He doesn’t exactly have the best track record when it comes to relationships. The last thing I want is for you to be hurt.
Heat rose in her cheeks. She looked away.
“Hey—” he drew her chin back up “—don’t do that.”
“But I…” She glanced around the room, anything to keep from meeting his eyes. “We…”
“Let me give you the same words of wisdom someone told me once. ‘Don’t think about it too much.’”
“Your grandmother?” Carly asked
“Your brother.” Jake’s eyes softened. “When we bailed right below the Liberty Cap glacier on Rainier. I knew in my gut it was the right call, but I couldn’t stop going on and on about it on our way down. Finally Nick said that to me.”
“But how do you…”
“Not think about it too much?” Jake finished for her.
She nodded.
“He never told me that part.”
Carly laughed. “Typical Nick.”
“True.” Jake ran his finger along the side of her face. Her skin felt soft beneath his calloused hands. “Though I wonder what he’d say about this.”
“Does it matter?” she asked, reluctant to let the moment go even though she knew Hannah’s concerns.
“I want you to be happy,” he said.
Which was no answer at all, and all the answer Carly needed. She couldn’t live completely in the moment as Jake did. And he wasn’t offering her anything else. Not yet. Maybe not…ever?
She swallowed. “I am happy. I’m…I’m glad we’re still friends.”
“I will always be your friend no matter what,” he said. “But I’m not going to lie and tell you I don’t want to kiss you again. And more. But there’s no rush.”
Jake wasn’t offering her any guarantees, but he did care for her. Enough not to pressure her.
Her heart overflowed with so much emotion her chest felt as if it might explode. Maybe the heart was capable of growing three sizes in a day.
“Just more mistletoe,” she said lightly.
“I sure hope so.”
“Thanks.” She wrapped her arms around him. Jake hugged back, brushing his lips across the top of her head.
He let go and stood. “I’d rather not say good-night, but that’s what I should do. And what Nick would want me to do. So I’m going to head up to Austin’s room now.”
She nodded, even though a part of her wanted to tell him to stay with her. “Merry Christmas, Jake.”
“Merry Christmas, Carly.”
Early Christmas morning, Jake stood in the kitchen. He added cloves, allspice and cinnamon sticks to the pot of apple cider and turned on the stove. The mixture needed to simmer.
He’d been simmering all night.
Sleep hadn’t come easy. Not with only a wall separating him from Carly.
The kisses last night had been great. Amazing. A real turn-on. But what he felt went beyond the kisses they’d shared. The scars of the past faded away when he was with Carly. Somehow she made all the hurt, all the regret disappear.
As the oven preheated, Jake opened the refrigerator and pulled out the egg strata dish Carly had made last night using Hannah’s recipe. The sun-dried tomatoes and spinach gave the dish a festive red-and-green look perfect for Christmas morning. Even the kids liked to eat it.
Kids.
Jake thought back to when he was younger. His teenage fantasy about Carly and being a part of the Bishop family had been nothing more than a pipe dream. He’d joked about it with Nick once, and if looks could kill Jake would have been six feet under. He hadn’t a clue about love or relationships back then. But Jake wasn’t the same, and neither was Carly.
The two of them were good together. Damn good.
“You’re up early.” Carly entered the kitchen wearing a purple robe and fuzzy pink socks. He wondered what she wore under it. “What smells so good?”
“Spiced apple cider.” He picked up a wooden spoon and stirred the liquid to keep from taking her in his arms and kissing. “It’s tradition.”
The echo of his words last night brought color to her cheeks. “Whose tradition?”
“Garrett’s.” Jake focused on the cider. That was better than trying to figure out what type of lingerie she did or didn’t have on. “I’m going to take a Thermos of cider to the hospital.”
“That’s thoughtful of you.”
He opened the oven door and stuck the strata inside.
Carly grinned. “Keep this up, and I may have to keep you.”
That didn’t sound so bad to Jake. He closed the oven door and set the timer. “Just make sure I get a little time off for good behavior.”
