Morning sunlight filtered softly through the curtains.
Emily lay on her side, not wanting to disturb Jude, not wanting to think how rash she’d been to sleep with this man.
She had no regrets. Last night had been beyond wonderful, and today was all about Jude. She mustn’t spoil it by worrying about where this would take her.
For now, she was very happy to feast her eyes on him, and there was much to admire. Even when he was asleep, his face was strong, with a largish nose, not too pointy or too fleshy, dark eyebrows and a long jaw, now covered in morning stubble.
The duvet had slipped and she let her gaze drift over his bare torso—over his wide muscled shoulders and solid chest, his flat stomach, no doubt toned from all that hiking he did.
She thought about the day ahead of him, and a wave of fear eddied through her. She couldn’t bear to think of Jude’s precious, clever brain being interfered with by surgeons’ scalpels. Quickly, she pushed those thoughts aside and dwelled instead on the amazing night they’d shared.
Amidst the emotion and dizzying passion, there’d been sweet moments of intimate connection, so beautiful and tender that she’d almost wept. Thank heavens she’d held back on the tears, for Jude’s sake. She wanted only happy memories for him.
Now, also for Jude’s sake, her task was to stay upbeat today, all day, even though she was as scared as she’d ever been.
It helped to remember her grandmother’s words. You just need to put yourself in Jude’s shoes. Follow your instincts and I’m sure you’ll work out the best way to keep his spirits up.
Emily smiled at this. She wondered what Granny Silver would think if she knew her advice had led her granddaughter to attempt a striptease. Truth was, there’d been a double benefit. Not just for Jude but for her as well. For the first time she’d taken an impulsive risk, and wow, hadn’t it been worth it?
In the past, she’d always been a bit inhibited in her relationships. She’d been aware of something holding her back and, deep down, she’d known that she’d disappointed her boyfriends—even Michael.
Given this history, it was quite amazing that she’d attempted something as bold as a striptease for Jude. Perhaps the secret was that she’d been totally focused on his needs. Her own disappointments with boyfriends had made her ultra-careful, but last night she’d thought only of Jude, and she’d been determined to give him something fun to remember.
Now that she thought about it, she supposed the striptease was the kind of challenge Jude’s heroines might have taken on.
How about that?
And look at the result—the most wonderful night of her life. She might even be able to think of herself as a winner at last.
Slipping out of bed, she pulled on her nightgown, the old-fashioned cream and lace frills one that Jude had said made her look like an angel, and she padded out to the kitchen to make breakfast.
He was awake when she returned with a tray, and he greeted her with a happy grin. ‘Ah, my favourite nightgown. This morning with that tray, you make me think of Florence Nightingale.’
‘I don’t have a lamp.’
‘No, you have a coffee pot, which is even better.’
Indeed it was. They sat in bed propped against a bank of pillows, sipping big mugs of coffee and munching on blueberry pancakes topped with lightly fried sliced bananas.
Emily had drawn the curtains wide to give them a clear view of the morning sky and the Brisbane River wandering slowly between forests of skyscrapers. They felt rather smug as they listened to the sounds of the city traffic and the poor workers hurrying to their offices, which was ironic considering what lay ahead for Jude. But he seemed quite relaxed.
Emily wondered if he was faking this calmness. For her own part, she was finding it increasingly hard to keep up a brave face. Every time she looked at the clock and saw the time creeping closer to the fateful hour of three o’clock, the time Jude was to be admitted, she felt a fresh download of dread.
After breakfast, Jude wandered down to the shops to buy a newspaper or two, and Emily tried to keep busy, washing the breakfast things by hand, even though there was a dishwasher. She also dried the dishes and put them away, and wiped down the benches and polished them until they shone. Still feeling restless, she swept the floor.
Several times, she wanted to ask Jude if there was anything she could do for him, but she knew he’d packed everything he needed for the hospital, including his laptop.
‘You never know, I might get some writing done. Better to be optimistic than the alternative.’ He’d said this with a cheeky wink that made her throat ache.
For lunch Emily made toasted cheese sandwiches and heated one of Jude’s collection of tinned soups—rich tomato and basil. Afterwards, she was standing at the sink, once again rinsing plates, when Jude came up behind her.
Looping his arms about her, he hugged her, holding her against his chest—and Emily loved it.
She could remember when she was a child, watching her dad come up and hug her mum this way. Her mum would be tired, with no make-up or fancy clothes, but he’d kiss her neck and ask fondly, ‘How’s my favourite girl?’
Her mum, who’d also worked as hard on their farm as her dad, used to pretend to be too busy and brush him off. But she’d give him a quick kiss, and she’d smile to herself and hum happily under her breath as she peeled potatoes or sliced beans.
Emily had grown up wanting a husband like that, someone who liked to hug her at any old time of the day.
Now, as Jude pressed his lips to the nape of her neck, she closed her eyes, relishing the reassuring warmth of his arms about her and the familiar intimacy of the gesture.
‘I want you to do me a favour this afternoon,’ he said, still with his arms around her waist.
Emily nodded, eager to please. ‘Of course. How can I help?’
