‘Writing lost its charm,’ she mumbled and I couldn’t say anything to that.
‘So is the book really bad?’
‘It stinks. It’s like, really bad,’ she said. ‘Anyway, let’s not talk about that. I have been wanting to ask you, how did it feel being cheated upon?’
‘It’s pretty bad, I didn’t really enjoy it,’ I chuckled.
‘I know.’
‘But, it was still better. I didn’t love her, but the mere fact that she dumped me for someone else, it just sucked,’ I said, and gulped my coffee.
‘It does. One just keeps thinking as to where did he or she go wrong? Why did the other person stray?’ She looked at me.
I looked at her blankly, and then I changed the topic. ‘But I am happy for you. You and Ravi.’
‘Hmm,’ she said and breathed heavily. ‘And how is your other girlfriend?’
‘Other girlfriend?’
‘Sidharth. Who else?’
‘Oh, I didn’t tell you. He is coming back for a month to India.’
‘Oh, he is?’
‘Yes. And he is after my life to take leave for a month from college. It’s impossible, and he is giving me all kinds of crazy ideas to go on road trips and stuff!’
‘He will get you into trouble again.’
‘I am sure he will. But I am asking you again and this is probably the millionth time. Why don’t you come for my sister’s wedding? You know it will be fun. The three of us, together again?’
‘I want to. But you know I wouldn’t get leave. You know how my college is, they are really strict! Later, maybe?’ she said.
‘Whatever.’
We shared three coffee lattes that evening and it was the best coffee I had had in a long time. I didn’t want to say goodbye that day but then she had to go and I had no idea how to stop her from going. She was just a friend now.
‘This was the time you almost got married, right?’ I asked.
‘Yes. Crazy times,’ Joy said. ‘And it was all due to Sidharth. As usual, he got me into trouble …’
‘How?’
‘It was my sister’s wedding and there was this girl everyone liked and since she was insanely rich and her parents liked me, Sidharth almost made me say yes to her.’
I laughed. ‘And this was also the time of the stripper incident! Wasn’t it?’
‘Oh, yes! Who can forget that?’ he said, his eyes lighting up. ‘Who knew what Sidharth would return with? I am sure his parents wouldn’t have been proud had they known.’
Joy went on with his narration.
Of Strippers and Love
‘Joy,’ Mom said, with seriousness writ all over her face. ‘What do you plan to do?’
Frankly speaking, I was a little confused. My sister was getting married that week and I thought it was something related to that. But, pretty soon, I realized what the tone meant—she was talking about my future. Everyone around me was more interested in the wondrous possibilities of my future than me.
‘Nothing. I mean, I haven’t decided. Marketing, I guess. That’s what my subject is in college,’ I stuttered.
‘You guess? One year from placements, shona, and you haven’t decided? You had a perfectly fine job, I don’t know why you decided to leave it and do management,’ she said, her voice softening. ‘You don’t plan to write books as a career, do you?’
Obviously, I couldn’t have told her that I was kicked out and scraping through to a half-decent management degree was my only option. Mom had always been mortally afraid of me taking up writing as a career. We are all brought up on images of poor writers, self-righteous engineers, upper-middle-class management graduates and scoundrel businessmen. She argued that being a writer is bad for the image of any guy. And although I had no plans to take up writing as full-time job, I often teased her, saying that it was exactly what I wanted to do. Dad always knew that I was kidding (or he knew I wasn’t good enough).
‘Yes, Mom. I plan to write for a living. That’s what I have always wanted to do,’ I said, and faked seriousness.
‘So what? Let him write,’ Dad said and chuckled. ‘Let him do something different that no one else in the family has done.’
‘Yes, it’s good to have a writer in the household!’ Di added, as she tried a piece of jewellery and rejected it.
‘All of you are mad. And especially you …’ Mom pointed at Dad. ‘How will it be to say that our son sits home all day and writes? You can’t call that a job! Chee, chee, chee.’
‘I think it sounds cool,’ Di said and looked at Dad. Dad smiled.
‘Shona, why don’t you do something like Sidharth? Look where he is!’ Mom said.
