“You alright?” I ask her, searching for some sort of answer.
She nods her head once and clears her throat. “Yeah. Are you?”
“I am, as much as I can be anyway.” I don’t shy away from being truthful with her. Things with my dad haven’t been getting any better, and in all honesty, they’re getting worse. Things with Oakleigh being around have been distracting me from feeling too much in regard to my father, but her being around isn’t shielding me from the fear I have settling in the pit of my stomach.
“How’s your dad?” Shiloh’s question is exactly what I don’t want to be hearing right now, but I breathe in through my nose and answer her.
“He has an infection, different than the one he had the other day. The fever went away for a few hours and came right back, so they’re trying to figure out what type of infection it is. Their infectious disease doctor has been running a bunch of tests, but so far, we don’t have any sort of answer as to what it is. My ma hasn’t wanted to leave his side, but the moments she is, it’s only because my sister has volunteered to be at the hospital with dad.”
Shiloh looks back up into my eyes and the sorrow is evident. “I’m so sorry, Hammer.”
“He’s gonna be okay. I’ve seen the man survive some nasty shit.” I’m quick to say it, but I don’t think I believe a word of it. He’s the strongest man I know and yet an infection is why he’s still in the hospital. It fucking sucks, ‘cause there isn’t a damn thing I can do about it.
She grabs onto my hand and gives me an encouraging squeeze. “I have faith he’s going to do his best to pull through this.” She means every word and it’s obvious. Shiloh has always been like this, though, a ray of positivity whenever someone needs it.
“Thank you,” I murmur, then quickly change the subject. “You seen Oakleigh around?”
Shiloh shakes her head. “Last I knew, she was over at the Vixens house.”
“She passed out like an hour ago, said she was exhausted,” Ruby says as she passes by where we’re standing.
“Oh, okay. She alright?” Hammer questions.
Ruby gives him a quick nod. “Yep. I think the last few days have been a lot for her, you know?”
“Okay, cool. When she wakes up, can you tell her I want to have a chat?”
Ruby nods. “Sure. I won’t be around. Zorro’s taking me out to a late dinner, but I’ll tell Rosa and she can tell the other ladies.”
“Thanks, Ruby, I appreciate it,” I reply as Ruby walks into the kitchen.
In my hand lies the results of the paternity test we had done the other day. “Is that what I think it is?” Shiloh asks me.
“Yeah,” I tell her, unfolding the paper. I hand it over to her and watch as she reads it. She’s so focused and then her eyes expand and a smile breaks across her face.
“You have a daughter, Hammer.” I should’ve known Shi would’ve been the happiest for me.
“Yeah, but I don’t know shit about what it means to be a father.”
“That’s okay. This is when you learn, for her. You found each other and that’s the important part here.”
I wish it was so easy. It’s not like she grew up with her mother this entire time. Oakleigh’s been through the rough parts of life and it’s obvious to me. One look into her eyes and the concern about what she’s going to face is evident.
“There’s so much going on right now. Part of me thinks this is some sort of fucked up dream.” I glance down and still see Shiloh’s hand is in mine and can’t tear my eyes away from the sight. I know she’s nervous. Anytime I look at her, it’s like I can see the fear surrounding her. She’s scared, and I can’t blame her for being afraid. I’ve treated her like shit before, and I’ve done some damn fucked up shit, but I’m determined to do better for her.
“I can’t blame you for it. I wish it was a dream for you. No one deserves for their dad to be sick.”
I know we’re in the midst of a serious conversation, but I release her hand and encase her face in the palms of my hand, lookin’ straight into those innocent eyes of hers, unable to look away. I’ve tried fighting, tried keeping a wall up between us, but I don’t want to anymore. “I can’t stop thinkin’ about you bein’ in my bed, Shi . . . but I don’t want you to be just sleepin’ beside me if you get what I’m sayin’.”
She bites her bottom lip and looks away from me. “Hammer, I . . . fuck. I . . .” Shiloh looks right back at me and I realize she’s struggling with what she’s trying to say. She swallows and finally speaks back up, “I want to try this with you, but I’m so fucking afraid this could ruin us. We’re friends, Hammer. We’re such good friends and I don’t want to ruin it.”
