Later that evening, on my drive home, it started to rain. It fell softly at first, then gradually grew more intense. The rhythmic pit pat on the roof lulled me into a state of relaxation. I was desperate for sleep. All I could think about was getting home and falling into bed.
When I pulled up to the guesthouse, Lily parted the curtains of the front window. I heard her squeal when she saw me. Before I could make it to the front door, Lily had run out to greet me. Her bare feet splashed through the puddles.
“Lily, it’s pouring out here,” I said. She hugged me around my knees so hard I thought I’d fall over. “And why aren’t you in bed?”
“Sorry, Jenny,” Clara said, appearing on the porch. “She’s refusing bedtime.”
I took a deep sigh. I was hoping that Lily would already be in bed by the time I got back.
“Oh, sweetie,” I said. “Aren’t you tired?”
“No, I’m not tired. See?” She looked up at me, stretching her eyes wide open as if that was somehow proof she wasn’t tired. “I want to splash in the puddles with you.”
My first instinct was to try to reason with her, to get her to bed as quickly as possible so I could rest. But then it occurred me that this was my life now. I was a single mother. I’d always be tired, and I couldn’t just shove my children away when they wanted to be with me.
“All right,” I said, causing Lily to jump up and down. “Let’s go get your rain boots.”
“You sure you don’t want me to get her to bed?” Clara asked as I was pulling the boot up Lily’s leg.
“That’s okay, Clara. I’ve got it from here. You go home,” I said.
“But you must be so tired,” Clara said.
“Yes, but I’m getting used to it,” I said.
I pulled on my own boots, and Lily and I ran hand in hand out into the pouring rain. The driveway to the guest house sloped up a small hill, so there was plenty of good puddles for splashing. Lily giggled as she hopped up and down in the water, trying to see how big of a splash she could make. I forgot how tired I was as I played with Lily. Her enthusiasm was contagious.
Lily stopped jumping when we saw headlights turn in front of the guesthouse.
“It’s the alien monster,” Lily said in a hushed voice.
“Oh, no. What should we do?”
Lily put her finger to her forehead as she thought. “Let’s hide, and jump out and surprise him”
“Good idea,” I said.
We crouched behind a bush next to the driveway, and waited for Max to pull up. When he got out of the car, Lily and I jumped up, yelling, “Surprise!” Max jumped, then looked at us in total shock. I thought maybe we’d angered him for a moment, then he started laughing loudly.
“You think you can scare the alien monster?” Max said in a roaring voice. “I’ll show you what happens when you try. Come here.”
Max been down and started lightly tickling Lily’s sides. She roared with laughter and squirmed in his arms. Max, clearly caught up in the playful moment, turned to me.
“And you too,” he said.
I squealed as he gripped me around the waist and started tickling me. I tried to get away, but somehow ended up deeper in his arms. Max tightened his grip around me and tickled the top of my back, just under my shoulder blades. I was laughing so hard I could barely breathe. When he finally stopped, I looked up at him, panting. There was that look again. Rain fell all around us, but his arms were warm around me. Was this it? Was he going to kiss me?
Max suddenly loosened his grip around me. I stumbled back. He looked to Lily, then to me, and went inside of the house. Lily grabbed my hand.
“Keep jumping, Mommy,” she said.
“Okay, sweetie,” I said through a strained smile.
We kept hopping through the puddles. I couldn’t stop looking at the house, thinking about Max. What was happening between us? And for the first time I realized that maybe this was something I wanted.
When the rain stopped falling, I finally got Lily inside with promises of pancakes in the morning. I towel dried her hair, got her out of her wet clothes, and into her pajamas. After laying in her crib, she quickly drifted off to sleep. I was amped up from playing outside, and there were a few dishes in the sink, so I went to clean them instead of going to bed.
Max was sitting at the kitchen table, a closed book in front of him. He didn’t look at me when I entered the room. As I got closer, I noticed that that book was a Bible. It seemed odd that he would be a man of faith. Just how seriously did he take his religion?
