“The life and times of an Indie Author…”
No, that sounds pretentious…
How about “The World According to Mike.”
Wow, talk about a snoozer just waiting to happen. Here we go.
“Notes from reality, two authors work to go on Keto, talk back and forth and frankly have fun while writing stories.”
Or not.
35 Evil Minion Memes
https://www.pinterest.com/pin/437764026262451406/
So, Ellie is harassing me about the minion that she has. Remember, that gift bit me in the ass. Either way, I go off and find this wonderful website that has funny as hell Minion memes including ones such as (they have pictures of Minions, but I figure I can’t place them here for legal reasons) :
Of course women don’t work as hard as men… They get it right the first time! (Selected by Ellie – big surprise!)
She follows this up with:
How to stop time: Kiss
How to travel in time: Read
How to escape time: Music
How to feel time: Write
How to waste time: Social Media (then she adds ‘squirrels’ to the end of it.)
I’m thinking YOU SENT ME THE SQUIRREL!
Ellie is complaining (errr, I mean commenting) about coffee and other stuff and says “i wish i could hurry up and get enlightened so i don't have to bother with all this shit!” which I found rather funny (reminds me of “God give me patience…and I want it NOW!”)
I went and found the Minion meme:
You laugh, I Laugh!
You cry, I cry
You take my COFFEE? May God have mercy on your soul!
The next day, she sends me a picture of her two pillows…
Now I tell her she has a very strange sense of humor and she just needs to come out of the closet. This is the very picture I talk about in one of our video author notes.
Her sense of humor drives our fans to share their own humor with us. Especially in the reviews…
Random Ellie Comment: Reading some reviews.... one reader said: . I also look forward to your collaboration on the Michael series, and the future of Molly. Don’t stay up too late looking at root canal porn. ;-)
Not so Random Ellie Comment (related to post showing the minion I sent):
FB comment on minion post - "MA just replaced himself..."
bwhahahahahahahhahhahaha
i think it's the best performing post so far
See? This is the type of verbal stuff I get behind the scenes. I know all of you are besotted by her English accent (so is half the world, it’s scientific) but you have to know, she can be downright competitive.
ELLIE LIES THROUGH HER TEETH
So, another day, another message comes my way from Ellie.
Ellie: omg - ive found the best yoda mug for you. What's your postal address?
Mike: When are you thinking it will arrive?
Ellie: next few weeks...
Mike: Because I'm in and out between here and Texas .... uh....
Ellie: You'll still be vegas?
You want it for your Vegas office really... ;-)
So, she is worried the gift won’t arrive until I’ve left for Texas and we figure out it should hit before I go from Las Vegas to Texas.
No big deal.
The day comes when I get notified that I receive a package that is being held downstairs in the mail center for our condo building.
Seems legit. I didn’t expect a mug to be in a box small enough for the regular postal content anyway.
Hours later, I go downstairs to get my Yoda mug. I’m kinda excited. I go to the security station and ask for the mail and I’m told I have two boxes. No biggie, I ordered something from Amazon.
The rather petit security guard walks into the postal room and I follow. Then, she unlocks the door to the postal storage and I wait. There is some box movement and then the door opens, and she sticks a foot to stop the door from closing on her and wrestles with a box.
Now, I’m starting to clue in. I’m thinking “This lady shouldn’t be wrestling with any boxes that are coming to me. What the hell is up?”
So, then I see it, and my mouth drops open. She is wrestling with a box THAT IS FOUR FEET TALL.
<< Ellie Edit: it was bigger than four feet. Keep reading, then do the maths…>>>
Ell Leigh Clarke did NOT send me a Yoda mug…Oh no.
No, no, no, no, no, no!
Ok, I don’t have a big office in my condo. I have a SMALL office in my condo and now, I have a HUGE red light-saber light thing and I am in shock. Why, you ask?
I’ll tell you.
Cause I believed her. I actually believed that I was getting a nice little Yoda mug that might sit on my desk and instead, I have a five-foot-tall-evil-red-lamp-sword.
