‘Mom?’ I asked.
‘She died a few years back. Alcohol problem,’ she said, as her eyes welled up and she blinked them away.
‘Everything will be fine,’ I said. ‘And hey! You have Sidharth now. He is a great guy!’
‘I know. He’s too good to be with me, maybe. He has everything, he doesn’t need me. Annyira aranyos, szeretem őt annyira,’ she said and looked away.
‘I really didn’t get the last part because I don’t speak Hungarian, but I wish I did because then I would have a shot at someone who’s so sweet and charming and pretty! I am happy for him and I know he loves you,’ I said.
‘You really think he loves me?’ Liss asked, with unsure eyes and quivering lips.
‘You think he will get a girl from Poland to meet me and my family unless he really loves her? He looks stupid, but he really isn’t.’
‘I don’t know.’
‘Anyway, a fun fact, did he tell you what happened to the guy his ex-girlfriend cheated-dated with?’ I said, trying hard to change the mood.
‘What? No! Tell me,’ she said.
‘He got him beaten and bashed. I still can’t forget that day. It was blood and guts all over, and he even trashed his car. He’s quite a badass.’
‘Really?’
‘Yes. With Sidharth, it’s always the whole distance. No half measures. I am sure that guy never saw a worse day,’ I said.
‘But this time around, he was the one who got beaten, pretty badly! I was surprised when from nowhere he lunged at the guy and started punching him. It was so cute because he’s so small and the guy was HUGE,’ she said and chuckled.
‘Sidharth is NOT small!’
She chuckled and said, ‘Small by our standards! Hey. Can I ask you for a favour? You have to promise me you won’t tell him.’
‘I won’t.’
‘Can you ask him about what he feels about … umm … my job?’ she said, teary-eyed. ‘Don’t tell him I asked you to.’
‘Ummm,’ I said. ‘I asked him that the moment I met you. He will never stop you from doing it; neither will he show any signs of dissent. But I can tell you that it probably kills him to see you do what you do in front of unknown men. He would do anything to make you not do what you do. But I don’t think he will ever tell you that.’
‘Thank you,’ she murmured. ‘Okay, enough about me. What about you? No girlfriends? Nothing? Sidharth told me that you are a bit of a celebrity around here.’
‘Naah! You should know how he exaggerates. I am single. I guess I never found the right girl. Maybe you should set me up with one of your stripper friends.’
‘You will have to come to Poland for that,’ she said and chuckled. We sipped on our milk. She continued, ‘I don’t know much, but Sidharth says you really love the girl you wrote your first book with, Manika?. Did I get the name right?’ Liss said.
‘Spot on. I guess I did, but that’s all in the past. She has a boyfriend now and she is pretty happy with him. He is a nice guy and all her friends really like him.’
I must have looked away, or my face probably fell, because she didn’t ask me anything further. We talked about her time in Hungary and Poland, and what she wanted to do, and what she wanted to study, and then we warmed up another saucepan of milk and chatted a while before we felt sleepy and went to bed. I slept that night, thinking of Manika and wishing she was there for my sister’s wedding. I thought of calling her but then changed my mind. It would have been good had she been there. But as we had always said to each other—it wasn’t meant to be.
‘So, what next?’ I said. ‘You went back to Manika or what?’
‘I tried,’ Joy said and winked. ‘I called. I wanted to tell her that I loved her. But I thought it was a stupid idea. She was already in a serious relationship and it didn’t make sense to pull her out from something real and promise her something I myself was not sure I could deliver. So I just called and told her that I wished she could be at the wedding.’
‘Lame,’ I said. ‘I remember the wedding, though! Di looked amazing! I remember Liss too. Sidharth and she were constantly at their public displays of affection. You were pretty angry at them, weren’t you? So was your mom, I think, I remember you complaining. They left early, didn’t they?’
‘You remember quite a lot, don’t you! Sidharth was happy that day. Liss had just told him that she would quit her job and take up something at the supermarket. And the next day, they were off on an all-India tour. He tried to tag me along, but I couldn’t go. If only I had gone with them, you wouldn’t have put me in trouble! You made my life miserable!’
