One Hustle

by Cortney Gee

  After hearing Lance's reasoning, I left it alone and went back to our previous conversation about leaving all the hustling behind.

  "So how many more dips into the cookie jar are you gonna make before calling it quits?" I asked him.

  "If Sarafina gives us two more checks like this, I'm out. You, my friend, can kiss Lance the Great goodbye."

  "First off, there ain't enough Power Ranger cash to make me kiss you," I snapped back.

  "What? You don't find me to be attractive?" he questioned, acting as if I had hurt his feelings.

  "Lance, you are one silly motherfucker. Real talk though, two more checks and its curtains, huh? I can dig it. Well, we might as well leave it like we got in it. When you head off into the sunset, so will I." I knew greed could be a downfall, and I was too smart to be dumb enough to keep pushing the envelope.

  Lance dropped me off at the crib. We agreed to meet up in a few days when everything fell into place. Lance sheemed off and I went into my empty house. Karen was at work and the boys were in school. I didn't have anything to do, so instead of trying to make myself busy, I turned on the TV, put in a VHS copy of Coming to America and laughed at Eddie Murphy until I fell asleep.

  All the things Richard promised were delivered in a speedy fashion. In just a couple of days, Lance and I both owned one hundred and fifty thousand dollars’ worth of spending power on our Merrill Lynch Visa cards. The transaction was so smooth, I wondered why Sarafina hadn't hipped us to it sooner. With all the cash I had, I was beginning to run out of shit I needed. I had to come up with things I wanted just to spend some of the money.

  The first thing I thought was to buy my mother a house in Shaker Heights, Ohio, but she refused the offer. Irene was too attached to and dedicated to the folks in Warrensville to consider moving.

  "Mama, at the least allow me to redecorate and add on to your home," I pleaded with her on the phone.

  "Look at you, trying to talk about things because you're in California and have a college education. There's nothing wrong with the house your father bought and paid for," Irene replied across the line.

  "I'm not trying to be fancy, Mom, and of course there's nothing wrong with your house. I'm just saying things are going well and I want something nice for you," I insisted.

  "Well, I don't know what anyone could do to the house. Plus, you have a family of your own to take care of. You need not worry about me," Irene said with humility.

  "Tell you what, how about I send you a ticket to come out here for a little while? I'm sure Karen and the twins would be happy to see you."

  "Cameron Maurice Bernard, you're just like your father when he made up his mind to do something," she scolded me, calling me by my full government name.

  "If you know this already, why don't you just do as you did with him and just let me do what I'm going to do?" I asked her.

  "Because I'm your mama boy and don't get foxy at the mouth with me."

  "Yes ma'am, but let me go so I can look at the flights. I'll call you later, I love you," I told her, trying to rush off the phone.

  "I love you, too, but I know you're up to something. You would have thought having Coltrane bring me over a new Cadillac after you winning big in Las Vegas would be enough," Irene said, pausing to take a drag on a cigarette. "Well, go head and check on them flights and let me know what's up. Talk to you soon, baby, and tell Karen and my handsome grandbabies NaNa loves them."

  After getting off the phone, I looked up my friend from high school, Keith Durham, and inquired whether his father's construction company could get a job done on my mother's house before the snow hit in Cleveland.

  "Man, it's going to be getting cold here soon, Cameron, but if you don't mind paying for the extra laborers, I don't see why not," he told me.

  "I want to extend the house in the back and add another level on the patio; that way I can put in a Jacuzzi tub and widen the bathroom."

  "Man, that's gonna be about forty to fifty thousand dollars’ worth of work. Why don't you just buy your mom a new house?"

  I explained the situation of my mother not even wanting me to do this home improvement let alone leave the neighborhood. He couldn't help but to understand. Keith had been trying to get his parents moved to Miami for years, to no avail. I obtained his banking information so that I could wire him the cash and told him I would have my mother on a plane this week and as soon as I had her onboard, I would tell them it was okay to begin on the work.

