The Last Keyholder

by Jamie Summer

  And the one thing that now covered me with oblivion.

  I woke to the sound of my room phone ringing. I groggily reached out and grabbed it from the receiver.

  “Hello?” My voice was heavy with sleep.

  “Hey, can you come over?” The worried tone in Nathan’s voice made me sit up straight, instantly alert.

  “Is everything okay? Are you feeling all right?” My mind went through all the different things that could’ve happened while I was asleep.

  “Everything’s fine. Just wanted to talk to you about flights. Is now a bad time?”

  I considered a snarky remark, but decided against it. “Now's fine. Give me five minutes,” I told him and hung up. I went to the bathroom and splashed cold water on my face, hoping it would make me look more awake than I felt. My jeans and shirt lay right where I left them, so I quickly put them on before leaving my room.

  The door opened before I even had a chance to knock. He grasped my arm and pulled me inside.

  “What the—”

  He interrupted, his silver eyes narrowed. “Did you put this here?”

  I glanced where Nathan pointed and saw a small piece of parchment on the table.

  “What? What are you talking about? I haven’t been in your room before,” I replied, confused.

  “But it smells like you.”

  “It…smells like me?” My voice was way too high. I wasn’t sure if I was supposed to laugh or yell.

  “Yes. It smells like vanilla and a hint of fresh leaves.”

  The suspicious look in my eyes turned into one of fascination. “That’s what I smell like?”

  He nodded. I saw a hint of red creeping up his cheeks. It was kind of cute.

  He shook his head slightly. “It doesn’t matter. This paper smells exactly like that, so that’s why I thought you’d sent it to me. I wasn’t sure if maybe you thought it was funny.”

  I was offended, though I had yet to see what was written on the note. He had me curious, too.

  “Can I see?”

  He waved for me to go ahead. I walked past him and grabbed the note.

  Your life is in my hands. Always remember that.

  I blinked. What. The. Heck. I spun back to him. “You thought I wrote that?”

  He had the decency to look away sheepishly. “I didn’t know what to think. When one of us received notes before, it was you. Plus, the note… What it says… It was all very confusing.”

  “I would never write you a note like that. Despite the fact the note smells like me, I have no idea why you’d even think I would do this.”

  Nathan stayed quiet, and with the sudden burst of anger bubbling up inside me, it was probably for the best.

  “Sorry. I shouldn’t have taken my frustration out on you. Getting a random note does a number on your head.”

  No kidding.

  “Was it here when you came in earlier?”

  “I couldn’t tell you. I didn’t look around much when we came back. I just went to shower and changed. It might’ve been on the desk already, but I have no clue.”

  “What does it mean anyway? ‘Your life is in my hands.’ The other notes always talked about both of us. This is the first time it’s only mentioned one person,” I remarked, studying the fine script a little closer. “The handwriting is different, as well. Maybe this isn’t from our lovely hooded men. Maybe this is someone else who wants to play a trick on you. Any ideas?”

  He glanced out the window, as if thinking. The change in his demeanor was subtle, but I had spent enough time with Nathan to know the way his body moved and reacted. His shoulders barely tensed, but it was there. He bit his lip slightly.

  He’s thought of someone.

  His eyes met mine, sheer resolution visible in the rocky silver of them. I knew whatever he was about to say was going to be a lie.

  “I honestly don’t know anyone who’d want to hurt me, want to write me a note like that.”

  I watched him a few seconds before I nodded. Though his expression stayed earnest, I knew he wasn’t telling the truth. And it stung more than I thought it would.

  “Okay. Well, then, I’m clueless. The note doesn’t say much. ‘Your life is in my hands.’ What does that mean? We can’t answer that, so there’s no need to dwell on it anymore. We’re going home. That’s what we need to focus on.” I tried to sound cheerful, but doubted it worked as well as I’d hoped. Nathan’s brow furrowed, but he nodded.

