It wasn’t as if we became overnight celebrities. Still, no one really knew us, but I wasn’t used to attention and I enjoyed whatever little I would get. Manika had always been against adding readers on Facebook, citing privacy as a reason. I, however, was never against it and soon there were a lot of people on my social networking profiles; it was crazy.
We got home that day from our publisher’s office and we were smiling.
‘Crazy, right?’ she said, as she hugged me closer.
‘I know, baby. It’s bigger than what we had ever expected. I told you, more than ten people will read this book!’
‘I still don’t see a reason why people would want to read this book. But see how happy you are? And to think about it, you never wanted to be a part of it!’ she kissed me.
‘It’s all because of you, baby,’ I kissed her back.
‘Aww!’
I often wondered how dispassionate she was about the success of the book. Manika always acted as if it meant nothing to her. She was still firmly grounded. She didn’t even seem happy! She was just as she was before.
‘So what do you think, continuing with the same characters in the next book will do the trick?’ I asked her.
‘I think so. I mean, that’s what I want to write, it’s up to the publishers whether they like it or not,’ she said.
‘Every day I get a few questions asking about our next book!’
‘Don’t worry. Public memory is short and they will soon forget us. There are better books and better authors to be read. Will you still love me when we are not famous?’ she chuckled.
‘Very funny.’
‘Joy, I was fantasizing yesterday about turning into a full-time author, subject to the condition that I start writing better books. I can actually give up everything and do just that. No jobs, nothing, just you and me, lying in this bed, writing and reading books. Wouldn’t that be ideal?’
‘It’s a nice thought, but I need to go,’ I said, as I got up from the bed. ‘My office is really getting hectic and every time I slip up there, they just ask me to go, write a book!’ I said and pulled up my tie. ‘And do finish that chapter, baby. Soumitra has been asking about the progress. And you know I can’t write it as well as you do. Not in my wildest dreams!’
‘It’s strange. Only yesterday, you were just a little college boy, and today, you are a writer and an engineer. Times change,’ she said as she pulled the pillow over her head.
‘Funny!’ I said and kissed her goodbye. ‘But please, do finish the chapter, it’s really important. He has asked for it many times now!’
She didn’t seem to hear and went back to sleep in her tiny satin hot pants. I wanted to slip into bed with her, too. Her glistening legs were an awesome temptation, but I had things to do, and places to go.
The new office I had joined sucked. There was too much pressure and politics, and I never liked being around a bunch of mechanical engineers discussing thermodynamics and pipe stresses; it bored me and made me feel worthless. I used to spend hours staring at my computer screen and daydream about the possibilities that lay in front of us. I was becoming obsessed with what could and would be.
Last heard, John Green was working on a book that I felt would be epic. True, he was the Tom Cruise and Brad Pitt of fiction all rolled in one and I was Jugal Hansraj at best, but who cared as long as we were writing and we enjoyed it.
‘Joy?’ Manika said.
‘Yes.’
‘Who is Chhavi?’
‘Chhavi who?’ I asked.
‘Chhavi Singh?’
‘Oh. Facebook. She is just a reader. She is fascinated by our book.’
‘Just a reader?’ she sounded a little pissed. ‘She has written in a post that you called her edible.’
‘Me? Oh, that’s was more like, she called me edible and I said, same to you or something like that.’
‘You chatted with her? Like online?’
‘Yes, I did. Just generally. She had some questions and I answered them.’
‘Just generally? There were about forty messages between you and her in your FB inbox,’ she said, accusingly.
‘So? It was just usual conversation. It’s nothing that you should be worried about. You must have read it.’
‘Yes, and you were flirting with her.’
‘It meant nothing,’ I said. ‘Just light-hearted conversation, baby!’
‘Fine,’ Manika said and buried herself in the book she was reading earlier, a thick book which looked new and I didn’t remember when she had bought it.
Not again, I said to myself. She looked upset. I went up to her and sat beside her. I took her hand in mine and rolled her over; her eyes were teary.
‘What happened, baby?’ I asked her and ran my hand over her face.
‘Nothing,’ she said.
‘Tell me,’ I said and kissed her on the forehead.
‘It’s just that I don’t like you like this. I loved the old Joy better.’
‘I am still the same. Nothing has changed, baby.’
‘It has. You have. Now you are always busy with either your office, or the book. If not that, you are always on Facebook or Twitter. It sucks. Where did my Joy go? Who did nothing but lie around in bed and sleep,’ she smiled beneath her tears.
‘I am still the same, baby. But I can’t skip work. You know that.’
‘But you can skip the other things, right?’ she asked.
‘But …’ I really had nothing to say.
‘It’s okay,’ she said and hugged me. ‘You must be getting late. Now hurry. I will see you in the evening. ‘Your mom won’t ask you to come home?’ she asked.
‘I have told her that I’ll be staying at a friend’s place for most of the days. She knows it takes two hours to get from office from my place,’ I explained. ‘I should shift in here soon. I love you.’
‘I love you too, Joy.’
I kissed her and left. She wasn’t home when I came back. When she returned late that night, I had already fallen asleep by the time she got back.
