Charley

by Shelby C. Jacobs

  “Sounds pretty simple when you say it like that, but that’s about right.”

  “Now, Charlotte. You are a successful business woman and actively involved in the social and business community in Nashville. As we used to say, you have roots here. You feel your business is growing into other areas, which will make it even more successful, and you need to be there to take advantage of that growth. You have established yourself. Through hard work, you’ve developed a name and reputation of your own. You’re reluctant to give up this well-earned reputation. Sound right?”

  “That sounds pretty much on target, Pastor John.”

  “Okay. First of all, you two are not unique. Every couple goes through periods where decisions have to be made that may be good for the couple, but may not be good for the individual. The successful marriage works through those decisions carefully, with consideration for both. Fortunately, you are thinking about these things now, and not after getting married and establishing a family.

  There was a brief silence as we contemplated Pastor John’s thoughts, before he continued further. “Secondly, I am not going to tell you what to do. You must each make your decision. That’s just the way life works when you are an adult. But I am going to give you four things to help guide your decision making. One of the guides comes from the secular world, and three from the Bible. First, the Bible. Jesus tells those who want to be his disciples to consider the cost before making the decision. I know that sounds obvious, but I want you to consider the personal cost of any decision you make about your relationship. You must weigh the cost of the decision, against the benefits of the decision. If the costs are too high, the benefits will not materialize. If you ignore the costs and get married, the costs of your decision will eventually catch up with you, and possibly destroy the relationship. Either way, you must not ignore the costs to you personally. Be very selfish!”

  He paused for a moment. “Second, the story is told about a man who found a pearl of great value in another man’s field. The first man sold everything he had, everything, and bought the field so that he might possess the pearl he valued. He had nothing left except the pearl, nothing to buy seeds, nothing to buy provisions, nothing. But he was satisfied with the costs, because he valued the treasure so much.

  “Third, Jesus talks about priorities. This is something we old folks think about a lot. In this reference, he is talking about losing a man’s soul. This applies to you two as well, if you substitute the word love. The tragedy of old age comes when we evaluate our lives, and find we have all the honors and physical things the world respects, but we lost the thing that means the most. I hear so many of our senior citizens lament, ‘if only I could start over knowing what I know now.’ The sad thing is we aren’t given a do-over in life. If you gain everything, all your hopes and dreams and potentials are realized. But lose the one thing you value the most? What value are the rewards? When you get to the end of your life, will you regret the decision you made about your love?

  PJ and I looked at one another. Pastor John continued more. “The fourth reference is to a short story by one of the most prolific short story writers of the late 19th and early 20th century. His pen name was O`Henry. Among his three hundred and ninety one short stories, he wrote ‘The Last Leaf’, ‘The Ransom of Red Chief’ and, the one I particularly want you to read, ‘The Gift of the Magi.’ You can Google it easily enough, I’m sure. In this story, you will see yourselves. I really do not need to give any explanation, the meaning is obvious.”

  He then stopped abruptly. He didn’t ask if we had any questions. It was kind of that’s what I think, so don’t ask me any questions. I started to ask something, but Pastor John raised his hand.

  And without taking my question he took a sip of his coffee and pushed away from the table. “I hate to run, but the Deacon has asked for a meeting at 3:30. I can’t be late when they summon me. Charlotte, lunch was wonderful. PJ it was good to meet you. I hope the advice was equally useful to you both. Please let me know what happens and call me if I can help.”

  Pastor John and Mildred left the Bar, with both of us standing with a stare on our faces that suggested. Huh, what did he say?

  “Fortunately, I wrote it down so I’ll make you a copy.” PJ began to hurriedly write on a napkin. He looked up and said. “Sweetheart, I hate to say it, but we need to be going if I’m going to catch the 5:00pm flight back to Middletown. We can talk about it on the way to the airport, and talk some more this week as well.”

  As we drove we discussed Pastor John’s references. After a few miles, I fell quiet.

  “Anything wrong, Charley?”

  “No, just thinking.”

  I know we are compatible sexually, Lord knows we are compatible, but will he like me at night when I have had a tough day and am cranky. And I don’t really know how he is with the little things that need to be done around the house. Will he be as romantic in five years as he is now? I hope I haven’t jumped the gun.

  Finally I voiced my concern. “Pastor John took you by surprise when he asked about getting married, didn’t he? I know we haven’t discussed it much, but I just assumed that was what you wanted. Or at least I hope that is what you want, because I love you and really do want to spend the rest of my life with you. PJ, we just never seriously discussed marriage. I want to get married someday and I love you. I’ve been so intent on getting us together that I haven’t considered our status. I guess I assumed we would live together first, and eventually get married at some time. I’m sorry. Here I am just babbling on of course. I will marry you at anytime. We’ll just have to work things out, right?”

  “Slow down, take a breath. Don’t worry, sweetheart, I was being truthful when I told him I wanted to marry you. Hey, together we will find a way.”

  I know we will.

