

by Susan Ward

  “Khloe,” Kaley said quietly. “I’m just trying to be upbeat. I know it’s hard on you, baby girl.”

  My face heated, because Kaley wasn’t snarky, and I knew that. She had a bit of that always looking on the bright side Mom attitude about her.

  “It’s not awful that you can try anything and everything for a cure. It’s a blessing.” Krystal shook her head at me. “You should be grateful you can be in Dr. Hern’s trial.”

  “Leave Khloe alone,” Dad said, moving to my side of the island to put an arm around me. “Everything all right, princess?”

  I leaned my head on his shoulder. “I’m good, Dad. Mom was worrying about nothing. I told you guys that.”

  “She’s fine, Alan.” Mom scurried into the room, her perky self again. The car ride home had done wonders to push the fog of worry from her. She’d pried dirt from me about Damon, decided Damon and I were a thing, and got to reminisce aloud about her affair with Dad. Pretty much her perfect elixir to return her happy. “Dr. Hern said she was doing so well she could head out to Europe if she wants to.”

  “You’re leaving?” Kaley asked, surprised.

  “No.” I left it at that and pretended extreme interest in the dip my dad made. No way was I telling my sisters why I’d skipped departing with my wandering circus this year. It was too embarrassing to admit that even if I couldn’t be with Damon, I didn’t want to be half a globe away from him. I liked having the possibility of flying to Wyoming even if I couldn’t do it.

  I finished the remaining half of my margarita in a single swallow and grabbed my case. “I’m going to go freshen up after being at the clinic. It was so hot on the drive home and Mom wanted the windows down instead of air-conditioning.”

  Chrissie tossed me an amused smirk. “We have ocean air. We don’ need air-conditioning. It’s healthier.”

  I kissed her on the cheek. “Yes, Mom. The ocean cures everything.”

  “It might.”

  I laughed in defeat against the superior force of Mom in a good mood and hurried down the hall to my bedroom. I was stepping out of the shower when my phone trilled.

  Scurrying, I wrapped a towel around my dripping body, tried to shake out some of the wet from my hair, and grabbed my phone from the bed.

  Damon.

  FaceTime.

  Not the combination I wanted.

  I sank down on the bed and hit the green button.

  “There, you can now say you’ve seen scary.”

  Damon laughed. “No, only gorgeous. If you drop the towel I’ll have a boner for a month unless you fly here.”

  The angst in his voice matched the angst in my loins. “I could drop the towel and watch you rub one off. Maybe give myself a little relief while you do it. Just looking at you gets me wet.”

  He groaned in agony. “Oh fuck. Instant erection.”

  “I haven’t even dropped the towel yet.”

  He flushed, turned on but fighting not to lose his composure. “I would prefer you fly here in person. I miss you.”

  My sex clenched and my heart raced. I burned for him and couldn’t seem to stop it. Even through the screen it was too much to meet his gaze. “I miss you, too, Damon.”

  “Then, damn it, why don’t you come here?”

  “I’m not one of your fangirls. I can’t drop everything and run off to Wyoming to be with a guy.”

  My words made him flinch.

  I regretted them as they left my mouth.

  “I’m not suggesting you do. I would gladly fly to Pacific Palisades if you’d let me.”

  “We’ve discussed this, Damon.”

  “We did nothing of the kind. You’ve not given me one acceptable reason why we can’t be together.”

  “Let it go.”

  He sat back in his large leather chair, his jaw tightening. “I happen to love you, KK. Letting it go isn’t possible now.”

  I pouted. “Poor Damon. So impatient. You’ve never had to wait for anything, have you?”

  “Don’t mock me.” He was annoyed.

  “Most people have to wait for the things they want.”

  “Are you saying you still want me?”

  I want you, Damon. More than you know.

  “I hate you being there and me here.” His voice was low and rough.

  I nodded. With how he stared at me I couldn’t maintain the charade that I was okay with how we were and didn’t hurt every bit as much as he did over us being apart.

  “It wouldn’t work out if I went out there with you and we tried to be together. You know that, Damon.”

