by Drew Sera
“Anth, I didn't mean any harm, and I certainly wasn’t trying to go behind your back about something concerning Sydney. She found something special she wanted to get you but kept saying we could just order it. I'm not going to let her live in fear just because it's easier. She lived with fear from Howard for seven fucking years. No more of that.”
He stared at me for a few moments, and something he had said to me back in California screamed in my head. I'm just the other dick. I didn't want him to think that I was going to keep it from him. I could tell he was biting back what he wanted to say and I didn't know how to make it right or better.
“I'd rather avoid the present surprise and be there for her when she goes back there for the first time. But fine, whatever. You have it all figured out and planned.”
He roughly did up his tie and pulled on his suit jacket. As he walked past me to leave our room both of our emotions got away from us. I grabbed his upper arm to stop him from leaving angry.
“Anth,”
“Don't you let her out of your sight, Colin.”
“Matt and Gina will be with us too. It'll be broad daylight, Anthony. You sound like me.”
“It was fucking broad daylight when that fucking asshole abducted her!” Anthony exclaimed through gritted teeth.
My heart was pounding and ringing in my ears. His chest was rising and falling rapidly, and suddenly it was deafeningly quiet in the room. His hands were on his hips, and he was looking at the ground.
“Anthony, calm down for a fucking minute.” I honestly wanted him to calm down. I worry when he reaches for his chest. He does it a lot lately, and it makes me nervous. He looked up at me, and I could tell he wanted to yell at me and maybe even punch me. But he stood firmly grounded staring at me. “No more living in fear. Not for any of us. Not anymore, Anth.”
He nodded and ran his hand over his face. Since I still had my hand gripping his arm, I pulled him into a quick hug and thumped his back. He and I were okay.
We went downstairs, and went to our girl and pulled her into a hug. Anthony told Sydney to go sit with me at the table, and he’d finish making breakfast. I think he liked the distraction. I kissed Sydney’s neck while she giggled and squirmed on my lap.
“What's for breakfast Chef Graves?” I playfully asked.
I heard him moving around the kitchen opening cabinets and going into the pantry and then all sound of him moving stopped. I glanced up at him and saw him leaning against the island facing the refrigerator. He held a hand over his chest and another over his stomach. Fuck.
“Anth, what is it?” I asked but didn't get an answer from him. He hadn't moved either.
Sydney had sat up straighter on my lap and hooked her arms around my neck. She was looking over at him now, too. Anthony finally tore his gaze away from the fridge and looked over at us. I glanced at the fridge and noticed there was a piece of paper on it. I frowned trying to think of what we had on the fridge. The only thing we kept on the fridge was a magnetic notepad that Anthony and I would write stuff for Sydney on. This was a much larger sheet of paper. Curiosity pulled me out of the chair with Sydney still in my arms, and I walked over as Anthony took a deep breath.
Taped onto the fridge was a handmade calendar of March. Brightly shining in blue ink on the 10th, was Anthony's name in a pretty, feminine script. Sydney must have made it this morning while I was upstairs telling Anthony about the shopping plans. She drew balloons and colored them in with colored pens. I was actually speechless. I set Sydney down because I knew he’d want to hug her.
“My fucking name...she put my fucking name on the calendar.”
I smiled and turned to face an emotional Anthony. His hands were on his hips, and he was shaking his head in disbelief. He wasn't used to this kind of unconditional love. But because of his use of swear words, Sydney began to worry.
“Are you angry, Sir? I can take it down; I just thought you'd like it.”
Anthony moved quickly to her and wrapped her up in his arms, squeezing her to his body.
“No, don’t you dare take it down. I love it. I love you so much, Sydney. You give my life purpose. Thank you for the calendar, sunshine.”
“I’m sorry I didn’t finish getting breakfast out, but I wanted to make this for you this morning.”
Anthony and I both told her not to worry about breakfast, and now it was my turn to send the two of them back to the table while I quickly pulled something together.
