RockYourSoul

by Sara Brooks

  Feeling more certain of his choice, he lifted one end of the rope, weaving the fabric. Given her history, he wasn’t sure if she would even accept the token. Or that she would be open to this level of commitment. She could very well tell him to stuff his collar where the sun didn’t shine and be lost to him forever.

  He knew, perhaps better than anyone, life was about taking chances. And this would be the biggest chance he’d ever taken because of her past. He was still sickened by the thought of what her former Dom had done to her. So much so that he wished he could take out his anger and frustration on the dumbass. The man had wanted a broken woman to bend to his will, not a submissive.

  Ryan gloried in the fact he’d shown her what she was truly capable of.

  The care and patience he’d taken with her meant she would have the tools necessary to know herself better. But the fact he was making her a collar was a clear indication he didn’t want her to go elsewhere. He wanted her under him, in him, surrounding him completely each and every time she chose to submit.

  He didn’t want her to leave and find another Dom.

  He finished one side, picking up a solid steel ring he’d purchased from Dutch Broeck at the hardware store. He secured one end and began folding and knotting again to continue the strip. Crafting the collar was much like tying a submissive up with rope. The calm, serene feeling of ropespace became just as prominent.

  The noise he’d always fought so fiercely against hadn’t been as dominant a force in his life recently. Instead of every day, he noticed it only during times he pushed himself too much by working too hard to get the boat finished. Only those times when he was truly exhausted did he have to fight the noises away.

  He hadn’t forgotten them—Lisa and Tobias. He never would. They’d made such a strong impact on his life. The impression of them was too ingrained on his soul to simply brush them to the side now that he’d decided to start another facet of his life. But he agreed—finally—with Dade and Elena. He needed to move on and find new things in his life to motivate him, instead of searching for things that would make it all go away. He’d been hiding. Looking in the wrong place for the solace he needed to exist.

  He was looking for something when he should have been looking for someone.

  When he looked down the collar lay complete in his hands, the black a startling contrast to the calluses dotting his palms. The fine weave of the knotwork seemed a bit stiff since it had just been fabricated, but time would soften the piece.

  Panic stabbed his gut so hard he had to set the item down on the floor in front of him. Could he do this? Could he ask her to commit herself to him? There were few things in his life that made him nervous, but the thought of all the things that could go wrong petrified him. But time was his enemy in this instance as he’d be gone in a few days. He needed to ask her now. Or else he’d forever wonder.

  The shrill ring of his cell phone startled him. He couldn’t contain his smile when he saw Beth’s name flash on the screen. “Hey there.”

  “Hey yourself. Shift is ending in a few, got any plans?”

  The nervousness honed to a sharp point, forcing him to quietly clear his throat to swallow back the sensation. “Other than to ravage you, nope. Schedule is all clear.”

  “Oh good. I was hoping you’d say that.”

  The lightness in her voice signaled she hadn’t picked up on the nervous energy threading through his voice. Apparently, it was evident to only him. Knowing it was now or never, he closed his eyes. “I’m at Sanctuary. Come on over when you’re done.”

  “Be there in an hour.”

  He snapped the phone closed and scooped up the collar as he stood, shoving it into his pocket. A quick inventory of the room told him he had a lot of work to do in a very short amount of time. He set to work, determined to change the course of his life forever.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Beth could only stand in stunned silence as Ryan swung open the door. He encouraged her to move forward with a push of his hand against her lower back. Still shocked at what she saw, she moved forward.

  Hundreds of candles lit the room, illuminating a large item positioned in the center of the room. Her fingertips touched the smooth, thick blanket covering the mattress because she didn’t think it was real. An illusion left over from the long hours she’d been putting in at the station as she took over more responsibility.

  “What’s going on? What happened to the other bed? The one you usually keep over in the corner.”

  Ryan shrugged as he leaned against one of the tall posts. “I did say everything I have in this room serves a purpose. The other bed is merely functional. A soft surface to lay a naked body on. This is meant to serve a different purpose.”

  She caressed the wide beam of the bed, the oak tinted a warm and inviting shade of brown. Four thin posters rose high above her head. “Maybe that’s why this seems to out of place. These are way too thin to secure someone to. The wood would snap if someone pulled on it. At least the way I’m thinking. It doesn’t seem to scream BDSM to me.”

  “That’s because you’re going to be the one screaming instead.” Ryan shifted behind her, molding his body to hers. “Never underestimate my resourcefulness, California. A lot can be done with very little in the hands of the right Dom.” His hands slid under the hem of her tee. The smooth slide of his flesh against hers caused a thrill to shoot through her body. “If a Dom is skilled enough, all he needs is his body.”

  Her libido screamed into overdrive at the raspy notes playing through his voice. She tamped down on her arousal until she could find out more about what he had up his sleeve. “Says the man who used a bunch of heavy-duty leather straps to suspend me while he and another Dom fucked me. Or bound me with a complicated network of ropes while he put me in subspace.”

  His hand trailed across her abdomen, his short fingernails scraping lightly against her skin. “There are times when such measures are called for. There are also times when minimalistic is the best way to go. The trick is knowing your partner well enough to know when to employ the correct tactic.”