‘Sidharth is doing nothing,’ Di said. ‘Ask him when he comes tomorrow.’
Sidharth was to stay with us for my sister’s wedding. Mom had always thought very highly of Sidharth, since he was always the engineer/researcher/academic type, the self-righteous type, and also because he ate a lot—Mom liked that.
‘I will ask him. And I will also ask him to give you some common sense!’ Mom said, and went to the kitchen, realizing that it was three against one. The rest of us looked at each other and smiled. My sister and my dad had confidence in me that I wouldn’t totally screw up in life. And they had better things to do than worry about my career. Di had to get married in two days and Dad had to finish the Friday crossword.
‘Hey,’ Di called out. ‘You saw that girl in pink in the function yesterday?’
‘Who?’ I asked.
‘She is talking about Kanika. The groom’s second cousin,’ Dad said.
‘Oh yes, what about it?’
‘Joy, she is your age! And she is great-looking!’ Di said.
‘So?’
‘So? Talk to her!’
‘She is right,’ Dad said and smiled again. He was doing a lot of smiling and laughing these days, quite opposite to what a bride’s dad usually does. ‘It will be easier for us to get the two of you married in the same family, gives us one less set of relatives to take care of!’
‘Very funny,’ I said.
‘Arrey bhai, she is rich, too. Only daughter. And she is beautiful. I talked to her. She has even read your books. So why not?’
‘Getting married into money? Seems like I have given the right education to my kids,’ Dad said, and closed the newspaper. ‘Let me tell your mom that her son is so poor that he wants to marry the only daughter of a rich man,’ he chuckled and left the room. Luckily, the topic was never raised again, except once, when Sidharth totally brainwashed me into saying yes. Luckily, I didn’t.
It had been three hours since I had been waiting at the airport, which was teeming with men and women and children in all sizes, waiting, some holding placards with names scrawled on them, and there was no sign of him anywhere around. I had started to get pissed off. I had already downed three big burgers and killed time at the bookshop nearby, buying books I knew I would never read. I really had nothing to do. I fixed my gaze on the Arrivals passage and sat on the ground. Another half an hour passed by before I saw him, and I was positively shocked!
He had not come alone. He had decided to bring along a souvenir with himself. A big, fair one—one that everyone at the airport was staring at.
What the fuck!?
I swore aloud as I saw him walk towards me. And it wasn’t just I who did that. He kissed her. She almost had to bend to reach his lips. She had blonde hair, deathly white skin, and she was so tall it seemed her legs just started where I ended. As if Sidharth was not tall enough, this girl was even taller by a few inches. She was an electric pole and had the most perfect figure I could ever imagine on a girl that tall.
‘Hey!’ he shrieked aloud as he hugged me tight.
‘Hey … how …’ I said as he choked me.
‘This is Liss.’
‘Liss?’ I said, as she came forward and hugged me and I felt her breasts brush against my face. It was awkward.
‘Heard a lot about you,’ she said in a strange accent,
I guessed East European.
‘Hmm …’
That’s all I could say then. We took a taxi from the prepaid stand and we shifted our conversation to Hindi after I calmed down my nerves. My hands were sweaty and clammy.
‘Who’s she?’
‘Liss. Just told you,’ Sidharth said casually.
‘I know her name, chuutiye. Who the fuck is she? And what the fuck is she doing with you? And will she fucking stay with us?’
He laughed out loud. The asshole was having some fun at my expense and curiosity.
‘She is with me,’ he said. ‘And if you want, we can stay out somewhere. Just drop us to any guesthouse nearby and we will manage.’
Now what does one say to that? He knew I wouldn’t let that happen. He had to stay with us because my mother would hear of nothing else. I stayed shut and imagined how horrified Mom would be to see the tall girl from Europe.
‘You mean you are dating her?’ I asked him, just to be sure.
‘Yes,’ he said, still smiling at me.
‘Like really dating her? Like going out on dates, saying things to each other, that sort of stuff?’ I asked, just to be more sure.
‘Joy! I know what dating is, man!’
