I looked to Lily. She was digging in the dirt, looking for worms. “That’s so sad,” I said.
“That’s not the worse part,” Susan said. “His wife was six months pregnant.”
I swallowed hard, wondering how anyone could withstand such a tragedy. Max had every right to be rude.
“After the funeral, Max couldn’t quite get it back together. He went from fighting in televised matches to underground fighting rings. Phil tells him all the time that it’s dangerous, but Max doesn’t listen. He doesn’t listen to anyone. Anyway, we’re letting him rent our guesthouse until he gets back on his feet. Only I don’t think he has the motivation.”
Then what I am going to do? I thought.
“He wants us to leave today,” I said. “Susan, I hate to be a burden, but I have nowhere else to go.”
“Don’t worry, Jenny. I’ll do everything I can to help you,” Susan said.
I shook my head. “I don’t want any money.”
“Don’t worry. I don’t have any to give you,” Susan said, sighing. “Phil tied up our funds in a new hog farm. It hasn’t started turning a profit yet. Actually, it’s losing money.”
I squinted through the sunlight, watching Lily skip along the stepping stone path. Where was my little girl going to sleep tonight?
“All I can offer you is the guesthouse,” Susan said.
“But there’s only one bedroom. And you already have a tenant.”
“I can have Phil talk to Max, see if we can’t work something out,” Susan said.
“I don’t like the idea of living with a strange man,” I said.
Susan looked at me, shrugging and shaking her head, as if to say, “You don’t have another option.”
My attention turned to Lily, who was crouching down, examining something in the dirt. She picked it up and ran towards me.
“Look, Mommy, look,” she said.
She held a bright green lizard in her hand. The creature was completely still, probably an attempt to play dead.
“Wow, sweetie,” I said.
Lily gave me a satisfied smile, then started to put the lizard in her pocket.
“No, honey, put him back in the grass,” I said. “Let him be free.”
Lily pranced off, then carefully let the lizard loose in the grass. “Be free!” she squealed.
I’d known it wouldn’t be easy leaving Todd and completely uprooting our life. But I had the tools to survive, to take care of my daughter. All I had to do was get my nursing license renewed, find a job, then we could get a place of our own.
An old truck pulled up in front of the guesthouse. Max climbed out of the driver’s seat. He wore a T-shirt with the sleeves ripped off, revealing his large biceps. He was covered in sweat, his skin tinged red, like he’d just been working out. After giving us a look, he went inside.
This is only temporary, I thought, trying to reassure myself.
Lily was getting tired, so I took her inside to get some lunch. I heard the shower running as I made the macaroni and cheese. Lily ate at the kitchen table in her booster seat, while a cartoon played on the television.
My phone was buried under the pillows on the couch. I hadn’t looked at it since last night, and I didn’t want to. Todd had surely tried to get in touch with me when he realized we were gone, and weren’t coming back. I didn’t want to hear what he had to say, so I left my phone where it was, with the ringer turned off.
Max emerged from the bathroom with a towel tied around his waist. I tried not to stare, but I couldn’t help it. His body was perfect, cut and toned. Every muscle in his thighs could be seen. Todd and I rarely made love, so to see a man like this stirred something deep inside of me, no matter how hard I fought it. Max scanned the room, looking to Lily, then to me.
“You seem to be settling in,” he said with a hint of sarcasm.
“Look, Max,” I said, keeping my voice quiet. “There’s no way we can find another place on such short notice.” I took a deep breath, hoping to level with him. I said all of the following in one, hurried breath. “I just left my husband. All our credit cards are in his name. He hasn’t let me work since before Lily was born, so I have no income of my own. Please, we have nothing.”
Max raised his hand in the air. “I said I didn’t want to hear it.”
“Mr. Max,” Lily squealed. Her lips and chin were covered in orange cheese. “I still have my monster alien space money.” She dug into her pocket and retrieved the quarter. A few pebbles and a handful of dirt fell out with it.
“Excellent job, Lily,” Max said. “You must really be special. Most kids would’ve spent it on cracker jacks by now.”
