Thirty and a Half Excuses

by Denise Grover Swank

“Well… Miss Laura had been going to his church. But that doesn’t mean anything. Half the town’s going there now. And besides, he didn’t inherit a dime, so why would he kill her?” Her voice lowered. “I’ve got to go.”

  “Thanks, Neely Kate.”

  This whole situation just kept getting stranger and stranger.

  When I turned down the street toward the parsonage, I suddenly wondered if Bruce Wayne would even be at Jonah’s when I got there. Jonah had humiliated both of us with his video. Bruce Wayne might decide the job wasn’t worth the embarrassment.

  I was a few minutes late, but when I saw Bruce Wayne sitting on the front porch, I heaved a sigh of relief. He stood when he saw my truck pull up and walked toward me.

  “Good morning, Miss Rose.”

  “Thanks for coming, Bruce Wayne. I was worried you might not show after yesterday.”

  “I told you I’d be here. I wouldn’t let you down.”

  I wanted to hug him, but I was worried it would spook him. He didn’t seem like a touchy-feely kind of guy. But I was certain of one thing: The next person who besmirched Bruce Wayne’s character was going to get an earful from me. “Have you seen Jonah yet?”

  He shook his head. “No.”

  I took a deep breath and let it out. “Let’s get this over with.”

  Bruce Wayne stayed at the bottom of the front steps while I knocked on the door. Jonah answered before I could knock the second time. He must have been watching us.

  “Lovely to see you, Rose,” Jonah drawled then nodded to Bruce Wayne. “And you too, Bruce Wayne. It was wonderful to have you both in church yesterday.”

  I was so busy cringing, standing within three feet of him, that it took me several seconds to realize he wasn’t wearing his usual business attire. He had on a T-shirt and a pair of shorts.

  He noticed me staring. “Monday’s typically my day off. Most people get the Lord’s day off, but that’s when I’m my busiest.”

  Crappy doodles. Jonah was going to be there all day.

  “But the revival starts tonight, so I’ll be going to the church later this afternoon.”

  I smiled at him. Thankfully, he didn’t seem to realize it was in relief. “Why don’t you tell us what you have in mind, and we can get started?”

  Jonah took a step backward into his house. “You want to come in and have a cup of coffee first? It’s always hard to jump back into work on a Monday morning.”

  “No, thank you. It’s gonna be another scorcher today, so the sooner Bruce Wayne gets started, the better.”

  Jonah paused, his smile falling a bit. “Oh. I guess that’s true.”

  We walked into the middle of the yard and turned to face the house, Jonah and I standing next to each other and Bruce Wayne behind us. The parsonage was a modest ranch house built back in the 1960s. The red brick exterior was in good shape, but the landscape looked like it hadn’t been touched in years. Overgrown evergreen bushes blocked the lower half of the big picture windows. The trees in the yard were in desperate need of trimming, and the yard was full of weeds.

  “What do you have in mind?” I asked.

  “Well,” he raised his hands palms up as if to present the house to me. “It’s obviously a mess.”

  I tilted my head to the side as I studied it, trying to get some ideas. “It could use a little work.”

  Jonah laughed. “It could use a lot of work. That’s where you and Bruce Wayne come in.” He looked around. “Say, where’s David?”

  “He couldn’t make it,” Bruce Wayne said.

  “I’m sure you’ll be fine on your own.” Jonah turned back to me. “So what do you suggest?”

  “Well…” I took several steps closer to the house. “These bushes need to be pruned.” I poked around the branches, then looked over my shoulder at him. “But they’re so overgrown that there’s no growth on what will be left of the inside branches. See?”

  Jonah leaned next to me, his shoulder touching mine as he examined the branch I’d exposed. “Yes, you’re right.”

  I dropped the plant and stood, taking a step backward. “I think all the bushes need to be replaced.”

  “Sure,” Jonah nodded, studying the bushes as though they held the secret of life. “That’s good. What should I replace them with?”

  I quickly spouted off some ideas to put some lower height shrubs with several shade-loving perennials since the trees’ foliage was so dense. I came up with a quick sketch, and he watched over my shoulder, standing too close for my comfort, but not close enough for me to push him away without being rude.