‘I want you to go to your grandmother’s and stay there for the next few days.’
No!
She went cold all over, and only remembered just in time to bite back a wailing protest. She didn’t want to do or say anything to upset Jude today, but crikey, he was upsetting her. She thought he’d given up on this desire to keep her away, but he was asking her to step out of his life at this most crucial time. It was hard not to panic.
She drew a deep breath, praying for calm. ‘I can’t just drop you off at the hospital and walk away as if I don’t care.’
Jude’s arms tensed, and then they dropped to his sides as he stepped away. Fighting panic, Emily turned to face him and her heart trembled when she saw the resolve in his eyes and the determined set of his mouth. He was serious.
‘I don’t want you hanging around the hospital, Emily. I couldn’t bear to think of you sitting around in some dreary waiting room tomorrow, while I’m in the theatre. I’ll give the staff your name as a contact, and you can ring when it’s all over to see how I’m doing.’
‘But I don’t mind waiting.’ A pleading note crept into her voice. But she sensed that wouldn’t work with Jude, so she forced a smile and tried another tack. ‘Honestly, I have a couple of fabulous books to read. I’ve found this fantastic thriller writer, you see, and he keeps me glued to the page and—’
‘Emily, listen.’ Stepping forward again, Jude grasped her shoulders and his eyes were storm-grey serious. Then his expression softened and he said gently, ‘I’ll feel so much better if I know you’re away from there.’
‘But I won’t feel better.’
‘You will,’ he insisted in that same quiet voice. ‘Do this for me.’ The ghost of a smile crept into his eyes. ‘I want to picture you sitting on a beach, watching the waves roll in, or going for walks beside the water with your hair blowing in the wind.’
His big hands squeezed her shoulders. ‘Granny Silver will be much better company tomorrow than
a hospital waiting room. And tonight I want to think of you going to sleep listening to the sea.’
But couldn’t he understand that, for her, leaving him alone felt like the worst kind of desertion? Yet another rejection?
Admittedly, she hadn’t been looking forward to waiting at the hospital—she hated it at the best of times—but she’d been determined to be there for Jude.
But perhaps she should have expected this reaction from Jude. He was behaving the way his father had, not wanting others to see him weakened or helpless.
He hadn’t told any of his friends about his health problems until Alex had sent them prompting text messages. And it made sense that a man as independent as Jude was would hate the idea of a woman hanging about the hospital ward, feeling sorry for him.
He was probably also worried that she’d consider them a couple after last night, but he’d offered no promises and she’d pledged to respect his wishes.
Blinking to banish the threat of tears, she managed to smile. ‘OK, I’ll stay away from the hospital, on one condition.’
‘Not another condition?’ A silvery light glistened in Jude’s grey eyes. ‘What is it?’
Stepping closer, she linked her arms around his neck. ‘One last kiss. For luck.’
‘Emily.’
Her name was a whispered prayer as he drew her into his arms and his warm, pliant lips met hers in a perfect kiss—tender and beautiful and utterly close-your-eyes-and-go-to-heaven blissful.
She could feel his heart thundering against her and she wished, more than anything, that they could simply skip over these next twenty-four hours. She was gripped by a terrible feeling of powerlessness and she pressed her cheek against Jude’s chest and hugged him close.
There were so many things she wanted to tell him—that he was a truly wonderful man, that he was going to come through this just fine, that no matter what happened, she would be there waiting for him.
But she kept these thoughts to herself. She wasn’t sure he wanted to hear promises that sounded suspiciously like love.
* * *
They left early for the hospital, driving in Jude’s car, which he insisted Emily use when she continued on to her grandmother’s.
Their route took them past the park, and Emily wondered aloud if the heron was there again today.
Jude grinned. ‘We have time. Why don’t we take a look?’
They were in luck, finding a parking spot close to the gates, so it was no time before they were following the path that wound through a grove of jacarandas.
But as they rounded the bend, the pond was disappointingly empty of herons.
There were ducks on the water and a few children throwing food to them, but no long-legged white bird wading in the shallows.
‘Maybe he’s turned back into an alien?’ Emily said to lighten the moment. She knew it was silly to feel disappointed. There was nothing symbolic about the heron. It wasn’t as if he was a good omen or anything, but now she wished she hadn’t suggested looking for him.
She was turning away when Jude said, ‘Look.’
He was smiling as he pointed—and, sure enough, emerging from a clump of reeds, appearing quite dazzling in the sunlight, came the heron.
‘He’s like you,’ Emily said.
Jude looked at her in surprise. ‘Really? How?’
‘He’s bit of a loner.’
He laughed and a smile lingered as they walked back to the car. For some reason she couldn’t quite explain, Emily felt just a little braver.
She was very proud that she didn’t cry when she said goodbye at the hospital entrance. It was all over in a moment. Jude hugged her so tightly she could hardly breathe, then he grabbed his leather overnight bag and flashed a quick smile.
‘See you in a while.’
With a final cheeky wink that just about broke her heart, he turned and strode through the swinging glass doors.
* * *
On the expressway to the Sunshine Coast there were very few places for Emily to pull over, so she couldn’t allow herself to cry. She wouldn’t help Jude by blinding herself with tears and having an accident, so she listened to music on the radio and tried not to think about him.
