I sighed heavily. I would always be giving myself breast exams. I wasn’t sure if I could live always wondering when or if I would find a lump or a mass. I switched to the other breast, when my door flew open.
I fumbled for the blanket, but I didn’t cover myself in time. Mack strode in with his dirty-blond hair wet and jeans covering his lower half. He wore no shirt and showed off his tatted chest, pierced nipples, and a wall of solid muscle. He was in great shape, and he was handsome. But outer appearances were deceiving with him.
“Don’t you knock?” I hadn’t heard anyone downstairs. Maybe Lowell had come home last night, although when Roxanne and I had been leaving The Cave, Lowell had sent me a text that he would be staying at Mack’s house.
I finally managed to pull the blanket up to my neck. “Where’s Lowell?”
“Darlin’, you don’t have to hide those babies. I’ve seen them before.” Mack made himself comfortable, cocking one leg on the bed while he planted his right foot on the floor. “Lowell is in the shop. He gave me his house key.” His hand slid to my thigh.
I clutched the blanket as though it would protect me from him. “Mack, we had one night. I’m not interested in another.”
Grinning, he began rubbing my leg. “Really? Seems to me you need to get laid. You were playing with yourself. I can take care of your needs.”
He sure could. He might have been rough on the outside, but he knew how to please a woman, and I hadn’t had sex since our last encounter. I could use some relief. Then I threw that idea out the window. I didn’t want to lead Mack down a dead-end road.
I pulled my tank top down but kept the covers over me. “So, did you beat Kody into a coma?”
Withdrawing his hand from my leg, Mack chewed on the inside of his cheek. “Are you into that Maxwell guy?”
“What happened between you two?” Despite his flaws, Mack had always been a straight shooter. “Does Lowell know about your past with Kody?” Not that my brother knowing would change anything.
Mack’s nostrils flared. “Just let it go.”
I sat up straighter. “I want to know.”
“You like Maxwell.” His jaw hardened. “Don’t you?”
I swallowed the cotton-ball feeling I had from the liquor. “If you don’t want to tell me, then get out.”
He pounced before I could move. Once his large body was straddling me, he searched my face as remorse swam in his dark eyes.
With my hands, I mapped my way around the colorful flowers and intricate symbols that adorned his chest and arms. I was sure they had meaning to him, but I didn’t know what. “What’s going on? Did you lose your races? Are you in trouble? How did you get that scar on your chin?” Mack was struggling with something. “Is it a girl?”
He crawled off me and sat on the edge of the bed. “I got into a fight, hence the scar on my chin.” His bicep bunched as he picked at the seam of his jeans. “I’m not racing anymore either, and not because of a fight. One of the racers crashed and died. All I could think about was Lowell and how he ended up in a wheelchair. I don’t want to die or end up in a wheelchair. I came home because all I thought about for the last several months was you.”
I reached out and touched his hand, noticing a cut on one of the knuckles. “Mack, we’ve talked about this.”
He huffed.
Our sexual chemistry had been great, but relationships were more than sex. Mack was highly possessive, loved to drink, and was a mean drunk. I didn’t see myself with a guy like him. Mack had trust issues. I’d seen it firsthand when he was dating a girl in his teens. He wouldn’t let her out of his sight. He’d always thought she was cheating on him. She’d asked Lowell to talk to him and tell him she wasn’t doing anything of the sort. But Mack wouldn’t listen. I suspected his trust issues stemmed from his childhood. His father had cheated on his mother before he’d left Mack and his mom high and dry.
But you saw Kody could be possessive too. In retrospect, I didn’t believe Kody was possessive. He’d most likely been acting on revenge more than anything.
Mack threaded his calloused fingers through mine. “I’m not a bad guy.”
He wasn’t making this easy. “You deserve someone who can be there for you at all times. I’m not that gal.” I wanted to be gentle and truthful. “I’ve got Lowell to take care of.” Plus, I had my own health problems. I would bet Mack would have been devastated if he found out I might have my breasts removed. Any guy would. No one would want me if I had the surgery.