I stood in front of the sink and turned on the faucet. Max looked up at me.
“We need to talk,” he said.
Maybe this was it, when we could finally be honest with each other. I turned the faucet off, then went and sat next to him. His face was a mixture of emotions I couldn’t quite describe, but I started to get an uneasy feeling.
“You have a job now, and you’ll be done with school soon,” Max said. “I think it’s time you move out.”
“What?” I said. My heart fell to my stomach. “No, I can’t. We’re not ready. I haven’t saved up enough money.”
“You’ll get there,” Max said, nodding confidently. “You’re smart, Jenny. You’re a hard worker. I know you can do it.”
“I know I can do it too,” I said. “But now’s not the time. I can’t afford rent and school. And what would I do without Clara?”
Max looked away, pensively. “You’ll figure something out.” He stood up and walked to the couch.
I couldn’t believe he was kicking me out, after all I’d done for him. He was nothing more than an ungrateful caveman, just like Todd. I was so ashamed that I’d actually started developing feelings for him.
He’s just your type, isn’t he? came a snarky thought.
“Just figure it out, huh?” I said. “If it’s that easy, why don’t you figure it out? You’ve been here for six months.”
“I pay the rent here, this is where I live,” Max said.
“And I’ve busted my ass for you. What am I? A slave?”
“Jenny,” he said. The way he said my name made my heart thump. “You’re not a slave. You’re a very capable, and,” he paused, as if deciding on the word. “Beautiful woman. But you have to go.”
What was he saying? One second he was telling me I was beautiful, the next he was kicking me out.
“So, what? We cramp your style? Mr. Big Bad MMA fighter can’t be seen living with a divorced woman and her three year old,” I said, fuming. “We’ve been very careful to stay out of your way. I know Lily is a little rambunctious-“
“This isn’t about Lily,” he said, interrupting me. “Having you two here, it’s just-“ He placed his hand to his forehead and walked to the other end of the room.
“It’s what, Max?” I asked softly.
He turned around, his eyes red with tears. “Too painful,” he said, his voice cracking with emotion. “You remind me of her.”
Seeing his pain caused tears to well in my own eyes. His wife, of course. I’d been so caught up in my own problems, I’d forgotten that Max was probably still in mourning.
“I’ll start looking for a place tomorrow. We’ll be out of here as soon as we can,” I said, then marched off to bed.
*
After going through the tenth page of apartment listings on the hospital’s computer, I wanted to tear my hair out. There was nothing suitable within my budget, and what I could afford was hours away from the hospital and in undesirable locations. What didn’t help my fruitless apartment hunting on this already stressful day was that Todd wouldn’t stop texting me.
He’d changed his threatening tone, and was now trying to convince me he was still in love with me and wanted me back. At various times throughout the day, he’d send a text saying, you’re beautiful, you’re amazing, or I want you.
I hated the little thrill I got whenever he complimented me. But after so many years of his criticism, I couldn’t deny that it felt good. After looking at
the prospects I’d have if I stayed on my own, I started to entertain the idea of going back to him. This was the first time I’d left, and maybe he’d actually learned a lesson. And Lily would be thrilled. She asked about her daddy all the time, though I could tell she was starting to figure out that this was more than a trip.
That night, while I lay in bed, listening to Lily’s steady breathing as she slept, I read a long text message from Todd.
Jenny, I haven’t always been the husband that you deserve. Now that you and Lily are gone, I realize just how much I took you for granted. Instead of yelling at you for burning dinner, I should’ve laughed it off and taken you and Lily out for pizza. Instead of insulting your weight after you had Lily, I should’ve encouraged you to make healthier choices. I should’ve kissed you more, hugged you more, made love to you more. Jenny, I didn’t know what I had until it was gone. Please, give me another chance.