Having rung her grandmother earlier, she was expected, and at the first available shopping centre she bought a bunch of flowers and ingredients for a few meals.
She would enjoy cooking, and it would give Granny Silver a break. She bought chocolates, too, and a bottle of Granny’s favourite sherry, and then she drove on, looking forward to the moment she crested the final rise and saw her first glimpse of the sea.
This last leg of the journey had always excited her. But today when she saw the curling blue waves, she could only think about Jude and her spirits refused to lift. Even the sight of her grandmother’s cottage hunkering beneath a big old cassia tree brought only the tiniest sense of relief.
As soon as she parked in the driveway, the cottage door opened and Granny Silver was there waiting, arms ready to hug her. Emily’s eyes filled with tears, but she still had to stay strong. She couldn’t dissolve into tears on the footpath in full view of her grandmother’s neighbours.
Taking a deep breath, she climbed out, hauled her bags and her shopping from the back seat and closed the car doors with her hip before walking with her arms full up the crazy-paving path.
‘You’re weighed down, there,’ Granny said. ‘Can I help with anything?’
Emily shook her head. ‘I’ve got it all balanced, thanks. I’ll take the shopping straight through to the kitchen. OK?’
‘Of course, dear.’
Stepping through the doorway into the dearly loved front room, Emily saw its deep chintz-covered armchairs and lush pot plants and dozens of family photographs. She caught the faint smell of dried lavender and the lump in her throat swelled to the size of a grapefruit.
Here she was, surrounded by so much that she loved, while Jude was alone in Brisbane in a hospital ward…waiting…
She managed to dump the groceries on the kitchen counter before her tears fell.
In torrents.
‘I’m so sorry,’ she spluttered to her concerned grandmother, but she couldn’t explain. All she could do was collapse into an armchair and weep… For Jude, for herself…and for the unknown future…
CHAPTER NINE
‘SO IT seems that your friendship with Jude is rather special after all,’ Granny Silver said gently.
‘It is and it isn’t.’ Emily released a slow sigh, not sure how she could explain now that she’d apologised for her tears and washed her face, and was leaning back against her grandmother’s embroidered cushions.
They were drinking a post-tears cup of tea and she knew an explanation was expected.
‘Jude’s a really wonderful guy, so of course I really like him, Granny. But this is a very scary thing that’s happening to him, and he’s determined to deal with it on his own.’
‘That’s hard on you.’
‘Yes. I hoped I’d be stronger.’
‘Try not to worry too much, Emily. A friend of mine had a similar operation at the same hospital and apparently the neurosurgeons there are all wonderful. I don’t think you should be too concerned.’
‘That’s good to know. Jude doesn’t say much, but I know he’s freaked about the possibility of blindness.’ Emily looked at her grandmother with a shaky smile. ‘But if the surgeon’s excellent, Jude should be fine, shouldn’t he?’
‘Exactly, my dear.’
* * *
The next morning, the day of Jude’s operation, Emily was far too restless and tense to hang about the house. She needed to take a really long walk, and she needed to be alone.
‘Of course, I understand,’ Granny Silver assured her
. ‘Off you go. I’ll say a prayer for Jude.’
It was a beautiful day with a brilliant, cloudless blue sky and rolling, sunlit surf. Emily walked along the sand to the far end of Sunshine Beach and then climbed the track over the headland into Noosa National Park. It felt somehow appropriate to be climbing on this particular day. The ascent was fairly sedate and she stayed on the beaten track, but she felt as if she were climbing for Jude.
From the top of the headland she caught sight of porpoises leaping and frolicking in clear green waves, and they looked so lively and cheerful she couldn’t help smiling.
She continued on to Hell’s Gates, a steep narrow canyon of rocks where the sea rushed in, wild and rough and foaming. Usually she was fascinated by the crashing waves and the shooting spray. Today the sense of danger made her skin crawl and she turned away, choosing a sandy track that wound away from the sea through friendly bushland.
Always, with every step, she thought of Jude.
It was so awful to think of him lying on an operating table, beneath bright lights and surrounded by people in masks, holding scalpels. Each time an image from the operating theatre flashed through her mind, she was sluiced by hot fear.
Hastily, she substituted happier memories. Jude striding purposefully up the track to Sunset Ridge. Jude laughing with her as they invented crazy theories about the white heron. The silvery warmth in his eyes just before he kissed her.
It was impossible to pretend that she wasn’t in love with him. She’d tried walking around that fact and dressing it up in other names, telling herself that as far as Jude was concerned, she was a stand-in for Alex, or a caring friend, or simply…a female distraction.
Once again, she’d actively tried to resist falling in love. It was way too soon. She’d just run away from a disastrous relationship and she knew all too well that, for her, romance was a shortcut to misery. The very words in love brought every one of her trust issues bursting to the surface.
Not that she had a good reason to mistrust Jude. He’d gone out of his way to make his position crystal clear. He wasn’t available for a new relationship, and even if he had been available, he’d intimated that he had a history of avoiding long-term commitment.
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