  I leaned over the center console and messed up his hair. Oh how I wanted to hold him and be held just now. Knowing that PJ wanted me, as much as I wanted him, gave me a good feeling worth more than any present he could have given me …

  Chapter Fifty-Four

  It was 5:15 Friday evening, and the cocktail crowd began trickling in for a drink before heading home. Some would stay for an early dinner, before heading out for one of several high school football games, or catch a movie. Wilma was busy directing her waitstaff, scrambling to create the special Jimmy’s Bar friendly atmosphere.

  I could hear the activity, and I knew I should be down there mixing with our customers. But … truthfully … I just didn’t feel like it tonight. PJ hadn’t called and I was afraid something was wrong. So I sat on the comfortable old blue sofa, my legs curled under and a throw wrapped around me, thinking about PJ and me. I was lost in my thoughts when there was a knock on the open apartment door.

  “Mind if I come in?”

  “No, come on in, Wilma,” I answered, out of reflex.

  “Charlotte, we need you downstairs. A lot of the regulars are asking for you.”

  “I’ll be down in a little bit, Wilma. I’m just not feeling my usual self tonight.”

  Wilma came to sit next to me on the old flowery sofa.

  “Charlotte, what’s wrong? Are you sick?”

  “Wilma, I’m worried about PJ and me. He hasn’t called since he left Sunday night. I thought everything was going pretty good when he left, but … well, now, I don’t know.”

  “Tell me about it, honey. Maybe I can help?”

  Wilma quickly switched from head of customer service to mama and friend.

  I started out relating PJ’s conversation with Bob Wells and the offer Bob had made. “I thought it was a great deal, certainly more money, and PJ would move here and live in the condo. Sounded perfect to me.”

  I went through our breakfast conversation.

  “He said he probably wouldn’t be interested in Bob’s offer. He loves coaching and doesn’t want to change. I thought it was a perfect chance for us to be together; but, well, he didn’t. I don’t know if he really loves me. He says he does, but I don’t
know now. If he really loved me, he would have jumped at Bob’s offer. Wouldn’t he?”

  Wilma was uncharacteristically silent. She took a couple of deep breaths. I could tell Wilma had something on her mind.

  “What do you think Wilma? You look like you need to say something.”

  Wilma was slow to answer. I always watch her face and body language to get a clue, but she gave nothing away. Finally she said it out. “Charlotte, you know I love you like my own daughters, don’t you? Well, I need to be frank with you, and I don’t want you to be mad at me.”

  “Wilma, I love you. If I need to hear something, for goodness sake, tell me.”

  “Honey, most men think ‘I love you’ are the magic words to get into your pants. I’m not saying that’s all on his mind, but you haven’t disappointed PJ on that front, have you?”

  Wilma was blunt and rather crude, but I understood what she meant.

  “Well, not really, I guess.”

  “Charley, you are like my two girls, and most of the young women who come in here. I see it in the Bar almost every night. You all think you can flash a set of boobs, purr sexy to a man and he will do anything you want. When I saw you the night PJ first came in, it was obvious what you had in mind. That wrap around skirt that just happens to flap in the front, and the silk blouse, the hair, the makeup, even the perfume. The whole package sent him a message few men could resist. Am I right?”

  “Wilma, you know you are.”

  I managed a small smile and muttered. “It does make them kind of goofy though.”

  “That’s all well and good for a quickie tumble in bed, but if you want more from a man than sex, you’ve got to give more. The good men want someone with more to them than sex. You might get them interested with sex, but you better have something else if you want to keep them.”

  “I let my hair grow out to natural blond. That was a big step for me. He seemed to appreciate it,” I whispered.

  “Honey, I know that was a major for you, but let’s be honest here. You can change it back in an hour, if you want.”

  “But …”

  “No buts. What have you given PJ that really cost you something? In my opinion, you want this relationship to go somewhere, as long as you control it. And so far, you have controlled it and it hasn’t cost you anything. You started this romance with sex, and you’re keeping it going with sex. How does he know you really, deep down, love him, if all you do is spread your thighs for him? Honey, there’s got to be more!”

  “That’s not fair, Wilma.”

  But Wilma continued.

  “For all he knows, he is way down on your list of priorities, way behind the Bar, and Randle’s memory and your reputation in this town. Be honest. Aren’t you glad he went to the Chamber meeting so you could impress him with your importance? I’ll bet you even arranged for Bob’s job offer, didn’t you? You knew what Bob was going to offer before the Chamber meeting, I bet.”

  I dropped my head in my hands with the realization that I had manipulated the whole affair, and it tore at my heart. I needed sex, and PJ was my fantasy man. I broke all the unspoken rules by openly and aggressively going after him. Just like the Boys and Girls Club encounter six years ago, he couldn’t help himself.

  And when he finally did tell me he loved me, I pushed him away. I told him that ‘I’ was more important than ‘we’.

  “My God, Wilma, what have I done …?”

  Chapter Fifty-Five

  Later, I was talking on the phone to Mary Lou, PJ’s assistant at Curtis. She told me what had been going on with PJ during that time. It seems she had a long conversation with PJ about us. She told me about it and I confirmed it with PJ. This is what they talked about …

  *****

  “PJ, you’re a damn fool. Call the woman, instead of moping around here with your tail between your legs like a frightened puppy.”

