by Jacie Lennon
“Thank you,” she says softly, looking out at our backyard. “That’s nice of you to say.”
“Sorry you had to hear that,” I say, reaching up to scratch the back of my neck, lightly tugging on the hair at my nape. “I guess you have to be curious now.”
“Yeah, but only if you want to talk about it,” she says with a shrug.
I sigh, and like her, I stare out at the backyard. Neither of us wants our eyes to meet, but I can feel the tension in the air, almost like this is a turning moment.
Will I reveal this personal part of my life to her?
“My brother, Mark, is younger than me by a year. We were close, growing up, but he didn’t really fit in with kids his age, preferring to hang out in my circle. I guess he felt a little lost, and that made me feel protective.” I pause to catch my breath.
I glance over at Pepper and watch her hand circle around Danger’s belly, rubbing and scratching, before my gaze drifts back out to the yard.
“I think he got bullied a lot. More than I even know about. He became withdrawn and angry, and that didn’t help the situation. In high school, he fell into a rough crowd. Anyway, Mark has been in trouble in one way or another ever since then. I feel responsible, but sometimes, the pressure is too much, and I just have to duck and cover while I watch him implode. I’ve managed to keep a lot of it from our parents, but ten thousand dollars is more than he’s ever asked for, and on my firefighter and contracting salary, I just can’t swing it along with everything else I’m responsible paying for.” I sit back, my chest heaving. I don’t think I’ve ever said that much all at once, and I’ve never actually told anyone my story.
Pepper hums a little, and I watch as she chews on her bottom lip, still not looking at me. The only sound filling the air is the creak of our rockers as we move back and forth like a little old couple and Danger’s grunts of adoration aimed at Pepper.
“It’s one of the reasons I want to get my degree in therapy. I want to help others in this type of situation. I have a penchant for taking care of people, and I think it’s something I’d really enjoy doing every day.”
I’ve not really opened myself up like this to anyone about my desire to go back to school, but Pepper makes me want to spill my secrets.
“You know, I don’t really have much expertise in things like this, so I’m not going to act like I do,” she says and pauses.
I nod and stay silent, waiting for her to continue. I feel bare, laying a little bit of my heart open for her to see. Not even the guys at the station know, and I’m not sure how I’ve become comfortable enough with Pepper in this short amount of time to tell her, but I’m sort of glad I did.
“But I do know that you can’t control him or his actions, and none of this was caused by you. It seems like you’ve been carrying a burden on your shoulders for a very long time, and it’s weighing you down. Mark is an adult and has made his choices. You couldn’t have done anything more or less to avoid this.”
I know all of this. I’ve told myself all of these exact things over the years, but for some reason, it makes more sense, coming from someone else. Not just anyone else. Coming from Pepper. It helps to hear Pepper say that it’s not something I caused.
“The night before you came to my apartment to buy the couch, we got in a fight. He had been drinking, and I caught him taking money from my wallet. I didn’t know how much trouble he was in, but I was tired of all the games he was playing. I told him to get out. I made him leave, and that’s on me.”
“No, Ben. It’s not your fault.”
“We got in an actual fight. Punches were thrown, and he tried to put his cigarette out on me. I moved in the nick of time, but that’s where the hole in the couch came from.” I feel like I have Pepper’s word vomit. I can’t stop now that I’ve started.
“Oh, Ben. Is that why you were selling the couch?”
“Yeah. I kept replaying the scene every time I looked at it.” I reach up and scratch the back of my neck, my leg twitching a little. I suddenly don’t want to sit still, so I stand abruptly and hold my hand down to Pepper. “Can I show you something?”
12
Pepper
I glance up beneath my lashes at the hand Ben is holding out toward me. Danger perks up, shaking the slumber from his body, and he jumps off my lap. Placing my hand in Ben’s would be a disaster since I can already feel the electricity zapping from his fingertips to my body, but do I care about the consequences? Nope. Putting my palm in his, I relish in the sensation it sends through me. Ben doesn’t look affected, so I quickly withdraw my hand, rubbing it on my shorts.