‘Your life was already miserable. All you did was think of Manika, be a little bitch and cry! I just wanted to set you up with a friend. It’s not my fault that she was a complete bitch,’ I said.
‘Whatever. So anyway, there was this friend of mine, Neeti,’ he said. And I smiled.
‘Neeti?’ I asked.
‘Why?’ Joy said. ‘You want me to change your name too?’
The Disappointment
‘Get out of here! You have been single for six months? I thought you were famous! Seems like you’re not. You found no one?’ she asked.
‘Let’s just say that I am still looking for the right girl.’
‘You don’t look the kind who looks for the right girl,’ Neeti said. ‘You’re the one who makes mistakes, a lot of them.’
Neeti had been a back-burner friend since long. Though I had known her for the last six years or so, I had never really met her that often. Either I was busy being a doting boyfriend, or I was in the dumps, crying, wailing.
Except for Manika, she was probably the only girl that I had really felt some connection with. But of late, Neeti and I had started spending some time together and it was fun to share things with her. She was never judgemental about the choices I made and had a sympathetic ear.
That day, we were at her place celebrating her birthday, and I was co-hosting and even though I was in-charge of drinks and the cake and the lights, I had done nothing. I had just agreed because she had promised it was an all-girls party and I could look at some pretty women and be less depressed about losing Manika to my stupidity.
‘You are just trying too hard to find your true love, to try and replace Manika,’ Neeti shouted behind all the noise. It was horrible music, I should have been in charge of that.
‘I am trying too hard? I am not even trying. I am just sitting here wondering if one of your friends would slowly shed their skin, like a snake, and turn into Manika. Other than that, I am just clocking time until we perfect the science behind cloning.’
‘Don’t worry. You will find someone,’ she said. ‘It’s hard to find someone who would like things that you do. No one wants to sit at home with a guy and read books.’
‘You mean to say that girls these days would rather put make-up on than be intelligent and thoughtful?’
‘You get it,’ she said and laughed.
‘Chill, Neeti! I will forever be alone and I am resigned to that fate,’ I said. She made a nasty face. ‘That’s not too bad. I don’t write books any more but at least I can act and live like an author, poor and lonely!’
‘Okay. Then what about her?’ she pointed to a girl in a short black dress, already a little tipsy and shouting at the top of her voice.
‘Too slutty,’ I shouted.
‘What about her? She is a doctor, not clingy and very smart. I am sure she even likes books and shit,’ Neeti suggested.
‘If she is so freaking smart, I am sure she will not fall for me,’ I screamed into her ear.
‘Why? You are an author for heaven’s sake. Anyway, find one on your own. I will go mix around, or people will think we are an item. And I certainly don’t want to get counted in the list of bimbos you have been out with.’
‘Funny,’ I said.
She left me there and walked into a crowd of drunk, happy people. I didn’t know many people there so I shifted my attention to the appetizers and the bee
r. Slowly and steadily, I was about five beers down, mostly because I was insanely bored, and my head had started to spin. I found a place to sit. My courage levels had gone up since I was a little drunk, so I sat near a very pretty girl. She wasn’t so much as pretty as she was sexy. Dark skin, long legs, and she wore a very short and intriguing skirt! She sat there alone, sipping on a cocktail, I don’t know which, through the most incredibly red luscious lips; she looked exotic.
‘Hi,’ I said, after a few seconds passed.
She smiled back and looked away.
‘How do you know Neeti?’ I asked again after a while.
‘Through common friends. I don’t really know her personally.’
‘I am Joy,’ I said, and thrust out my hand.
‘I know,’ she said and shook my hand.
‘You know?’
‘The guy who writes love stories and romances, my friends read your books, and I don’t think they like them very much,’ she said dispassionately.
