“You shouldn’t. I don’t plan on doing anything stupid.” I just had to stay away from Jessie since she knew Donovan. Maybe her not showing up at the cookout was a good thing, although I hated that she’d disappointed Raven.
Kelton let out a low chuckle. “Right. I know you, bro. You get this faraway look in your eyes when you’re telling us what we want to hear.”
Hooray for brothers. I sighed heavily. “I’m having a bad week.”
“You’re bummed about that Jessie girl not showing up,” Kelton said. “Don’t deny it. You keep looking toward the house any chance you get.”
“Jessie and I would never work. She’s tight with Donovan.”
“Tight as in dating?”
“I don’t know.” She’d said she didn’t belong to anyone, but the way Donovan had been manhandling her, I wasn’t so sure. “Jessie doesn’t matter. I just met her, and I’m not ready for anything serious. Ms. Sharp and I have a great deal going.” No strings. Nothing serious. All sex.
Kelton rubbed his unshaven jaw. “Kody, when are you going to get past that not all people you love will die?”
I laughed as I shook my head. “Says the guy who refused to do love because he didn’t want to get hurt.”
“That’s different, man. I didn’t believe the girl I fell for would die.”
My muscles tensed. “It’s the same. You got your heart broken by Lizzie when she moved away. I got my heart broken when Mandy died. Your way of dealing with heartbreak was to screw every girl you could. My way is to pour my soul into music. Let’s face it. You got the chance to reconnect with Lizzie. I will never get that chance with Mandy.”
“Don’t you want love?” Kelton asked.
“When I’m ready. Look, man, I didn’t push you. So back off.”
He raised his hands. “I love you, bro. I just want what’s best for you.”
Jessie wasn’t the right woman for me. Sure, I was stuck on that kiss between us, but I’d hated seeing the pity in her big brown eyes. I wasn’t looking for a girl who felt sorry for me. Again, one more reason she and I wouldn’t work. Man, the list on why we wouldn’t be good together was growing a mile long. But Ms. Sharp was good for me. I could get into a long night of nothing but raw sex with no emotions or tingly feelings. I checked my watch. She was supposed to call on her way back from the Cape.
I pushed to my feet. “Come on, let’s swim out to the boat. I’ll race you.” It was time to wash away the conversation and any thoughts of a girl with blond-, red-, and brown-streaked hair.
We tore off our T-shirts and hats as we ran down to the water. As brothers, we were competitive and had been since we could remember. We would have contests out in front of our house in Texas on who could run the fastest. Kelton had always won, but I was the better swimmer in the family. Yet that didn’t stop Kelton’s competitive side. We blew past Jake, who was relaxing on a blanket next to Mom and Dad. Once in the water, I dove and swam as though I were swimming in the Olympic games, ignoring the stinging cold that slowly waned as I put all my energy into racing Kelton.
Kelton kept up with me. “You’re not beating me today, bro.”
“Watch me.”
The distance from the shore to the boat was about fifty meters.
Kross was cheering us on. I checked on Kelton and saw he was slightly behind. So I pumped my arms hard through the water and glanced at Kross every now and then until I reached the boat.
“Ha. You can’t beat me,” I shouted as Kelton swam up, out of breath.
Then he dove at me, and we wrestled in the water as Raven giggled. After Kelton’s ego dwindled, we laughed.
“Poor sport, Kel.” I feigned a pout.
He turned away from Raven, scratching the side of his head with his middle finger.
I treaded water. “Kross, do you want to race me back?”
Ruby flicked her blue-green eyes at her husband with a look that said, “don’t leave me in the boat alone.”
Raven clapped. “Daddy will beat you, Uncle Kody.”
Kross could probably beat me. He was in great fighting shape since he’d been boxing steadily over the last year. He’d won all of his matches but one.
“Another time,” Kross said. “It’s time to take Raven in.”
“No,” Raven protested.
“Sorry, bumblebee,” Kross said. “We’ll take the boat out again next weekend. We need to get home, anyway.”
Raven whined. “But I wanted to see Jessie.”