He hopped up. “It’s because of that Maxwell guy that you don’t want anything to do with me.” His tone went from hot to cold.
I rubbed my temples. My head was pounding incessantly, hunger pangs pricked my stomach, and I was thirsty as hell. “That’s not the reason.” I was telling the truth.
Roxanne called my name before she pranced into my room. When she did, she froze. “Am I interrupting?”
Mack blew past her without a word.
She was dressed in capris, sandals, and a top that flowed down to mid-thigh. Her makeup was painted on to perfection, and her hair was pulled back with a headband, similar to how she’d worn it the night before.
I flopped back on my bed, sighing so loudly that my head hurt worse than it had when I’d woken up.
She sat in the window seat then crossed her legs. “Something going on with you and Mack?”
“No. He quit racing and wants to get serious.” If I knew Mack, he wouldn’t give up so easily. I wasn’t sure how many more times I had to turn him down before he got the message.
“Mm.” Her tone dropped. “He looks great, but he’s not for you.”
I got out of bed and swayed. I leaned against my nightstand for a brief second, willing the dizziness to go away. Once the room wasn’t spinning, I ambled into the bathroom. I had to get in the shower, whether I was going to Kody’s or not.
Roxanne followed me in. “You’re not feeling good?”
When I turned on the shower, hunger and nausea washed over me. “I’m not going to Kody’s today.” Even though I wouldn’t have minded seeing Kody.
“Okay.” She leaned up against the sink. “Let’s do something else.”
I’d expected her to pout or argue. “Have you changed your tune about Kody?”
She shrugged. “Last night was odd. I’m sure Kody thought Mack was hurting you. I know I did. But I think we need to chill and let the events of last night die down.”
I stripped out of my clothes and stepped into the shower. “I couldn’t agree more. Besides, the only thing I want to do is eat, take Advil, down a pot of coffee, and watch movies all day.”
“We can cook here,” she said. “I’ll get started. See you downstairs.”
I loved Roxanne. The last thing I wanted to do was act like I was happy and cheery to meet Kody’s entire family. To me, that was too much work at the moment. I also didn’t want to go out in the bright sunshine or deal with packed restaurants on a Sunday after church. At the thought of church, I thought about my mom. She’d rarely missed Sunday mass. Lowell and I had never gone with her. She would ask us every week if we were interested in going with her. I hardly had weekends off. So when I was free, I didn’t want to spend my time in church. I wished I had gone with her, if for no other reason than to spend that time with my mom.
By the time I ventured downstairs, Roxanne had bacon frying and was whipping up a batch of pancakes.
I got myself some coffee then sat down at the island. “Where are Mack and Lowell?”
“When I came down, Mack was leaving. He said he had plans with his mom. Lowell came in for coffee then went out to the shop.” Roxanne’s bubbly personality wasn’t shining so brightly today.
Sighing, I sipped my black coffee. At least for now, I didn’t have to tango with Mack. “Is there something bothering you?”
She set down the spoon then picked up a set of tongs and turned the bacon over. “I can’t get past Mack beating Kody into a coma. Mack isn’t the right guy for you, Jess. I’m w
orried about you too. I know we agreed not to talk about your DNA test, but I want to now.”
A warm breeze blew through the screen door.
“I’m not sure what to tell you. I have my appointment with a genetic counselor in Boston tomorrow to discuss the risks whether I have the surgery or not. It would be nice if I could talk to someone who has been in my position and has gone through with the surgery. Online videos are great, but to have someone I can actually talk to who has been in my shoes would be even better.”
Roxanne placed bacon on a paper towel that covered a plate. “It’s funny. As nurses, we help patients who have a multitude of medical conditions. Even you’ve worked with women who have had breast cancer aside from your mom, and yet we’ve never known anyone with a mutated BRCA gene.”
“I would imagine if we worked at the Brigham and Women’s Hospital in Boston, we would.”
“Do you want me to come with you tomorrow?” Roxanne asked. “I can call in and see if someone can cover my shift at the hospital.”
I stole a piece of bacon. “I would love for you to come.”