  Jonah headed toward the porch steps. “That looks great, Rose. Why don’t you have Bruce Wayne get started digging up the bushes, and you can come inside and give me an estimate?”

  “Uh…” Wide eyed, I glanced back at Bruce Wayne, panic squeezing my chest. I didn’t want to go inside and be alone with him.

  “Oh, no.…” Bruce Wayne’s voice trailed off as two Henryetta police cars pulled up to the curb. Detective Taylor got out of one car and Officer Ernie got out of the other.

  My head went fuzzy as I scoured my brain for what I could have done to make the police show up at a minister’s house looking for me. Then I had a moment of panic that they were there for Bruce Wayne. He must have considered the possibility as well. His face paled, and he took several steps backward.

  Neither of us considered a third scenario, even though I had reason to. Detective Taylor’s mouth pinched tightly when he saw Bruce Wayne and me, but his gaze quickly lasered in on Jonah. “Reverend Pruitt?”

  Jonah froze on the steps, sweat beading on his forehead. “Yes?”

  “We’d like to talk to you about the death of Mrs. Gina Morton.”

  Who was Gina Morton?

  Jonah’s face paled, and he stumbled before regaining composure. “Gina’s dead?”

  “Yes, sir. Her daughter found her body early this morning. We understand you spent the afternoon with Mrs. Morton yesterday.”

  “Well…yeah…” he stammered. “Gina invited me over for lunch after church.”

  Taylor’s face puckered with disapproval. “We’d like to ask you a few questions.”

  Jonah’s hand shook. “Yes, of course. Would you like to come inside?”

  Taylor nodded and followed Jonah into the house.

  Officer Ernie stood to the side, eyeing Bruce Wayne and me. “Are you two colluding with a murderer?”

  I put my hand on my hip. “Are you allowed to ask questions like that?”

  Bruce Wayne moved closer to me, looking like he was about to lose his breakfast.

  I’d just about had enough of the Henryetta law enforcement thinking the worst of me. “Isn’t that slander? Accusing someone of something when you don’t have any proof?”

  Ernie’s jaw jutted forward as though he wanted to say something, but he stopped himself.

  I looked over my shoulder at Bruce Wayne. “You haven’t done anything wrong so don’t let him make you feel like you have. And whatever you do, don’t answer any questions.”

  Bruce Wayne swallowed and nodded.

  I shot Ernie my meanest glare. “Some of us have actual work to do.” I looped my arm through Bruce Wayne’s and tugged. “Let’s get started on the back.”

  When we got to the side of the house, Bruce Wayne lowered his mouth next to my ear. “Jonah didn’t say nothing about working on the back.”

  “I know,” I whispered. “But I don’t like Ernie looking at us like we’re criminals.” I opened the gate and pulled Bruce Wayne with me. “And I hope to find out what Jonah and Detective Taylor are talking about.”

  Bruce Wayne’s eyes widened. “You want to snoop?”

  I tried my best to sound offended. “I can’t believe you asked that of me, Bruce Wayne.”

  He snickered, the first sign I’d seen that there was a bit of spunk in him. “So, do you?”

  “Well, yeah…”

  We walked around the backyard, staying close to the house. There was a little l
andscaping here and there, and a set of windows in the middle of the house looked out onto the large backyard. When I got closer I could see Jonah sitting at a table with the detective.

  “I want to get under that window to see if I can hear something.”

  Bruce Wayne looked worried. “I’ll keep a lookout in case Ernie decides to come back here and check on us.”

  “Thanks.”

  Curtains hung on either side of the windows and would block any sight of me from the men inside, but the windows were higher off the ground in the back of the house. I spun around looking for something to stand on, but Bruce Wayne was a step ahead of me. He handed me a bucket.

  “How did you know I needed this?”

  He gave me an apologetic grin. “I’ve got some experience.”