  “I booked us on a flight with two layovers, but it wasn’t available until tomorrow around noon. They said we could stay in our hotel rooms until we needed to leave for the airport. Charleen arranged everything for us. She also said they would be willing to call us a cab to take us to the embassy to get my passport today.”

  I vaguely remembered Charleen being the receptionist.

  Looking out the window, I noticed the sun rising. “What time is it?” I asked. He pointed to the clock on his bedside table. Seven a.m.? What? I’d slept the whole night? It felt as if I had barely been asleep for an hour.

  “I thought since we still had a whole day left, we could do some more sightseeing. Use the few hours we still have here and do something nice,” he suggested.

  I arched a brow at him. “Are you sure that’s a good idea? You just got released from the hospital. I’m not sure you should be walking around that much already.”

  “I can’t sit around and wait, Em. We’re in a beautiful city. I want to be out there, not locked up in here,” he said.

  I understood where the need to move came from, so my arguments were few. Also, I kind of wanted to have him with me as we spent the last hours in Dublin.

  “Let’s go then.”

  We went downstairs, stopped by the reception to order us a cab for later, then went for a quick breakfast. A few minutes after finishing up, we got into the cab to the embassy. It took much less time than expected, and within a half-hour, Nathan had his new passport. Our cab waited, assuring us the hotel made sure we were taken care of. Once we reached the city center, we tried to pay for the ride. The driver refused and said everything was free of charge. I cursed the hotel another time, adding this to my endless list of things I needed to be grateful for.

  Around nine a.m., we found ourselves in the middle of Dublin, passing The Spine. I studied the structure another time, marveling at the flawlessness of its architecture.

  Nathan wanted to stop by a souvenir shop to get his mom something, and I decided to get something for Jeff and Gwen. They both deserved something for putting up with me. Jeff even more so for letting me go on vacation on such short notice.

  We left the souvenir shop, each carrying a small bag filled with goodies. I felt satisfied with what I’d gotten. Jeff would get new kitchen tools, and Gwen got a cute little Ireland mug I was sure she could use. Nathan got his mom a necklace too beautiful for words. A silver string with a silver heart hanging on it, a green diamond highlighting the middle.

  We strolled through the center, got a coffee, and walked around. It was how we spent most of our morning and well into the afternoon.

  “Where to now?” Nathan asked. I had let him set the pace. I didn’t want him to overdo it.

  “Let’s walk to Temple Bar. Didn’t you want to stop and have a pint there?”

  I’d forgotten all about that. Most of my nights had been spent with Drew, the bartender at the hotel, and every Guinness I drank there was more than enough to take my mind off things. But Temple Bar was on my list.

  “I did, yes. But we don’t have to. Plus, it’s way too early for a drink.”

  “It’s almost five o’clock.” He smiled. I felt a grin tug at my lips, as well.

  “Okay. Let’s do it.” Nathan clapped his hands together, making me laugh. He reminded me of a kid on Christmas. “If you wanted to go there so badly, Nathan, all you had to do was tell me.”

  He shrugged. “Where’s the fun in that?”

  We strolled along the main street toward Temple Bar. The way was familiar since we
’d walked it before, but it was a different time of day. I was a little overwhelmed by the amount of people, and pointed it out to Nathan.

  “Let’s hope there aren’t that many at Temple Bar yet,” he replied.

  The walk took us a few minutes, and when we got there, there were surprisingly few people milling around the pubs. It might be early for the evening crowd, but considering our first walk along those streets, I was more than surprised at the small number.

  I didn’t have the chance to dwell on it for long as Nathan walked into Temple Bar. I had to quicken my steps in order to not lose sight of him. The moment I stepped into the bar, I felt transported into a completely different stratosphere. While the outside hadn’t given it away, the pub was crowded. There were people everywhere. At the bar, at the tables and booths, even in the middle of the room. There wasn’t an inch of space left. And worst of all? I didn’t see Nathan anywhere.

  He’d entered the pub a mere second before me, but that was all it took for him to get lost. I squeezed my body through the throng of people, while letting my gaze wander the room in the hopes of finding his blond hair.

