Bitch Heiress X Samurai Butler

by KuroKoneko Kamen

  Although I suppose I’m one to talk since I have a fetish for flying-saucer hats and combat boots. Her attention turned next to the robotic Samurai Butler Remington that was keeping watch on his Master silently from the back of the classroom. The kid had to have been really smart to be in the same grade as Kusanagi and built robots, yet be so young. 110

  Kusanagi smirked to herself since she thought the boy was kinda cute with the way he wore this intense expression of concentration on his face while he painted his Gundam model and occasionally adjusted his monocle. Though he would have been cuter if it wasn’t for his furrowed brow and the dark frown that was marring his features. Kusanagi shook her head, Kids shouldn’t worry so much. She suddenly remembered Ranmaru complaining about how Kusanagi furrowed her brows too much and that if she kept doing that she’d get wrinkles, the baka! There are certain things you just don’t say to girls! Hmm, maybe her and Shinichi had something in common after all?

  Their art teacher, Miss Junko, who was a tiger yokai with a penchant for changing her hair color and who had currently dyed her hair orange and had highlighted it with black stripes, frowned and went up to Shinichi. “Shinichi, what did I tell you about making Gundam models during art class? Making models is NOT art.”

  Shinichi hung his head, looking deflated, “I’m sorry, Junko- sensei I-”

  Kusanagi however picked up on their conversation and decided she felt like butting in, and so she took her headphones off and cut Shinichi off. “Oh, I beg to differ sensei. Anything one creates or makes with one’s own two hands is art. If the artist really cares about his or her creation and puts all their heart and soul into the thing they are creating then what he or she has created becomes alive and has a ‘soul’ of its own and that is true art.”

  Shinichi’s eyes went wide surprised that Kusanagi The Bitch had actually defended him, and not only that, what she had said rang true to Shinichi.

  But Junko was a rather stubborn art teacher. “But that’s not really-”

  She was saying when Kusanagi narrowed her emerald green eyes at her and gave her teacher one of her best evil glares. Gulp. Junko swallowed and began to back away from Kusanagi, finally remembering the reputation of the girl she was currently talking with. Visions of some American horror movie where a high school girl went crazy coming to mind...Epp! She began to laugh nervously with a strained smile twitching upon Bitch 111

  Heiress X Samurai Butler

  her lips. “Ehehehhehheh~, you’re absolutely correct, Kusanagichan.” Junko turned around to flee. Hmm~ that’s not like you. Kusanagi’s inner voice piped up. Defending some boy, are you trying to befriend him?

  Keh, don’t be ridiculous. I just…feel like we can understand each other. That’s all. Kusanagi countered in her mind. We both know I don’t go around making friends. I’m just curious about the boy.

  Kusanagi turned and smirked at Shinichi giving him a conspiratorial thumbs up, and Shinichi gave her a small tremulous smile in return. Kusanagi was curious about the models that Shinichi seemed to be working so hard on and so walked over to pick one up. She examined it and was surprised to see how much detail Shinichi had managed to paint into the robot’s armor. He had definitely painted these with extreme care and love. Yep, these little robot Gundam models were alive.

  “Hmm~ these are pretty good.”

  Shinichi blushed and turned his face away, “I never thought I’d receive a compliment from...you.” The phrase ‘The Bitch’ seemed to hang in the air between them. Kusanagi put down the model gently, “Wonders never cease huh? Maybe pigs will fly next. So you’re Smarty-Pants Shinichi right?”

  “And you’re Kimamura Kusanagi a.k.a The Bitch.”

  Shinichi raised an eyebrow knowing this is what Kusanagi had wanted him to say.

  Kusanagi placed her hands on her hips. “Ah, it seems our reputations proceed us.”

  “Indeed they do.” Shinichi adjusted his monocle thoughtfully, which Kusanagi thought was kind of cute. Kawaii!

  “So what’s up with the top hat and cane?” Kusanagi raised an eyebrow at Shinichi. “Cosplay? ”

  Shinichi suddenly turned bright red. “C-cosplay? No, this is how I always dress. And here I thought I looked grown-up and sophisticated…” Shinichi muttered the last part to himself. But Kusanagi caught it anyways and nodded to herself 112

  knowing. Ah, so he was trying to act more grown-up and be

  ‘sophisticated’. That just made him cuter and more amusing in Kusanagi’s eyes.