I run my thumb against her cheek and make a vow I fully intend to follow through on. “I know we have had some fights in the past, but I won’t let somethin’ ruin our friendship. But I’m not gonna stand here and act like I don’t think about the way your lips would feel like pressed up against mine.” I inch closer to her and her lip quivers in anticipation. I don’t give a damn who’s around us. I don’t give a damn about anything right now. When it’s just her and me, I somehow get lost in those blue eyes of hers and nothing else seems to matter.
I snake my hand around the back of her neck and inch my lips closer to hers until they’re touching. Her breath is hot and heavy on my lips, and she picks up her pace like she’s either nervous or excited for what’s about to happen.
Opening my mouth wide, I claim her mouth like it’s always been mine. She gives in almost instantaneously, slightly moaning until she begins to give into the kiss. Her hands paw at my chest and I inhale sharply through my nostrils, needing her now more than ever. Now that I know what it’s like to taste her on my lips.
Fuck, I don’t ever want to stop this. I don’t know if I ever can.
“Hammer, we gotta go. Got a hit on the guy.” I tear my lips away from Shiloh and look over to Razor, hating the timing he has.
“When we leaving?” I ask him.
“Now. No time to waste. Motherfucker’s in town and I don’t plan on waitin’ for him to leave,” Razor tells me.
With a grunt, I look back at Shiloh and get a firmer grip on her neck. “I’m not done with you yet.” As I release her, I follow Razor, ready to get this shit handled. No way am I gonna lose the momentum I built with Shiloh tonight. No way in fuckin’ hell.
Chapter Ten
But the thing is, even if I could go back, I wouldn’t belong there anymore
~ Ccz
Shiloh
My heart’s never beat this fast in my entire life, or at least I don’t think it has. It’s been two hours since Hammer left with Razor and with every moment, my stomach is turning into a tighter knot. What is he doing? Is he okay? God, and the last thing he said to me before he left. I’m about to lose my damn mind over here. There is nothing a woman loves more than a man who says what he wants, and my core has been blazing with heat since he walked out the front door of the clubhouse.
“What, are you kidding around?” Alexa questions Bull, who’s sitting over on the sectional with Dracus.
I’ve been around everyone at the club long enough to know not to act too interested in other people’s conversations, so I stay where I am and scroll on my phone, all the while listening to their conversation.
“No, why the fuck would I be? If I say shit, it means it happened. Damn.” Bull huffs, getting a bit too sassy with his ol’ lady if you ask me.
“Well, sorry, captain cunt. It just seems a bit odd. Why come back now, after all this time?” Alexa asks her man.
I cock a brow but try to keep my eyes on my phone, and just as I do, another message comes through from my mother.
From: Mom
Be here on Friday night at 7 p.m. at Capaldi’s downtown, or I will be contacting my attorney.
Part of me had hoped she would forget about everything that happened with Stiletto, but of course, I wouldn’t ever be so lucky. I’ll need to get a plane ticket and secure my flight soon if I’m going to mak
e it there on time.
“It’s not him, Alexa. He was only ever faking being the head honcho. The man who was really in charge, his name is the Commander. The dude is supposedly pissed ‘cause we caused so many problems for them. Hammer called and gave me a heads up, so I can go tell Zane and fill him in on everything. Now, I gotta go.” Bull rushes past Alexa and heads back to where Zane’s office is. I watch from where I’m sitting how he walks with purpose and wastes no time in rapping his knuckles against Zane’s office door. Within a minute, Bull is being let in.
I stare at the message I received from my mother and decide to reply.
To: Mom
I’ll be there.
I keep it plain and simple, but I plan on going. If I don’t, she’ll come back and hurt the club. I can’t have that happen, not after everything Fist did for me. Not the baby Fist, but Ashley’s dad, Fist.
If it weren’t for him, God knows where I’d be.