It takes me a little while to get through the shock. But then, I’m starting to warm up to the idea of a big lightsaber lamp. I’m starting to think… “Shit, I’m going to decorate this room and this lamp is going to be one of my main pieces!”
And THAT is how I came to own a massive red lightsaber lamp and I am (now) happy to say I have a pivotal piece to help me decorate my office in Las Vegas.
<< Ellie Edit: mwhahahahahahaha… Hang on. Why wouldn’t anyone be THRILLED to be sent a fucking awesome light saber?? >>>
LOW-CARB / KETO DIET
I’m probably going to save more of these for the next book. But I have to share this one.
<< Ellie Edit: … the reason he has to save it because he hasn’t really started the keto bit yet! >>
If you have ever gone on a low-carb diet, there is a SHIT time when your body is pulling off of carbs, and you feel like crap. Ellie was researching the hell out of stuff to help get through this, and I’m behind her (and even more now) with getting my shit done.
So, I’ve done the diet twice now, and I know what to expect (which is why I’m trying like crazy to hack a way to not feel like shit.)
It’s Ellie’s first time.
<
Ellie: hey - i have some things i need to clarify for Michael. (vampire Michael, not you.) Lmk when you might be able to run through a scene with me to just make sure i've got this squared away?
<
So, she is starting her Keto stuff and like 8 hours later I get this:
Ellie: Re keto... death is always an option, right?
18 hours later:
Ellie: Hello. Life is worth living again. Keto salts finally showed up. YAY! Oh and they work. At least they have been for the last ten minutes.
Couple days later:
Ellie: i'll have to get my shit together and get some writing done!
[11:29]
plugs brain in... and watches it misfire a few times
Oh Shit!
It’s my birthday coming up, and I get this message…
Ellie: morning! (by the time you see this). I need two pieces of info from you. 1. where will you be on your bday. and 2. if it's texas, I need your mailing address, si vous plait. I promise i'm not sending a light saber, so you can relax. It's all chill.
Needless to say, I wasn’t convinced.
During this time, Hurricane Irma hits Florida which is where Stephen Campbell and Julie live. They have to evacuate after a little while to a friend’s house north because they have no power.
I get a package from the mail. It isn’t four feet tall, so she wasn’t lying about the no lightsaber… No, this time is is a gorgeous hardback book “The Personal Story of my Life.” With my name printed on the front in gold lettering.
I open it up and it has a TON of questions about my life … that aren’t filled in. I quickly realize she sent me HOMEWORK for my fiftieth birthday!
I’m lazy, I don’t want to think this hard. But, it’s such a beautiful book I’m damned tempted to s
tart filling it in.
…but it is homework!
I can’t believe she did this to me.
<< Ellie Edit: cracks whip… come on geek-boy. I wanna read these entries about your pivotal life-moments…How about you have it filled out by your 51st? And then you can do another one when you hit 100. (tee hee) >>>
I just went and looked at the book again a few minutes ago (it’s on my office desk.) I just know I’m going to get hand-cramps writing in it. My hands don’t know how to write more than “thank you” and my signature anymore as I either type or dictate everything.
I’m so screwed.
---
I regale you, the fans with these stories but know that I appreciate Ellie for my gifts, and I really am going to make the lightsaber something that is going to help influence the decoration of my office!
Author Shenanigans…Cause I had three (3) that we forgot about.
Most of our hilariousness was put into our Author Shenanigans (I just love that word) podcast. However, three of them were saved for YOUR enjoyment.
We hope you like them!
Ellie and I are discussing the author blurb for book 06 Retribution.
Michael: Ok, I’m not wanting to make this blub sound too “KILL, KILL, KILL!”
Ellie: good….
Michael: Pause (not receiving any instructions to create a killing blurb, not create a killing blurb…)
I guess that’s another author note. (trust me, this was funny as hell when it happened.)
So, we were talking about Oz and Molly having a few more scientific discussions in the story when out of the blue Ellie spouts this off...