  "Cool, Cameron, I'll be waiting on your call. Oh yeah, if I hear you came to the Improv again in the Grove and didn't call me, we gonna have words."

  "Man, my bad. When I was there, I was a little preoccupied."

  "Oh, if you're anything like basketball Cameron B, I know that means you met some exotic stallion down here and lost your mind."

  It made no sense to argue with him; Keith knew me too well. The stallion's name was Lita Nuenez, a Dominican with a body that didn't quit. That fling in Miami almost cost me my family when my dumb ass brought home pictures of my conquest and Karen found them.

  We ended the call and I looked at flights from Cleveland to LA on United Airlines.

  CHAPTER THIRTEEN

  With Irene in town I found myself too preoccupied with showing her all the joys of Southern California to be concerned with anything extra, especially scooting off to Anna's. I knew even if I had Karen fooled about my comings and goings, there was no way I was going to blow bullshit passed my mama. She knew how I moved.

  Of course I didn't neglect my business with Lance and Richard. Our business venture had been more than lucrative, it had been smooth and there had been no pullovers by the police. I couldn't imagine how impossible it would have been to explain to Irene why guns had been drawn on us. Forget the explanation, the shame that an ordeal like that would have brought me would have been unbearable. That never happened, though. The only thing bad that happened while she was visiting was our neighbor alerted her to the home improvements I was making on her house.

  Referring to Fannie Dean as just a neighbor was a serious understatement. She had not only been my babysitter when I was younger, but she was also neighborhood watch before there was such a thing.

  I could have kicked myself for not giving her the heads up about not telling my mom about the construction. But with the cat out of the bag it was easier to keep my mother around for as long as I needed for the completion of her home renovation. She complained about not having enough clothes with her to stay longer, so of course, I used this as an excuse to take her shopping.

  "So you want to go on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills and get a few things?” I asked as we drove southbound on the 405.

  "Rodeo Drive? Goodness no. Take me to a JC Penny's or a Sears and I'll be fine."

  I didn't want to tell her money wasn't a problem. After being wowed by our four-bedroom home with a swimming pool, and driving around in luxury, my having a developing deal and good luck in Vegas was going to start looking suspicious. Like I said, my mother could see through me.

  "Either JC Penney's or Sears is cool with me," I told her before continuing. "But at least let me take you on Rodeo Drive. I believe you'll enjoy it."

  "You just aren't going to give up are you, young man?"

  "Not until you agree to allow me to spoil you," I said trying my best not to be intimidated by the frown on her face.

  "Oh all right, but don't go wasting a bunch of money. Fannie has already said that Durham's Construction is turning my house into something that doesn't even belong on our street."

  We parked the car in front of Cartier, right behind a Rolls Royce Corniche.

  When we entered the place, I was pleased to see Angela Bassett inside, busy talking to a salesperson. Irene poked me sharply in my side as she recognized the highly acclaimed actress. Before I could stop her, my mother ran over to Ms. Bassett.

  "Pardon me, I just have to tell you that you are by far the best actress of this generation. My name is Irene Bernard and that tall young man o
ver there is my son, Cameron," she said, pointing at me proudly as I tried my best to shrink into the size of a gnat and disappear.

  "I thank you and appreciate the compliment. Your son is a handsome man and quite the comedian," Angela replied as my star struck mother waved me over.

  I was so embarrassed I wanted to shrink and disappear but I gathered myself then headed over to the two ladies.

  "Good afternoon, Ms. Bassett it's a pleasure to meet you. I want to apologize if we interrupted your shopping, my mother was just excited to see you," I said, apologizing for infringing on her day.

  "Oh, it's no trouble. I appreciate all the support I get. I was just telling your mother how much I enjoy your comedy."

  "Thank you. I know you were in the crowd of The Comedy Act Theater a while back. I'm surprised you remembered me."

  "Talent recognizes and respects other talented people. Keep doing what you do."

  My mother carried on with her for a few minutes and after receiving her autograph and having me snap a picture, she let Ms. Bassett continue shopping. I had my mother try on a couple of watches she liked. She adored one, but quickly gave it back to the salesman and led me out of the store.

