by Coralee June
I knew that if anyone knew how dangerous desperation could be, it was Huxley. He was still struggling with the guilt that Jules’ irrational thinking left behind.
“The fact that he’s here shows that he’s getting sloppy and letting his responsibilities crack,” Huxley seemed to think out loud. “Cyler told us that you and he had a history. I think you need to stay close to us.” I nodded. “We will keep you safe, Ash.” My nickname rolled off his tongue, and I felt a strange urge to hug him, but instead, he walked out of my room, and I laid down and allowed exhaustion to overcome me.
Chapter Eighteen
The next morning, I snuck out early to go to the dormitories where Maverick was administering vaccinations and making sure each male Walker was physically able to work in the mines. The long walk gave me time to think about Josiah’s rushed visit and consider how I wanted to handle things with him. All the pain, tension, and love between us was too much to handle, and I needed time to consider what I wanted from him.
I heard Patrick calling my name, and I turned to see him running towards me, carrying a basket of what I assumed to be breakfast.
“Hey, sugar. I went to get you this morning but was surprised to find that you had already left,” he roared. Once we were closer, he said in a lower and softer tone. “I’d prefer that you didn’t walk alone while we have visitors. Please wait for one of us in the future.” He stared at me with wild eyes. I saw a firm determination there that made me feel safe and secure. It was a sense of stability that I needed with all the events of the past month.
I nodded my head yes. I was unused to having a group of people so concerned with my wellbeing. “What are you doing today?” I asked politely.
“I’m keeping an eye on you,” he answered with a grin. “I’m also going to assess the new Walkers your pal Josiah brought. Maverick has some . . . concerns . . . about their ability to work.” He said cryptically.
“What kind of concerns?” I asked.
“None that you should worry about,” he replied hastily. “You know, Huxley is the one that asked me to look after you. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say that he was starting to not hate you,” he said with a laugh.
I chuckled at the thought. “Huxley just wants what’s best for you all. He’s navigating grief and guilt. I think I understand him more than anyone here.” I admitted. The truth in my admission startled me. Huxley was rough and mean, but he was fiercely protective of this town and his friends. Patrick interrupted my thoughts.
“Is it weird that I’m relieved to hear you say that?” he asked, and I looked over at Patrick curiously. “I’m happy that someone sees Huxley for who he truly is.”
We continued to walk in silence. For me, I saw a version of myself in Huxley the moment his frustrated and picky eyes cast themselves upon me. It seemed that I had everyone figured out but Patrick.
“Who are you, Patrick? I mean really. I feel like I haven’t gotten much of an opportunity to get to know you these past couple weeks.”
Patrick sighed and considered my question while we walked.
“I’m who Huxley was before,” he answered. “It's like Huxley absorbed all my grief when our parents died. He didn’t allow me to feel pity or sadness. He took on responsibility for our group in the only way he knew how–by shouldering our burdens and feeling so sad that there was no more of the emotion left for the rest of us.” In not talking about himself, Patrick revealed everything I needed to know about him. He was intuitive and caring. “I see my brother, and it kills me, so I’m the one that balances him out. I keep positive,” he added.
“I’m sorry about your parents,” I whispered while battling my own grief. This world had so much loss.
“Thank you,” Patrick replied. “They passed when Huxley and I were ten. It’s been a while since I’ve spoke of them.” Patrick then picked at his nails. It was a nervous tick I’d noticed that he had. “A group of desperate savages attacked our town, searching for supplies,” Patrick continued. “Both my parents were lost in the skirmish, and we moved in with Cyler and Maverick. We’re all a bunch of orphans,” he admitted sadly.
I wanted to know what happened to everyone’s families but was too afraid to ask. I assumed that they would reveal it to me on their terms.
“Honestly, Pat. I think you have the harder job,” I said.
Patrick immediately stopped walking and turned to face me.
“What do you mean?”