Over the next few months, I started to spend a lot of time on Facebook, chatting and talking to people, replying to mails and messages, and this only meant more trouble, more fights and more tears.
‘You were changing,’ I said, already feeling a little bad about Manika.
‘Yes, I was, I realize that now.’
‘Bastard,’ I said. ‘Why are all guys like this? You two were so good together, like perfect.’
As he narrated the previous portion, all the love had drained from his voice. It reeked of foolish ambition, recklessness and lofty dreams. He no longer sounded like the lovestruck, picture-perfect boyfriend. And within my heart, I had started hating Joy a little. After all those promises and dreams … how could Joy be …?
‘So what did you do next? Break up with her?’ I asked.
‘Yes,’ he said. ‘Actually she broke up with me, but I gave her the reason. Reasons, in fact, loads of them.’
‘But the second book still came out, right? You must be really happy with that. That’s what you wanted, didn’t you? Just that the two of you write together?’ I asked angrily, just to clarify things. Maybe even to needle him. Frankly speaking, I was so angry with him at this point that I didn’t really care what he had to say. How could he have done it? He was so much in love with her! Or at least that’s what he had said. All men are bastards. Joy was no different; he had cheated on her. I waited patiently to see if his story would give any justification for what he did to her.
‘It sure did,’ he said. ‘But …’ Joy continued his narration.
The Second Book
‘What about Life, the Second Serving?’ Manika asked.
‘It’s brilliant,’ Soumitra said. ‘So when do you plan to release it?’
‘Before the Kolkata Book Fair,’ I said.
‘That’s exactly what I was thinking,’ he said and slipped the contract papers in front of us. I signed it and passed it on to Manika. She had not said or
addressed a word to me in the last one hour that we were sitting there. She was colder than the coldest day of winter and I hated it.
‘I have my own pen,’ she said, signed the contract and passed it on to Soumitra.
I went over the finer details of the cover design and the editing and the timelines of the book. Manika just sat there texting on her cell phone. She was least interested in what we were doing; it was irritating. As soon as we left the office, she started walking towards her car. It had been exactly one year that we had walked out of that office with huge grins on our faces. This day was starkly different.
‘Manika?’ I shouted behind her back.
She looked back.
‘What?’ she said as I walked up to her.
‘Can we talk at least? Look, I am sor—’
‘No, we can’t.’
‘But—’
‘Joy, we could have talked before you decided to cheat on me! We could have talked then, not now. NOT NOW! Go to hell, Joy’
‘Manika, I didn’t mean to.’
‘What, Joy? You lied to me! You fucking lied to me on my face, Joy!’
‘I … uhh …’
‘There is nothing you can say to make this better. This was the last fucking thing we’ll do together. We signed it. And from now on, you go your own way, and I go mine. I hope this is the last time I see you,’ she said and turned around.
‘But we can still be in touch—’
‘Is it? Is that what you want? I don’t think so, Joy. You got what you wanted—another book. Now go on, have as many flings as you want to with every fucking girl you meet. I am out. I never want to see you again. JUST GO AWAY.’
Every fucking girl? Now that was just a preposterous exaggeration!
‘I am sorry—’ I could barely speak; I wanted to cry and shout and wish I could go back in time and make it all right.
She turned around, ‘Sorry? You are sorry? I am sorry, Joy. I say that to myself every day, to have invested so much into someone like you. I am sorry to have loved you so much and I am sorry to have thought that probably you were different from the others. But you know what? I regret that our names will be on the same piece of paper for so many years to come. I really do. Best of luck, Joy. I hope this book works, too, and you get whatever you are out there to get. Please don’t ever try to contact me. I am doing great without you!’
She drove off and left me standing there in a haze of dust and smoke. Her words were heavy and cruel. And they made me feel like shit; I wanted to curl up and die.
All the attention just got to me. I had always been on the sidelines before, ignored and forgotten, and the little attention I got, I couldn’t handle it; I screwed up. I couldn’t resist the temptation. I cheated on her.
When Manika came to know about it, she couldn’t bear the sight of me. She was pissed for two months and she spewed fire every time I tried contacting her. She had all the reasons to be mad at me. Even I was mad at myself for letting such a beautiful thing slip away. It was all my doing. It was already too late when I realized what I had lost in the bargain, and once again, I found myself on the floor, crying my heart out.
He had changed the names again. The second book wasn’t Life, the Second Serving, but it was something equally corny as the first book’s name.
‘You are an asshole, I hope you know that,’ I said. ‘Exactly how many girls did you sleep with?’
‘C’mon. Now don’t start with that. I am already very guilty about it and I don’t want to revisit that time again. I really meant no harm. It just happened,’ he said.
‘Whatever,’ I said. ‘Anyway, so how did things get better between the two of you?’
‘A few months after our break-up, her job took her to Bangalore, though she kept coming back to Delhi once in a while. She had started dating someone,’ he said, in not the happiest of tones.
‘What? Really?’
‘Yes. She did,’ he said.
‘So? What did you say?’
‘What could I have? I felt a little bad. But then, I had let her down. I couldn’t have said anything to her.’