  “The rubbish of my position wouldn’t matter if you loved me.”

  “It would tear us apart.”

  “There are places we can be together, completely private, Khloe. Wyoming. Where you are. One need only be smart about it. I understand your worry. But it’s excessive. We can be together, love.”

  Be together, love. His voice was like melting butter.

  We gazed at each other through our cells for a long time and said nothing. It occurred to me we didn’t talk much about anything except us being apart. He had a bandana tied around his neck and was wearing a thin white tank speckled with dirt and sweat. His skin was browner and hair longer.

  My inky brows shot up. “Why are you dressed that way?”

  “There’s lots of work to do on a ranch. I’ve been fixing fence posts today.”

  “Man’s work, even for a prince.”

  “No, Khloe work. Keeping busy not to miss you.”

  Oh, Damon...

  Relaxing back against my pillows, I slowly wound my hair around my arm and draped it over my shoulder the way he liked.

  “Cheeky girl. Stop it. That’s not fair.”

  None of this is fair, Damon...I fought back a tear and made a pout instead. Then I told him I had to go, and quickly hung up the phone.

  Chapter Thirty-Nine

  DAD STOOD AT THE BARBECUE, poking steaks with a long silver fork. “It’s been nice having you home for the summer, Sunshine.”

  “I think it’s nice, too, Dad.”

  “Would you look at all this food? I still haven’t figured out how to cook for three.” Alan smiled and shook his head. “You and your mum eat like birds. What a shame Damon’s not here.”

  Ignoring his not-so-sly comment, I sat up on my chaise, curled my legs in front of me, and hugged my knees. My dad had that thoughtful expression which meant serious talk about to come Khloe’s way.

  “Out of all you girls, you’re the one who’s always been a clam. No one ever knows what’s going on with Khloe, not from your mouth.”

  I arched a brow. “No. I’m the one everyone accuses of having no filter.”

  He chuckled. “People with no filter are generally people who don’t want to talk about themselves.” He put the utensil on the tiled counter and sat in a chair near me. He gave me a wry smile. “I have no filter. You came by that trait as honestly as the black hair.”

  “All my best parts come from you.”

  His eyes glowed with affection as they fixed on me. “You’re like your mum, though. I see much of her in you.”

  “I’m not going to ask you in what way.”

  I made a face.

  Dad chuckled.

  Then he sighed, stared up at the sky, and was washed in an air of theatricality. “I was an impetuous man the first time I loved your mum. Gone on her from our first date. She’s so beautiful. I never wanted another day without her. But she was young. Had her own stuff going on. Her worries and fears. Couldn’t cope with my crazy world of parties and press. And I was reckless. I landed her in a tabloid shit storm and she left me. Quite right.”

  “Not right,” I protested, pouting.

  “No, Chrissie was right.” Alan sat up and locked me in his potent stare. “I had to love her how she was and not try to fit her into something that she couldn’t do. I had to lose her to learn how to be a less reckless and better man in how I love her. We found each other again. It was difficult, but we love
d without the tabloid circus and were private as she needed us to be. I never pushed for more than what your mother could do. I’d learned my lesson by losing her, and we’ve been together most of my life.”

  I ran my fingers through my hair, trying to maintain my composure. “My situation is more complicated than that, Dad.”

  “I understand why you shut down things with Damon. He’s a lot to take on for any woman, even a girl without your concerns. But Damon isn’t me. He’s far from impetuous. And something tells me he’d move heaven and earth to keep you out of the circus.”

  Oh crap.

  Had Damon talked to Dad about our private things?

  Groaning, I buried my face in my hands. “Why do you two keep pushing Damon on me?”

  Dad kissed the top of my head. “We want you to be happy, Sunshine. Not be afraid to live and love. There’s a glow about you when Damon’s around. Things may look impossible, but they’re not, if two people care and want to try. That’s what age has taught me. Where there’s love there’s a way.”

  Chapter Forty

  I SAT ON THE CLIFFS with my mother to watch the dawn, looked over my shoulder, and spotted Dad crossing the yard toward us.