  He pushed her arms into the air, slipping her dark shirt up and away. She shivered when his lips gently pressed against the juncture where her throat met her collarbone. “To answer your unspoken question, I have plans for you tonight. But the decision about where this goes is entirely up to you.”

  Alarmed, she turned to face him. “What? Ryan, you’re talking complete nonsense. Of course we’ll have a scene together. That’s why you brought me here, isn’t it?” She’d actually looked forward to what he had in store for her. The fact she’d been willing to go through the experience showed her just how much of a change Ryan had brought to her life in such a short amount of time.

  His fingers combed through her hair, gently sweeping the soft strands to the side. She noticed there was something different about the gesture. It was if he simply wanted to touch her instead of use it as a conditioning gesture.

  “Not entirely. You’ve come a long way since you first showed up at my house and found me working on the boat. You were like a skittish cat who didn’t know what direction she wanted to take.”

  She felt his muscles tighten and bunch under her palms as his chest moved in controlled deep breaths. “Until you ordered me to my knees. Everything came into focus then.” The moment stood out clearly in her mind to this day. It seemed like so long ago that she’d come asking him for his help. In retrospect, she wondered how she’d ever grown the brass balls to do such a thing in the first place.

  His hands moved up to cradle her jaw. “It was the same for me. And I didn’t know it at the time either. We’ve had our fair share of rockiness since then, but we’ve both come a long way.”

  The hint of sadness in his voice made her stomach dance in nervousness. What was going on? Did he feel as if they’d reached the end of what she’d asked of him? The thought of ending this arrangement made her sick to her stomach. She wasn’t quite ready to let him go.

  “I
still don’t see what point you’re trying to make. If you want to change up the game between us a little, Ryan, that’s fine. You haven’t steered me wrong yet.” She reached up and tucked a piece of hair behind his ear. “I trust you.”

  He caught her hand, turning her palm face up as his thumb traced over the edge of one of her cuffs. “I’d like to ask you to wear my collar, Beth.” Before he finished the sentence, he set a length of his cording woven into an intricate pattern into her hand.

  His craftsmanship with knotwork had certainly come in handy for this piece. She’d never seen this kind of quality before. The cord had been dyed jet black and a small ring about the size of a quarter had been woven through the knots at the center. It was fashioned into a drop collar so the ring would rest at the hollow of her throat.

  “This must have taken hours to make.”

  “Well, that’s certainly not the answer I’d expected or hoped for. Or the reaction.”

  She looked up to see his worried expression. “Oh. Shit. Sorry. I’m just a little stunned because I never expected anything like this. It’s just so beautiful.”

  “Like you.” Leaning forward, his lips lightly touched hers as he closed her hand around the collar. “If you don’t like the color, I can make you another one.”

  “Hell no. The black will add to my tough, kick-ass rocker-chick look.”

  “Is that why you keep me around? So I keep your reputation intact?”

  “No, you’re pretty handy wielding the occasional glass dildo when I need to get off.”

  “Unfortunately, I haven’t included one of those in the plan for tonight. So you’ll have to take a rain check. The only thing I have to offer tonight is myself.” He bent, sliding his forearm behind her knees to lift her onto the overstuffed mattress. His hand still circled her wrist, touching the leather she never took off.

  “Ryan, there’s…something I need to show you first before we do this. There’s something important you need to know about me.”

  Concern darkened his eyes. “If this isn’t the step you want to—”

  “I do. But I should have shared something with you a long time ago. Perhaps even right from the beginning.” Sliding her hand from his, she began unbuckling the cuff from her right wrist. Dread coiled in her belly as the straps holding the buckles sagged, the seam of the leather parting to reveal the skin underneath. He said nothing as she dropped the cuff to the bed, quickly unfastening the remaining one so it too exposed her deepest, darkest secret.

  His warm fingers traced the long, ugly stripes of knotted skin as his gaze met hers. That kissable mouth of his twisted into a grimace. “Did he do this to you?”

  “No. I did.” Ryan’s fingers flexed against her skin, a hint to the emotion rolling through him. “The morning after his little foursome scene, I subdropped. Very, very hard. I fell into some kind of black, bottomless pit where all I could do was curl into a ball in the middle of my bathroom floor. I couldn’t move. I couldn’t do anything but think about what a horrible, awful submissive I’d been. I was certain that I’d failed Ethan and nothing I ever did would make up for my mistake.”

  “So you tried to commit suicide?”

  She shrugged. “It worked for my dad, so I thought why the hell not? I managed to crawl into the kitchen, found the biggest butcher’s knife I owned and started hacking away.”

  “I never thought I’d tell anyone I’m glad they failed at something.” He bent over, kissing each of her scars.

  “My landlady found me when she brought the maintenance man up to take a look at the leaky toilet I’d been complaining about for six months. They were the ones who called the ambulance. I managed to earn myself a few days in the psych ward and a one-way ticket out of Nashville. My family wouldn’t stop doting over me in Florida and I couldn’t take it anymore. I called in a favor with my old boss and he’s the reason I have the job at the radio station here.” She swallowed the thick knot of emotion clogging her throat. “I wear the cuffs to cover the marks because I don’t like looking at them.”