  Shinichi glared at her when he noticed her amused expression, “W-well, what about you? Are you in the Self Defense Force or something?”

  Kusanagi flipped her hair, “This is just my image.”

  Shinichi raised an eyebrow, “Your image…so that makes it okay?”

  Kusanagi nodded, “Of course it does. I don’t give a shit what other people think about me anyways.”

  Shinichi gave Kusanagi an admiring glance. “Yea…that’s me too.”

  Kusanagi and Shinichi were smiling and staring at each other and having a bit of a ‘bonding moment’ since the two of them realized they shared an ‘invisible bond’ from the two of them both having been similarly ostrasized by their peers. Remington was holding up a giant projection screen behind them, which had the image of ocean waves crashing dramatically playing and in large letters hanging in the air was the word: NAKAMA or COMRADE.

  But then there was a sudden commotion in the art classroom-Junko was a rather unpredictable art teacher and had arranged for a male model to come to their class that day, so that they could study and draw human anatomy better. Their male model had arrived in nothing but a white bathrobe and as Kusanagi turned to give him her full attention she realized that the model seemed oddly familiar. Her eyes widened when she realized that whoa, wait a sec, but that’s-! Yep, it was Ranmaru. And he was in nothing but a bathrobe…! (Or had she pointed this out already?)

  Ooo~ too sexy! Yea, you shake that tush boy! Kusanagi’s inner voice blurted out.

  And for some reason as Kusanagi watched Ranmaru enter the classroom the song I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred began to play in the background. Nani? Huh? No, wait a second here, it WAS playing in the background most literally! Kusanagi looked down at her iPod and realized that her subconscious self must Bitch 113

  Heiress X Samurai Butler

  have chosen that song from her iPod while she hadn’t been paying attention.

  Kusanagi turned bright red at her own traitorous thoughts and inner voice – NANI! Shut up you...Ranmaru does not look... She looked Ranmaru over, her eyes being drawn unconsciously towards the expanse of his tan, muscular chest that was visible due to his slightly open robe…gulp. Particularly yummy or handsome or delectable…

  Kusanagi raised a hand to her nose in shock since she was about to get a nosebleed - either that or have an entire mental shut down.

  However, as Ranmaru was about to recline on the couch that Junko- sensei had set up in the center of the art room Ranmaru decided to completely remove his robe to reveal that he was completely buck naked underneath! What the hell was he doing?

  All of the girls cried out and swooned. Several from massive nose bleeds.

  Kusanagi flushed and covered her eyes only to peak through them. But then she pulled herself together as Ranmaru reclined on the couch as if nothing were out of the ordinary, and he merely fixed Kusanagi with his usual stoic golden stare.

  “Oujo-sama...paint me, please.” Had it been her overly active imagination or had Ranmaru said that last word in a sexy voice?

  That sent Kusanagi over the edge. “RANMARU... NO

  BAKA! ” She rushed at him and performed another flying sidekick his way. This time she ended up kicking Ranmaru in the gut, breaking the couch in the process, and sending them both flying backwards. “Hentai! Pervert!”

  Ranmaru ended up on the floor beaten up again, with pieces of the broken couch scattered around him. Ow…what had he done wrong this time, he wondered confusedly. He had only wa
nted to be useful for his Mistress when the original male model that was supposed to come in that day for her art class had called in sick. Ranmaru inwardly pouted to himself. Girls were so…complicated.

  114

  Kusanagi stomped out of the art class literally fuming.

  ***

  Ranmaru pushed himself up off the floor and rubbed his bruised chest. Ow. That was a cracked rib. Why had his Oujo- sama reacted so...angrily? What did he do wrong? This was art class wasn’t it? In art class people studied and painted nude subjects did they not? Wasn’t his Oujo-sama a professional artist? And why oh why was his Oujo-sama always calling him a pervert? He looked down at himself - it wasn’t like he was aroused or anything inappropriate like that, so...why?

  Shinichi snorted inelegantly at Ranmaru’s dense, cluelessness. What a complete bozo! Of course his Master would get mad if he went and did something like that. This is The Bitch we’re dealing with here after all. Just who is this new butler of hers? He seems like a total idiot at any rate. The robotic Samurai Butler stomped over to Ranmaru’s side and overhead Ranmaru muttering to himself confusedly. “I don’t understand what I did wrong. Somehow I always manage to make Oujo-sama angry. But I just wanted to help…” Ranmaru scratched his head.

