by JC Wallace
“Yikes, that’s just… wrong.”
He nodded, our hands still rubbing together as the waiter stepped up. Fuck. It was Charlie.
“Mr. Breaux!” Charlie was a young guy, maybe twenty-two, now working his way through college. I’d left him some hefty tips in the past to help him along. He was a good kid. I feared he would ask…
“I was sorry to hear about your accident. It’s good to see you again. Now what can I get you to drink.”
He took our orders and left without another word, much to my surprise.
“Seems like a nice kid.”
“Yeah, I used to come here all the time.” Used to, and if I was asked right then, I would have to say it would be the last.
“It’s hard,” he said.
Two words that hit me straight in the chest. I chuckled harshly. “Hard isn’t quite the word but yeah. People judge others by their exterior package. Doesn’t matter who you are inside, only that you fit what they perceive to be desirable.”
“I don’t believe that’s true. If I had done that, in your mind, I wouldn’t have pursued you.”
I licked my lips. I needed to know. “Did you pursue me?”
****
Chapter 11
“I refuse to answer on the grounds that I might incriminate myself.”
I laughed and let it go at that, deciding to take his answer as an affirmative. We ordered, and for the first time in over a year, I was doing something I’d only dreamed of doing again. With my anxiety down, I had to say my hiding for the past year seemed like a waste of time and quite foolish. Dessert arrived and we shared a piece of raspberry truffle cheesecake while laughing and reminiscing about our school days.
“Did you really steal the entire lacrosse team’s clothes at the away game in Saratoga?” I asked, finishing the last bite of cheesecake.
He gagged on his water and his eyes widened. “How did you know that was me?”
I chuckled and pulled my napkin off my lap and set it on the table. I was fuller than I think I’d ever been. “I had my spies. I have to say it was brilliant. And I was glad I wasn’t on the team. So where did their clothes end up?”
He grinned maniacally. “I’ll never tell, but let’s just say the next morning there was a farmer scratching his head when he went to check on his cows.”
I laughed out loud, a deep soulful laugh, my first in forever. Tears filled my eyes as I imagined cows draped with the lacrosse team’s clothes. Slowly, the rest of the tension I’d held drained from me. Even though my back ached from sitting for so long and my legs tingled, I was having a great time. Jacob beamed at me, and I couldn’t help but think that he was simply gorgeous.
I threw money down on the table and said, “Let’s get out of here.”
Jacob smirked and jumped up. He waited for me to stand, as my legs were wobbly, but I forced myself forward. Again, I motioned him in front of me, and this time it was so I could get a look at his ass.
“Mommy, that man’s face is scary.”
I froze, my breath stuck in my chest. A little girl, maybe three or four, stared at me, wide-eyed, from her chair. She sat at the table with a man and woman who looked at her with their mouths gaping…
Scary. Me.
Jacob came back and frowned when he looked at me. I may have been a little pale.
“We’re so sorry,” the man said. He was young and had to be the little girl’s father. “Emily, say you’re sorry to the nice man.”
The girl continued to stare at me. Being the adult that I was, I should have said something, anything to reassure her. “I… um… didn’t mean…”
Didn’t mean to scare her with my grotesque face.
“What’s wrong?” Jacob asked, staring daggers at the man as if he’d done something to me.
The girl’s mother quickly jumped in. “Please accept our apologies. She’s only three and doesn’t know any better. Emily, say you’re sorry to the nice man.”
Before I could assure the mother that it was okay, the girl squeaked out an apology. I nodded and thinned my lips, unsure what to say. I managed a weak smile and looked to Jacob for help. This was exactly my fear, and now everyone in the restaurant was looking at me. Gratefully, Jacob took my hand and led me outside.
When we got to his car, he turned to me. I foolishly kicked the tire, pain radiating up my leg and into my back. Clutching my hands, the anger welled in my gut, trying to take over again.
“I’m sorry, Paul. She’s just a little girl. She didn’t know any better.”