  My smile quickly faded and my insides jumped. He looked grim—Alan never looked grim—and I could feel something was wrong. His knuckles popped from how tightly he clutched the cell phone in his hand, and I saw tears in his eyes.

  “Wonderful, Alan,” Chrissie called out cheerfully, holding out fingers wiggling in anticipation of him. “We had a great workout. I can’t think of anything better than you having coffee with us.”

  Dad’s black stare zeroed in on Mom, his expression frighteningly serious. Ice ran my body as prickles nipped my flesh. “Baby, Linda’s on the phone.”

  The playful light left Chrissie’s eyes. “What’s wrong?”

  “It’s your dad.”

  Grandpa Jack?

  Mom sprang from her chair and grabbed the phone from Alan “Linda, what’s wrong?” A stream of words I couldn’t decipher came from the tiny speaker but Mom’s face went ashen. She paced in circles, tapping her face with her fingers. Her breaths got louder and quicker. “No, no. We’re coming to Santa Barbara right now. We’ll be there soon, Linda.”

  I rushed toward her. “Mom, what’s wrong?”

  “Pack a bag, Khloe. We’re leaving now. Your grandfather is very ill. The doctors don’t expect him to last much longer.”

  It felt as though my heart stopped. There was an air of panic in the house and the weight of sadness. I’d never lost anyone I loved before. I couldn’t imagine a world without Grandpa Jack in it. He was the wise elder of our clan, and at times felt like the glue that held us together. Simple stories and insightful axioms. The rock we all depended on. Even Dad.

  My parents entered the house and I trailed after them. “He was fine when we saw him last week.”

  “Khloe, your grandfather is ninety-four,” my dad said quietly. “Even a cold is a dangerous thing when you’re that age.”

  How he said that left no doubt he believed Jack was dying. “But...but...”

  Mom gave me a fierce hug. “Baby girl, pack.”

  As I watched them hurry away to make arrangements to travel, my nerves jumped faster and faster. I reminded myself we didn’t really know anything yet. We wouldn’t, not for sure, until we saw Grandpa.

  I went to my room and, in a fog, shoved clothes and necessities into a suitcase. In my open bedroom door, Dillon Warrick, the head of our security team at the house, appeared. “Are you packed up, Khloe? Can I take your bag?”

  “I think I have everything.” I nodded, staring around my room. My mind was snapping. “Wait. I have to grab one more thing.”

  I’d almost forgotten my damn injection pens.

  Dillon said, “Don’t be long, Khloe. Your parents are already in the helicopter.”

  “I’ll be right behind you.” I watched Dillon stride quickly out of my room then I scrambled back to the armoire, jerked open the door, and yanked out the shiny silver case.

  I held my hair to keep it from blowing in my face from the propellers, handed my case to Dillon, and let him help me up into the seat beside my parents.

  “It’ll be all right, Chrissie,” Dad consoled.

  Mom was curled in his chest, crying.

  I stared out the window as we lift upward off the ground. The color of the Pacific and the beauty of the shoreline passed before my eyes without notice. I couldn’t look at my parents. Maintaining my composure under the heavy weight of Mom’s emotions taxed the meager function of my heart and energy.

  Would Mom be like this when I died? It was an unbearable thought. As bad as I imagined it might be for her, I’d not imagined this. It was a heartbreaking glimpse into the future of the pain I’d deliver to my parents.

  It was tormenting but unavoidable. I didn’t have a choice whether my family loved me. I didn’t have a choice about hurting them when I died. But I did Damon. No, I never wanted to give him this.

  I ran my fingers through my hair, willing myself not to think. Falling to pieces now wouldn’t change the future. I couldn’t stop what would be. I had to be strong as I’d always been for my parents. They didn’t need to worry about me, not with Grandpa Jack...

  I focused on the view ahead. White buildings with red tiled roofs, straight streets running from the beach to the foothills lined with palm trees. Curving coastline. White sand. Long pier. Rich blue water.

  Santa Barbara.

  We lived in Pacific Palisades, but this was home for my family. Jack lived here and, in her heart, so did Mom.