  “Sorry,” I said to the tenth guy whose foot I stepped on. It was impossible not to with all these people.

  I ended up at the bar and ordered myself a Guinness. The bartender handed me one a second later. I asked him if he’d seen Nathan, describing him, but with the number of patrons, I wasn’t surprised when he shook his head.

  I thanked the stars when a barstool to my right opened up and I sat down, hoping the elevated height gave me an advantage.

  Looking around, I finally saw him in a corner talking to someone.

  It didn’t look like a friendly conversation, either. The guy he talked to had short dark hair, was taller than Nathan, and he gestured wildly with his arms. The way his eyes drew together made me think he wasn’t all too happy about something. But what?

  I pondered going over to join them, but decided against it. Instead, I just watched the scene. Their conversation went on for a few moments, then the guy left. Nathan hung his head. By the slumped shoulders, I noticed how much energy the talk cost him.

  Who was he? What did they talk about? And why didn’t Nathan tell me he was meeting someone here?

  He made his way over to the bar, not having caught sight of me yet. I thought he would search me out, but it was almost as if Nathan was still caught in his own world. And I was rather content watching him from a distance. He ordered a drink, the bartender handing him a whiskey on the rocks a few seconds later. He downed it in one shot, then pointed to the bartender for another. That conversation really did a number on him. It wasn’t as if he never had a drink when we were together, but seeing him drink hard alcohol this fast was something I wasn’t used to.

  He searched the room, his gaze eventually landing on me. Surprise and shame reflected in his eyes. I took a deep breath before I nodded at him…whatever that meant. It simply seemed like the right thing to do. Nathan grabbed his glass and walked over, standing in front of the stool I occupied.

  “Hey,” he said.

  “Hey,” I replied, taking a sip of my drink. The Guinness was cold and fresh, cooling my heated skin from the inside. It was awfully hot in the bar. And being close to Nathan only added to the warmth inside me. His body was pressed against my knees, and even though I wished he’d move a little farther away so I could ask him about what had happened, he didn’t. I was too busy reveling in the feeling of our bodies touching anyway. The electric current zigzagging through me was hard to ignore, and in order to not say or do anything stupid, like lean in and kiss him, I took another long sip from my Guinness.

  The thought was still there. Roaming around, occupying my mind the way an idea did until it got written down. It didn’t let you go, digging its claws into you until you gave in.

  But I wasn’t going to give in. I promised myself I would keep this professional.

  You’ve lost already.

  I sighed, knowing that annoying inner voice was right. Something had changed during his time in the hospital. No matter how much I avoided it, the need to be close to him grew with every second.

  Nathan seemed oblivious to my inner struggle. He glanced around the room, and I wondered if he looked for the guy he’d been talking to earlier.

  “So, where did you disappear to? I stepped inside the bar and you were gone,” I said, trying to sound nonchalant.

  “I went to the bathroom. Sorry. I should’ve told you, but I really had to go,” he explained. I felt the heavy weight of disappointment settle in my stomach. He lied to me. Again. I didn’t like it one bit.

  “Ah, okay. Meet anyone you know on the way? You were gone so long. That’s why I’m asking.”

  Nathan’s gaze went back to me, scrutinizing. Maybe the last part was a bit too much.

  “No. There was a line. That’s why it took longer.”

  I wanted to strangle him. I wasn’t usually a violent person, but Nathan’s current behavior made me rethink my stance on it.

  He pointed at my glass. “You ordered a Guinness.” I nodded. “Is it as good as the one at the hotel?”

  “It’s better. Might be the pub atmosphere, though.” I tried to smile, but it probably looked more like a grimace than anything else. I avoided his gaze, knowing if I kept up the staring contest we had for the past minute, I’d start yelling and demand to know who the guy was. And I didn’t want that to happen.

  He placed his hands on my face and forced my eyes to meet his. The gray color shone in the pub lights, the blond strands of his hair almost glowing. God, I wished whoever thought of sending me on this quest would’ve sent someone else with me. Someone who wouldn’t make me question every rational thought or perspective I had on life so far.