Her face brightened as she poured batter onto a griddle. “So let’s talk about that kiss of yours with Kody.”
“You realize I can’t start anything with Kody. I can’t subject anyone to my life right now.”
Pity washed over her face. “Don’t even, Jess. Any guy who fell in love with you would be by your side through anything.”
“Do you think Mack would?” I knew her answer, but I wanted to hear what she had to say, anyway.
Anger replaced pity. “Okay, I retract my statement. Most guys. Mack doesn’t strike me as the type of guy who would be by any girl’s side in a tough time.”
Whether he would or not, Mack wasn’t the guy for me.
As Roxanne finished making the stack of pancakes, I got my ass off the stool and set the table. The dizziness had waned with the help of caffeine. I would feel much better once I ate.
I folded napkins. “I would call Kody to let him know we weren’t coming, but I don’t have his number.” It was probably best I didn’t have it. Otherwise, he might have convinced me to come to the cookout.
“It’s not Kody you need to worry about,” she said. “His niece was excited for you to go.”
I’d forgotten about Raven. She was the sole reason Roxanne and I had been invited, and Raven would be disappointed for sure. I had to find a way to make it up to her.
Chapter Eight
Kody
My family and I were gathered down by the lake behind my parents’ house. The rays of sunlight filtered through the trees surrounding the water as the sun began to slide over the treetops. Since I could remember, family gatherings had always been fun. When we’d lived in Texas, we spent quite a few Sundays on a boat Dad had owned. We would cruise the Gulf of Mexico for hours, stopping to swim, eat, and fish. But living on a lake was vastly different than the ocean. So Dad had sold the thirty-foot boat before we moved to Massachusetts.
Across the picnic table from me, Kelton twirled his Boston Red Sox ball cap around on his head so the bill was facing behind him. “Your turn.”
I studied the cards in my hand before glancing at Kelton. Then I looked at Jake, who was engrossed in his cards as though he were playing in a high-stakes poker tournament.
While the three of us were drinking beer and playing a friendly game of poker, Mom and Dad were lounging down by the shore, watching Kross, Ruby, and Raven zip around the lake in the small motorized boat Dad had purchased last month. We were missing Kade, Lacey, and Kelton’s girl, Lizzie. Kade had gone to Maine for the weekend to see Lacey. Lizzie had gotten a last-minute call to go into work. Apparently, someone where Lizzie worked had called in sick.
I discarded the two of hearts and three of diamonds. “Mom seems much better.”
Kelton wiped a hand on his wrinkled Harvard T-shirt. “Has she been getting out to walk at all?”
“She only got home two days ago. She will.” The doctor had given her strict orders to relax and, when she was ready, to start walking short distances.
So Kelton and I had taken over cooking burgers. Ruby had been in charge of making the potato salad and baked beans, and Kross’s role had been to keep Raven occupied. Since Jake was our guest, he’d hung out with Kross and Raven. Mom had protested profusely, itching to do all the cooking and prepping. So Dad had taken her for a walk around the lake while we prepared lunch.
The only other person missing was Jessie. Raven had been talking nonstop about Jessie. She was excited for her parents to meet the woman who had my insides twisted in a hundred directions. But two hours after lunch, Jessie was still a no-show. I swung my head in the direction of the garage, something I’d been doing every hour since I’d come down to the lake. I should’ve reminded her about the cookout before I’d stalked out of the bathroom as though a toilet had blown up. The only thing that had been on my mind was taking Jessie right there on the bathroom sink. If a lady hadn’t wanted to use the facilities, I probably would’ve pushed Jessie’s miniskirt up to her waist while I drove myself into her.
That scenario wouldn’t have been good. I didn’t make a play for a girl who might be dating someone, and my enemy, no less. Regardless, Jessie’s taste was pure cane sugar, so fucking sweet that my dick had been as hard as a diamond. All night, I’d replayed our kiss, soft and tender, until I’d taken control and run my hands through her silky strands while I devoured her mouth.
Kelton banged on the table. “Why are you bending the cards? What’s bothering you?”