I got the rest of the breakfast stuff on the table while Anthony chatted away with Sydney. I tried to keep our conversation light during breakfast since I had stressed Anthony out, though Sydney’s calendar was the perfect thing for him.
“I love you, sunshine. Have a good day with Col, and I'll see you tonight.”
“Bye, Sir. I hope you have a great day too. And I hope your stomach feels better.”
I glanced at Anthony. Sydney knew something. Was Anthony having stomach pains but trying to keep it quiet? He hates attention on him, and it seems impossible to break him of this habit where he constantly keeps things to himself when it involves his physical well-being.
Sydney and I sat outside on the patio and talked about our plans for the birthday party tomorrow night. We went over our list of stuff to do, and I told her about the He-Man action figures that I ordered online for him. I loved how genuinely excited she was about it.
Matt and Gina had arrived, and we were taking one car for our shopping trip. In the back of my mind, I thought there might be a possibility that I'd be sitting in the back seat with her on the way home. I had hoped the trip wouldn't be a disaster, but I had to be prepared. Matt drove, and our first stop was the bakery to order the cake for tomorrow. The four of us were staring at a huge display of cakes when a lady came over to assist us.
“We need a chocolate birthday cake for tomorrow please,” I told her.
I had Sydney's hand in mine while I gave the lady my info and she asked us questions about frosting and filling. This was just a cake, yet there were so many questions.
“Would you like a particular design or color combination?”
We were scanning the display looking for something that kind of looked like something Anthony would enjoy. Sydney tugged on my hand and pointed at one. A superhero one.
“You think so?” I asked her.
“He's my superhero. It's him,” Sydney said with a smile.
I completely understood where she was coming from. Anthony carried her barely breathing body from her hellish apartment. He was there with a quirky comment to get her to smile and was there with a soft but strong shoulder when she needed it. I agreed with her and told the lady we wanted one like the display of the Superman cake. It was in the shape of the giant S shield and mostly made of blue frosting with red and yellow on it and at the top was a Superman action figure. It was both cheesy and childish, but perfect. In a way, this would be the birthday he’d never had as a kid. The lady said they would have it freshly made and ready for pickup tomorrow at noon. Cake, done.
While we drove down to the Strip, Sydney began asking me questions about Anthony. They were hard questions, but I knew she was just trying to understand where he came from. Honestly, I don't know how he ended up so grounded.
“Colin, do you think Anthony ever got to go to any birthday parties?”
“Yeah, I'm sure he did, baby. He just never had any.”
“What?” Matt looked over at me when we stopped at a light. “Anth never had a birthday party?”
I shook my head and told him about his stepfather blacking out his name on the calendar for his birthday. Matt shook his head but was able to contain any explicit language.
“Why would his mother stay with that jerk? He was terribly mean to her son. He cut him,” Sydney said in disbelief.
“He did more than cut him,” Matt said under his breath.
I turned my head to look at Matt, hoping he'd catch my silent plea to stop there and please not elaborate. Sydney had heard it, but she didn't ask
about it. I think she was plenty distracted now as we got closer to the stores and restaurants. Matt and I tried keeping the girls involved in a conversation and went back to talking about the party tomorrow. Gina was going to come over while Matt and I took Anthony golfing and was going to help Sydney decorate. There was a party supply store at the outdoor mall we were headed to so we can pick up everything they'll need.
We parked and I took a deep breath. I turned to look at the girls in the back seat. Sydney was staring out the window, and Gina was staring at Sydney.
“Come on girls. We are going to have a good time. Pet, Sydney? Look at me girls,” Matt said to them and took off his sunglasses. Both girls were looking at him now. “The past is the past. What happened before, will not occur again. Above all, you two are safe. Now, let’s go get some lunch and get Anth something for his birthday.”