I leaned back against the car. “I know that,” I snapped then lowered my head and took a deep breath. I continued again, in a calmer voice. “I know that. I’m… she’s not the one I’m angry with.”
His confusion was evident. I wondered if he thought I was mad with him.
I stuffed my hands into my pockets. “I just stood there, like a deer waiting to be slammed by a semi. Seriously, I should have said something to the little girl, got on her level, and told her it looks bad, but I’m a good person. What if I can’t do that with anyone else? How will they know? How will they know that I used to be someone important and reliable and good and not a monster? How Jacob?”
My anger morphed into self-pity, a deep mucky hole filled with it. I was wallowing, barely staying above the surface. He stepped up to me, toe to toe. “I think what’s important is that you know who you really are, and that the people around you also know. Give yourself a break. It’s your first time really coming out in public.” He chuckled. I looked up at him from under my lashes. “And you went all out and took me out to dinner. Most people would have started with a trip to the corner market. Not you, Paul Breaux. Your first time, you had to make a statement.” He smirked.
I couldn’t help but see the humor in his words. All or nothing, right? And except for one little girl, most people hadn’t seemed to notice or were polite enough to hide their reactions.
“I couldn’t have done it without you,” I said and took his hand. Our fingers twined together, and for a moment, we just took one another in.
He sighed. “I had it so bad for you in high school, but you probably knew that.”
I knew but said, “Really?” He had been there every time I’d turned around.
“Oh God, I thought you knew. I stared at you every chance I got. Stalked your classes, spied on you at practice. You were such a—”
“A jock?” I smiled weakly, trying to keep the conversation light. I had known that he wanted me back then, and I’d wanted him as well. Knowing I’d chosen to ignore those feelings felt like I’d betrayed him.
“No. There was something else there. You were serious about sports, wanted to be the best, but you weren’t arrogant, didn’t act better than everyone else. It was like you were there doing your own thing and letting everyone else do their own thing. I don’t think I ever heard you pick on or bully anyone.”
I had to agree with that. “My biggest competitor has always been me. I was too busy being hard on myself, making myself better, pushing myself harder. Too entrenched in being the best to pay attention to anyone else. I was very self-absorbed.” Still was.
Jacob took my other hand in his. “There were times when I watched you play sports. At the beginning of a game, you always looked into the crowd, like you were searching for someone. You had hope on your face to start, but after a while, I saw the sadness.” He glanced nervously away then back to me. “I had always wished that you were looking for me. But I knew that you weren’t. When I saw how sad you were, I wanted to tell you that I was there for you. I know it’s stupid and you never—”
“But I did. I know you won’t believe me, but I did notice you. Felt a connection.” His eyes were intent on me. “I’m sorry that back then I was all about me. And my dad. When I looked around at a game, I was hoping to see my dad, hoping he would show just that one time. But he never did.” I rubbed my thumbs over the backs of his hands. “I noticed you. I felt you watching, knew you were there. And I was stupid eno
ugh to ignore you. Even when you kissed me at Bobby Brewster’s party.”
Despite the fading sun, I could see the red coloring his cheeks. He groaned. “I thought you wouldn’t remember that. You were pretty wasted.”
“I remember it. You pulled me around the corner of the house and practically attacked me. And if I recall, it was one great kiss.”
Too bad we had been interrupted by Brad’s sister, who liked me at the time. I pulled Jacob closer, and he stepped between my legs. Our torsos, our groins, were touching right there in the parking lot as he leaned into me. I didn’t care who saw us. I watched his eyes as I leaned closer, waiting until the last minute to close my own. He didn’t move away.
When our lips touched, I moaned. Soft and giving just like I remembered. And as if ten years hadn’t passed, we were groping one another. My cock rubbed against his as he pushed his hips into mine. He felt so right in my arms, and I wanted so much more. When a car door slammed and someone laughed, we jumped apart, chests heaving. I touched my lips, tingling as if they’d been shocked.
“Let’s get out of here,” he said.
“I couldn’t agree more.”