He’s the only one at the club who knew what happened to me. He made it a point to check in with me every couple of days and make sure I was alright, make sure I wasn’t feeling weird, upset, really anything. He was like my guardian angel. And then he died, out of the blue, and not one of us was prepared for it.
He was the type who let me talk to him or vent whenever I needed, and then he was gone. Fist is the kind of father I wish I had my entire life, but mine died when I was a child. Then my mom married that tool of a stepfather I have. Even as I think about him, my body starts to break out in goosebumps.
I get up from where I’m sitting and head out through the front of the clubhouse, needing to get some fresh air. In fact, I’m desperate for it. After I pass through the clubhouse doors, the semi-humid Montana air hits me. It isn’t unbearable, but it’s something I need to get used to. Summer is coming, and with it, so is the heat.
I head over to the railing and take a seat on it, pull out the weed vape pen I have in my pocket and take a hit. I didn’t grab this from some rando off the street. A friend of mine works at a medical dispensary and sells off a few every week or so, saying they never got it from their distributor. I’m not the type of stoner who takes a hit multiple times a day, every day. Only when I need to take the edge off, and the last thing I want to happen is for me to go into a full-blown panic attack when Hammer and I . . . when we got the ball rolling earlier.
I lean my head back against the post supporting the roof and close my eyes, breathing in and out slowly. The silence is exactly what I need until a hand is suddenly nudging my arm. I open my eyes from the contact and look to my right. Poison’s flipping her dreads back, cackling a bit. “You looked like you were about to fall over.”
“Oh, shit. Thank you.”
“No problem. Didn’t want you gettin’ hurt. You’ve always been so kind to me here,” Poison says as she walks toward the clubhouse door.
The rumbling of bikes causes me to turn my head to the left. While the sun’s already starting to set, the club has parking lot lights sporadically up our long lane and in the parking lot. Hammer and Razor ride their bikes up to the gate and whoever’s manning the gate lets them through.
Razor’s the first one to park his bike, and then Hammer. He pulls off his helmet and the moment he does, his eyes are on me. His arm’s cut open, skin separated and I hop off the railing and rush up to him. “Are you okay?”
Razor cackles from behind me. “Sweetheart, you should see the other guy.”
Hammer smirks and looks down at me. “I’m great now, Shi.”
Our eyes lock for a few seconds before I decide to take the plunge. I grab him by his cut and rise up on my tippy toes, meeting my lips with his. I can hear Razor snickering but ignore it and Hammer wraps his hands around my back.
“You two have a good night,” Razor comments as he walks toward the clubhouse.
Hammer and I keep kissing for a few minutes before I manage to pull away for some air, seeing the biggest grin I’ve ever seen spread across his face. “I think you and I should take a ride.” Hammer takes ahold of my hand and leads me toward the garage, where he leads me to a burnt orange-looking bike. I raise my brows, not sure if this is his or not.
“Did you get another bike?”
“I sure as hell did. Harley just released their Pan America line and fuck if I wasn’t on the waitlist. C’mon, I wanna take you for a ride.” Hammer hands me a helmet in the same color the bike is and puts one on for himself too. The next thing I know, he’s put the keys in, has thrown his leg around, and we’re both on our way. Instead of taking a left and heading out onto the road, he makes a right and heads down toward Blackjack and Ashley’s place. We go down the long lane for about two miles and pass their lake house, then keep going until we’re in a brushy area.
I didn’t even know there was a trail this far back, but Hammer must’ve. He keeps going and we head out until we reach some sort of cliffy area. He pulls the bike over and kicks the stand up, offering me a hand so I can dismount first and then he does the same.
We both take our helmets off and lay them on the handlebars, taking in the scenery of what’s before us. It’s the Monroe family ranch, only a fraction of the acreage that’s gone untouched for this many years.
This right here is why they call it big sky country. The cliff drops maybe thirty feet or so before it hits grassy knolls and hills, with streams in through the rest of it. The grass in front of me is greener than anything I’ve seen before and I can’t help but smile. A herd of bighorn sheep coming through with their babies is the highlight of my day. So much so that I know I gasp upon seeing them and put a hand over my mouth in complete awe at this lovely visual of the nature surrounding us.