Before both of Sydney's feet hit the pavement, I took hold of her hand. Matt had Gina's hand in his as well. There. Step one was already behind us. We walked on the outside and kept our girls between us and headed toward Tuscany for some lunch. I reminded Sydney as we walked that we could leave anytime she wanted to. She nodded but didn't say anything. I'd keep my eye on her and make sure she just wasn't shutting down on me. Her eyes were quickly scanning her surroundings.
By the time we got to Tuscany, she was pale and looked stressed. I took her off to the side of the lobby and put my hands on her cheeks and looked in her eyes. They began watering and I pulled her against me into a hug. She squeezed her hands and arms between our body for security. I knew she was feeling vulnerable. We stood in our little corner quietly for a few minutes and then Matt put his hand on my back. I looked at his sympathetic eyes looking for help.
“Hey, they have a table for us if you want to stay,” he said quietly.
I pulled back from Sydney and looked in her eyes. “Baby, do you want to stay?”
I felt her hands open and close against my chest as she adverted her gaze downward.
“I…um…" Sydney looked around with nervous eyes and then she quickly started looking around as if in a panic over something. I quickly stilled her and took hold of her chin to prevent a panic.
“Baby, look at me. Sydney.” I tried getting her to focus but she was easily distracted.
“Gina. Where's Gina?”
Matt stepped to the side so Sydney could see that Gina was sitting right behind him on one of the lobby seats and was holding his hand. Sydney swallowed hard and looked down again. This wasn't going well. Too much, too soon. Matt and I were sharing the same expression and I was about to say that I thought we needed to go, but Sydney piped in.
“I...um, I'd like to stay. Please, S-sir.” She looked up at me with tormented eyes and then quickly looked down.
I tilted her chin up to look in my eyes. “Sydney, let’s leave Sir at home for this afternoon. It's just Colin, baby.”
I hoped that she'd recognize and remember that she was in control here and wasn't forced to be here. It took us a few more minutes before she was ready to move and then we were shown to our table. It was a nice, sunny, warm day, so we sat out on the patio. Matt's phone kept going off while we were starting to look over our menus. I personally didn't care what I ate, I was more concerned with Sydney. Matt kept having to put his menu down to answer texts on his phone and at one point he left the table for about thirty seconds to make a call. I figured it must have been an emergency for Matt to have left the table, especially under the current situation.
I started a conversation and asked the girls what they usually get here. Gina started talking about what they usually ordered and then Sydney would nod in agreement. We were talking about one of their tasty desserts when Matt came back to the table. He kissed Gina's cheek and apologized. I almost asked him if everything was okay, but we didn't need to get into a conversation about anything going on at the hospital. The server came by and recognized the girls. He was an older gentleman, maybe in his sixties.
“It's wonderful to see you, ladies! It's been so long. You were in here nearly every other day and then just disappeared. I'm glad you came back.”
He meant no harm, but oh holy fuck did he ever just stir up the emotional pot. Gina tried to smile at the server but all she could do was manage a tight, pursed lip smile. Sydney was looking down at her menu and the tears spilled down her cheek. I set my menu down and moved closer to Sydney's chair and wrapped my arm around her shaking shoulders.
Gina put her hand over her mouth and looked down. She had sunglasses on and though I can't be certain, I was pretty sure she was choked up too. Matt wrapped his arm around her and looked up at the server who probably felt terrible for making these two cry.
“Could we get some water with lemon, please?” Matt asked the server calmly.
He nodded and quickly left the table. Matt and I shared a glance. We were both thinking the same thing. Too much. If we made it through lunch, I was going to suggest going home. We had the He-Man stuff for Anthony and I'm sure Matt could run into the stationary store and grab the journal while I took the girls to the car.
“Sydney,” I said while I wiped a few stray tears from her cheek.
“‘M okay, Sir...I mean, Colin."
She was a wreck but was trying so hard to be brave. The server came back and set the waters down and offered an apology. I didn't know what to say to the poor guy.
“It's alright. There was an accident that kept the ladies from coming down here. Today is actually their first time back since January,” Matt offered. “We need a few more minutes please to look over the menu.”