Jake dumped three cards into the pile. “Jessie is bothering him.” Jake was one perceptive motherfucker. Although it wasn’t hard to discern my mood after my encounter with Mack Donovan at the club or when Jake had found me adjusting my dick on the way to Mr. Robinson’s office the night before.
Plus, Raven had made sure everyone knew about Jessie during lunch. Even my mom had asked if I’d spoken to her or seen her again. I’d shared with Mom that Jessie had shown up at The Cave the night before, but I didn’t exactly have a chance to get to know her. That wasn’t a total lie. I knew how she tasted. I knew that she felt perfect against me. I also knew that Jessie scared me, and not because she was dating Mack Donovan. She scared me because I could fall for the pretty lady in a matter of minutes if I let myself, and that was a no-no on all fronts.
“Raven seems to be quite taken with Jessie. I would like to meet this girl,” Kelton said, planting one of his cocksure grins on his face.
Jake let out a low whistle. “Hot doesn’t even begin to describe her. By the way, Kody, did you tell Kelton about that dude you punched last night?”
I’d explained to Jake and Mr. Robinson what Donovan had done to me as a teenager, and even though Mr. Robinson had been sympathetic when he’d heard the story, that hadn’t taken away his ire over me starting the fight. He’d given me a warning. “If you do anything like that again, I’ll throw you out as well.”
As long as Donovan didn’t step foot in The Cave again, I should be cool.
Kelton’s blue eyes widened. “So you didn’t cut your lip by accidentally chomping on it like you told Mom?”
Peeking at my parents, I ran my tongue over the cut. They didn’t need to know that my busted lip was from one of the guys who was responsible for beating me into a coma. “Shh. She doesn’t need to know the true reason.” I debated whether to tell Kelton. We weren’t fifteen anymore, which meant that Kelton wouldn’t jump up off the table and go bust Donovan’s head in. Or maybe at twenty-one, he would. Regardless, as brothers we didn’t keep things from each other. “Remember Mack Donovan?”
In a flash, Kelton narrowed his blue eyes. “Fuck. He was the guy you fought last night?”
I checked on my parents again. About forty feet or so separated them from us, and they were engrossed in talking and laughing and waving at Raven. Still, voices carried. “Keep it down.”
Kelton removed his ball cap, ran a hand through his thick black hair, and co
vered his head again. “Tell me what happened in detail.”
The thought of how Donovan had grabbed Jessie made me bend the cards into oblivion. But the memory of that asshole kicking me in the gut over and over again while Stockman beat my head and Sullivan rammed his foot into my back was enough to make me bite down hard enough on my lip to draw blood.
“Dude, chill,” Jake said.
I clenched my teeth. “Kross and I should’ve beaten the life out of Donovan and Stockman when we had the chance.” Kross and I had put Greg Sullivan in a coma for what he and his friends had done to me. I’d always wanted revenge on the other assholes in Sullivan’s circle, but then our dad had sent Kross, Kelton, and me to boarding school during tenth grade. When we returned to attend Kensington High the following year, Donovan and Stockman hadn’t been part of Sullivan’s crew anymore, and I hadn’t bothered to find out why. We didn’t want a repeat of what had happened. Not to mention, my brothers and I were back home, and we hadn’t wanted to do anything to force our dad to ship us off again to Greenridge Academy.
Silence ticked by as a light wind rustled the cards, taking one with it. Jake hopped up to chase it.
Kelton leaned in, propping his elbows on the table. “Don’t go down that road, bro. Mom wouldn’t survive with you in a coma.”
Mom had been in a mental health facility when I’d been in the coma, and Dad hadn’t shared that particular incident with her then. Now that she was home and healing, he could’ve shared some of our schoolboy fights with her. Nevertheless, Kelton was right about Mom. She would definitely relapse if something happened to any of us boys. My problem was that revenge tasted too good.
Kelton rapped his knuckles on the table. “Kody, man, I’m worried about you.”
Jake had ventured down to the lake’s shore, where he was talking to my parents.
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