  “Is everything okay?” he asked softly, having leaned in so I heard him above the noise of the pub. He fixed me with his gaze, making me swallow. I wanted to say something to get him to back off, but I couldn’t think of anything at all. Nothing. “Em?”

  God, how I hated when he called me that. The effect it had on me was instantaneous. The velvet tone of his voice itself was bad enough, but when he said my name, it was worse.

  “I’m okay,” I murmured, proud of myself for having been able to talk, despite the bubble he created around us where only we existed. His face was barely an inch from mine, and my throat dried up when I noticed how close it brought us. His legs pressed against my knees, urging me to let him closer. I fought it for as long as I could, but his persistence won. My rational side needed to take a back seat. With the height of the stool I sat on, I was only a few inches shorter than him. It didn’t matter, though. Nothing mattered.

  “Emlyn…” Our eyes met in a dance of wills. Me, trying to tell him we shouldn’t do this, and him, telling me he wanted nothing more. It was as if our roles were suddenly reversed. Nathan wanted to go all in, while I wanted to chicken out.

  How did we get here? How did we get from me being mad, disappointed, and shocked by his behavior to me being unable to breathe because he was right in front of me, waiting for me to tell him all I wanted him to do was kiss me?

  And, by god, I wanted nothing more.

  I couldn’t dwell on it any further as his lips met mine gently. It wasn’t the same passionate meeting they had before. It was more like a gentle breeze trying to find the right way to navigate the uneven surroundings. He kissed me slowly, deliberately, as if he were savoring every second of it.

  Somewhere in the back of my mind I knew I should push him away. Knew he would eventually tell me it meant nothing to him. It didn’t feel like nothing. It felt like everything I could’ve ever asked for. Nathan grasped my waist, pulling me even closer. I put my legs around his hips, feeling the effect our kiss had on him. The knowledge made me breathless.

  His lips went from my mouth to my cheeks, down my neck, kissing and tasting every inch of skin he found.

  I should tell him we needed to stop. Now.

  But I couldn’t.
/>   I didn’t want to.

  I needed him. I needed him like the ebb needed the flow. Like the rainbow needed the sun and rain.

  When someone bumped into us, we quickly separated.

  “Sorry about that,” the guy slurred.

  Nathan waved him off before pushing a hand through his disheveled hair. I hadn’t even noticed running my fingers through it. He was dangerous. He made me lose all conscious thought.

  The moment broken, I turned away from him and toward the bar where my Guinness waited. It was half-full, but I downed it nonetheless. Anything to keep me from turning around to face the humiliation that was no doubt coming my way.

  A hand softly touched mine, intertwining our fingers. It was an odd gesture for someone who I expected to tell me that this was a mistake.

  “We should head back to the hotel,” Nathan whispered into my ear. Unlike the first time he uttered the words, there was no denying the underlying meaning. His voice was deep, suggestive…seductive.

  My stomach clenched and I held my breath, unable to answer.

  “Come on, Emlyn,” he added and turned me around on my chair, helping me down. He pulled me along, making sure not to lose me in the throngs of people. I let him. It was as if my body wasn’t my own anymore. As if every fiber of it belonged to Nathan Holwell.

  As we walked out, the cold Dublin air hit my face. It was like waking up from a very nice dream only to come crashing back to harsh reality. Nathan was a few paces ahead of me and still had not let go of my hand.

  “You can stop the act now,” I told him.

  He stopped mid-step, turning to look at me. Confusion clouded his beautiful face. I felt bad for putting that look on him. I wasn’t ready for any more heartbreak, though. He’d already told me once what he thought about the connection I felt toward him, and I wasn’t going to let him do that another time. Once bitten, twice shy. I wasn’t going to make the same mistake again.

  “The act?”

  “Yes. I have no idea what that was in there, or if you were just putting on a show, but you made your feelings for me abundantly clear the first time we kissed.”