‘Are you shitting me? Why in the world would she date you? And why the heck is she in India?’
‘Could it be because of my sheer awesomeness? And that she loves me for it!’ he said and shrugged his shoulders.
‘Stop the fucking smiling, man, it’s creepy. What’s the story?’
After playing around with me a little longer, he told me—and I wasn’t sure if I should believe his story. Liss was a stripper he came across in Poland; she used to dance in a joint named ‘Spicy Peppers’. He went to her show seven days a week, all days in a month, and bought her drinks every single day. He was undeniably in love with her, and then one day, when a man twice Sidharth’s size tried acting fresh with Liss, our guy went up onto the stage, took that man down and ended up with two hairline fractures and fifteen stitches. And as they say—the rest is history.
Sidharth was going out with a stripper and apparently, they were very much in love. I always thought strippers fell in love with very rich and very old men. Sidharth was neither! I had a hard time convincing myself that all of this was true and I was not watching a movie.
‘And she still does those shows?’ I asked.
‘Yes dude. It’s all business. I approve of it. She comes from a poor family and this is how she pays for her education. She is a double major. That’s all I know. It’s just been three weeks that we have been together! And it’s been blissful!’
‘Three weeks and you get her to my sister’s wedding?’ I said.
‘Hey. You took one look to fall in love with Manika. Three weeks is a long time! Chill, Joy. And you know your mom loves me. She wouldn’t mind,’ Sidharth said.
Obviously she would! She is a tall white woman in a short skirt! At her daughter’s wedding!
‘Are you talking about me?’ Liss butted in and smiled at us.
‘Yes dear,’ he said, and kissed her.
‘You love her?’ I asked him.
‘I guess so.’
‘Bullshit. And weren’t you supposed to be in Paris? What the heck were you doing in Poland?’
‘Cheap strip clubs, man. Cheap strip clubs. You should come there once … if there is heaven, it’s there. It’s there. It’s there. I got a part of heaven for myself. Can you deny?’ he said.
‘So much for making your parents proud, Sidharth. They would be really happy to see this.’
There was silence. We all sat in the drawing room, Liss silently stared at everyone, I looked at Dad who tried hard not to smile and my sister and Sidharth had a whole conversation in looks and smiles and gestures. Though, what took the cake was the way Mom looked at Liss who kept crossing and uncrossing her legs (not a very smart move, that). It seemed like a giant wheel turning. It was hilarious!
‘Hey. Why don’t you kids go inside and talk?’ Dad finally said, bowing down to Mom’s look which said out aloud, we-need-to-talk!
‘Fine,’ I said, and we all rushed to the bedroom like freed animals from the zoo.
As we entered my bedroom, I could hear faint noises of Mom freaking out in Bengali outside while Dad was still laughing aloud. After a few minutes, Mom shut up as she always did, since Dad never gave up smiling and Mom conceded that there must be something amusing in the whole situation.
‘So,’ Di said. ‘She seems to be calm now.’
Sidharth smiled.
‘Girlfriend?’ Di asked Liss.
‘That’s what he says,’ Liss said.
‘Where are you from?’
‘She is from Hungary. But stays in Poland now,’ Sidharth said.
‘Did I ask you? And no wonder that accent. Very East European, very cool,’ Di said. ‘Student? Or working?’
‘Both actually.’
‘Oh, that’s nice. I used to dream about paying for my own education by taking up a summer job or something, but it never materialized. I am almost jealous,’ Di said.
‘No, you are not. I am a stripper,’ she said almost casually.
… and there was silence.
‘Ummm,’ Di said. ‘I think you are too beautiful to be a stripper!’
‘That’s so sweet of you,’ Liss said and blushed.
Had it been anyone else, he or she would have made a mess of the situation, but my Di has always been quite the wordsmith.
‘Sidharth?’ Di said. ‘I am going to steal her away for a couple of hours. I am going shopping, because if she turns out in this mini skirt tomorrow, there will be more eyes on her than me and that’s every bride’s worst nightmare!’