When I finished reading, I was in tears. Though there was no mention of his infidelities, Todd had admitted to more than ever before. I thought about the charming man I’d met in college, and how easily I’d fallen in love with him. It wasn’t until after we were married that he started to change. If he’d changed once, maybe he could change again.
I clutched my phone to my chest, and watched Lily sleep. Instead of staying here with an emotionally damaged man, or finding a cheap apartment in a terrible school district, we could go back home to Lily’s father.
*
The next morning, I stood by the stove cooking eggs for Lily’s breakfast, when Max came in and grabbed something from the refrigerator. I felt a small thrill of victory when I saw it was a bottle of water and not a protein shake. Lily was in the living room watching TV, so I kept my voice low.
“We found somewhere to go,” I said. “We’ll be gone by the end of the week.”
The water bottle crackled in Max’s grip. “You found a place in a good neighborhood?”
“Yes,” I said. That wasn’t a lie. Our house was in a wonderful neighborhood, with lots of parks and kids Lily’s age.
“Good, good,” Max said. He stopped talking, and I waited for him for to leave. Instead, he just kept standing there. I turned to him with a questioning look. “You should know,” he said, stepping forward. “I do care about you and that little girl. If things were different-“
“I know,” I said, quickly wiping the tears away from my eyes. I couldn’t bear to hear anymore. “No hard feelings, okay? Just remember to take care of yourself.”
I turned back to the stove, and without a word, Max walked away. He sat next to Lily on the living room floor and watched cartoons with her. For just a moment, I allowed myself to visualize that this was my life, that Lily and I lived with Max, and Max and I were honest about our feelings for each other.
Why can’t we be together? I shook the thought from my head. My decision had already been made, and I was certain it was what was best for my daughter.
*
I didn’t tell Lily that her daddy was coming to take us home until that morning, even though I’d known for a week. I didn’t want to get her excited, and then the plan suddenly change. Todd texted me before I woke up saying that he couldn’t wait to see us. While Lily drank her orange juice, I told her the news. She practically shook with excitement.
“I was worried I’d never see Daddy again,” she said, cutting into her pancakes.
“Of course you were going to see Daddy again,” I said.
Max walked in the front door. He was gone when Lily and I woke up, and I expected not to see him again.
“Everything packed up?” Max asked me. I nodded. “Let me know if you need any help moving boxes.”
“Mr. Max, Daddy’s coming today,” Lily said. “I want to show him my monster alien space money. I still have it.” She patted her pockets. “Where is it?”
“Your daddy, huh?” Max said while looking at me. “Is that true?”
I nodded, then looked down in my lap. “Would you like some pancakes?”
Max shook his head. “I’m not hungry.”
After breakfast, Lily went to the farmhouse with Clara while I got our things together. I hadn’t seen Max in a while and thought he’d left again, then he suddenly appeared in the bedroom while I was dismantling the crib.
“You can’t go back to him,” Max said.
I looked at him incredulously. “That’s not for you to decide.”
Max walked further into the room. His bicep muscles flexed against the sleeves of his T-shirt. “After all he put you through. Jenny, you can’t go back to that. It’s not good for Lily.”
I was having trouble with the legs of the crib. I yanked them apart, and screws went flying everywhere. I groaned in frustration. “I’m trying to do what’s best for my daughter, and that’s for her family to be together.”
Max crouched on the floor, helping me look for screws. This act of kindness made my anger dissolve. I sighed.
“Todd’s changed,” I said. “He doesn’t want to lose us again. It’ll be different.”
“You don’t really believe that, do you?” Max asked. “How many times has he talked you into staying with him? How many times has he told you that things were going to change? It’s not going to be different and you know it.”
“But I don’t have a choice, do I?” I said, harshly.
“You could find somewhere else,” Max said. “Take as long as you need.”
“How very generous,” I said, bitterly. “This is none of your business. I’m going back to Todd and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
I reached under the bed to retrieve a screw, and then felt a hard pop on my bottom. Every muscle in my body froze from the shock, then I felt the throbbing pain. Slowly, I came out from under the bed and sat back on my knees. Max’s face was red and he was breathing heavily.