Lily scrunched her little nose. “What’s a cracker jack?”
“You don’t know what a cracker jack is?” Max asked.
“We don’t eat many sweets or processed foods,” I said.
“Really? Well, the color of that cheese looks like something from my planet,” Max said.
“Like I said, we don’t have much choice,” I said.
“Mr. Max, where are your clothes?” Lily asked.
“I’m going to get them right now,” Max said. “Excuse me, ladies.”
While Max changed in the bedroom, I cleaned up after our lunch, and wiped off Lily’s face and hands. I set Lily up with a coloring book and some crayons. She sat on the living room floor, her legs curled under her, coloring happily. How long would that innocence last, I wondered, my heart constricting? How long before she figures out what’s really going on here?
Max flung the bedroom door open. He was wearing jeans and a black T-shirt, and was in a much different mood. He held his phone in his hand.
“Phil just texted me,” he said. “He wants to talk. I hope this isn’t about you.”
“Look, Mr. Max,” Lily said, holding up a picture of Winnie the Pooh scribbled in crayon.
Max ignored her, then marched out of the door. I watched from the window as he walked up the path to the farmhouse. Lily shrugged, then went back to coloring. I stared out of the window, seething with anger. I couldn’t stay somewhere where we were so unwelcome. It wasn’t a good environment for children. This was what I was trying to get Lily away from, selfish men and their fluctuating moods. Was this really better than what we’d left?
I tried not to let the thought in, but it wriggled its way inside of my brain. What if we went back? Not right away, but after a couple of days. Maybe Todd would learn a lesson. He’d realize that if he didn’t change his behavior, he could lose us forever. I looked to the pillows stacked on the couch, and slowly walked over toward it. I reached underneath the pillows and retrieved my phone. There was no telling how many texts I had from Todd. Taking a deep breath, I looked at the screen.
There was nothing. No texts, no calls, nothing.
That asshole, I thought. Bile coursed through my body. He didn’t miss us. He was probably glad we were gone. Now, he didn’t have to sneak around with Ciara. He could flaunt his affair until he got tired of her too.
There was no going back, I realized, bitterly.
I got down on the floor to play with Lily, trying my best to hide my emotions from her. She jumped on my back and pretended I was a horse. I carried her around the guesthouse, walking on all fours.
Max returned to the guesthouse less than an hour later. I watched him silently as he sat in a recliner, and changed the channel from a children’s network to boxing. Lily stood in front of the TV, mesmerized.
“That’s a little violent, don’t you think?” I said, carefully.
Max turned to me, his eyes narrowed. “If you’re going to stay here, you can’t tell me what I can and can’t watch.”
Relief flooded through me, but it was also tinged with dread. This was the best of two miserable choices.
“I pay the rent,” Max said. “You cook, you clean, and you stay out of my way.”
“Okay,” I said, nodding. “Thank you.”
Max turned back to the television. “The bathroom needs cleaning,�
�� he said.
As I looked around for cleaning supplies, the boxing match was growing more violent. One boxer had the other pinned against the rope and was pummeling him repeatedly. I bit my tongue, resolving not to say anything. To my surprise, Max picked up the remote and turned it back to the children’s channel. The corners of my lips twitched with a smile as I went into the bathroom to clean it.
*
Over the next few weeks, we fell into a routine, as strange as it was. Max stayed away most of the day. From what I could tell, he trained in the mornings until early afternoon, and most nights, he would fight. I spent my days doing laundry for all of us, cleaning, and cooking. Max wasn’t present for most of our meals. I would leave leftovers in the fridge, and they’d eventually get eaten.
The days turned in on each other, cycling faster and faster. Wake up. Clean. Laundry. Cook. Sleep. Repeat. This was the treadmill I was on. It was a degrading feeling, washing the clothes of a man I barely knew and hardly saw, all so my daughter and I would have a place to stay. Was I destined to serve controlling men for the rest of my life? I was smart and well educated. How had things come to this?