“Where are we going?” I trot to keep up with his long strides, Danger weaving in and out from between us and barking in excitement.
“My favorite place, growing up,” Ben says with a grin in my direction.
I follow him as we walk back through trees and across dirt and grass. Thank goodness I wore tennis shoes today. After ducking through a few more rows of bushes at the back of the property, we’re standing in front of a fence, a small pond sitting on the other side. A few ripples move from the center of the pond, where a fish surfaces for a minute before diving back into the depths. I look at Ben, and without saying anything, we hop the fence and walk toward the pond. The water is clear and cool when I strip my shoes and socks off to stick my feet in from the makeshift dock jutting out a few feet into the water.
“Does this belong to your family?” I ask, bending down to trail my fingers through the water and then reaching up to flick it off on Ben as he sits down beside me.
He smiles and bends down to scoop his hand through the water, just stopping short of throwing it on me.
“No, it’s our neighbor’s. But they never cared if I came and fished a little when I was younger. It’s been a while since I’ve been back here. Sometimes, I wish I could go back to the easy days of being young.” Ben leans back on his elbows, tilting his face up toward the sun, and closes his eyes.
I study his face from where I sit. The clean lines, the sharp edges, the slight scruff from where he didn’t shave this morning. I want to reach out and run my fingertips over his lips to see if they’re as soft as they look. If this were a movie, I would lean over and press my lips to his to see what his reaction would be. Of course, he would reciprocate and slip his hand around my neck, holding our faces together as we melted in the late August sun. Then, the scene would end abruptly, and the camera would zoom back in on my face as I sat there, staring, showing that it had all been in fact playing out in my head and not real life.
Because real life isn’t like the movies. You don’t always get a happy ending. Sometimes, the people don’t end up together, and I’m smart enough to know that. So, I don’t tempt fate. I keep my face very clearly on my part of the dock and just admire Ben’s from where he lies on his side.
One of his eyes peeks open, and I quickly jerk my gaze away from him, barely registering the smile that tilted his mouth up on one side.
“What were you looking at?” he asks, his tone sounding lighter than it was back at the house.
“You had a bug on your face. I was considering how much it would hurt if I killed it.” I kick my feet back and forth, swishing the water around the dock.
No way in Hades am I admitting the truth.
Ben doesn’t reply. I glance back over and watch as he closes his eyes again, placing one hand underneath his head. Danger lies beside him, sunning in that carefree way that dogs have. I wish we could stay here forever and listen to the gentle lapping of the water, pushed by the wind rattling through the trees around us. The sunshine warming us and the water cooling us. It’s perfection, and I can start to forget about school and my parents and the lies I’ve told.
“Truth or dare?”
The deep voice startles me from my musings, and I look down, my eyes wide.
“What?” I ask, not sure I heard him right.
“Truth or dare?”
I bite my lip and cock my head to the side.
/> “Dare.” I’m not sure I can tell him my truths right now.
“I dare you to jump in the pond.”
Saw that one coming from a mile away.
I roll my eyes. “Real original, Ben.”
He gives me a wide grin that makes my heart beat fast and my palms feel sweaty.
“Should’ve picked truth then,” he says, sitting up and clapping his hands together. Danger’s ears perk up, and one eye lazily slips open but then closes again when he doesn’t find us very interesting. “All right, let’s see it.”
He expectantly looks at me, and I sit there, frozen.
“I can’t swim,” I say, my ears turning pink.
“Bull. You’re just stalling. Can’t go back on a dare.”
“What if you dared me to jump off the Grand Canyon or something?” I cock an eyebrow at him and cross my arms.
“Okay, you can’t go back on non-life-threatening dares,” he amends with an eye roll.