****
I slammed Jacob’s back into the door, my hand trying to type the code into the keypad with our lips attached. Before we’d even made it out of the car, we’d started. Frantic kissing, tongues tangling, hands yanking and rubbing, bodies grinding. It was animalistic and intense. All thoughts of pain fled with the appearance of my passion and adrenaline. I’d pay for it later but, for now, I was on a high better than any pain med.
I swore as the security pad beeped incessantly after I’d entered the code wrong for the second time. Once more and the police would be called. It wouldn’t be fun explaining the reason to the cops. I detached my lips from Jacob, who whined but then found my neck to lick and nibble on. My legs were like jelly from that action. Another try with the code and success!
I opened the door and pushed Jacob inside, then once again we were conjoined at the lips. He tasted sweet, and the way he gave it back to me, I wasn’t sure we’d make it into my bedroom. I didn’t know if he wanted to top or bottom; right then such logistics didn’t matter. Even if we didn’t agree, we could blow each other and rut a few out. Really I was praying he’d let me fuck him. It had been way too long.
We danced our way, me leading, as we started to remove shirts and belts. I worked the top button of his pants as he sucked on my neck. We continued to move slowly, hindered by my limp but also our incessant need to keep kissing. I’d forgotten how frenzied those first few times fucking someone you were really attracted to could be. Desperate for skin and touching and licking and sucking and thrusting. We couldn’t get enough of one another.
As we reached the bed, Jacob’s shirt was gone, his pants were around his ankles, and his cock was straining against his tight, dark blue briefs. I licked at his chest, hairless and smooth. I wanted to lick every inch of his body, desperate for the connection.
He pushed my pants off my hips, and I yanked his underwear down, his cock slapping against his abdomen. I couldn’t take my eyes off of him as he removed the rest of his clothes and then stood before me. I ran my hands over his taut stomach, up over his pecs, his unblemished skin. So unlike mine.
“Stop,” he commanded as if he could read my doubts.
When I looked up, his lust filled eyes were enough to make me come right there. He pushed on my shoulders, and I sat on the bed. He removed my shoes, socks, and pants. My shirt having been shed somewhere on the way. He ran his hands up my thighs, his palms hot against my skin. My cock stood proud from between my legs, jerking as he came closer. He slipped between my thighs and knelt. The site of him kneeling before me caused my pulse to pick up speed.
“You’re perfect,” he whispered.
Before I could deny his claim, he licked from the base of my cock to the tip. I hissed and tried to keep from bucking my hips. He wrapped his fingers around my shaft, moving it as he swirled his tongue around and under the head. I dropped my head back, the pleasure of his actions rushing me headlong into another part of my mind. Amazing how Jacob had gotten this reaction from me when no one else had. Maybe it was knowing the person cared for me. Or maybe it was just Jacob.
I ran my hand through his hair, tangling the curls around my fingers. His head bobbed under my palm, the sensations reaching fingers of pleasant tingles into my groin. Just when I tensed, my balls tightening, he slowed his sucking, his tongue teasing me relentlessly. I groaned, lifting my hips, encouraging him to suck me again.
“Mmmmm.” Jacob took me down his throat, farther and farther.
“God damned… yes. Your mouth.” Fucking magic. Thrusting, I was heading toward a mind-shattering orgasm when he pulled off. He rose up, still stroking my dick, his lips stretched and red. “Lay down, and I’ll return the favor,” I said.
He shook his head and went in for a kiss— possessive, searing— and I melted into him. He released my lips. “I need you to fuck me, now.”
He crawled on the bed, ass in the air as he looked over his shoulder with that classic come-and-get-me look. Grabbing the lube and a condom (thank God they hadn’t expired), I crawled behind him, caressing his ass, licking and biting. I ran my hands between his legs, squeezing his sac, wrapping his dick in my hand, letting him thrust into my fist.
He moaned as I ran my tongue over his lightly furred ass, pumping his cock. He arched his back, and I released his dick. I pulled his ass cheeks apart, rubbing my fingers over his hole. Another arch of his back, and I licked his crack. He jerked then hissed. Another lick and he pushed back into me. I licked him from stem to stern and back again until he was whimpering and begging for me to fuck him.