  “Because they remind you of Ethan?”

  “No. They remind me I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was. So, if you can accept a broken, ruined submissive as a permanent fixture in your life, yes, I’ll accept your collar.” She held out the collar, tilting her chin in offering.

  “You are by no means broken and you are most certainly anything but ruined.” His lips lightly touched hers. “I promise you.”

  The cording felt soft against her skin as he placed it against her throat. She dipped her head, sweeping her hair to the side in order to get it out of the way. It only took a few moments for him to tie off the knot to secure the collar.

  When he was done, he wrapped his hand around the side of her throat, pushing his thumb under her jaw to lift her face to his. He lifted his other hand, running a finger under the collar, checking to make sure he hadn’t fastened it too tightly.

  “Perfect.”

  She touched the small silver ring as it rested against the base of her throat, surprised how right the item felt there. The few collars Ethan had placed on her during the scenes at the club had never felt this right around her throat. Then again, he’d only placed them there to use as an anchor to the chains he used to secure her. This collar was so different.

  The expression on his face softened as he stepped back. His eyes darkened as he inhaled sharply. The heated reaction further cemented her belief the collar belonged there. It also let her understand why he’d taken such great pains to change the room around. He wanted to show her things would be different tonight. While she may not be familiar with the entire process of collaring a submissive, she knew the implications. Ryan took this process very, very seriously.

  The rest of the night would be about the commitment that came with a collar.

  He pulled her face to his and spoke softly against her lips. Quiet promises filled the space between them as he told her in great detail just exactly what his plans were. His breath was hot and moist against her lips as he continued to speak.

  Sitting before him, wearing nothing but his collar while he stood before her fully clothed, was overwhelming and exciting. Her blood pulsed like a bullet racing through her body and she wanted nothing more than for the feeling to grow and flourish.

  His finger found its way back to her waist, trailing a slow line down her abdomen to disappear between her legs. He made no move to step closer, the single finger the only contact between their flesh.

  She inhaled sharply as his finger slid into her wet heat. Instinctively her legs slid apart, exposing more of her pussy to him. A groan rumbled in his throat as his finger slipped easily inside her without resistance. Her eyes fluttered closed as her head fell back.

  His free hand came up to press gently against her shoulder and she allowed herself to be guided back so she lay on the cushioned fabric. Arousal swelled when his finger pressed farther inside of her as he moved to stand between her legs. She arched her back, urging his finger to slide deeper. He pressed farther, sliding the pad of his finger against the walls inside her.

  Her entire body hitched in reaction.

  He withdrew slowly, drawing a low groan from her. Lowering his head, his tongue flicked over her clit. Her body jumped at the contact, spinning helplessly out of control. Pressing his lips to her, it was only a matter of seconds before she squirmed against him. Her hips subtly pressed upward to the ceiling, urging more from him as her voice rumbled out a groan each time his finger withdrew or his tongue grazed over her clit.

  The candlelight illuminating the room splintered into a thousand pinpricks of light as her vision blurred. A slow, sweeping orgasm rippled through her body, a deep sigh filling the air as the climax washed over her. Her taste flooded his tongue and he sipped greedily as if he wanted to consume every last drop.

  As her muscles relaxed around his finger, she sighed again as warmth washed over her. A feeling of serene calm filled her so fully, she felt as if she was going to burst. His finger w
ithdrew, causing her to whimper in protest at the cold air swirling between her legs. She fidgeted against the comforter, wondering where he’d gone. Lifting her head, she saw him still standing between her legs simply staring at her.

  “What are you doing?” Arousal wove heavily through her voice, sending a thrill down the column of her spine. She thought about how he made her aware of her strength and her fragility with a simple look.

  “Looking at you. Wondering how I got so lucky.” His voice cracked as he spoke and his eyes darkened abruptly as she shifted her legs wider in offering. Within seconds he was on top of her, clothing discarded and forgotten on the floor.

  His fingers traced the skin where the rope collar met her throat. He continued the slow pattern, tickling her flesh with his delicate touch. His mouth moved so his tongue mapped along a path to her breast. She inhaled sharply when his mouth closed over one of her nipples.

  She wanted him to ravage and take, becoming so intoxicated on her and everything she alone offered him that he forgot what had brought them to this very moment. She wanted him to forget who, and what, he even was.

  The candlelight faded into the background. Her only conscious thoughts were of the man hovering over her and their single connection of his hand on her throat. She accepted him easily when he pushed his cock inside her, shifting as he began to slowly move. Lifting her legs, she accepted him without reservation and smiled when his eyes dropped closed as his cock thrust into her.

  She didn’t think she’d ever seen him this relaxed and at peace.

  Silence filled the room as skin glided against skin. He bit off a groan against her throat as she reached down to tighten her hands around his ass. Her hips bucked against his and she felt him struggling as if he was trying to control a beast pacing under the surface of his skin.