“But what about my clothes? I didn’t bring any to change into.” I glance down at my shorts and T-shirt and cringe, thinking about the ride back to the apartment, soaking wet.
“Seems like a personal problem to me.” Ben smirks, and I think that I maybe hate him.
So, I do what any self-respecting person would do when faced with a dare. I don’t back down. But I also up the ante. If he wants to watch me sweat, he’s going to squirm. I stand up, place my hands at the hem of my shirt, cross them over, and lift, pulling the garment over my head in one fell swoop. I’m standing there with my breasts heaving behind my bra. Ben’s face drains of color and then fills back up, red, and he glances out over the water before looking back at me.
I knew he wouldn’t be able to look away.
Now, I’m the one smirking as I reach to unbutton my shorts, sensuously dragging them down my legs. At least, I think it’s sensuous. If the look on Ben’s face is any indication, his feelings might not be as platonic as I thought. Or he’s just a red-blooded male who likes the sight of a woman in her underwear. But I choose to believe it’s the first option.
I turn toward the water, the excitement of stripping suddenly gone as I contemplate actually plunging my body into the pond in front of me. Goose bumps break out across my skin, and I cross my arms over my stomach before glancing back at Ben. He’s staring at my butt, eyes wide, and I feel myself flush, realizing that I did in fact just strip in front of him.
Who am I, and what happened to the modest girl I used to be?
I throw myself forward, the cold water sending a shock through me. I surface and glare at Ben as he’s bent over, laughing.
“Damn, I didn’t think you were actually going to do it,” he says between guffaws, slapping a large hand on his leg.
“You said I couldn’t back out of a dare,” I say, my voice coming out as a screech as I slowly die of hypothermia in the cold water. “Help me out of here. It’s freezing.”
Ben reaches a hand down and hauls me out of the water with seemingly no effort.
I mean, I don’t normally cuss, but damn.
My lady parts are the only warm things on me at the moment. I stand there, shivering, as I pick up my clothes to put them back on.
“I probably shouldn’t have done that,” I admit as I stare down at the water soaking into my T-shirt from my hands.
In a split second, Ben has his shirt pulled over his head and is holding it out to me, but I can’t see it because holy abs, Batman. I’ve only glimpsed them in the darkness of the hallway with the light from the bathroom dimly on them, but seeing them in the light of day, the sun shining on them in all their glory, I have to reach up and make sure my tongue isn’t hanging out of my mouth.
“Here, you can use my shirt to dry off,” Ben says, grabbing my T-shirt and shorts from my hand so I can quickly run his soft cotton shirt over my skin to soak up the water droplets coating me.
“Thank you,” I say, averting my eyes before he sees that I’m a creeper and makes a run for it. I hand him his shirt back once I’m done and put my clothes back on, neither of us making eye contact.
“I’m going to get you back,” I say with a grin, and he finally looks at me.
“I can’t wait,” he says with a wink before grabbing my hand.
We turn, him pulling me off the dock, and I think that maybe this could be the best day of my life.
13
Pepper
The rest of the weekend passed in a blur. I’ve had Danger duty since Ben was called into work.
When Monday arrives—the day of my orientation at culinary school—I wake up to Danger’s rank breath in my face as a drop of saliva rolls off his tongue and onto my cheek.
“Come on, Danger. Down, boy,” I huff as I sit up and move his small but stout body directly off of mine. “That’s the last time you get to sleep in here if that’s how you’re going to wake me up,” I scold him as I throw the covers back, my heart pounding in excitement for what this day will bring.
It’s here. It’s really happening. I’m going to learn the secrets of the culinary world and hopefully make my mark in it one day as the best pastry chef in America. I’m not going too broad yet. I’ll aim for the best pastry chef in the world after that.
Knowing Ben isn’t here, I throw the door open and run from my room to the bathroom in nothing but my underwear, feeling free and alive and happy—so happy.
After showering, I step out and draw a huge sun, complete with rays, in the fog on the mirror, grinning like a lunatic the entire time.