My only hope was to get my nursing license renewed, though that seemed like an uphill battle. Since I’d let mine lapse, I’d need to take thirty hours of continuing education before I could apply for renewal. I’d need a job to pay for school, but with no childcare for Lily and my responsibilities at the guesthouse, I didn’t know when I’d find the time.
It wasn’t all bad. Though he was short with me, Max was kind and patient with Lily. He let us share the bedroom while he slept on the couch. We begrudgingly tolerated each other, and as two people who had nowhere else to go, there was a silent empathy there, a respect, even.
One night, I was feeling particularly down. I put Lily to sleep early, then sat down with the ancient bottle of wine I’d found in the cabinets and dwelled on my sorry situation. The wine was a bit bitter, but it did the job.
I didn’t realize how late it had gotten until Max came home. He was once again shirtless and covered in blood, like he’d walked directly out of the ring and came home without stopping to dress or wipe his face. When he saw I was still up, he grunted. These were the most awkward times, when we were alone without Lily for a distraction. There was a wall between us, which neither of us knew how to climb. But it looked like Lily and I were going to be here for a while, so one of us had to make an effort.
“Are you hungry?” I asked from the couch. “I can reheat the leftovers from dinner.”
Max grabbed a protein shake from the fridge. “No,” he said, then took a long swig. “I don’t like to eat after a fight.”
I sat up straight, resolving not to let him shut me out. “You need to replenish the energy you lost during the fight.” I stood up and walked into the kitchen. “Sit down. Let me make you a plate.”
To my surprise, Max sat down without argument. I turned my back to him, smiling secretly as I assembled the braised chicken and broccoli I’d cooked for dinner. When it was ready, I placed the plate in front of Max, along with a large drink of water.
“You need to rehydrate,” I explained. “Protein shakes aren’t going to cut it.”
Max picked up the glass and took a small sip. I nodded, satisfied, and sat down across from him. I was confused when Max didn’t pick up his silverware, and sat quietly gazing into his lap. I thought at first he was refusing to eat, then he mumbled something to himself, picked up his head, and dug in.
“You pray?” I blurted out.
“Yes,” he said. “Do you?”
I laughed, but he didn’t. It was such a foreign concept to me, praying. Growing up, my family wasn’t very religious. Todd hated religion, saying it was it was something powerful people used to control the masses.
“No,” I said, quietly.
Max went back to eating, and the subject was dropped.
“This is good,” he commented. “I don’t usually eat this many vegetables.”
“Well, you should,” I said, grasping on to this tiny thread of conversation. “For the vitamins, and for the fiber.”
Max popped a large piece of cauliflower into his mouth. “So, you used to be a nurse or something?”
“A labor and delivery nurse,” I said, smiling as I remembered my days of delivering babies. “It was the best job. I never got tired of seeing a new mother looking at her baby for the very first time.”
“Why’d you quit?” Max asked.
I circled my finger around the wineglass. “Todd, my husband, didn’t want me working after I got pregnant with Lily. It wasn’t what I wanted to do, but he insisted. I’m sorry, I know you don’t want to hear about this.”
“No, it’s okay,” Max said. He slid his hand forward on the table, and his fingertips almost touched mine. I looked up, and was shocked to see a gentleness in his eyes. He looked like a completely different person. Everything about him was hard and rough, his body, his attitude, his job. I peered into his eyes, and saw a tenderness. Max quickly looked away.
“Did he beat you or something?” Max said, as if he were asking about the weather.
“No, it wasn’t physical,” I said. “But now I understand I was abused emotionally. It doesn’t sound that bad, but he wore me down everyday. I couldn’t do anything right, and he let me know it. On top of that, there was the lying and the cheating.”
“If it makes you feel better,” Max said, looking down shyly. “This place has never been so clean. And your food is really good. I think I do have more energy from the vegetables. I won the fight tonight, my first win in a while.” He looked to me, tentatively. “So that should tell you that this Todd doesn’t know what he’s talking about.”
Our eyes locked, and we smiled at each other. I couldn’t put into words how grateful I was to hear that. My attention turned to the cut above his eye. It wasn’t healing properly. I leaned towards him, and he flinched away.