Ellie: I got to get my “ya ya’s” out about using worm holes to travel on the Michael (MD) Cooper’s podcast… So, I don’t have as much frustration about that.
I HAVE to ask more questions about worm holes and my poor little Indie Author head explodes.
YOU HAVE TO READ THIS IN AN ENGLISH ACCENT FOR ELLIE… It is SO much funnier that way!
Ellie: I have changed my phone to the correct English swearwords…
Michael: That is such a Molly thing to do.
Ellie: Like “ass” changes to “arse”
Pause… (she notices me not paying attention.)
Ellie: You are writing this down, aren’t you?
Michael: Yes, this is too good to pass up.
I sent Ellie a Minion due to her need to effectuate efficiency by providing tasks. To others, namely me. (Ok, probably not me much, but I’m hypersensitive to being given tasks.) She now named this Minion “Mikey” and I realize the practical joke bit me on the ass.
Ellie is playing w/ “Mikey” and waving at the video.
Michael: Don’t make me regret sending him to you.
Ellie: I thought you already did?
Michael: …. More.
If you have not looked at our Author Note videos, check them out here: http://lawnfairies.com/
Ell Leigh Clarke Social Links
http://www.facebook.com/ellleighclarke/
Want more?
Join the email list here:
http://kurtherianbooks.com/email-list/
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https://www.facebook.com/TheKurtherianGambitBooks/
The email list is changing to something…New. I don’t have enough details but suffice to say there is so much going on in The Kurtherian Gambit Universe, it needs to go out more often than “when the next book hits.”
I hope you enjoy this story!
Michael Anderle
Kurtherian Gambit Series Titles Include:
First Arc
Death Becomes Her (01) - Queen Bitch (02) - Love Lost (03) - Bite This (04)
Never Forsaken (05) - Under My Heel (06) - Kneel Or Die (07)
Second Arc
We Will Build (08) - It’s Hell To Choose (09) - Release The Dogs of War (10)
Sued For Peace (11) - We Have Contact (12) - My Ride is a Bitch (13)
Don’t Cross This Line (14)
Third Arc (2017)
Never Submit (15) - Never Surrender (16) - Forever Defend (17)
Might Makes Right (18) - Ahead Full (19) - Capture Death (20)
Life Goes On (21)
**New Series**
The Second Dark Ages
The Dark Messiah (01)
The Darkest Night (02)
The Boris Chronicles
* With Paul C. Middleton *
Evacuation
Retaliation
Revelation
Restitution 2017
Reclaiming Honor
* With JUSTIN SLOAN *
Justice Is Calling (01)
Claimed By Honor (02)
Judgement Has Fallen (03)
Angel of Reckoning (04)
Born Into Flames (05)
Defending The Lost (06)
Saved By Valor (07)
The Etheric Academy
* With TS PAUL *
ALPHA CLASS (01)
ALPHA CLASS - Engineering (02)
ALPHA CLASS (03) Coming soon
Terry Henry “TH” Walton Chronicles
* With CRAIG MARTELLE *
Nomad Found (01)
Nomad Redeemed (02)
Nomad Unleashed (03)
Nomad Supreme (04)
Nomad’s Fury (05)
Nomad’s Justice (06)
Nomad Avenged (07)
Nomad Mortis (08)
Nomad’s Force (09)
Nomad’s Galaxy (10)
Trials and Tribulations
* With Natalie Grey *
Risk Be Damned (01)
Damned to Hell (02)
Hell’s Worst Nightmare (03) coming soon
The Ascension Myth
* With Ell Leigh Clarke *
Awakened (01)
Activated (02)
Called (03)
Sanctioned (04)
Rebirth (05)
Retribution (06)
Cloaked (07)
The Age of Magic
The Rise of Magic
* With CM Raymond / LE Barbant *
Restriction (01)
Reawakening (02)
Rebellion (03)
Revolution (04)
Unlawful Passage (05)
The Hidden Magic Chronicles
* With Justin Sloan *
Shades of Light (01)
Shades of Dark (02)
Shades of Glory (03)
Cloaked Page 27