  "Cameron Bernard, did you see the price tag on that thing?"

  I told her that I had. But if she liked it I would purchase it.

  "Take me to the black mall!" she demanded.

  "Well, we aren't that far from Fox Hills Mall. There will be a lot of different nationalities there, but I guess you can say it's equal to Randall Park when it comes to blackness."

  The funny thing is after shopping at Saks Fifth Avenue, JC Penny's, and Sears I still ended up spending what the watch was worth.

  "You know you could have gotten the watch and all of this," I told her as I stuffed the bags in the trunk of Karen’s Land Cruiser.

  "I wouldn't want you to waste that kind of money on me."

  I kissed her on the cheek and told her to spend money on the woman who gave birth to me was no waste.

  "Are you hungry?" I asked her once we got in the car.

  "Yes, I could stand a good meal. What do you have in mind?"

  "Well there's this great soul food restaurant in the Marina I think you would dig."

  She frowned like she wasn't sure. "Real soul food or this fancy-schmancy stuff you Californians have come up with?"

  I pressed my hand against my chest like I was offended. "I'm not a Californian, I'm a transplant Clevelander, thank you very much. Just how fancy-schmancy could a place named Kizzey's Kitchen be?"

  Irene laughed but cautioned me about talking foxy with her, even if she did have to agree with my point that any place named after Kunte Kinte's daughter and Chicken George's mama couldn't be bougie.

  CHAPTER FOURTEEN

  I was definitely going to have to teach the twins how to better contain their excitement. Their poker faces weren't shit.

  "Mama! Mama! Wait until you see it. He is so cool," they squealed in unison.

  "What are you talking about?" she questioned, wondering what or whom I was bringing into our home.

  "So much for the concept of surprise. You two are worse than Paul Revere," I said, fully knowing my kindergartners' knowledge of history was limited and my reference would be lost on them.

  "Cameron, why?" Karen questioned me, staring at the black and mahogany bundle of fur I carried in my arms.

  "I guess the better question is, why not? I could afford it. The price was right. The boys could learn responsibility and one day this little German fellow will protect not only my property, but also the three things I cherish the most on this planet, excluding Irene," I proclaimed, putting the Rottweiler pup down on the floor. Of course my new canine companion promptly walked over to Karen, wagging his nub of a tail and piddled in excitement to meet her.

  "Martin, go get me some tissue to clean up this floor."

  When she glared at me, I looked at her with apologetic eyes.

  "Cameron, for the life of me I don't know why you wanted to add more responsibility to me. You are not someone who needs a pet. You're a working road comedian. You don't need a fish to fend for," she replied, then looked at my mama for assistance.

  I was pleased that Irene just shrugged, not coming to Karen’s aid.

  They knew my impulsive nature. I didn't see why my being on the road should be an obstacle.

  "So what's this little piss puff's name?" she asked me as she fended for herself against the puppy's tongue attack.

  I had been simply calling him ‘dog.’ When I suggested that was his name, all in the house vetoed it. The twins thought Spot was a good name. Karen balked at that.

  "If it was a Dalmatian, maybe. But isn't this one of those demon dogs from that movie?" she questioned.

  "Yep. From the Omen, but it doesn't want to invite an evil mojo into our home. What do y'all think about Pacino?" I asked the household.

  The twins called to him by that name and he followed them running around the house.

  "Well, I guess that settles it," Karen said, shaking her head.

  "Between you and me, they could've yelled out Benji or Lassie and he would have responded. You better be glad I raised them on Scarface and the Godfather and not Walt Disney."

  CHAPTER FIFTEEN

  "Just what do you mean, the money is gone?" I asked Lance, who was sitting in front of me at the North Hollywood Del Taco.

  "Yo, hold it down," he replied, hoping that I wouldn't have everyone in the restaurant in our business.

  I took a deep breath and composed myself.

  "All right, explain to me what you mean, all the money is gone?" I asked in a hushed tone this time.