He wasn’t sure if he was joking or not. That bothered him. Jake had never felt this way about a woman before. He wasn’t sure he liked it.
Carly sighed, reminding him of how she sounded last night. “This really is turning into the best Christmas ever.”
That was what he was afraid of.
A half hour later, the kids ran down the stairs screaming. They stood in front of the tree in total awe and silence for about two seconds. The shrieking started up again as the kids dropped to their knees to search for their presents.
All their work the past two nights had paid off. Carly couldn’t be happier. Nor could she stop laughing at the kids’ antics. Thank goodness Jake had set up the video camera. Hannah and Garrett weren’t going to want to miss this.
The day kept getting better. It wasn’t a traditional Christmas by any means, but no one had any complaints. At the hospital, Hannah kept dabbing tears of joy from her eyes. Garrett happily drank every drop of the spiced cider. Kendall and Austin loved opening more presents with their parents. Even baby Tyler seemed to enjoy himself. Being with Jake was the icing on top for Carly.
He looked so handsome and the way his smile crinkled the corners of his eyes kept her casting sideward glances his way.
As he drove them from the hospital to the house, she sat in the passenger seat singing songs with the kids. Pretending Christmas didn’t exist might have made things easier, but celebrating the holiday this year made Carly realize how much she’d missed.
She didn’t want to miss anything more.
“I wish today didn’t have to end,” Kendall said when a commercial came over the radio.
Austin sighed. “I wish there were more waiting for us at home.”
Carly looked back. “We took all the presents with us to the hospital.”
“Don’t forget Christmas isn’t about the presents,” Jake said, glancing in his rearview mirror. “Remember what you heard in church this morning.”
“We know, Uncle Jake.” Kendall sounded years older than nine. “But it’s still nice to get gifts.”
“Very nice,” Austin said.
“Hey, Uncle Jake,” Kendall yelled. “You missed the turn to our street.”
“We’re taking a little detour,” he said.
Carly looked at him. “Where are we going?”
Mischief sparkled in his eyes. “It’s a surprise.”
Excitement overflowed from the backseat as the kids guessed their destination. Even Carly joined in.
“The hot springs at Kah-nee-ta.”
“Timberline Lodge.”
“The brewery.”
“Good guesses,” Jake said. “But none are correct.”
He made a right-hand turn off the highway, and Carly knew exactly what he had in mind. “Are you sure this is a good idea?”
“Yes. They’re old enough.” He parked at a Sno-park near other trucks and SUVs. “Remember, it’s a tradition.”
“What are Sean and Denali doing here?” Austin asked.
“There’s Bill and Tim with little Wyatt in a backpack,” Kendall said. “And Leanne’s here, too.”
“The whole gang,” Carly mumbled, her chest tight.
Jake nodded. “It’s what Nick would have wanted.”
“Does Hannah know?”
Jake nodded. “Garrett convinced
her it was time. Are you okay with this?”
Carly took a deep breath. “Yes.”
“Then let’s go,” Jake said, exiting the car.
Denali, Sean’s black-and-white Siberian husky with ice-blue eyes, barked a greeting and bounded in the snow.
As Kendall and Austin told everyone about their Christmas so far, Jake removed their snow boots and winter clothing from the back of his SUV. “Put these on.”
“Are we going on a hike in the snow, Uncle Jake?” Kendall asked.
“You’ll see.”
Leanne gave Carly clothes and boots to wear.
Once they were dressed, Sean removed two gifts, awkwardly wrapped with bows stuck haphazardly on as if he’d let Denali help. “Look what was under my tree.”
“Presents,” Kendall and Austin yelled.
“That’s right, presents,” Sean said as Denali barked. “This one is for Kendall. And this one is for Austin.”
“How come they were at your house?” Austin asked.
Sean shrugged. “Open them so we can figure it out.”
The kids ripped off the wrapping while the dog ran between them, trying to snatch the paper away.
Austin’s mouth formed a perfect O. “Snowshoes.”
“Wow.” Kendall hugged hers. “They’re great, but Mom always says no when Uncle Jake asks to take us snowshoeing.”