“That cut, I think it needs stitches,” I said. “I have a first aid kit. Won’t you let me fix it for you?”
Max pushed his empty plate away and groaned. “I would like the swelling to go down. Go ahead, give it a shot.”
I retrieved my first aid kit from the closet, and set up everything I’d need on the table. Max leaned his head back, allowing him to examine him.
“Try to relax,” I said. “I don’t have any anesthesia, so this is going to hurt. Do you want a sip of wine?”
Max nodded, his eyes clenched shut. I poured a glass of wine and handed it to him. He drank most of it in two long swigs.
“Tastes terrible,” he said, slamming the glass down on the table.
“But it works,” I said.
While examining the cut, I saw that it wasn’t infected. It couldn’t heal properly because the cut was too deep. Max barely flinched as I cleaned the wound with alcohol.
“You’ll only need three stitches,” I said. “This won’t take long.”
Max nodded, and gripped the table in front of him. I threaded the needle, then started sewing him up. Max took a sharp breath in and gripped the table so hard I thought he’d launch it against the room.
“Doing okay?” I said after the first stitch was completed.
“Just get on with it,” Max said.
I steadied my hand. The cut was deeper at this point, and the stitches were going to hurt a lot more. As I completed the second stitch, Max let out a loud wail.
“Almost done,” I said.
I dove into the third stitch. This was the deepest part of the cut. My thread got stuck, and I had to pull on it until it finally yanked free. Max screamed. After I quickly got the last stitch through, Max reached up and grabbed my wrist.
I was astonished by the strength of his grip, and a sudden shock of fear went through me. I looked down at him, my eyes wide with terror, but his expression calmed me. There was that look again, tender, gentle. He zeroed in my on face, and my heart started to thump. I felt a pull towards him, and he seemed to feel the same thi
ng. I took in a ragged breath, almost expecting him to kiss me.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to grab you” Max said, quickly looking away. “That was involuntary.”
I trembled slightly from the adrenaline rushing through me. “The hard part’s over. I just need to tie up the ends.”
*
It took Todd three weeks to text. By the time I heard from him, I’d gotten a job as a nurse’s assistant at a local hospital, and attended classes online. Susan’s housekeeper, Clara, watched Lily for me, and refused my payment.
“You’ll pay me later,” Clara said. “When you finish school and get a nice job, pay me then.”
School, work, and Lily kept me busy, and there was still my agreement with Max. I didn’t make enough to pay for school and contribute rent, so I was still resigned to cook, clean, and wash clothes for him. Life was busy, but I stayed on top of everything. And I finally seemed to have some forward movement, some progress. My plans were coming together.
There was still a strange tension between Max and me. Ever since that moment when I was sure he was going to kiss me, something was different between us. The silence was heavier, his moods cryptic, as if something had been left unsaid. I spoke to him even less now, and he definitely never let me treat his injuries.
Where is my daughter?
I got the text in the break room at the hospital. I was halfway through my second shift, and had gotten a soda and a candy bar from the vending machine, which was a splurge from me. My break only lasted ten minutes, and I’d hoped to FaceTime Clara to talk to Lily. Instead, I’d gotten this text.
Funny how worried you are all the sudden. We’ve been gone for three weeks. How’s Ciara?
I stared down at the text I’d typed out, and deleted it without sending it.
She’s safe. We both are, I sent.
A few seconds later, Todd responded.
Where are you?
“I’m not telling you,” I said under my breath. “I’m free from you.”
I want a divorce.
Just as I hit send, the little spinning circles appeared, letting me know Todd was typing. The circles stopped, then restarted, and stopped again. Todd never responded. I exhaled deeply, then shoved my phone in the pocket of my scrubs. If I wanted to divorce Todd, I knew I’d have to talk to him again, and probably face him in court. But right now, I had patients, and couldn’t think about that. I finished my soda and went back to work.
Sweet Submission: Jenny and Max Complete Series Plus Bonus Short Story Page 2