It’s the first day of the rest of your life.
I take Danger outside to do his business and then don the cotton pants and plain T-shirt that I picked up over the weekend. The school’s name is proudly embroidered on my apron and chef’s jacket, which I put in my bag. Slipping my feet into my socks and plain black shoes, I eye myself in the mirror before pulling my hair into a bun at the nape of my neck. I put my contacts in and swipe a little mascara over my eyelashes before checking the time.
Just enough time to swing by Nickoli’s Bistro for coffee on my way there.
I grin at Danger as I put some food and pour some water in his bowls.
“Wish me luck, Danger.” I lean down and rub his head, seeing his eyes pleading with me not to go. “Now, don’t give me that look. Your dad will be home soon.”
I double-check to make sure I have everything before sailing out the door and locking it.
I feel like I’m floating. Nothing can bring me down. Then, my phone rings, Mom’s name flashing across the screen.
Except for that.
I groan and stop to swipe, holding it to my ear with my shoulder as I open the car door and get in. I start to sweat, as this is the worst possible time to get into a conversation about my dishonesty with my mom.
“Hey, Mom,” I answer as I throw all of my stuff into the passenger seat.
“Pepper, I’m so glad I caught you. Classes are starting today, correct?”
“Yep, I’m headed there after I get coffee.”
“Wonderful. Your dad and I just wanted to wish you a wonderful first day and talk about visiting this weekend instead of in a month. We really miss you.”
This is perfect. I’ll just wait until this weekend to tell them.
“We don’t know how we ever let you move up there. The house is a lot quieter without you around.” Mom sounds almost sad, and it sends a pang through my heart.
I open my mouth to come clean right then even though I just said I would tell them when they got here, but thankfully, she continues talking.
“We’ve already bought plane tickets and booked a room, but I can cancel them if it’s a bad time,” she says, her tone saying she hopes she doesn’t have to cancel them.
“No, it should be fine,” I tell her.
Stress level: through the roof now.
“Perfect. Talk later, darling. Love you!” Mom blows a kiss across the phone before she hangs up.
I let my head sink back against the headrest as I close
my eyes. I feel bad when she’s being so nice to me. Yes, they don’t support my dreams, but is that any reason to treat them so horribly?
Okay, first things first. Coffee.
I pull out of the apartment and head to Nickoli’s Bistro, the restaurant owned by Mason’s dad. Jules helped them open a coffee shop inside, and I refuse to stop anywhere else for coffee.
“Good morning,” Jules’s voice rings out above the chatter from early morning customers as I enter.
I give her a little wave, taking my place in line. I pull out my phone to check the time and see that I’ve got thirty minutes before I’m supposed to be in my first class. I fan my T-shirt against my skin, the sweat gathering as nerves set in, and when I make it to the counter, I’m rethinking the need for any caffeine. I feel like the Energizer Bunny right now.
“First day?” Jules asks as soon as I get to the front.
“Can you tell?”
“You’re sweating more than a whore in church.” She laughs as she hands me my coffee, a little hazelnut creamer in it, just like I like it.
“How would you know? You been to church lately?” I shoot her a grin as she holds up a middle finger behind the counter, and I give her a wave over my shoulder.
Twenty-one minutes to go.
Getting in my car, I try to take a sip of my coffee and accidentally spill a little in my crotch. Thank goodness for black pants.
I park on the school grounds and barely make it to class on time. I slide in the door of the classroom with minutes to spare.
“You’re late.” The tone is not friendly.
I grimace.
I pull my phone out to check the time, knowing I had about two minutes left until I was late, but the voice cuts me off, “Take a seat there. Hurry.”
I book it to a seat and sit, eyeing the girl next to me as she gives me a conspiratorial wink.
“I’m Andi,” she whispers.
I smile. “Pepper,” I say before turning my attention to the front, where our instructor sits, glaring at me.