  Lance explained that he had a habit of checking his account daily. It just made him feel good to hear that he had $450-thousand in spending power in his Merrill Lynch account. But then, last night when he phoned in to check on his nest egg, the recording informed him that his loot was gone.

  "Have you checked your account lately?" he asked me.

  To be honest, I saw no reason to be concerned with continually checking my funds. I had enough cash to let it just sit and not trip. Plus, Richard had been more than reliable. But while I was sitting there talking to Lance, I checked my account. I was heated when I discovered I had been fleeced as well.

  "That rotten motherfucker!" was all I could say.

  "Cameron, my man, we have been played." He slumped his shoulders.

  "Best believe I'm not getting shut out on half a million without a fight. Have you talked to Sarafina?"

  "Her phone is disconnected and last night till this morning, I staked out that broad's house and there was no movement," he told me.

  "You do know they are in on this together? Richard would never make a move like this against us without her sanctioning it," I said to Lance, vexed that it was Saturday and we'd have to wait until Monday to confront Mr. Malone at his office.

  If he was smart, he'd follow Sarafina's lead and get ghost. But something in the pit of my stomach told me Richard's arrogant ass would think we wouldn't dare come to his plush office and wreak havoc.

  My appetite was ruined. I picked up my tray and slung my half-eaten burrito into the trash.

  "Man, I can't eat this shit. I'm going over to the Big Easy and grab a stogie and a stiff drink. I would invite you, but I already know that ain't your steeze," I told him, needing something to calm my nerves.

  "Yeah, ain't shit we can do now. But come first thing Monday, we are going to bring the ruckus to Merrill Lynch."

  We agreed to meet at 9 am to go see Mr. Malone about our cash he had embezzled from us that we had embezzled from the Power Rangers.

  *****

  Lance didn't have to pick me up, I was revved up and ready to go by 8 am. Instead of the smooth styling I would normally wear when visiting Richard's office, I was dressed for mayhem in an all-black hoodie, black jeans and a skullcap. The only thing missing from my outfit was a black glock, but since I possessed dynamite in my black hands I wasn't
worried about being unarmed. I had a feeling that if needed, Lance would have me covered by bringing his gat, so all was well.

  "Yo Cameron," Lance said the moment I answered my phone. "Where you at, bruh? I'm in front of your house ready to go."

  I informed Lance that I was already at Merrill Lynch and was ready to raise hell. He asked me to hold tight for ten minutes and not to spark shit without him. I assured him that I would stand pat until he arrived.

  While I waited on him, I drank a Red Eye and finished off a half-smoked Henry Clay Rothschild.

  When Lance showed up, I was already deep into character. I was mad about my cash and I had conjured up my dark side to deal with the situation at hand.

  "Nigga look at you, dressed up like a boy in the hood," Lance teased me.

  "I figured this educated son of a bitch wouldn't respond to a smooth criminal, so I have my roughneck thing going, ya dig?" I replied as we stepped from the parking lot to enter the office.

  "Good morning, Mr. Bernard and Mr. Brooks," Antoinette said hurriedly as we busted into the office and headed straight for Richard's door.

  "Is Mr. Malone expecting you?" she tried to ask us as we barged past her.

  Neither Lance nor I had time for her friendly shit.

  "No bitch, I don't want no coffee nor tea or fucking water. I came about my bread and if Richard don't have the right answers, I'm going to roast his ass," I barked at the stunned receptionist.

  Tricky Dick was startled by our presence. Not so much that we were there about the paper, but he was shocked when we caught him powdering his nose from the line of yayo on his desk.

  Since I was in goon gear, I felt the need to head our two-man brigade.

  "Where the fuck is the money?" I collared and pulled Richard across his desk making the coke rail spread out all over the place.

  "Oh my, God. Mr. Malone should I call the police?" asked Antoinette with a face full of fear.

  Even though I still had him by the neck, Richard said, "No Antoinette, that won't be necessary. These gentlemen are just concerned about some investments. Everything is fine."