“I think it's easy to allow the grief of others to flow through you. It's easy to cry or be mad. True strength means being a beacon of hope when everyone else gives into the darkness.” I didn’t intend for our conversation to take on such a meaningful tone but seeing Patrick’s eyes shine brightly made me thankful for my brave words.
We made our way over to the Dormitories and found Maverick in the mess hall administering vaccinations to the new wave of Walkers from the Galla province. These Walkers looked healthy and well fed. They were mostly quiet and openly observed everyone while occasionally making comments to one another. The women Walkers watched eagerly. I noticed Becca appraising them with a smirk. I left Patrick to chat with Maverick and went over to speak with her.
“Hey, Becca,” I said. “How are the new Walkers?”
“Oh, they are simply fantastic,” she swooned. “I wish I knew what corner of the zone these hotties were scrounged from.”
I looked back at them and agreed. These Walkers didn’t look like people that suffered in poverty. They were beefy and stoic. Some even had thick muscles that instinctively flexed when we passed. We chatted a bit more before she asked if she could visit me at the main house. Although I selfishly didn’t want her around the other brothers, I agreed, and we made plans to meet and get ready together before the Summer Solstice Festival in a few days.
I made my way back over to Maverick just as he administered the last vaccination. Patrick then winked playfully at me and rounded up the walkers into the makeshift gymnasium for physical fitness tests. I assumed that they wanted to divide the Walkers into different groups depending on their fitness skills and need.
“How are they?” I asked Maverick.
“They seem to be a healthy bunch. Some were even overweight, which isn’t necessarily what we expected to come through from the Walker Zones. Apparently, some of them had jobs on their trade dock hauling crates. But still, something feels off.” He spoke mostly to himself and rubbed his fingers along the line of his red beard.
We decided to walk over to the gymnasium and observe. Once there, Patrick had them doing a variety of drills, and they accomplished each task with precision. They seemed highly organized and incredibly fit. Maverick was right; something was off.
While watching, I noticed a tall Walker looking directly at me. I cautiously met his gaze and immediately broke eye contact when I saw him peering at me with an aggressive intensity. Something about him seemed oddly familiar, but I just assumed that I saw him when Cyler and I made our visit to the Walker Zones.
I spent the day assisting at the Dormitories. I dressed beds, assisted in making dinner, and helped Maverick organize his files on each Walker. It was a long, tedious day, but keeping busy allowed me to keep from obsessing over Josiah or what he intended for me. Although I felt terrible leaving Jacob back at the main house, I figured that he was resourceful enough to evade Jules’ manipulative and cruel antics.
By nightfall, both Maverick and Patrick were carrying me out of the Dormitories and back to their home. At first, I leaned against both of them while we walked, but exhaustion hit me like a ton of bricks with each step. My eyes continued to grow heavy, and before I could protest, Patrick picked me up in his large arms and began carrying me through the town’s center. It was nice to be close to him, and I tried discreetly to feel his strong muscles while I leaned against his broad chest.
He carried me with care; I melted into him and without realizing it, I released a contented moan which caused both him and Maverick to chuckle. Once we were closer
to the house, he set me down and with tired, shaky legs, the three of us made our way up the drive. I knew that I couldn’t avoid Josiah forever, but I prayed that he would be gone when the door opened.
Unfortunately, he was already standing at the threshold of the Black Home with his arms crossed when we opened the door. He looked over at Maverick, Patrick, and me with frustration. I wanted to comfort him, but the anger that rolled off of him in waves made me feel unsure. “I was wondering where you went off to.” His smile held a sad look about it that made me involuntarily cringe. I stood there for a moment and considered everything that had changed between us in a short few weeks. For as long as I could remember, he was my haven in a world of chaos. But I still felt Josiah’s tight grip from the night before and briefly questioned if it was safe to pass him.
Luckily, Maverick noticed my open discomfort and placed his hand on my lower back while guiding me inside. He strategically placed himself between Josiah and me, which made me sigh in relief. “Ash was helping us get the new Walkers settled in,” he briefly explained on my behalf.