I popped open the lube and drizzled it over his hole, starting by pushing in one finger, then two, then three. His hole was stretched so obscenely wide around my fingers; the thought of my dick doing the same excited me to no end.
“Jesus, Paul, fuck me now.”
****
Chapter 12
My hands actually shook as I rolled on the condom. Lubing my cock, I sucked in air from the sensitivity. My legs already ached from being on my knees for that short amount of time, but I wasn’t stopping. Lining up my shaft, the anticipation was great. Slowly, I pushed against his hole, the muscle resisting… resisting… giving a little… I didn’t want to hurt him. Jacob took care of that when he rammed back and forced the head of my cock into his ass.
“Ah, fuck! I hope you know I’m not going to last long. Jesus, it’s been forever.” That familiar ball of nerves was already tingling through my groin, building to completion.
He peered at me over his shoulder again, a challenge in his gaze. “Then you’d better make it hard and good.” He squeezed his ass muscles on my cock.
I gritted my teeth. “Just remember you asked for it.”
That was all the warning he got before I shoved my dick into him hard. My groin hit his ass. My balls slapped against his taint. But I didn’t stop. Fast would be good given the pain flaring in my back and creeping down my leg. I focused on the slide of his ring around my cock, the moist, perfect fucking heat, the musky smell of two men fucking, the way he whimpered and moaned as I pounded into him unmercifully.
“Jerk yourself off,” I commanded as the sweat started to run down my face. Damn, I was out of shape. Used to be able to go for hours. Three minutes and I was pretty much done.
Jacob reached beneath himself, moaning, no doubt, as he touched his cock.
“That’s it, baby. Need you to come on my cock.” Needed it more than I even realized.
“Fuck, yeah. Pound me… harder.”
Jacob’s hand was flying over his cock, making lewd slapping sounds in time with my thrusts. The image of him pleasuring himself brought forth my orgasm, an entire body-encompassing explosion. I threw my head back and gripped his hips hard, pushing in deep, and then deeper, feeling as if my balls were going to turn inside out and squirt out of my dick. Jacob groaned l
oudly and his asshole pulsed on my cock. I yearned to taste it, lick it off his fingers, but it was that moment that my back decided a spasm was needed.
Quickly, I pulled out, and Jacob yelped. I wanted to apologize, but my breath caught. Fucking body.
“Hey, give a guy some warning first,” he said in a joking tone.
I closed my eyes, the pain mitigating any semblance of the post-orgasmic bliss that I should have been floating on. Instead, I was slammed onto the hard, cold floor of reality.
“Shit. Here, lie on your stomach.” Jacob guided me down onto the bed, the pain was intense but not as all out gut-wrenching, nauseating, totally-in-control as in the past.
“I’m sorry. I didn’t think about your back,” he said as he knelt next to me.
“I’ll be okay.” I would, but it was going to take time and a lot of living in my head until the pain subsided. “You can go. I’ll be like this for a while.” I clenched my teeth. I didn’t want him to leave me in this fucking tomb of a house alone. I also didn’t want him to see me like this. This was supposed to be a new beginning, and fuck all if I could have anything good.
Jacob’s fingers worked the muscles in my lower back. But I was tense and pissed.
“You need to relax. You’re fighting me.”
I drew in a deep breath. “I’m not sure if I can.” My voice sounded so weak, so fragile.
“Then talk to me,” he whispered. His fingers were relentless, chasing the spasms. “Tell me what you’re thinking.”
I immediately shook my head. I couldn’t in that vulnerable state. Probably couldn’t even if I weren’t in a shitload of pain. Jacob changed his angle, his attack precise and targeted and so sure. I wish I could feel that way again in my everyday life.
“How about if I talk?” He didn’t wait for my answer and said, “I used to try and place myself in the situations I found my patients in. You know, so I could empathize more. I would think, what would I feel and think and do in that situation? After a while, I found that wasn’t enough.”