I ducked underwater for a second, almost letting out a scream. The pout on Raven’s face hit me hard in the chest. “Raven, I’m sure Jessie had a valid reason. She probably had to work. Remember she helps sick people.”
“Maybe she had to help a patient like Nana,” Raven said, losing the frown.
Whatever Jessie’s reasons were for not showing up, she should’ve at least given my mom a call. After all, she had my mom’s address and phone number.
My arms were growing tired. “I’ll race you in, Kel.”
Kelton dove underwater.
I laughed at how badly Kelton wanted to beat me. He was a body length ahead of me when I started swimming. Quickly, I caught up to him. I could hear my mom laughing and cheering on Kelton. Jake and Dad were pulling for me. Just as I was about to pass him, Kelton kicked his arms into gear, pushed ahead, and didn’t let up until he reached the shore. Once he was upright, he stuck out his tongue then bent over to catch his breath.
All I could do was chuckle. I was competitive. I wanted to win. But I wasn’t torn up that he’d won that leg of the race.
After I dried off, I went into my apartment and changed out of my swim trunks. Once I was in dry clothes, I came out just in time to say goodbye to Kross, Ruby, and Raven. Then Mom and Dad headed up to the house while Kelton, Jake, and I packed up the food and coolers.
Jake folded a blanket. “So, did you tell Kelton everything, including how Jessie threw her body at you?”
Kelton choked.
I threw Jake the finger. “Last time I tell you anything.”
Jake lifted a shoulder. “What? He’s your brother. You said you tell them everything.”
It wasn’t that I didn’t want to tell Kelton about my kiss with Jessie. I was trying to get the woman out of my head. My intent when I’d walked into the bathroom was to make sure she was okay but also to ask her if she would be interested in working with me on a song. Her voice was out-of-this-world amazing. But the more I thought about being around her, even if it were in a professional capacity, the more I knew I would be a mess.
You are a mess. You want the woman. But you don’t want to take a chance that your feelings would get in the way. You’re afraid of what could happen. She rides motorcycles, which tells you she’s a daredevil. Above all else, she’s in bed with your enemy.
I laughed.
Jake and Kelton tilted their heads.
“Jessie is all wrong for me. Just all wrong.”
Even so, if I wanted to try something different with my music career, then I had to put aside my hang-ups about her and see if she would entertain my offer to record one of my songs. At the very least, I had to find out why she would disappoint a little girl.
Chapter Nine
Jessie
The car ride back from Boston was quiet. Roxanne was behind the wheel, while I mainly stared out at the passing landscape, contemplating everything the genetic counselor had said, which I already knew. But hearing it come out of the mouth of an expert was more jarring than reading the statistics on the Internet, not to mention everything else I had to take into account. Since I didn’t have breast cancer, my insurance company wouldn’t foot the bill for the bilateral mastectomy or the implants. So I had to consider the high cost of over twenty thousand dollars, which I didn’t have. But as the kind genetic counselor had said, I could always have a mammogram every year and monitor my progress with a fine-tooth comb. Checking my breasts on a yearly basis was certainly a viable option. But I knew me. Every day would be a na
il-biting day until I checked myself. I was at odds with the statistics. Sixty-five percent of women who inherited the harmful BRCA1 gene would develop breast cancer by the age of seventy.
Roxanne’s hand landed on mine, which was resting on the console. “My two cents, for what it’s worth, is to wait two or three years. Get your mammogram regularly and check yourself daily. That way, you have some time to breathe, live life, meet a guy, fall in love, maybe even get married.”
Cars sped by as Roxanne took our exit into Ashford.
A tear slid down my face, then another, then another. I hadn’t cried when I’d spoken to the genetic counselor. I hadn’t even cried when we walked out. But from Roxanne’s words and the strain in her voice, I knew that what I would be facing was too much. What I needed at the moment was to get on my motorcycle and ride. I had to be alone. I had to think without anyone counseling me or giving me advice. I had to breathe, even if it were for an hour.