Without waiting for Josiah to respond, he kept his hand on me, and we walked to my bedroom. Patrick stayed behind and engaged Josiah in idle conversation. Before being out of sight, I peered over my shoulder and saw a glimpse of the Josiah I knew and loved. He had a defeated expression, and I knew that he regretted the last moment we were alone together.
We made it to my bedroom, and Maverick gently shut the door behind me. He then asked, “Do you want to explain what that was about?” I looked down at my feet and shrugged. How could I explain when even I didn’t understand why I felt nervous around Josiah?
Josiah has been my one constant in life, the one person I could always rely on, but the man here today was nothing like the boy I grew to love. “Josiah has . . . changed . . . since the last time I saw him. I can’t explain it,” I said.
“Did he hurt you?” Maverick asked with more force than necessary.
“No, of course not.” I bit back while crossing my arms. “It’s like, me being here has released a flood of emotions that even Josiah doesn’t quite understand. I was the girl he could never have, but also the Walker he owned. I was both his and not his. I think for the first time in his life, I’m completely inaccessible, and it scares the hell out of him.”
“What do you mean by ‘never have’?” Maverick asked softly.
My lip began to quiver, and tears welled up, begging to be released. “I’m a Walker,” I whispered carefully, as though that was all the explanation needed.
Maverick joined me, by sitting on the bed. He grasped my hand and brought it to his lips, kissing it softly. “You deserve someone that doesn’t see you as a Walker, Ash. I hope he’s suffering. I hope he realized how amazing you are and how foolish he is for letting anything get in the way of being with you.”
I looked up at Maverick in awe of his words. The Black brothers consistently amazed me with their kindness and big hearts. I wanted to believe that I was good enough for Josiah, but I knew that our world didn’t necessarily work like that, and I couldn’t expect him to forgo his life for me.
“Please stop looking at me like that, it’s killing me,” Maverick said while shaking his head. “Either way, you feel uncomfortable, and I don’t think you should be around him alone.”
I nodded in agreement. Josiah was acting like a rabid dog, desperate to mark his territory.
Chapter Nineteen
That night, I politely declined an invitation to dinner, and Patrick brought me a tray full of food. I ate alone in silence, but my thoughts were loud and echoed against the walls of my room. I felt incredibly torn between everything I thought I knew and everything I’d learned over the past few days.
Josiah loved me. Or at least, I thought he did. I always thought he had my best interest at heart. But, I was growing to care for each of the people here. Even Huxley was growing on me, despite his gruff exterior. My perception of the way our world works was changing rapidly, and I felt suffocated by the truth of it all. Josiah’s love was driven by his desire to own me–to completely dictate every part of me. I wanted to give the Dormas province a fair chance.
Later that evening, a light knock on my bedroom door brought me to the surface of my thoughts. I was wearing a very thin and short nightgown, so I draped a robe around myself before answering.
Cyler was scratching his head when I opened the door; he wore tight trousers and a navy, cotton shirt. The moment his eyes met mine, he swept my body with a gaze that caressed my soul. “Hey, babe, I thought I’d keep you company,” he said. His voice sounded raw and exhausted. I wondered if he had gotten much rest since the attack on the train.
Instead of stepping aside to let him in, I scolded him. “You look like you could use some sleep. I’m fine; you need to go to bed.” I suggested.
“I tried to sleep, but I couldn’t rest. Something is off with that boyfriend of yours. He’s planning something, and I don’t want you caught in the aftermath.” He grunted. I smiled at his offhanded protectiveness.
“Come on, just let me in,” he pleaded. Wordlessly, I opened the door and allowed him to enter to my room. He turned the lock on my door handle, and suddenly the room felt very crowded. Cyler took up all the air in my bedroom, and I was gasping for clarity.
He casually walked around and eyed all the windows, making sure they were locked and secure. Then, he clumsily leaped on the bed and crossed his legs at the knee while placing his arms behind his head with a smug, relaxed expression on his face.