I was thrown back to the horrible January afternoon when my day turned black. The blackest of black. A day that would forever be burned into my memory. A day when I was reminded what it felt like to lose someone I loved with every fiber of my being. The pain wasn't unlike what I felt when I lost my parents and brother. It was similar, but different too. I was golfing with my best friends when Gina called panicked and in hysterics. I remember desperately trying to reach Sydney on her phone while Matt tried to calm Gina down. I shook that terrible memory from my head as the sound of Matt's phone broke through our silent table.
“Fuck, sorry guys,” Matt answered the phone but didn't leave the table. I was getting irked now and was going to ask him if he could at least put it on silent. Our girls deserved our full attention. Matt was listening to whoever was on the other line and then started turning around looking to his left and right. “Seriously, man. It's the patio. You can't miss it.” He hung up and shook his head. Before I could ask Matt what that was about, Superman himself appeared at the patio entrance.
Anthony moved around other tables and chairs quickly and arrived at our table just as Matt finished pulling another chair over. Sydney saw him coming towards our table and I felt her body react under my hands. She connects with Anthony on a level that many wouldn't begin to understand. They both have suffered from a lot of physical and emotional torment and he completely understands where she's coming from. He has since day one. He sat down next to Sydney and kissed her cheek and took hold of her hand. Sydney started to calm.
“How did you know where we were?” I asked him.
Anthony glanced at Matt and then back at me before returning his eyes to Sydney. Matt knew she was starting to fall apart in the lobby. I bet that's when he sent Anthony the text. Anthony wasn't going to let on though. He was gentle and understood just how difficult this trip was going to be.
“Well, I knew there was going to be some birthday shopping going on.” Anthony tilted his head and looked around the table. “I was hoping you guys had done some shopping already and that I might get lucky enough to snag a peek.”
As always, he got her to smile. She leaned her head on his upper arm and couldn't keep her smile away even if she tried.
“My parents always told me if they caught me peeking at birthday or Christmas gifts that they'd take the items back,” Sydney said shyly.
“Well, sunshine. By the looks of it,
there isn't anything for me to peek at. Yet. So, you can't fault me. Besides, it was nearly lunchtime and I wanted to have lunch with our beautiful girl.” He kissed her head and rubbed on her arm. “Especially since I know how hard this is. I'm proud of you, Sydney.”
I was glad Anthony was here to join us for lunch. He calmed her and helped her focus on something much more pleasant; him. Matt waved the server back over and we all ordered lunch. While we waited for the food, Anthony and I sat very close to Sydney and maintained physical contact with her. Matt was doing the same with Gina. Lunch arrived and I couldn't help but notice that Anthony pushed a lot of the food around on his plate and just ate a few bites here and there. Matt noticed, too, though nothing gets by him.
Anthony had his hand over his stomach as we were talking outside of the restaurant. I told him that I was pretty sure we'd be home before he got home. He nodded and looked at Sydney again. I knew he wished he could spend the rest of the day here with us.
“Alright, sunshine. Stay with Colin and Matt. Tell them when you want to go home. And,” he kissed her lips, “get me something neat for my birthday. No leopard print underwear though, please.” Sydney laughed in his arms. “I love you and will see you tonight.”
When he pulled away from her, I took hold of her hand and we began walking in the opposite direction. Again, Matt and I kept Gina and Sydney between us. Sydney looked nervous and even though she didn't have a reason to, I knew it was only a natural reaction to this environment. I suggested that we head to the stationary store to get the journal first. That way we'd have it in case we had to leave right after. On the way to the stationary store, not only did she hold my hand but she gripped my shirt with her other hand.
Inside the stationary store, she let go of my shirt but continued to hold my hand. It was a neat little shop and had a lot of novelties aside from journals and other stationary type of things. I noticed they also had a section of cards. Gina thought we could find him some cards too while we were there.