  I didn’t have time to stop and dwell on Bruce Wayne’s former life of crime, nor the fact that I was possibly dragging him back down that road. But then again, I wasn’t sure this was illegal. Rude? Yes. But illegal? Besides, most of the people in town already thought I was guilty of this very crime—eavesdropping. I might as well at least try it once.

  I turned the bucket upside down and climbed on top, pressing my ear to the glass. I could barely make out their words. I had to close my eyes and concentrate.

  “…roast beef and potatoes.” Jonah said.

  “Then what happened?”

  “Should I call my attorney?”

  Taylor’s voice lowered. “Have you done something that warrants calling a lawyer?”

  Jonah didn’t answer him.

  “Did you discuss Mrs. Morton’s money or her will?”

  “I don’t see why it matters what we discussed.” Jonan tried to sound indignant, but his voice was shaking.

  Detective Taylor’s voice turned menacing. “We can do this down at the station if you’d prefer.”

  Jonah sounded like he coughed. “We did discuss how she planned to handle her affairs after she passed through the pearly gates. She was about to redo her will. She asked for my advice.” Jonah sounded defensive and seemed to be regaining some of his confidence.

  “Did you convince Dorothy Thortonbury to give you her inheritance?”

  “No, definitely not.”

  “Her niece brought me her will, and it shows that you get everything. And wouldn’t you know it, she signed it about a week before her death.”

  “I don’t know anything about that.” Jonah sounded panicked.

  “What about Laura Whitfield? What’s your connection to her?”

  “She… she was a member of my church.”

  “How’s your church doin’ financially, Reverend.”

  “We’re doing very well.”

  “I see you hired the new nursery to work on your church grounds. They did a lot of work. That had to cost a pretty penny.”

  “The church’s financial records are available for church members to review. We have nothing to hide.”

  “Don’t you think it’s a bit coincidental that you hired a multiple offender to work on your property right around the time the elderly women in this town started dropping like flies?”

  Jonah cleared his throat. “Jesus made himself available to the tax collectors and the prostitutes. A doctor doesn’t treat healthy people. I’m here to help the downtrodden and the misguided. If some of my parishioners happen to have less than spotless records, well, I wouldn’t be surprised.”

  “I’m talking about one in particular. Bruce Wayne Decker. In fact, I hear you’re so taken with him that you featured him in a video in your service yesterday.”

  “Well, yes…” Jonah said. “I’m fascinated by his relationship with Rose.”

  “Rose Gardner?”

  My heartbeat pounded in my head. I didn’t like where this was going.

  “Yes,” Jonah drawled. “They have a loyalty to each other I’m still trying to understand.”

  “Yeah,” Taylor said, sounding puzzled. “I’m trying to figure those two out too. Do you want to hear my theory?”

  “Sure.” But Jonah didn’t sound so sure.

  “Rose Gardner and Bruce Wayne Decker are part of your dirty little scheme.”

  “What scheme?” Jonah asked.

  I gasped as my anger rose. How dare he!

  “Is that an admission that they are?”

  “There’s no admission of any kind, Detective. I hired the Gardner Sisters Nursery to work for the church. Bruce Wayne is their employee.”

  “So what are she and Decker doing here now?”

  “They’re working on the church parsonage.” Jonah sounded ruffled.

  “How convenient that they’re here the morning after a murder.”

  I couldn’t believe him. How could he think of pinning this on me? And how dare he assume Bruce Wayne was involved without any evidence.

  “Am I under arrest, Detective?”

  Taylor paused for several seconds. “No, but don’t leave town, Mr. Pruitt.”

  “That’s Reverend Pruitt.”

  “We’ll see about that.”

  The edges of my vision blackened, and I tensed. Now was a terrible time to get a vision.

  I was in the police station, and Bruce Wayne stood in front of me pale as a ghost.

  “I didn’t do it. I swear.”

  I laughed, but it was an ugly sound. “Once a criminal, always a criminal, Decker. It was only a matter of time before I put you away again. Ever heard of three strikes and you’re out?”

  Bruce Wayne started shaking, backing up into a police officer standing behind him. “I’ve been good. I promise. I’m gettin’ my life together.”

  “Yeah, tell it to the judge.”