The conversation was just not going anywhere and my numerous attempts at keeping it alive just fell flat. It was a lost cause. Bored and defeated, I got up and went outside for some fresh air. I didn’t know how long I stood there with my eyes closed, but when I opened them, she was there again, in the corner, smoking. She faintly reminded me of Manika. I watched her from the corner of my eye as she stubbed out the cigarette and tried lighting another one. The lighter spewed sparks, but no flame. She tried and tried again.
‘Got a light?’ she gestured.
‘I don’t smoke.’
‘You don’t smoke? I didn’t think authors were non-smokers. Maybe real authors are non-smokers.’
‘Real authors? Is that even a term?’ I retorted.
‘C’mon. You know what kind of books you write. They are repetitive and the grammar is poor and the language is pedestrian. I don’t know why publishers even publish such books.’
‘There is a separate market for every product and don’t judge me when I say that books are products. But you can draw a successful analogy. Just like your cigarette. You like it, so people are there to make it. It is poison, but what the heck!’
She looked away and said, ‘So you do know that what you write is poison.’
‘I don’t. That’s not what I meant. See, you’re misquoting me.’
‘A guy who writes but doesn’t have the right words to say what he really means. Now that tells a lot about how you write,’ she smiled disdainfully.
‘Fine. Whatever. I don’t write anymore. I’m a management student so you can be happy about that,’ I said. She was pissing me off now.
‘You should stick to to that,’ she hissed.
‘What do you have against the kind of books I write?’
‘They are all bullshit love stories, which follow the same trajectory. The guy falls in love, it’s all good, then everything goes down and then a happy ending. You show the youth as a bunch of confused, clueless people,’ she grumbled.
‘You hate my books and still you read them and then you say you’re not confused,’ I smirked.
‘I have just read three of your books,’ she defended, her icy-cold stare piercing through me.
‘I have written just three,’ I mocked.
‘I read them just to see if you had improved,’ she said, unconvincingly.
‘And I don’t think you have a problem with what I write. I think you have a problem with every book ending on a good note, that your own life is not a fairytale and is probably in a mess,’ I laughed; maybe I shouldn’t have.
‘So now you are a psychiatrist?’ she scoffed. ‘Anyway, I need to go,’ she turned around and opened the balcony gate.
‘Umm … I didn’t get your name.’
‘Natasha,’ she said and disappeared into the crowd.
Nice girl, I said to myself. I hadn’t been around a lot of them lately. Plus, I figured it wouldn’t be too bad to be back in a nice, stable relationship.
‘I know how the story went from there on,’ I said. ‘You know what, Joy. You have always made your life tougher for yourself. It has always been your fault.’
‘I know that. Don’t make me feel bad about it,’ Joy said. ‘But it was horrible, right? Remember?’
‘Yes. You drove me up the wall just to get her number. And then Natasha broke your heart. Made you wait for three weeks for the first date. Another month for the second date and after three months of making out with you, you got to know that she was already dating someone for the past three years.’
‘You had really started keeping track of me, hadn’t you?’
‘I had to! You were so darn suicidal in those days. And you told me the story about a million times. You were depressed and it was terrible. Believe me.’
‘I know it was terrible, but we spent three months together, and to realize that it was all a big lie was shattering. Her absence wasn’t as damaging as the loss of my belief in dating and love and relationships, and you know how strongly I believe in love. I was distraught; it was as if what I did with Manika was coming back to me. It was a dark and a horrible time.’
‘Thank God for Sidharth and Liss. And Manika, of course.’
‘Yep,’ Joy said, embarrassed.
It was a devastating time for Joy. All of us really thought Joy was kidding at first, because it wasn’t the first time his relationship had failed and he was in inconsolable sobs, but he stopped going to college and his grades dipped. It was really bad. He used to call me and cry like a little girl for hours. Although he really doesn’t talk about it all that much, we all remember it. Sidharth. Liss. Manika. None of us could talk him out of his depression. We all hated that bitch, Natasha.