Cyler and I didn’t speak. The tension I felt was too intense, so instead, I sat in the corner wingback chair and began sketching. About thirty minutes later, Cyler was snoozing lightly. I got up from my chair and covered him with the quilt that was folded at the foot of my bed and smiled at his relaxed expression. Another light knock got my attention, and I made my way to the door.
Surprisingly, Jacob was on the other side wearing an exhausted expression. “I’m sorry Ash. I couldn’t sleep and–” a loud snore erupted from Cyler, cutting him off, and causing both of us to chuckle. “I guess Cyler had the same idea as me.”
I didn’t argue, just let him inside. This was their house, after all.
“I just wanted to make sure you’re okay. I don’t trust anyone from the Galla province, and I’m starting to think we’ve done this all wrong.” He plopped down, crossed-legged on the floor, and just as I was about to shut the door, Kemper and Maverick walked through the threshold and sat on the corner of my bed, waking up Cyler. Apparently, they were all feeling unsettled, and my room was the new meeting spot to discuss it. They talked about the new Walkers and Josiah, and my thoughts drifted back to the new Walkers and the openly hostile one that practically growled at me.
“Maverick,” I started, causing their side conversations to stop. “Did you ever get the train surveillance video to work?” I asked.
Maverick looked at me curiously and shook his head no. “I couldn’t recover the missing footage. We were never able to find out who opened the door from the inside,” he replied.
I closed my eyes and tried to remember each face of the guards that boarded the train and, immediately, the familiar scowl of the man I saw earlier invaded my vision.
“He’s here. The guard from the train. I just realized. He was at the New Walker Dorms today!” My admission caused the entire room to fall into an eerie silence.
“We know,” Cyler said with the biggest grin. Slowly each of them smiled brightly at me.
"Why do you look so happy with it?!” I asked in shock. I had expected them to scatter into a panicked frenzy, not look at me like I told them the best news of their life.
“Because you told us,” Jacob answered with a shrug. I searched their faces for clarification but found none. “We knew the moment Josiah arrived that the Walkers he brought weren't Walkers at all. Then, Huxley found the tablet in your room and saw that you’ve been communicating with Josiah. We couldn’t be sure if you were on our side o
r his,” Maverick explained with a guilty look.
“So, right now, Galla province Guards are camped all around town, and you knew?” I asked incredulously. “Why the heck are you all here, we need to prepare!” I exclaimed while rushing over to my closet and throwing on a long dress over my pajamas.
“Because if any of their heart rates exceed 100 beats per minute, they’ll pass out,” Maverick answered casually. Cyler then fist bumped him, and they chuckled.
“What does that even mean?” I asked.
“Today, I gave each of them what they thought was a vitamin booster. Instead, they got a fun little bug I created,” Maverick said with a grin. “Basically, after twenty-four hours, it will set in, and if their heart rate exceeds 110 beats per minute, they’ll pass out. I came across it while trying to develop a copy of the X Vaccine, and it proved to be quite handy. By morning, all of them will be infected, and any little hint of excitement will render them useless,” he continued proudly.
“What about Josiah’s guards?” I asked, even though I wanted to know about Jo.
“They should be pretty easy to keep under control, but to be safe, we’ve planned to slip a pretty potent sleep powder into their morning coffee,” Cyler explained.
“So this whole time you’ve known?” I was still trying to wrap my head around this strange situation.
“You were the only unknown,” Jacob explained.
Kemper got up and grabbed my hand, guiding me from my closet and back to the floor. He sat behind me and placed both legs on either side of me. I was positioned so that if I leaned back, my shoulders would collide with his chest.
“We know how you feel about Josiah, and we didn’t want you to feel pulled in either direction. Tomorrow, we will explain that we have apprehended his guards, and that he will need to be on the next train to Galla. We can assume that Josiah will be asking you to join him. Please forgive us for keeping you in the dark,” Kemper said while pinching my curls in his hands.