  Jonah’s backyard came into focus along with Bruce Wayne’s panicked face.

  “You’re gonna get arrested.” I said.

  His mouth dropped open then he grabbed my arm and pulled me down from the bucket. “Ernie’s comin’ back here.”

  I bent over, pointing to a plant as Officer Ernie rounded the back corner. “This needs some serious attention, Bruce Wayne.”

  “Yes, ma’am.” Bruce Wayne nodded. “I’ve added that to the list.”

  Ernie spread his feet apart, hooking his thumbs in his waistband. “Whatcha you two doin’ back here?”

  I straightened. “What’s it look like we’re doin’?” I hoped I sounded belligerent, because at the moment I was freaking out.

  My question stumped him for several seconds. “It looks like you’re poking around in some bushes.”

  “Since I own a gardening center, does it seem suspicious that I’d be poking around in some bushes?”

  His forehead wrinkled. “Well, no…”

  “Can we help you with something, Officer? Or were you just planning to watch us work?”

  Ernie’s face reddened, and he spread two fingers into a V, pointing them at his eyes then in our direction. “I’m on to you two.”

  Bruce Wayne trembled.

  I went from intimidated to ticked off. How dare they do this to him? I put my hand on my hip, lifting my chin in defiance. “You’re onto the fact that we’re the best landscaping team in southern Arkansas?”

  “No, that you’re abetting a murderer.”

  “That’s the most ridiculous thing I ever heard. Especially when you take into consideration that I’ve turned in every murderer I’ve ever come across.”

  Ernie’s jaw worked again.

  I turned to Bruce Wayne. “I think we’re done here for now. Let’s head back to the nursery and collect what we need.”

  He nodded, looking incapable of speech.

  I marched past Ernie, offering him a syrupy smile as I passed. Bruce Wayne followed, slouching as though he hoped to sink into the ground and disappear. When we got to the front yard, I lowered my voice. “Get into my truck.”

  “Okay.”

  Detective Taylor appeared in the front door, Jonah standing behind him. Taylor watched as I drove off.

  “They think Jonah murdered Miss Laura, Miss Dorothy,
and the woman this morning.” I shot a glance to Bruce Wayne. “And they think you and I are part of it.” Had the autopsy results come back? What could have made them change their minds so suddenly about Miss Laura and Miss Dorothy’s deaths? I might as well tell Bruce Wayne the rest, since I’d already blurted part of it into his face. “And at some point they are going to arrest you.”

  As soon as we turned the corner Bruce Wayne began to hyperventilate. “Why do they think that?”

  “Do they really need a reason?” I sighed. “Their only piece of evidence connecting us to the deaths at this point is that we started working for Jonah at around the same time the women started dying.”

  “But we started working for him after they died! Well, except for this latest one.”

  “I know. We’ll get this straightened out. I got you into this mess, and I’m going to get you out.”

  I drove to the town square and pulled into a parking spot close to the courthouse.

  “What are you doing here?” Bruce Wayne asked, his voice rising.

  “I’m going to find Mason.”

  “The assistant district attorney?”

  I grabbed his hands and tugged. “Bruce Wayne, calm down. Panicking won’t fix this.”

  “I can’t help it.” He started wheezing.

  I believed it. Panicking had gotten him into his previous murder charges. If you overlooked the fact that he’d intended to rob the hardware store, it had been a simple case of being in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was noticing a pattern. “Mason is my friend. There’s no way he believes I had anything to do with this.”

  “What about me?”

  “Mason trusts my judgment. He told me so. If I trust you, then he will too.”

  He nodded, swallowing. “But I still don’t want to go to the courthouse. It makes me itchy.” He began scratching at his neck.

  I understood. As far as I knew the last time he’d been in a courthouse was for his trial. “How about you wait at Merilee’s? We’ll order you some coffee and a breakfast, and I’ll go talk to Mason and come back and get you.”

  He nodded with tiny, nervous bobs. “Yeah. Okay.”

  We went inside the restaurant and sat down at a table. “You go ahead and order whatever you want. I’ll pay for it.”

  “You don’t have to do that, Miss Rose.”