Roxanne navigated around the curvy country roads until she turned into my driveway. When she did, my tears dried up, and my mouth fell open at the sight of Kody. I fumbled for the door before she stopped the car. Then I jumped out and ran up to Mack and Kody, who were about to throw down.
I snarled at Lowell, who was just watching the two men argue and breathe fire on one another. I couldn’t fault my brother since he was in a wheelchair. He certainly couldn’t stop the storm that was about to tear through the garage.
I slid in the small space that separated the two large men. I kicked Mack, who was behind me, and I pushed Kody.
Kody’s gaze slowly lowered to mine. He angled his head as he backed away, shoving his hands through his hair as if he were about to pull out each strand one by one.
Roxanne ambled up tentatively as though she were afraid Mack or Kody were a viper about to snap. She stopped behind Lowell and put her hands on his wheelchair. I was surprised she didn’t just leave altogether since she hated fights. But I was relieved she was ready to get Lowell out of the way.
Turning, I stretched out my arms, thinking my strength could stop Mack and Kody from tearing into each other. I pinned a hard look on Mack. “What’s going on?”
He regarded me with a sly grin before he yanked me behind him. “What’s it going to be, Maxwell?”
I kneed Mack in the back of his thigh. Snarling, Mack tried to grab me, but I was quicker as I jumped back.
Kody stomped over to his truck.
I ran up to Kody. “What are you doing here?” I suspected he wanted to find out why Roxanne and I hadn’t shown up to his cookout the day before.
His chest expanded, and he had a hard glint in his blue eyes. “Coming here was a mistake.”
“She’s not yours,” Mack said loudly. “So stay away from her.”
I silently shrieked, when all I wanted to do was knock some sense into Mack’s thick head. However, fueling his ire would only end in something bad, like Kody defending me or looking for the perfect excuse to fight with Mack.
Kody opened the driver’s door. “You’ve been crying again.” He darted his gaze to Mack then back to me. “Is he the cause of all your crying?”
I almost laughed. It was pathetic that when I’d met Kody, I was a blubbering mess, even more so today with the news of my mutated gene digging deeper into my psyche. Maybe it was time I talked to a professional. Then I remembered that Mr. Maxwell had given me his card.
“My crying is none of your business,” I finally said in a voice that was a little snippy.
Kody’s nostrils flared. “A definite mistake on my part to come here.” He hopped into his truck and drove away, or more like peeled out of the driveway, his tires screeching.
I clasped my hands together in front of me, fidgeting as I marched back to Mack. “I want to know what is going on between you and Kody. Why did you put him in a coma?”
“Sis, you’ve been crying. What’s wrong?” The fright in Lowell’s voice caused a pain to settle in my chest. He didn’t need more grief in his life. You have to tell your brother. His hands were in his lap, and the right one had a minute tremor, but not as bad as the one I’d seen the other day.
He noticed me staring and covered his right hand with his left.
I considered asking Lowell again about his hand until Mack spoke.
“Did Kody hurt you?” Mack asked.
I threw up my hands. “For the love of all that is holy, no! Now answer my question.” My voice echoed in the garage.
“I would tell her if I were you,” Roxanne said in a quiet voice. “Otherwise, she just might cut off your balls.”
Lowell chuckled.
A muscle ticked in Mack’s jaw.
I stuck my hands on my hips. “What’s the big deal with not telling me, Mack?”
“Because,” his deep voice boomed, “what happened between Maxwell and me is in the past.”
“It really isn’t anymore,” Lowell said. “Just tell her.”
I jerked my head at my brother. “You know. How long have you known?” I shouldn’t have cared whether my brother knew or not. I shouldn’t have cared that Mack and Kody hated each other. But I did care if someone got hurt or ended up in the hospital. Not to mention, I was on edge with my own problems, which brought out the bitchy side of me.
Lowell lifted his hands, both steady now. “Mack told me the story on Saturday after he got thrown out of the club.”
I massaged my tight shoulder and softened my voice. “Mack, if you at least want a friendship with me or to step foot on our property again, then start talking.” I couldn’t exactly ban him since Lowell could use his help around the garage, but he didn’t need to know that.