  Remington spoke up in his synthesized voice, “Your Master is a lady. You need to observe the proper conduct that a gentleman uses when around a lady. You don’t seem to see your Master as a female because she’s tough and independent, but she’s still a female. Even if you wanted to be helpful, the way you went about it was inappropriate for a girl of her age. You may not view her as a woman but she seems to view you as a man. As a butler you need to know your Master better. Know what makes her happy, what makes her angry, what makes her sad, so that as a butler you can better attend to her needs, understand?”

  Ranmaru’s eyes widened that the robot was actually talking to him, and not only that the robot was apparently very intelligent and well spoken. Here he was getting advice from a robot on how to be a better butler. How pathetic must he be...?

  Act like a gentleman huh? He still didn’t really get it. Ranmaru shook his head ruefully.

  Unfazed, Ranmaru continued to shadow Kusanagi for the rest of the day in order to keep an eye on her and to protect her in Bitch 115

  Heiress X Samurai Butler

  case she ended up needing him, but kept his distance so that he wouldn’t be a bother to her, which lately seemed to be all he was capable of. However, he realized during lunch that he wasn’t the only one stalking Kusanagi again. Not only was Katsumi also sharing his hiding place behind the tree he had chosen, but they apparently had a new addition to their ‘party’. And because of the giant robot that was shadowing their new third party member the trio was doing a lousy job indeed of keeping themselves hidden. Katsumi gave Ranmaru a bashful look once she was discovered. Then they both turned to the chubby boy Shinichi, who was standing just behind them and who was currently munching on a bag of potato chips while watching Kusanagi with an expression of interest...

  Well, Ranmaru had to admit that watching Kusanagi WAS better than TV but that wasn’t really the point here. Ranmaru narrowed his eyes at Shinichi suspiciously and then turned around to grab Shinichi by the front of his shirt to then slam the boy against the tree trunk before growling in a low voice, “What do you think you’re doing, boy?”

  Shinichi squeaked out in surprise at Ranmaru’s actions, but quickly regained his imperious cool, “What do you think I’m doing? What about you? You’re also stalking Kusanagi aren’t you? Weirdo.”

  “I’m her butler.” Ranmaru calmly replied, unfazed by the boy’s words, “And you just admitted to being a stalker.”

  Shinichi’s eyes widened when he realized his mistake and he swore under his breath. “Shimatta...Ah, but if you’re her butler why are you hiding? And what about the cat girl? I’d say she’s

  way more suspicious looking than me!”

  “The cat girl is unimportant.” Ranmaru declared without looking at the cat yokai.

  Katsumi deflated and sunk to her knees, hanging her head in defeat, and began muttering to herself as a dark depressed aura began to swirl around her dramatically. “Unimportant...am I so...unimportant? Oh what a cruel, cruel world!”

  “I say you’re very suspicious. Following my Mistress and 116

  having that killing machine along with you only proves my point.”

  Shinichi struggled in Ranmaru’s grasp. “Remington is NOT a killing machine. He’s my Samurai Butler! And unhand me you cretin!”

  Ranmaru was already beginning to lose himself as his bloodlust was taking over, his golden eyes bleeding to red,

  “There is no difference. I smell the scent of blood on your robot. I have concluded that you are a threat to my Mistress. It’s time to say goodbye, boy.” Ranmaru began to tighten his grip on the boy’s neck.

  Shinichi brought both of his hands up to try and pry Ranmaru’s powerful hand away from his neck but to no avail,

  “Wha? No! Wait! Please don’t kill me! I’m too young and dashingly handsome to die!” Shinichi declared. Ranmaru was about to crush the boy’s windpipe when-Kusanagi suddenly appeared. “Ranmaru no baka! ” She sent a flying sidekick his way, so that Ranmaru went careening sideways. She then picked Ranmaru up off the ground by his butler necktie and began to punch Ranmaru over and over again, hard, in the face. “What - the - hell - did - you - think - you - were

  - doing!” Kusanagi demanded to know, saying each word in time with her punches.

  In seconds, Ranmaru’s face was all bloodied, broken, and bruised. “Protecting you...?” Today, was so not his day.