Sidharth chuckled and Di continued, ‘Let me get you some really ugly Indian clothes so that you don’t look as pretty as you are.’
‘I am sure you will look beautiful!’ Liss said and hugged her. ‘Sidharth made me watch a few Hindi movies. Indian brides look beautiful, it’s much better than our boring white and black themes.’
Soon after, Di took Liss to her room and they left after a while. Sidharth was happy to see Di taking interest in showing Liss around; he heaved a sigh of relief.
‘Nice,’ Sidharth said. ‘This is going better than I had imagined. See, I told you everything will be alright! Your sister loves her, and I think even your mom loves her!’
‘Yeah, why not? I think she almost passed out,’ I retorted.
‘Chill, Joy, your mom loves me. I am not a broke writer like her son. I am a fucking engineering postgraduate student in Europe.’
‘So, how does she look?’ Di said as she turned Liss around. They had been gone for quite some time now. Sidharth and I meanwhile were wrapping up wedding errands Dad had put us on. He had a great time flirting with all my cousins while I was left to converse with sweetshop owners, tent fixers, and what not, all of whom were hell-bent on robbing me.
‘I didn’t know they made suits in her size!’ I said. I had never seen a six-foot-two white girl wearing an Indian suit. Generally, I hate attempts of white women wearing Indian clothes and going in search of the truth, but Liss looked splendid.
‘She … she looks … fabulous!’ Sidharth said with his eyes wide open and his mouth agape.
‘Do I?’ Liss said.
‘Yes, you do,’ Sidharth said and they kissed. ‘You always do. You always will.’
‘Okay then, I will leave the three of you,’ Di said. ‘Joy, Mom, Dad and I are going to someone’s place, Dinner is on the table, so you can eat and sleep. We will be late.’
I nodded. Liss and Di hugged and she left.
‘How do you like it?’ I asked Liss.
‘It’s very nice. In Hungary or even in Poland, we don’t wear things with such bright colours and embellishments,’ she said, looking at her green and blue suit with Swarovski crystals stitched all over it. ‘I hope I will not feel overdressed.’
‘It’s an Indian wedding, svizi!’ Sidharth said. ‘If
anything, you will feel underdressed.’
I Googled ‘svizi’ later and it came out to be the Hungarian word for cutie; the terms of endearments sound a lot cornier when other people use them, not otherwise. I wasn’t trying not to see this, but now I had begun to believe Sidharth was in love with this girl. They were both into each other, their body language reminiscent of how Manika and I used to be, the holding of hands, the frequent kissing and the lingering stares weren’t just raging hormones. Even in a room filled with other people, they were constantly stealing glances at each other and smiling; it was ridiculously cute and it made me feel sad and lonely.
Sidharth and Liss slept on my bed that day, and I slept on a mattress on the ground, wallowing in self-pity and self-hate. Just as I was drifting off to sleep, I heard a few utensils crash outside. I thought it was Di and went outside to check if everything was all right. It was her last night in the house and I thought it was natural not to get enough sleep. I went outside to check up on her, and saw Di and Liss talking and laughing.
‘Hi, Joy,’ Di said.
‘Not sleepy?’ I asked her.
‘I am now,’ she said. ‘I will hit the bed. There is some warm milk in the saucepan if you want. Good night!’
‘Goodnight,’ Liss and I echoed.
She smiled and went off to sleep. Even Di was lucky. She never fell in love before, never even had a relationship, and fell for the guy my parents chose for her. Within days of their first official meeting, the one where both sets of parents were present, they were lying to their parents and sneaking out, and watching movies, going out on dates and holding hands.
Everybody had triple Aces or a full house and I was still with a Joker in hand.
‘Not sleepy?’ I asked Liss.
‘No,’ she said and sipped her milk. ‘You have got a wonderful family. My parents got divorced when I was six. I have not seen my dad since.’
‘I am so sorry.’
‘Don’t be. I never saw much of him even before. And he used to abuse me. So it’s all right. I really don’t care now. You have to know the person to hate him or her.’
Ohh Yes, I'm Single: And so is my Girlfriend Page 14