He sat on the edge of an empty crate near the garage door. “We were kids, boys who fought. But when the Maxwell brothers started at Kensington, they thought their shit didn’t stink. The crew I ran with didn’t like them. I didn’t like them. Any sports they tried out for, they got. Freshmen didn’t make the varsity team, but the triplets did. One thing led to another, and each day, the hatred grew. The day we saw Kody Maxwell walking alone, we confronted him. We’d only intended to send a message to his older brother, who was the dick in the family, but things got out of hand. We were amped up on some prescription drug. Before we knew what was happening, Maxwell wasn’t moving.” He picked at a dirty nail, his voice cold.
“You’re an asshole,” Roxanne said. “I swear if the next words out of your mouth are ‘I didn’t know what I was doing because of the drugs,’ I just might find a tool in this place to snip off one of your appendages.”
A crease formed in between my brother’s eyebrows. “Dude, do you want to stir up trouble like that again? You said yourself yesterday that you’re not racing because you don’t want to end up dead or like me. But fighting can land you in my spot just as fast.”
Mack popped off the crate. “He threw the first punch.”
I covered my face with my hands for a second. “Do you blame him?”
Mack’s dark eyes narrowed into slits as he sucked on his lip ring. “Kody isn’t innocent. He and one of his brothers retaliated. One of the boys in my group, Greg Sullivan, ended up in a coma himself because of the Maxwell brothers. So if you think I’m the only one with demons or I’m the big bad wolf, you’re wrong. He’s not good for you any more than I am.” He stuck a fat finger into his chest.
That loud shriek blasted in my head. I was attracted to guys who were cavemen. My breathing was all over the place as I rubbed a knot on the back of my neck. I had to get out of there. It was time for a ride. The weather was warm. The wind was light. The sun was slowly creeping downward for the day. It was the perfect time to let the fresh spring air wash over my face and feel the purr of my Ducati beneath me.
Roxanne came up and gave me a hug. “I need to get to work. We’ll talk tomorrow.”
As she glided to her car, I kissed my brother on the cheek. “I’m riding. I’ll fix dinner when I get back.”
I started for the house as Roxanne’s engine fired up. I h
ad to change before I could ride. I waved at her as she backed out.
“I don’t get a kiss?” Mack asked, sounding pitiful.
Instead of answering or flipping him off, I jogged to the house and quickly changed into my riding gear—leather pants, a jacket, and boots. When I rushed back to the garage, the customer who owned the Yamaha I’d worked on was there to pick up his bike. Lowell and Mack were talking to the short, nerdy guy. All three men looked my way as I grabbed my helmet off my bike. Mack gave me a feeble smile, while the nerdy dude waved at me.
Lowell zipped over. “Be careful, please.” That was his tagline every time I got on my bike. Even before his accident, he would always tell me to be careful. We both knew the risks with riding, but there were risks in anything we did.
Straddling my Ducati, I inserted the key into the ignition. “Always.” My baby fired up, sounding sweet and beautiful as she vibrated under me. I loved the sound, the rush of adrenaline just as I was about to let the engine loose.
Mack and the nerdy guy raked their gazes over my baby.
I put on my helmet, gripped the handles, then nodded at my brother before I sped out of the garage and onto the road. I tempered my speed to stay within the limits through the small town and neighborhoods. Once I was out on the back roads, I kicked up gears, bending with the curves as I wound my way down a quiet road. With the wind at my face and the engine purring a soft tune, I felt as free as the birds in the distance. For me, riding was heaven. Riding was the medicine that always tamped down the pain or the bad in my life.
I inhaled the country air of fresh grass and budding blooms. A stop sign loomed ahead. I throttled back on the gears, slowing down until I came to the crossroads. I was on the outskirts of Ashford, about to cross over into Lancaster, when I remembered Kody lived out there. I pulled over on the side of the road to check the address I had in my phone. Roxanne had given it to me when we’d left Mrs. Maxwell’s room the day I’d met Kody. I punched the address into my GPS, which said that Kody lived two miles from where I was parked. I committed the directions to memory then got back on the road and headed in that direction.
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