  The helicopter made a turn toward the beach to make our final descent into Hope Ranch. I stared down at the shoreline hugging cliffs. My gaze traced the zigzagging wood planks that made the stairs connecting Grandpa’s house with what we considered to be Mom’s ocean. Chrissie never lived away from the Pacific.

  Inside my head rose memories of lazy afternoons talking with Grandpa on the back lawn because I couldn’t trail off with my siblings down the stairs built into the cliffs to the water. Sitting on the top step watching my parents strolling the surf, lost in their own world. My brothers and sisters running wild. Linda taking care of everyone. Life was quiet and moved slowly here.

  A tear broke through and I brushed it from my cheek. So many things I hadn’t remembered in years were rich and sharp with color inside my head. My best memories of my childhood were here in Hope. My mind began to race. A second tear fell from my eyes.

  The pilot talked to the security on the ground.

  We hovered above the lawn.

  Below us was Grandpa’s house.

  My eyes flared wide. Everywhere I looked around the perimeter of the property were Black Star Security guards dressed in black on patrol. There was never security here.

  Then I saw over the house to the road in front. As far as I could see in any direction, people lined the streets, holding signs, flowers, and candles. Both gates to the circle driveway were blocked by media—press trucks and satellite dishes—and there was even a line of sheriff’s deputies.

  Until I saw them, I’d forgotten Jack wasn’t just my grandfather. He was a great man—peace activist, much adored music icon from the sixties, and a figure of hope for people around the world because of the incredible work he’d dedicated his life to. And what was happening here wasn’t only my family’s.

  Jack belonged to everyone.

  Seeing everything on the ground beneath me, I knew then—Grandpa was dying.

  ON MY GRANDFATHER’S back lawn, Cody stood beside Graham Carson, the owner of the company that took care of our security, and Linda, Grandpa Jack’s wife. The helicopter descended to earth.

  The door was opened, the stairs pulled down, and Graham helped my mother out first. Dad quickly alighted behind her.

  A heated discussion ensued. Dad’s voice was thundering as he spoke—he was upset by what we’d seen from the air.

  As I waited by the open door for Cody,
I heard Graham say, “Jack was put on a ventilator yesterday. The medical supply company must have leaked the story.”

  “Fuck,” Alan said under his breath. “We didn’t want this, Graham.”

  “We’re tightening security as fast as we can,” Graham replied forcefully. “But we can’t correct what’s already happened.”

  “A ventilator?” Chrissie was alarmed and panicked. “My dad has been on a ventilator for a day and you didn’t call me, Linda?”

  Linda’s face contorted with pain. “He wasn’t that bad, Chrissie. He was having trouble breathing. That’s all. I called you this morning when the doctor suggested I should.”

  Crying, Mom ran toward the house. Linda stared at the ground, tight mouthed, and shook her head.

  Dad took her in his arms. “How are you holding up, Linda?”

  She turned into Dad’s chest to hide her face. “Not very well, Alan. Not well at all.”

  Chapter Forty-One

  IT FELT LIKE I WAS in the quiet before the storm. There was a pulsing, waiting tension in the house and a hush I’d never heard before. Slipping from life didn’t always come fast; sometimes it came slowly. It hurt to watch my grandfather fade, but I was glad it didn’t come too quickly. I wanted every moment I could have with him.

  Linda came into the kitchen and set down the giant coffee mug that practically never left her hand. As long as Jack was still with her she wouldn’t sleep.

  Linda was a strong woman, but she looked very fragile and unlike herself. Her lips quivered as she brushed the tears from her eyes, and I lowered my gaze to fix on her coffee cup.

  “Has anyone called your brothers and sisters?”

  I nodded. “Graham Carson is having the bodyguards bring them here today. I don’t know when they’ll all get here, but today.”

  Linda’s mouth made a tight pucker. “Good. Today.” She shook her head and went to the sink. “He’s awake, Khloe, if you’d like to spell me for a bit.”

  I looked up. “Mom’s not in there? Aunt Maddy’s not in there?”