The shock of Natasha being with someone else while she was with him was too much for him to take. Natasha had always treated Joy like shit, and maybe her disinterest in him was the reason for his unending interest in her. And though Natasha was pretty hot, she had to be, she was a struggling model for quite some time, she really didn’t deserve all the money and the time Joy showered on her. He had convinced himself that she was the one; he was really desperate.
When the relationship ended, everything fell apart like a pack of cards. I remember the post-break-up days when he used to stay locked up for weeks at a stretch and not move out of his house; it had been a few months since his parents had moved out and shifted to a different city and he was left to fend for himself, at which he did a very poor job. We were really worried about him.
Sidharth was somewhere in Kerala, backpacking with Liss, when all this happened and he was pissed at how much of a cry baby Joy was. He just said Joy would cry and wail and want to die and then eventually get over it, something that I didn’t see happening.
Sidharth conjectured that Joy wanted to be with Natasha only because he didn’t want to be alone while Manika was still dating somebody. He needed somebody, he needed to be in a relationship, and feel loved. Sidharth believed Joy was still in love with Manika. And that is why he was cribbing about the whole Natasha thing. ‘He’s such a pussy’ were his exact words for Joy.
Manika understood it better. And though we managed to keep his outbursts in check, it was really hard to get him to behave normally. His behaviour was getting worse each passing day, he wouldn’t eat, he wouldn’t bathe or shave, and he refused to talk to anybody. I remember having a chat with Manika just before she was coming to Delhi for her internship.
‘I am thinking of moving in with him if he allows me to,’ she said. ‘Just temporarily. Have you seen how much weight he has lost? Such a wrong time for his parents to shift out of Delhi.’
‘It will be great if you can be with him,’ I said. ‘Is your internship in Delhi throughout?’
‘Yes. I will be coming to Delhi next week, and my internship will start from the week after that. At least it’s good that he, too, is doing his internship in Delhi. Though, I wonder if he will even turn up at his workplace, seeing his present state of affairs,’ Manika said.
‘If anyone can
make a difference, it’s you. You know him best.’
‘I am not sure if I know him at all. It’s so strange seeing him like this,’ she said. ‘I have never seen him act so strangely before.’
‘But won’t your boyfriend mind? Ravi—if I remember correctly, right?’ I asked and she said she would handle it.
Joy turned down the idea of Manika staying with him and told her that he didn’t need anyone’s help or sympathy, and Manika told him she had rented a flat near Joy’s residence. But very often, she would stay over for a couple of days at his place. Slowly, she started living there, like Joy used to stay with her back in his engineering days. Manika was really concerned about Joy. I really felt Joy deserved what he got for what he did to Manika. He really didn’t deserve a cute person like Manika.
‘Things got better when she moved in, didn’t they?’ I said.
‘They sure did,’ Joy smiled and went on with his narration.
A Healing Heart
Manika was a breath of fresh air. I was glad her internship brought her to Delhi and she was staying with me. Ravi didn’t know about it and she had planned to keep it that way. She took real good care of me. She had always been a great cook and I had always been a big fan of her culinary talents!
Anyway, slowly and steadily, I think it was her cooking that pulled me out of the depression. Whatever she did, it was working. The crying in the nights had stopped. The not-eating sessions and then the binge eating sessions had stopped, too. I was sleeping more on my bed rather than the couch and I didn’t wake up with wet pillows beneath my head. Manika made me delete all pictures of Natasha from the laptop. She even found the hidden folders and deleted them. She blocked Natasha’s Facebook profile and deleted the other profile I had made just to keep track of her. Things were beginning to get to normal within the first or second week itself. I was starting to get over Natasha.
A couple of days before the first day of our internship, we were out shopping for our formal clothes for our internships and she bought herself a few shirts in different shades of blue and pink and white, all of which fit her snugly, and a few pairs of pencil-fit trousers that matched the shirts; she looked very investment-banker-like. We kept it simple while buying for me: a few white shirts and a few dark blue trousers and two pairs of shoes.
Ohh Yes, I'm Single: And so is my Girlfriend Page 15