  “From what? A little boy? Ha! Have you lost your marbles or something? Shinichi is completely harmless. I can’t believe you! And I can’t believe you were about to kill this adorable little boy! You... disgust me! ” With one last hard punch Ranmaru was sent sprawling to the ground. Ow. Shinichi threw himself into Kusanagi’s chest. “Nee-san! I was so scared...thank you so much for saving me!” Shinichi began to cry into Kusanagi’s chest while clutching the back of her shirt tightly.

  “There, there.” Kusanagi patted the boy’s head absentmindedly as she continued to glare down at Ranmaru. Katsumi was worried about Ranmaru however and so rushed to his side, “Ranmaru!”

  Ranmaru looked up to see Shinichi burying his face in Bitch 117

  Heiress X Samurai Butler

  Kusanagi’s chest...it seemed like an innocent gesture that is until Shinichi turned and caught Ranmaru’s eyes and smirked. Then the boy purposely began to nuzzle his face in Kusanagi’s cleavage.

  Ranmaru’s eyes widened. Why that little…!

  Kusanagi dusted her hands off. “Come along, Shinichi. I’ll take you to the nurse’s office. Let’s leave these two losers alone.”

  Katsumi was once again sent her knees and began moaning in despair. “Loser...I’m a loser now?”

  Ranmaru was feeling equally dejected and though his injuries weren’t anything particularly serious for him since they were already healing due to his powerful regeneration ability, he still felt broken down enough that he found he didn’t have the energy to stand just yet.

  Shinichi sniffled and agreed in a shaky voice, “Alright, Nee-san...thank you so much.” He and Kusanagi began to walk off and Shinichi sent Ranmaru a haughty look as if to say, ‘I’ve won this round baka! ’

  Come on? Did no one see that! Ranmaru sat up and hung his head. What did he keep doing wrong? He was just trying to protect Kusanagi and now...

  You...disgust me.

  She hated him.

  Remington shook his head at Ranmaru and followed after his Master.

  But...Ranmaru looked up and glanced after them. His gut instinct was still telling him not to trust Shinichi or his so-called robotic Samurai Butler. There was something not quite right about them...

  Or was he mistaken and just imagining things? Perhaps, he was he just being paranoid? Whatever the case, he intended to find out. Ouj
o-sama...

  ***

  During the next few weeks, Kusanagi and Shinichi ended up becoming close friends and were oftentimes seen eating lunch 118

  together. Ranmaru had been ordered not to eat with them since Shinichi claimed he was afraid of Ranmaru, which Kusanagi thought was only logical since Ranmaru had tried to kill him and all. But despite Shinichi’s innocent behavior Ranmaru still had the nagging feeling Shinichi was waiting for something, and so he deciding to test his theory out about a week or so later. On that day, Ranmaru declared he had to go do an errand and told Kusanagi that she’d have to go home alone...instantly Shinichi offered to walk Kusanagi home, and she had of course enthusiastically accepted. Ranmaru shook his head at her. Regardless of whether Shinichi was truly dangerous or not his Mistress was acting...out of character. Since when was she so... nice to anyone? And why was she being so nice to Shinichi of all people? It just didn’t make any sense. Ranmaru left them but his golden eyes never strayed from Shinichi. Everything was going according to plan...

  Ranmaru kept to the shadows and followed Kusanagi, Shinichi, and Remington as they walked to the Kimamura Estate. Kusanagi was smiling brightly (was that really normal?) and talking with Shinichi openly, animatedly, while laughing (that can’t be right) and Shinichi was talking enthusiastically back. Everything appeared normal enough (if this had become the Twilight Zone that is) until-A sudden movement caught Ranmaru’s eye-Remington had suddenly taken the giant katana that was strapped to his back down and was prepared to bring it down upon Oujo-sama!

  “Oujo-sama!” Ranmaru used his yokai speed to rush to Kusanagi’s side, while at the same time unsheathing his own sword, Kuroki Ryu. He managed to get in front of the blow just in the nick of time, and block the deadly swing from Remington’s sword with Kuroki Ryu’s blade.

  Kusanagi’s eyes were wide in a mixture of shock and surprise. Ranmaru also noticed the flash of hurt that passed through her emerald green eyes before it was gone. Hurt. Betrayal. Ranmaru had noticed those feeling in his Mistress’