Jake kneeled so he was at her eye level. “Your mom gave her permission for this outing.”
Kendall brightened. “Who are they from?”
“All of us,” Leanne said.
Carly wiped the corners of her eyes.
“That’s right.” Jake helped Kendall into her snowshoes as Sean put Austin’s on his feet. “You’ve been here a few times before, Kendall, with all of us.”
Her small forehead crinkled. “When?”
“Christmas Day since you were born,” Bill answered.
“Except you weren’t big enough to snowshoe,” Tim said. “So your dad carried you in a pack like I’ve got Wyatt.”
Memories, long pushed aside, rushed back to Carly. Iain had offered to carry the baby pack so Nick could walk next to Hannah, but Nick wanted to do it himself. “Your daddy was sure you would fall asleep, but unlike little Wyatt, who’s already napping, you stayed awake the entire time.”
“Where was I?” Austin asked.
Carly put her arm around him. “One time you were at home in your mommy’s tummy. Another time you were too little.” There hadn’t been a next time.
“We would meet here each Christmas afternoon,” Jake explained. “Put on our snowshoes and hike around the lake. It was our Christmas gift to ourselves and each other.”
“But we haven’t done it in a long time,” Bill said.
“How come?” Kendall asked.
Leanne placed her hand on Kendall’s narrow shoulder. “Because three people couldn’t be with us.”
No. Carly looked at each one of them. That couldn’t be.
This had been the best of the Christmas traditions, one Nick started when he was in high school. The first time only four of them had gone on the hike: Nick, Jake, Carly and Iain. Each year, more people had joined in. Until six years ago.
“Hey.” Austin pointed to Carly, Kendall and himself. “We’re three people.”
“Yes, you are,” Jake said.
Carly pinned him with her gaze. “You never came back?”
“It didn’t seem right, but Sean thought it was time to start the tradition up again.”
She hugged Sean. “Thank you.”
“I did it for purely selfish reasons,” the rescue leader said. “There’s only a limited amount of time I can sit on my butt on my parents’ couch without going stark raving mad or drinking way too much. Now I’ll be able to go back to dinner and not want to kill one of my second cousins twice removed.”
Carly laughed.
“By the way—” Sean handed her a present “—this was under my tree, too.”
“You didn’t!” She tore off the wrapping and found a brand-new pair of snowshoes and poles. “I love them. Thanks.”
Leanne hugged her. “You’re going to have to spend more time here so you can use them.”
“Aunt Carly’s coming back next Christmas,” Austin announced.
Jake looked at her with a question in his eyes. Not knowing what to say, she simply shrugged.
Sean gave a quick lesson to Kendall and Austin in the basics of snowshoeing. “It might feel funny at first having these big things on your feet, but you’ll get used to them. When you walk you might sink a little into the snow, and you have to lift your foot to take the next step. Try it.”
The kids did, walking awkwardly.
“This is harder than it looks,” Kendall said.
Carly remembered when she’d learned. “You’ll get the hang of it soon enough.”
Austin quacked. “It’s like having big duck feet.”
Jake laughed. “Sort of.”
As the kids practiced, everyone strapped on their snowshoes. The way people joked and laughed the way they always had warmed Carly’s heart.
“Where’s Austin?” Tim asked.
“He’s right…” She looked around, but didn’t see him. “Austin.”
No answer. Her heart dropped to her feet. As everyone called Austin’s name, Bill studied the snowshoe tracks.
Austin popped out from behind a tree with a big grin on his face. “Gotcha.”
Carly drew in a sharp breath of cold air. It was as if the ghost of Christmas past—okay, Nick—had just paid a visit.
“You got us all right,” Tim said finally. “But when we’re outdoors like this, it’s never good to hide, buddy.”
“Sorry.” Austin walked over to them. “Uncle Jake taught me never to go off on my own, but I saw that tree and…”
“It’s okay, dude.” Sean tugged on the top of the boy’s hat. “Your dad used to play jokes like that all the time.”
“Really?” Austin asked.
Jake nodded. “He would always say ‘gotcha’ when he got us.”