“Did you just hit me?” I asked. “You have no right.”
“I don’t have any right,” Max said through gritted teeth. “You’re not my wife, and I don’t have any authority over you. But, I think, I want that.”
I should run far away, I thought, but my body stayed stubbornly still.
“What are you talking about?” I asked.
Max took a deep breath, then spoke in a steady voice. “The husband is the head of the household, just as Christ is the head of the church.”
“Is that the Bible?” I asked.
“Yes,” Max said. “It’s part of God’s holy design for men and women. When I was married to Mara-“ He cleared his throat. “She answered to me. I made the rules, and she followed them. If she disobeyed, then she got a spanking.”
I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. Was this a dream?
“You’re not my husband,” I said. “You don’t make the rules.”
“I know, I know,” Max said. He moved carefully towards me, then cupped his hand around my cheek. I had to fight with every bone in my body not to submit to his touch. “But, Jenny, I want to be.”
I doubled over, tears of relief and joy spilling from my eyes. This was what I’d wanted to hear for a long time, but with this new information, I had my doubts.
“What about Mara?” I said. “I thought it was too painful for you.”
Max clasped his other hand to my face. “Not as painful as letting you go. I know that now.”
“I can’t let another man control me,” I said. “That’s what I left behind.”
“No, Jenny, this is different,” Max said. “Todd controlled you to fulfill his own selfish needs. I would set limits and rules for you because I want to protect you. I care for you. I-“ Max paused to stare into my eyes. “I love you.” He looked at me with that gentle expression I’d come to crave. When he leaned towards me, I felt like I was floating on air. He pressed his lips against mine, and nothing else had ever felt so right.
There was so much said with that kiss, so much cleared between us. I desperately grasped at his broad shoulders, never wanting to let him go. He wrapped me tightly in his m
uscular arms, making me feel small. Max was nothing like Todd, and he showed me that so many ways.
Our lips parted and we pressed our foreheads together, both smiling broadly, letting the joy wash over us and pull us closer together. Our happy moment was interrupted by a car honking outside.
“That’s him,” I said, suddenly feeling a rush of panic.
Max pulled me towards him protectively. “Stay inside.” He rose to his feet, leaving me sitting on the floor.
I couldn’t just sit idly waiting to see what happened, so I went into the living room and peeked out of the window. Max stood in front of Todd. He was at least a foot taller than my husband. He held his arms out from his body, accentuating his large build. Todd cowered behind his car door. The two spoke, but I couldn’t hear what they were saying.
“Jenny,” Todd yelled. “Jenny, come out here right now.”
I moved quickly away from the window, not wanting him to see me.
“Jenny, who is this guy?” Todd screamed, louder. “How long have you been fucking him?”
Those words hit me like a ton of bricks. Todd hadn’t changed. He was exactly the same. Everything was my fault, and he shouldered none of the blame. I looked back out of the window. Max held his arm straight out, his hand against Todd’s chest, stopping him from approaching the house. I opened the drapes wider. When Todd saw me standing there, he perked up.
“Jenny, there you are,” he yelled. “Tell this animal that I’m your husband. Where is my daughter?”
While he continued to yell, I waved to him, whispering, “Goodbye.” Todd’s face fell, and I snapped the curtains closed.
Epilogue
Max, Lily, and I lived in the guesthouse until I finished school. I was able to get a job at a larger hospital as a registered nurse. This meant a good, steady paycheck, and with my experience, I wouldn’t have to work the night shift. The three of us moved into a two bedroom house close to the hospital in an excellent school district. I’d calculated, that at a rate of eighteen dollars an hour, I owed Clara a small fortune. Every month, I sent her a payment with a picture of Lily.
Sweet Submission: Jenny and Max Complete Series Plus Bonus Short Story Page 3