‘So, you were uncomfortable?’
‘Yes, it killed me, but I learned to live with it. We started talking again and things became better, and we became friends again. Slowly, we started sharing everything. I was a little pissed off, though.’
‘Pissed off? Why were you pissed off?’
‘She hardly took any time getting over me! And all her friends loved her new guy! I hated the guy she was dating.’
‘Obviously, Joy. But were you dating too?’
‘Yes, I was trying to, though none of them really worked out for me. I tried really hard to find someone but I couldn’t. I felt really worthless that I was no longer a priority in Manika’s life. Her new guy was!’
‘Asshole,’ I said. ‘But you had no right to be angry at her! You dumped her! She had full rights to push you down the priority order.’
‘Whatever. No matter how many flings or relationships I had after it, she was always the top priority,’ he said.
‘That’s nonsense. Anyway, let’s just change the topic. Ummm … when did you join the business school?’
‘After I got caught at my office leaving office early, paying guards to mark my attendance, faking time inputs and missing deadlines, the usual,’ he said and smiled.
‘By the way, that’s not really the usual, it really doesn’t happen with everyone. How can you be so casual about everything?’ I said, a little shocked by his apathy.
‘Ahh, skip that,’ he said and continued ‘Did I tell you that even Manika joined a business school?’
‘She took the CAT, too?’
‘Yes! It was almost a shock to me. She wanted to go to MICA or something to study advertising, but she ended up in a regular management college in Bangalore. Such a waste! I tried to tell her that it wasn’t a wise choice, but her boyfriend had convinced her that it was the most sane career choice. I still don’t know why she did it,’ he said.
‘Spare me the boring details,’ I said.
‘Okay. Fine,’ he said. ‘So …’
Moving On
The guy Manika had started to date was nothing special, but Manika had started harping about how dependable and how caring and how mature he was. I just thought these are the words used for a guy when he is super boring. The first time she had told this to me over GoogleTalk, it hurt. It hurt like shit. I couldn’t imagine what I would have gone through had she cheated on me. I kicked these thoughts out of my mind and tried to make myself happy for her. And in any case, it was just a rebound, and she was so trying to fling it in my face.
But truly speaking, though I really missed her a lot, I loved meeting all these new people, who already liked me even before they had met me. It was an easy life, you see. I didn’t have to please anyone any more.
Though I always knew that Manika was probably the girl of my dreams and I used to spend hours pining for her and cursing her boyfriend; I loved the other parts of my life too—I loved the attention. The second book opened to worse reviews than the first one, but a lot of people loved it. Around that time, I got through MDI, a top ranking business school in Gurgaon and suddenly, I was a student again; it was a great feeling.
Over the next few months, I met some incredibly charming women in the college and outside, a few of whom I ended up dating, but nothing worked out; deep down I knew where my heart belonged and I tried to overlook that. But those charming women, the numerous short relationships, and dates, and break-ups gave me the subject of my third book—Life. Final Serving—and I wrote it during the first year of my postgraduation.
A girl named Surbi was my muse, who had decided to dump me for another guy, and it pained me. Male ego, I tell you. It’s a terrible thing. I was angry and distraught, even though I forgave the girl almost instantly because I never loved her, so it was kind of a relief. I didn’t love her as much as I hated the guy she left me for.
‘The response is phenomenal!
’ Soumitra exclaimed about the third book.
It was surprising because I thought I would suck without Manika. Still, I thought I would stop writing after the third one. Since Manika was no longer with me in the scheme of things, the entire process had lost its charm and it was no longer fun. I had realized I would never match up to what we were when we wrote together.
‘I think the book is pretty shitty,’ Manika said. She was in town for some work and Soumitra had called us together.
All the animosity between Manika and me had vanished. We had proven those people wrong, who said that exes couldn’t be friends.
‘Yeah, you would say that,’ Soumitra said, ‘But everyone thinks that this third book is actually all true, that you guys broke up and that’s why he wrote this one as a solo book! It’s brilliant. People have been asking when the next one is coming up.’
‘Whenever he dates another girl. Which is OFTEN,’ she mocked.
‘Very funny,’ I said. ‘I don’t think I will write another one.’
‘Why?’ Soumitra said.
‘I don’t know.’
‘Never mind. Take some time off, you deserve it. I am sure you will come up with something.’
I seriously doubted that. With Manika finally out of the equation, I was sure I no longer wanted to write. We left our publisher’s office and I took Manika out to a nearby restaurant to treat her on the success of the third and the final book of the series.
‘Are you still crying over the girl who dumped you for another guy?’ she said.
‘Nope, not anymore,’ I said.
‘But you do know that you write bullshit, right?’
‘That I know. But then again, I write what people like to read,’ I defended myself. ‘At least, I didn’t abandon them. I gave them the third book and brought closure to the series.’
‘That’s capitalist bullshit,’ she said. ‘Anyway, coffee?’
‘Capitalist bullshit? You’re saying that? You wanted to be a writer, a journalist, and now you’re doing management in finance and marketing. You have to be the most capitalistic person alive!’
Ohh Yes, I'm Single: And so is my Girlfriend Page 13