The boy beamed. “Like me.”
Carly hugged him. “Exactly like you.”
“Cool,” he said. “Can I practice some more?”
“Go ahead,” Sean said. “But stay close.”
As Kendall and Austin practiced getting the hang of walking in snowshoes, Jake rubbed the back of his neck. “That was…”
“Eerie,” Tim said.
“No kidding,” Bill added. “The way he said ‘gotcha’ gave me chills.”
Carly crossed her arms over her chest and rubbed them. “I got shivers.”
“Me, too,” Leanne said. “I don’t think the goose bumps are going to go away anytime soon.”
Jake nodded. “He sounded like Nick, an octave higher, but still…”
Sean agreed. “Total déjà vu.”
“That was weird, and most likely a coincidence, but did anyone think we may have just gotten Nick’s blessing for this little outing?” Leanne asked.
A breeze blew snow from the branches of a Douglas fir and onto the kids. They jumped up and down with gleeful delight. Denali barked.
Jake stared at them. “I think you’re right.”
The group stood. Silent. Watching. Carly couldn’t help but think of Nick and Iain, but the memories weren’t sad or even bittersweet. Peace surrounded her, both inside and out. She smiled. Coming here had been the right thing to do.
“We’d better hit the trail,” Leanne said. “We don’t have too much light left.”
“And don’t forget,” Bill said. “We’re supposed to be home for dinner.”
“Please,” Sean said. “Can’t we forget?”
Carly called the kids over.
Jake laughed. “No, because your mother will call the sheriff, who will put out an alert and then we’ll have all of OMSAR looking for us.”
Tim laughed. “And the press will be out in full force since you brought along the pup.”
As if
on cue Denali barked.
“Don’t forget the kids,” Bill added. “They would be worth a few sound bites and scathing letters to the editor from city folk who wouldn’t know a carabiner from a key chain.”
“Is it time to go yet?” Kendall stood at the head of the trail. The same way Nick used to do.
“It’s as if Nick’s right here with us,” Carly mumbled.
Jake smiled at her. “Who’s to say he isn’t?”
CHAPTER NINE
THIS WAS SO NOT what Carly had in mind.
Her legs burned. Each breath of cold air stung. Sweat ran down her back. She struggled to put one foot in front of the other as she snowshoed along the trail.
All Carly wanted was to be alone with Jake for a few minutes and pick up where they’d left things last night. So when someone had to go back to get the Thermos of hot chocolate they’d left after a snack break, she had volunteered, leaving Kendall and Austin with the group. Carly had imagined a romantic stroll for two in a winter wonderland, not wilderness adventure racing with an outdoor Adonis.
She blew out a puff of air.
“You’re doing great,” Jake encouraged. “We’re almost there.”
Easy for him to say, he wasn’t huffing and puffing with each step. She wanted to plop down on a rock and rest for a minute. Okay, ten.
“When we get there, I want hot chocolate and cookies.”
Jake grinned. “You can have whatever you want.”
His suggestive tone brought a smile to her face. Maybe she’d get a kiss or two before they reached the gang.
“The kids aren’t moving too fast,” he added. “We’ll catch up to them soon.”
And maybe she wouldn’t. Unless she did something about it.
She tried giving Jake a sultry look, the effect no doubt spoiled by her red face, runny nose and ducklike feet. “What if I don’t want to catch up to them?”
“You can do it,” he said encouragingly. “Remember the cookies.”
His cluelessness knotted her spine with frustration, but she wasn’t about to tell him she would prefer his kisses to cookies. Not when she’d been the one to kiss him last night. “Right.”
Jake continued along the trail. Carly struggled onward.
She had been able to keep up with the guys when she’d been younger, but not anymore. Leaving the mountain meant leaving a life of outdoor recreation behind. But even though she was out of shape, out of practice and totally out of her league, she’d been willing to suffer a little indignity, a little inconvenience to be alone with Jake. She had feelings for him, deep feelings she wanted to explore. “What if my legs gave out and I couldn’t walk another step? Hypothetically speaking.”
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