Heat comes up from behind me and instantly, I tense up, but then have to remind myself it’s Hammer. He isn’t anyone who would hurt me, and in all honesty, he’d hurt anyone horribly if they ever tried to.
His hands wrap around my waist and he presses his lips against the nape of my neck. He leaves chaste kisses, skimming his hands down my thigh, over my lower stomach, and his member grows hard against my back.
“You don’t know what I’ve been thinkin’ about you while I’ve been gone,” his words come out in a heated grumble.
My nipples bud at the thought of his hands venturing even further along my body. His words almost give a hidden promise, and it’s been so long since I’ve . . . it’s been so damn long. I wanted the next time I had relations with someone to mean something. Not that having sex with the guys at the club never meant anything, but it wasn’t the same. I was almost like a prostitute. The club gave me food, health care, and a safe haven for my services. I was never the type who had a romantic connection during sex. Not ever.
I’m hoping it changes today. In all honesty, I’m praying for it.
“What’ve you been thinking?” I rasp out my question, swallowing hard.
Hammer brings his lips against my ear while his hands unbutton my jeans, dipping his hand under my panties until he finds my clit. He dips his finger further down, collecting my wetness and brings it to the top, teasing my swelling nub. “I’ve thought about fucking you on the back of my bike, with your back pressed against my handlebars, watching my hard cock sliding into this sweet center of yours.” He pinches down on my clit and a bit of my essence squirts out over his fingers. Not a lot, but enough to show I’m loving what he’s doing.
I turn my head to the left and try to look at him, “Then do it, Hammer.”
He pulls his hand out from under my panties, yanks my jeans down along with my black lace thong, and I toss off everything I’m wearing on the top. He then unbuckles his pants and drops his jeans, tosses off his boxers, and takes off everything above the waist but gently sets his cut down on top of my clothes.
I walk over to his bike and sit on it, staring at him with the utmost need.
He smiles, though, and his cock grows harder, twitching while he stares at me. “Lean back and spread those legs for me. I want to get a good look at you.”
I
do as he says and lean back against his bike, in the way he was describing a few minutes ago. He throws his leg over the bike and his eyes rake over my body, smiling devilishly as he lines his cock against my entrance.
With his right hand, he grabs my wrists and holds them above my head, across the handlebars as he drives himself inside me. My body instantly tenses up and he rocks himself in and out of me, allowing my body to adjust to his size, but at the same time claiming every part of me that he can.
With every movement, his cock hits my cervix and the pain is filled with pleasure. I arch my hips and the moment I start doing that, he grinds his cock against my G-spot, causing me to moan loudly.
“That’s right, baby. Moan for me,” he growls like a rage-filled beast, and I do as he says.
My nipples bud even harder as my body relaxes more and I let him take me into a completely different realm of pleasure. He quickens his speed and my eyes start to roll back into my head. My entire body feels like it’s on fire and I know it’s coming. I begin to thrash to the left and the right, but Hammer holds me down even more and takes my body like it’s his. He fucks me better than any man ever has, and the moment I start to lose all control, he brings his face down to mine.
“Come for me, baby. Let it all out and coat my cock with your essence.”
I nod my head and he releases my arms. I wrap them around his neck and kiss him hard. My orgasm rolls through me in waves and he grunts as I constrict around his cock like a snake. His own moans of pleasure float through my lips and he breaks the kiss after pulling out of me, his seed still spurting from his cock.
He grabs his shaft with one hand and the back of my hair with another, his seed coating my face. “Fucking hell, look what you’ve done to me,” he hisses, his cock finally stops and he breathes in and out heavily.
“You did a number on me too,” I mutter with a laugh.
He brings a hand against my face and crashes his lips down onto mine, both of us tasting the saltiness of his semen on our lips. I don’t know what the hell this is, if it’s porn-level hot sex or if it’s a romantic connection. It feels a bit like both, but I like it.
Hammer (Reapers Rejects MC Book 18) Page 5