  “Mary Lou, I’m confused. I’m not completely sure she loves me. I really don’t want to come across as a fool and beg her to love me. She says the right things, but I’m not convinced.”

  “Why don’t you think she loves you?”

  “She says she does, but she doesn’t act like it. She certainly doesn’t need me! And I know that damn bar is more important to her than I am. I went to the Chamber of Commerce meeting this past weekend, and she sat me at a table with her ex-boyfriend. And after that they named her the President of the Chamber of Commerce. Mary Lou, she loves that city, and those people, and Jimmy’s Bar. I’m fourth or fifth on her list. She doesn’t love me. If she did, she would at least think about living here with me. She won’t even consider it. And that’s what I need, for her to just consider it!”

  “So stop whining! I haven’t heard you like this since the first year Curtis was passed over for the NCAA tournament.”

  “Not the same.”

  “PJ, you’re concerned about the wrong person in this relationship. You want to know she loves you, but the real question is this. Do you love her? The woman wants your affection and your devotion. She wants, no I take that right back; Charley needs to know she is the most important thing in your world. She’s not going to commit to you without knowing that. Without that assurance, you’re just another sex partner for her. That was the way she dreamed of you in the beginning, and you have fulfilled her dreams, but nothing else. You’ve done nothing to let her know that she means more to you than just someone to satisfy your own sexual needs.”

  “Mary Lou, I can’t sleep at night without dreaming of her.”

  “Yeah, along with the next basketball season, and the fantastic prospect Jerry dug up in Cincinnati. Oh yeah? I bet you haven’t been dreaming about that Head Coaching job in Tennessee you interviewed for either?”

  “That’s not fair! How did you know about that?”

  “Never mind how I know. Tell me honestly. Am I right, huh?”

  His eyes focused on his feet, but his slack jaw told it all. She’s right of course, Mary Lou always is!

  “Mary Lou, what can I do?”

  “First, you have to figure out whether you love her, and not the other way around. And how important is she to you? What is she worth? More importantly, what are you willing to give to have her? Tough questions, right?”

  “Yes,” PJ answered, barely above a whisper.

  “PJ McCoy, until you make her know how important she is, the two of you will have a long-range relationship, built on sex and nothing else. And, young man, believe me, even sex runs out, and when it does your relationship will be over.”

  Chapter Fifty-Six

  On that cold and breezy November Wednesday morning, before Thanksgiving, the flight into Nashville International was late. I waited patiently, but with increasing agitation when the delay was extended. Finally the flight was announced. I began pacing the floor waiting to see him come around the corner into the waiting area.

  I’d been discussing our relationship with Wilma and Ronnie, and had made some decisions. Wilma and Ronnie thought my decision was crazy and tried to talk me out of it, but I held firm, and in the end they came around. I couldn’t wait to tell PJ.

  Hopefully, PJ would agree to my plan and approve it as well.

  Finally PJ came into view. There was something different about him, a more determined walk, shoulders back and a huge grin covering his face. When he spotted me, he broke into a run, sliding around the other passengers and never taking his eyes off me. As he got to me, he dropped his bags and picked me up and spun me around like I was a little girl. He showered me with kisses almost to embarrassment.

  He couldn’t contain himself. “I’ve got a big surprise for you!”

  “You do? What is it?”

  “Can’t tell you now. Tell you when we get home.”

  There was something about the way he said home that had my insides fluttering with anticipation. We rushed to get his bags and hurried to my SUV.

  PJ threw his bag in the back and turned to me. “I love you and I missed you terribly.”

 
My throat caught and I couldn’t speak, but I did cling to him with all my force. Finally, we just stopped and looked at each other and got into the car. When we walked through the door of the condo, PJ carried his bag into the bedroom. I was tempted to rip off his clothes and resume where we had left off. But this time sex didn’t seem to be as important as it had been.

  Even PJ seemed to feel that way. “We need to talk first. Let’s go into the living room and light the fireplace. I have something important to show you.”

  Anxious to see what PJ had, I followed him into the living room and turned on the gas logs in the fireplace.

  “Sweetheart,” he said. “I’ve been thinking lots about us. I’ve made a decision and I hope you approve.”

  With that said, PJ pulled out two pieces of paper from his coat pocket. The first paper was addressed to Dr. Abner Underwood. “I won’t read the letter to you now, but it says that I am resigning as basketball coach at Curtis University as of the end of the current season. I felt I needed to give Dr. Underwood enough time to find a replacement. I’ll give this to him when I return on Monday.”

  He could hardly contain himself as he held up the second envelope. “And,” he continued. “I expect to personally deliver this second letter on Friday. It’s to Bob Wells, accepting his offer to be the sports face of his station. We’ve been talking the last two weeks and he understands I need to coach this last season for Curtis. We’ll work on the details of my involvement until that point. Sweetheart, I decided the future was more important to me than the present. I just couldn’t see my future without you in it. If I became the greatest coach in the history of basketball, and lost you, it would never be worth it. So I’m willing to do whatever it takes to ensure we’re together. And frankly, I don’t care where we are, or what job I have, as long as we’re together.”